To leave this life.

Chapter 1 always out of it

EPOV

My life is perfect. 'Yes'. She said yes no matter what I am. She said yes.

I'm a monster and she's so beautiful and breakable. Very breakable. Of course I don't deserve her and I never will but I'm just too selfish to let her go. I saw what it did last time when we left and I shudder away from the consequences of that very large mistake. And of course one consequence is still there: Jacob Black. And he never lets me forget about it.

Oi lover boy. Wake up and smell the blood. Emmett was practically yelling at me. I had clearly been more absorbed than I thought; he was getting ready to throw a tree at me. If you were listening you would know that we are leaving and YOU haven't had anything to eat yet.

Emmett's right Edward you must eat. You will be spending a lot of time around Bella the next two days. Carlisle, however practical he had no idea how little of that thirst I felt.

"It's alright Carlisle. I'm fine."

"Still…" But Jasper cut him off.

"Are you sure you're alright? I mean your emotions are everywhere but all I can really get that is solid is that you're happy and in…" You didn't!

"Yeah I did" and it was the most successful and gratifying moment of my existence.

And from your emotions can I guess she said yes?

"Yeah she did"

"Well then can I suggest we go home" and stop Alice from attacking Bella? And "so you can get a grip on yourself." I don't think you'll stay sane if we stay out here any longer. It seems that you're worried about something and I think you're going to worry yourself into a frenzy.

"Good idea. Carlisle? Em? You ready to go?" they seemed confused by mine and Jasper's mostly silent conversation. And rightly as they had only heard my side.

Poor kids gone mad. Should of seen this coming. Falling in love with humans then choosing to be around the ones that smell the best. Now he's really tempting fate by not hunting around that exact same human. Its finally happened Rose said it was when Alice had that vision but I think it only just happened… I tuned him out after that. Emmett always was one for rambling with his thoughts.

"I still think you need to eat…"

"I'm perfectly fine. Plus I only hunted 2 days ago."

"Oh. Alright then let's go." He still seemed a little suspicious but didn't push it any further, a good move. Emmett on the other hand:

"Edward you are my youngest brother and I care about you but I've said it before and I'll say it again you are completely crazy." I told Rose that you weren't but the time has come to just admit to the fact, all the evidence points to not only are you clinically insane but spending all this time with Bella and all the other hormonal teenage humans is…

"No!"

Making…

"Don't you dare!"

You…

"Please for the love of God no!"

SOFT!

That's when I threw him into bolder and he sent me flying into a tree in return.

If I had my way I would have run as fast as I could but Jasper and I were keeping up a conversation.

I'm really happy for you mate but are you sure you can handle the proximity?

"Yeah but it's not that proximity that I'm worried about."

I don't understand what you mean.

"Well when we were talking last night and she agreed to marry me," if I had had a beating heart it would have speed to race helicopter blades.

Wow I felt that you have got it bad, your emotions sort of flew!

"Anyway I had to make an agreement in return."

And?

"I think I made a really big mistake in saying yes."

Why it can't have been that bad can it? I only know one thing that would make Bella marrying you worrying and I didn't think you'd ever agree to it… but from the guilty feelings you did.

"I could kill her Jazz. But I love her so much."

Emmett and Carlisle kept shooting us glances and Emmett's thoughts were still on his opinion that I was crazy. He had no idea how close he was.

So what are you going to do?

"I don't know, I said I'd do it before I changed her but I can't. I'll lose control and I'll kill her."

Well I think that you could keep control of yourself, you just need to channel the excess you know?

"I see your point but I don't know if I'm that strong."

Well you could be if you believed you could be.

"Thanks Jazz that really helped. All this reading emotions of mine must be making you sappy."

You little…

"Or maybe it's all the hanging about with Alice thats making you sound like a teenage Agony Aunt."

I swear Edward you are on my most wanted list know i am not...

Then I started listening to Emmett's explanation of mine and Jaspers conversation. It wasn't really close but it wasn't entirely wrong.

_____________________________________________________________________

When we got back I could only find Rosalie and Esme's mental voices.

"Where's Alice?"

She went to see Bella I think. Edward she seemed very happy about something. What's going on?

Not a good idea leaving Bella alone with Alice at this particular moment. Partly because I knew Alice would pester Bella until she gave in to what Alice thought the wedding plans should be. But mostly because I wanted to be alone with the girl I loved(and by some miracle she loved me back.)

All I wanted was for her to be happy. I didn't mater, all that mattered was her. She was my life. Although I had made this point clear to her more than once, it took me trying to kill myself because I thought she was dead and a few hours of me trying to convince her that it wasn't just a guilty conscience that had made me do it, for her to realise that I really meant it and wasn't over exaggerating.

"Do you mind if I tell you later? I think I need to save Bella from Alice. And I said I'd take her into Seattle. Charlie barely lets her out anymore and I thought we'd seize the opportunity."

But before I could go anywhere an image filled my head of the police raiding the house and trying to take blood samples. Problem was they couldn't.

Edward we have to leave

And my perfect world came crashing down around me.