Fix You
This is the next one-shot in my self- inflicted writing challenge.
The challenge? – To write twenty one shots before my twentieth birthday. Officially this challenge is going to be called "The Twenty by Twenty Challenge" and I have until my birthday, July 23rd at 5PM (since that was the time I was born), to write 20 one-shots from any category. The Rules: a) I am not allowed to repeat any categories more than twice. b) I am only allowed to write each one-shot in a minimum of 2000 words (not including the A/N). c) (Within reason) I MUST accept any one-shot requests from readers (in terms of prompts). d) I must use the following piece of dialogue in the fic somehow: "No, I wanted fries with that!" or if it is a song-fic, use every single line of the song in the piece somehow.
EXCEPTIONS: For categories that have a subcategory, the total of one-shots allowed in that category may be doubled. EX: Star Wars EU. For each category, the use of a song-fic as a prompt may be used ONCE per category. RESTRICTION: All songs may not be used more than once (songs used in previous fics, as long as they are not one-shots, may be used again for this challenge).
Restrictions on Accepting Prompts: The following types of prompts are ones that I will not write on principle (I mean no offense to anyone who does write them, but I myself won't): fiction or non-canon pairings (except for one or two non-canon pairings, I will not write these). 2. Porn fiction. 3. Hate fiction (I have yet to read those but I am sure that there are some out there and I refuse to write them or read them). 4. Anything that breaks the rules of FFN or my moral beliefs/principles. 5. Disney Channel fics or fan fiction that I have no familiarity with (in order to write well, I must write fan fics about books or movies that I've already read or watched).
The punishment? If I am not able to write twenty one-shots by the time my birthday arrives, I will a) Have to write twenty more one-shots (time span TBD) b) I will have to accept writing any kind of one-shot (no matter how ridiculous)- please note: the same rules for accepting prompts or requests as before apply here. c) I will change my username to the first request that anyone gives me (for one week)- again, within reason (I will not accept names that are crude, obnoxious or offensive in any way). Lastly I will have to read/review 10 fics from each of my fandoms-only the ones I've written in though (requests from readers of my fan fiction welcome).
Without further ado, here is the next one shot of my "Twenty by Twenty Challenge."
NOTE: This fic is set in a sort of AU snippet of time-post LOTF. I haven't actually read LOTF, so I'm making this up from what I read on wookiepedia (plus I haven't cared much for the SW books after SBS).
I didn't mention this in the first one-shot, but with song-fics, the number of words DOES/CAN include the song lyrics. But this only works for song-fics. Songs may not be inserted into other fics to complete the word count.
Prompt: Song-fic using "Fix You" by Coldplay.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
Again and again, Tahiri slashed down on the dummy she'd built out of wood. By now the dummy no limbs left whatsoever. So it was a curious sight to Jaina Solo who was watching the young girl vigorously attacking the dummy. Had the enemy actually be an enemy, Tahiri would have been killing a weaponless and ultimately defenseless dummy. She leaned a little more heavily against the tree and let out a sigh.
Tahiri really hadn't been able to move forward much since Anakin had died. She'd been stuck in a world where she believed that Anakin Solo hadn't truly left and she was back to being a nine year old girl with hope for her future as a Jedi.
But the fact was that Tahiri wasn't nine. She was twenty nine, soon to be thirty and had lost all sense of time as well as direction. It hadn't helped matters much that young Ben Skywalker had been endlessly trying to court Tahiri to no avail. Tahiri wouldn't consider even that. She wouldn't face the truth. Ben's efforts, though genuine, only set Tahiri further back. His determination to make her happy served to bring Tahiri further out of reach and accepting would force her to accept the one thing she couldn't face. Not even after more than ten years had passed, Tahiri's heart hadn't healed. Jaina had a feeling that it never would. As sweet as Ben was, he could never mean what Anakin had to Tahiri. It was like trying to replace Zekk with Jag.
Jag wasn't and never would be Zekk. Jaina had come to accept that and was now happily dating Zekk Zahn.
After going over to the dark side, even for a short amount of time, Tahiri was forever changed. She wasn't filled with bubbly laughter or with youthful enthusiasm. She'd lost the light that used to linger in her emerald green eyes and her views on the galaxy were blunt, if not cynical.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Tahiri gave a frustrated grunt and wiped the sweat from her face. There was nothing left to destroy in the wooden dummy in front of her. It had no life-force: it would never attack her, but stayed there, as if to taunt her of the fact that it was an enemy she simply could never defeat.
I must be losing my mind, Tahiri thought as she shook her head, casting a sidelong glance at the trees around the clearing. Only then did she notice the spectator. With a sigh, Tahiri closed down her lightsaber.
"What are you doing here, Jaina?" Tahiri asked, none too gently. Jaina winced at the sound of Tahiri's voice, but decided to let it lie. Tahiri, even though she seemed like a grown woman with more experience than the average adult and wisdom beyond her age, was still a teenage girl at heart who was finally getting the chance to mourn over the death of her best friend and first love.
"Am I not allowed to be here?" Jaina questioned, raising an eyebrow, hoping that Tahiri would take the hint and lighten up, but the girl remained stony faced.
"Do what you want," Tahiri said and walked past Jaina without looking back. Jaina turned around and jogged so that she could catch up with Tahiri. Once they were walking in step, Jaina took the time to scrutinize the younger girl.
"Are you going to ignore me the entire time?" Jaina asked. When Tahiri didn't answer, Jaina sighed, frowned and then stepped in front of Tahiri to block her as well as force her to look at Jaina.
"What?" Tahiri demanded.
"What do you mean what?" Jaina said, folding her arms across her chest. "So Ben proposes to you and you decide to disappear off the face of the galaxy?"
"I'm still here, aren't I?" Tahiri said in a dry tone. It was probably the closest thing Tahiri had come to having a sense of humor since Anakin's death.
"Well, you're always here and that's the problem," Jaina replied sternly, fixating Tahiri with a hard stare. "Ben wasn't trying to replace Anakin."
Tahiri flinched slightly at that, "I know he wasn't."
"So why not give him a chance?" Jaina questioned.
"Because I don't like him that way," Tahiri replied and then walked around Jaina, shoving a low tree branch out of her face, causing it to snap back and almost smack Jaina in the face. Jaina gave a long sigh, trying to keep her ever growing temper in check. The anger, of course, wasn't directed at Tahiri, but at the source of everyone's trouble and the spark that began all their problems: The Yuuzhan Vong.
"Tahiri, please," Jaina said, walking over and stopping Tahiri by placing two hands on the younger girl's shoulders. Tahiri finally met Jaina's eyes and for the first time Jaina saw vulnerability rather than a cold, distant gaze in Tahiri's eyes. "No one's trying to make you forget him."
Tahiri snorted, "Really? Because it sure seems like that's all everyone ever wants to do is forget him."
"That's not true and you know it," Jaina said, her voice starting to rise, but she caught herself, "Look, all we want is for you to be happy."
"I am happy," Tahiri said, gesturing to herself, "Look at me, I'm content with being here and practicing on wooden dummies. I can't kill anyone that way."
Jaina couldn't help but flinch at that comment. Tahiri's guilt over being Jacen's apprentice, no matter how much the manipulation wasn't Tahiri's fault as the monster that had taken over Jacen's heart's fault.
"No, you're not," Jaina said gently, "And it's okay to admit it. I can't say I'm happy about everything I did or rather, everything I didn't do. Anakin was my younger brother, I should have been protecting him on the Mykyr mission, but I let myself think that he could handle himself and he ended up protecting me instead," Jaina sucked in a sharp breath, "I'm sorry, Tahiri. I should have been more careful, if I had, Anakin wouldn't have been stabbed by that staff-"
"You think he wouldn't have tried to save you even if he was in full condition?" Tahiri asked with a pained smile, "He was too noble to think about anything like that. The idiot never thought about details, he only wanted to help others. It was his big heart that killed him."
Jaina opened her mouth and then shut it. Tahiri really had thought about Anakin a lot more than she let on. It was probably easier to dwell on memories than on the reality of what had unfolded. Tahiri was caught in between the two.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Jaina shut her eyes tightly. She really wanted to help Tahiri, she wanted to bring Anakin back and undo everything starting with the Yuuzhan Vong's invasion. "Oh, Anakin, why?" Jaina whispered in frustration.
Tahiri glanced over at Jaina. She was envious of the older girl. Jaina still had Zekk there to support her and love her. Zekk and Jaina had gone their separate ways for a while, but he had never really been that far away. Time was simply waiting to give them another chance at loving one another. But Tahiri would never get that chance. Anakin was gone for good. There were times when she just wanted to lie in bed all day, never to get up. But something kept pushing at the back of her mind and heart: making her see the light of the world and the new day as it dawned every morning and to embrace the beauty of the night. It wasn't so frightening, not anymore. Tahiri had known fear and gone past it.
But love was something she had lost and was getting the feeling she'd never get it back.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Tahiri had begun to wonder if the force trying to punish her for something. Or to test her in the cruelest ways possible. First she'd lost her parents, then she'd lost Master Ikrit, and then she lost Anakin. That had been the last blow to make whatever foundation Tahiri had had crumble to dust. She'd lost her footing and for a while, she foolishly believed that she had gained it back by taking vengeance on anyone who had been responsible for letting the Yuuzhan Vong take over the galaxy planet by planet. She'd even convinced herself that she wanted to tear the hearts out of all the Solos and Skywalkers until Ben made her see the light. He'd shown her that her actions weren't what Anakin would have wanted to see and that stopped Tahiri. She knew he was right, the whole time she'd felt that in the back of her mind, somehow she'd known that Anakin would be ashamed of her, but she wanted to believe that somehow, no matter what she'd done, she'd still be the same girl Anakin had loved while he was alive.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
There was still something strange about the way that Jacen had been acting before Ben arrived. It was as if he'd known that the end was near and he didn't seem to be fighting it as hard as Tahiri thought he would.
"Tahiri," Jacen Solo's voice cut across the already quietly disturbed room. His tone, as usual, was harsh and to the point. He had forgone all formalities that he used when speaking to his apprentice, which had caused Tahiri to pause for a brief moment before standing to attention.
"Yes, Sir," Tahiri answered, hoping that Jacen wouldn't notice that she had felt this difference in his voice. But Jacen Solo usually did notice.
"You are aware," He began slowly, "That we are going to cultivate the force in its darkest form."
"Yes, Sir," She replied, her misgivings rising but she quieted them with a force relaxation technique she hadn't used in years.
"Then you should know that you aren't to be here right now," His tone was angry, impatient, and blurt but there was something else there: something that she couldn't place her finger on yet.
"Sir?" Tahiri said, confused by his silence.
"Leave," Jacen snarled. There was anger there but at that moment Tahiri felt it, that other emotion. Moreover she heard it in his voice and saw it on his face: pain and sadness. Jacen never betrayed such emotion, not since before Anakin's death. "Go!" He commanded. His face was now in its usual state of complete calm and resolve. All emotion was gone but his determination.
As Tahiri left the bridge, heading down the hallway, she felt a disturbance. Jacen was harnessing all the force power in his arsenal and was using it to call someone: he was using it to summon Jaina. He was going to give himself over to the force. Tahiri stopped and immediately turned around.
She had to stop him. Now she knew what he was doing, he wasn't trying to fight anymore, he was going to let himself be killed.
"Jacen!" Tahiri's cry was drowned out by the thunder clap as the rebel forces struck The Anakin Solo with lasers. Tahiri then reached out, only to feel that Jacen had blocked her out. He was cutting her off.
"Jacen!" Tahiri cried again and tried to run back to the bridge, but the doors were sealed. She pounded her fists on the door until they were red and bleeding. Then let them slide down. Her eyes ignited and she stormed down the hallway. She was going to kill everyone who had forced Jacen to kill himself at his sister's hands.
She felt the force surge and then the darkness sent a suffocating energy throughout the Anakin Solo. She was forced to wait as the plan she and Jacen had been putting into action for months now, was enacted by Jacen alone. He'd never actually told her what all the power was for or why he needed it. He only managed to draw all the force into his body and explained that Tahiri didn't need to question his actions.
It wasn't until later that Tahiri had fought Ben and surrendered, only to feel through the force that Jacen had been killed. But towards the end she'd felt something strange, a whisper during her duel with Ben, that she couldn't quite hear. She still didn't know what it had said.
Tahiri bit her lip to try to hold back the tears that were threatening to spring forth at the memory of the moment when she'd felt Anakin die and then when Jacen died. She'd felt it when the real Jacen had died and left a hollow shell of a monster behind.
Tahiri, wait for the force.
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...
Jaina grimaced as she held her hand over her eyes and looked up at the sky. She missed coming here with Jacen. It seemed like a different life when she'd come here to Yavin 4 with Jacen and had their first adventures as young Jedi trainees.
That's what the whisper was, it was the Jacen that had been living through the force alone, speaking to Tahiri. In the end, it was that Jacen who had killed both of them to return the galaxy to how it had been.
Jacen had changed back, even for that moment. He had become himself once again, even if it was only for that moment. "I'm sorry, Jacen," Tahiri murmured, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you sooner." Jaina crossed over and placed an arm around Tahiri's shoulders, holding her as the girl cried endlessly.
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...
When Tahiri emerged from Jaina's embrace, she found herself staring at the shimmering blue image of Jacen Solo, who smiled at her for a moment before turning steadily transparent until he was gone completely, leaving behind a figure clad in nothing but a simple tunic and trousers. He turned his head and the sun glinted off his eyes, revealing their ice blue color.
Wait for the force.
Tahiri turned around, looking at Jaina, who was also standing stock still, for confirmation. The figure walked out of the glowing sunlight and the trees cast shadows on his face. There was no doubt. He was Anakin Solo, but he had aged properly as though he'd never been away at all.
"How?" Jaina questioned.
"The force preserves things as they are at their core, not what they change into," Anakin stated. "Jacen's true core never died, so he used what was left of himself in exchange for me to return." Anakin's eyes averted for a moment and Tahiri felt the pain he was feeling as clearly as if their bond had never been gone.
"Anakin!" She yelled and then tackled him, kissing him full on the lips. It took Anakin a moment to recover before he returned Tahiri's kiss and hug. Then the two stood up, brushed themselves off and looked over at Jaina. Anakin then went over and after a few moments of staring at one another, Anakin hugged his sister hard.
"I'm glad you're back," Jaina said, grinning. Tahiri then took that open opportunity to tackle Anakin in a hug and Jaina could only shake her head as she walked back to the Academy. The two were going to have the rest of their lives to be together, but Jaina was happy to let "the rest of their lives" start now.
"Thank you, Jacen," Jaina said and as if he'd heard her, the wind changed to a warm almost embrace-like thickness.
Wait for the force and the balance will come.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
A/N- Fin. =) It took me a while to figure out how to work the revival part of this into the story and then I remembered that I'd written a little drabble before about a revival thing, so I incorporated it into this one-shot.