TRIGGER WARNING: There is mention of rape and torture in this, although it isn't too descriptive about the acts themselves.
"Again. Just like always. Since when did our baby girl grow too old to kiss her parents goodnight? Isn't that not supposed to happen for another few years or so? She's only eight, for crying out loud, and this has been going on for two years!"
Kagome huddled in her bed, covering her ears and wishing that her mama and daddy would just go away for now.
Like she always did when she wanted something particularly badly, she got it, although after that week she had learned very well to be careful how she worded her wishes in her mind or out loud, and how hard she wished. Her mother jiggled the handle one last time and shook her head. Kagome could hear her hair rustling as she did so, despite the door being in the way. Kagome's senses were much more acute than normal people's senses were, although she hid that fact from everyone, just like she hid everything else important. "Okay. I'll agree to your plan. Tomorrow we'll call him. After all, ever since Rin died…. He's changed."
They walked away from the door and her daddy heaved a relieved sigh. "Thank you, sweetheart. I really think he might have a chance at making our Kagome go back to her lively self."
"One can only hope."
Kagome rather doubted it. She preferred her sleek little laptop and the friends she made online to life in the "real world" and had ever since that week. They couldn't hurt her, since they couldn't touch her.
She went to bed that night secure in the knowledge that Kagome was always Kagome whether she was loud or whether she was quiet, and that she would stay quiet because it was safer that way.
After all, even if her daddy loved her unconditionally, her mama did not, because Kagome was not Daddy's real daughter and Mama saw the black haired child's true father every time she saw those blue, blue eyes. She tried not to let it show, but Mama only sometimes could love Kagome, and that sometimes was only with Daddy around. Kagome knew because she could feel other people's emotions. It was another secret she kept, although this one she had been keeping for most of her life. Mama would be horrified otherwise. Sometimes she hurt Kagome but she never ever did it on purpose, and if she knew that Kagome knew that she wasn't Daddy's actual little girl or that Mama could only love her with Daddy around, she might just lose the last bits of love she had for her daughter, after all. Kagome would not risk that.
When Kagome woke up the next morning and went down to breakfast, however…
Standing in front of and talking affectionately to her daddy was the most beautiful person Kagome had ever seen. Long, flowing silver hair, intense gold (gold!) eyes, crimson stripes adorning his cheeks, a lavender crescent moon upon his forehead, pointed ears, tall and lean and...oh!
He was looking at her!
She flushed, but gave him a bow and softly stated, "I'm Higurashi Kagome. Welcome to the shrine."
As soon as she raised herself up from the bow, he was kneeling beside her with oh, the most beautiful smile she had ever seen, and he was smiling at her. "Kagome is a very pretty name for a very pretty little girl. I am Sesshōmaru. Would you like to go outside and walk in the forest with me after breakfast, Kagome?"
Nobody in the room could miss the excitement that lit the eight year old's eyes up, and, while she was distracted by the daiyōkai they had brought in to help, her parents clung to each other for a moment of sheer, striking relief. That was their Kagome.
The next eight weeks were the best weeks of her life. It only took until the end of the first day for Kagome to tentatively ask Sesshōmaru if he would be her best friend. His affirmative was all she could have wanted in the world.
Sesshōmaru was dangerous, and deadly, and the first time he had picked her up at school there had been some fuss raised, but with how trustingly Kagome ran into his arms and the note from her parents, nobody could really actually stop the daiyōkai from going where he pleased. But even though he was powerful and dangerous… He was also safe. Kagome knew that with an absolute certainty. She could, and did, tell him everything and anything. Her empathy, how she could see in the dark and hear the entire house no matter where she was in the house, her wishing power, how when she was scared, sometimes the prettiest pink light would come out of her skin and comfort her.
Not about that week, but Kagome knew if she could choose to tell anybody, it would be him, so it probably wouldn't be very long before he found out about that. He had already promised to her that if she did not want her parents to know something, he would not tell them that thing, and she had seen him keep his promises; when Mama and Daddy had asked questions about her that pried a little too close to the truth, he had misdirected them wonderfully, and she had heard it all the way in her bedroom.
Sesshōmaru would never lie outright, but he would omit things and misdirect things and confuse things to keep people finding out the truth, because of his promise to her.
However, things could not last like that forever, and Kagome was reminded like a slap to the face that life was not fair when she heard her parents arguing about sending Sesshōmaru away because Mama thought he loved Kagome too much. Which was stupid, really! Kagome knew her mama was trying to protect her, but she had lost any right to that position the moment she picked them for Kagome to stay with when Mama and Daddy had to go on that trip, instead of letting her stay with Grandpa. Sesshōmaru was the most honourable person on the planet, and he loved her entirely as was appropriate, Kagome could feel it. Daddy felt the same, but in the end he reluctantly agreed with Mama that Sesshōmaru should leave soon.
Within seconds, her door was unlocked and she whispered down the hall, a habit that she had developed whenever something her parents did upset her and she needed comfort of a different kind than her pretty pink light. "Sesshōmaru."
Within seconds he was in her room and the door was closed, although this time Kagome firmly walked behind him and locked it, like she normally did after he left. Mama and Daddy would assume she was asleep and leave her alone, which was necessary because people might get the wrong idea if they walked in at the wrong moment. "I take it you heard, then?"
Kagome nodded mutely, tears streaming down her face as she clung to him, whispering as quiet as she could. "I love you, and I don't want you to leave, but promise me something! I have a laptop. Promise you'll still talk to me. We can even video call. Promise me you won't just disappear on me."
Sesshōmaru growled very lowly and comfortingly in his chest, a sound which relaxed and comforted Kagome probably more than it should. It reminded her that he was yōkai, not ningen, that he was dangerous, and that he was safe. "I would never dream of just disappearing on you, little Kagome. You have wormed your way into my heart since the moment I first saw you, and whilst things may change in the future, I will always love you, Kagome."
That was as good as a promise, from him. And now, because who knew when they would make him leave… Kagome had to tell—no, show—him her biggest secret of all. So, reluctantly, she wiggled out of his arms and he let her go, leading her to take a deep breath. "I hafta show you something. But you won't like it. Not at all. You'll hate it, in fact, so you need to promise me to keep your beast in check because the people who did this to me are in jail because I wished for it so they forgot to put the spell on a little girl to keep her from telling her parents like they normally do. You absolutely can not tell Mama or Daddy about this, because if they find out the names they'll die, and I mean literally, not just be very hurt because it was their fault for not letting me stay here with Grandpa instead. This is serious so I want you to say them properly."
This was big, and it was not nice, and Kagome could not accept "as good as" with this. "I swear on my blood that what happens in this room tonight from this point on will never cross my lips to another soul but you, and that I will keep myself in check."
Oh, wow. Sesshōmaru gave her a Vow. That Vow would make him keep his promise or his blood would burn him alive. It also, because of how he worded it, would make it easier for Sesshōmaru not to go feral. He had done so once around her, when another little girl from school made a bunch of the others help her bully Kagome. They were jealous because she had Sesshōmaru, that was all, so Kagome didn't mind, but Sesshōmaru had been mad. And scared all the other little girls out of liking him. Kagome had been warned what to do, though, in case it ever happened, and had stroked the stripes on his cheeks as he scented her to calm himself down. Sesshōmaru had apologised for if he scared her until she bluntly informed him that the girls he had scared off were scarier than he was or could ever be because they would hurt her and Kagome knew with an absolute certainty that Sesshōmaru never would.
Kagome could understand why Sesshōmaru had choked and hugged her when she said that. Even though yōkai, hanyō, and ningen lived peaceably together, yōkai had bad reputations and generally stuck to their own parts of town. For a ningen to be totally unafraid of a yōkai was nearly unheard of.
Back to right now, Kagome, you have to get this done. She sighed and her hands shook a bit. Was she really ready for this? But no, she absolutely had to because Kagome was smart enough to know that not telling anybody about it would give her trouble later. Heck, it'd already been giving her trouble! And yes, that had brought Sesshōmaru to her life, but that didn't mean it was good. In fact, it meant things were already too bad, because next time it might be a therapist, and they weren't like Sesshōmaru.
Kagome slowly turned to face away from Sesshōmaru, unbuttoned her pyjama top, and let it fall to the floor, waiting for something. Her back was covered in long stripes and circular burns, as were her sides and her stomach. After a few moments of silence she turned around so he could see her stomach, then took a deep breath to talk. She couldn't look at Sesshōmaru right now or she wouldn't be able to get it out. So again, she whispered as low as she could, so that her parents would not be able to hear her. "Two years ago, Mama was depressed. She and Daddy tried to have another baby, so that I would have a sister or brother to play with, but it didn't work. They lost the baby. Twice. That's when we moved to Grandpa's shrine, so that Mama wouldn't have to work. One day I was feeling bad and Mama was depressed and I just wished, as hard as I could, for Mama to get better, no matter what."
A shiver wracked through her body as she remembered that horrible, terrible wish, tears leaking down her face. "I just... I just wanted Mama to be happy again. But that kind of wish was too strong, so I had to pay for it myself. I remember the pink light asking me why, why I had to make that wish, because now it had to hurt me if I still wanted the wish to come true and please wouldn't I change my mind. I didn't change my mind. I wanted Mama to be happy even if it meant that I had to be hurt to do it. The next week, Daddy said he won tickets for two to a cruise, and Mama decided that Grandpa was just a little too old to take care of a six year old, so she looked for babysitters and found them. The lady did this to me, a little every night, using magic to heal me afterwards. The man didn't seem to like the pain she gave me because he used magic to make it not hurt once she left and to not make it hurt when he..."
That was apparently enough information for Sesshōmaru, who was suddenly embracing her tightly. She could feel wetness seeping into her hair as he scented her, and he was shaking. "Beautiful, precious Kagome. You should never have had to go through such… I have no words, except that I will still always love you, no matter what. I still accept you, I am still your best friend, and I will still talk to you as often as possible, regardless of when I am forced to leave this place. And no matter what you might think, it was not your fault, Kagome. A wish with pure-hearted intentions might have bad repercussions, but you should not have had to make that wish in the first place. Not when your mother already knew that she could not successfully have other children and insisted on trying anyhow."
Kagome had known that, really. It was why she always blamed her mama for what happened to her, even though she had been the one to make the wish. But hearing it stated to bluntly, forcefully, and determinedly, broke something lodged into Kagome's heart and pulled it out, leading her to cling to Sesshōmaru and letting out all the pain, all the fear, all the anger, all the depression, with desperate, choking sobs. Normally he didn't bother with it, since they could both be quiet, but Sesshōmaru put up a barrier then to keep all the noise out, rubbing his warm, large hand over her back, not once flinching or hesitating to run a finger over a scar whenever he reached one. Scars made girls ugly, but Sesshōmaru didn't think she was ugly. Even with these marks she would bear for the rest of her life because she made a foolish, stupid wish.
At least Kagome knew better than that now, and listened to the pink light if it told her she was wishing too strong or that a wish was too big. She still felt like it was her fault for the other little girl, because she wished they would get caught. But at least because of her wish they couldn't do that to anyone else and that meant the price was worth it, especially since that meant that unlike the rest of them, that little girl was able to properly get help for what happened to her.
It was taking time, but she was learning better how to judge whether the price was worth the cost of the wish. It reminded her a lot of a manga one of her older online friends who knew about her power showed her. It was all about a wish shop, and how everything was fate, and that sometimes the price was really too much for the wish, even when it was an equal balance. Kagome knew that her price hadn't just been her pain and trauma, it had been her depression. She had to undergo something so bad that it would take away the depression from her mama and give it to her, for as long as her mama would have had it without her interference. That was why Mama and Daddy had never really started making an effort with her until recently. She couldn't be fixed before now or the wish would unbalance and probably punish her worse. Kagome knew without a doubt that the pretty pink light might like her, but it was not nice at all.
She was calming down now, and she sniffled lightly and rubbed her face in Sesshōmaru's sleeve. While she did that, he was clothing her again, deftly buttoning up her pyjama top even as she stretched. She was exhausted now. Sesshōmaru had begun growling to her again, one she recognised as a lullaby, but before she drifted into sleep she heard him say, "Kagome, I know how to make your mother fear less and still give her what she wants without forcing your father to evict me. Tomorrow morning I will announce that I have urgent business to take care of, which I somewhat do, and leave of my own volition. But I will promise you more than just computer chat and video calls. For as long as I am in the city you will see me every day possible, it will just be when your parents are unaware."
"Why…?"
That was all her sleepy mind could come up with. Why did he care so much? "Because my instincts chose you. I will be whatever you want or need me to be for the rest of your life, Kagome."
That didn't mean Sesshōmaru didn't have a choice. It meant he made his choice as soon as he laid his eyes on her, because instincts were the deepest heart of yōkai. No matter what, Kagome was going to be Sesshōmaru's Most Important Person for the rest of her life, and maybe his too; the little girl certainly could not imagine herself loving or trusting anyone as much as she loved and trusted Sesshōmaru. But that was for when she was older, and she knew it well. For now he was just best friend, protector, teacher, and, as of tonight, therapist. "Love you Sesshōmaru…. Nini."
She barely managed to get the words out before she passed out, but Sesshōmaru stayed where he was for a good half hour before finally removing the sweet child back to her bed. He left out her window, jumped down from the tree, and leapt into his own window from the ground. To be honest he had suspected for weeks now that Kagome had had her innocence stolen and that was why she retreated. And all those other things her parents would want to know if they knew what had happened to her – how would he explain without breaking his promise to keep her secrets that Kagome was a powerful miko with the most vile jewel in existence residing in her body, only instead of wanting to escape, it adored her with such ferocity that even Sesshōmaru was intimidated; or that she had known for her entire life that her mother could only genuinely love her daughter when her adopted father was around; or that it didn't matter what, Kagome always heard every word spoken as long as she was at least fifty metres within the range of anything? At minimum. That was without trying whatsoever, and at a whisper. The girl could hear better than he could!
Not only was it impossible, her parents did not deserve to know those things. Sesshōmaru – and Kagome herself, although it had been half-hearted before tonight – blamed Naoko entirely for Kagome's experience. Even though it meant her powers taught her, explained to her, led her to people who could give her information she needed to control the vile Shikon trapped inside of her body – even though it meant that the Shikon itself was willing to stay trapped for Kagome… No forgiveness could be earned for that. Sesshōmaru had been friends with Isamu for years now, and knew damn well that Naoko had been warned after giving birth to Kagome that she would probably never carry to term another child, because Isamu had told him, asking for help in fixing his wife's broken heart. Naoko did not want her only child to be the product of a rape, rather than from her husband.
And her futile attempts had led to her depression, which had led to a six—she was only six—year old Kagome making a terrible wish that ended with her very body being tortured and raped. Cigarette burns, cigar burns, whip marks, blade marks…. That vile whore had covered every last inch of skin that couldn't be immediately visible or noticeable under normal clothing in scars, excepting her chest, likely because bathing suits might give marks away to suspicious parents. Sesshōmaru did not care about the scars, himself – beauty was far more than a mere body – he only cared about the pain his precious Kagome had undergone. And then, even though it had been painless, to have her innocence stolen in such a manner – it must have been completely traumatising to be treated with cruelty and then kindness over and over again, especially when the kindness only happened so long as your body was being violated.
He forced himself from thinking about that—it would do no good and he would not break his promise to Kagome and hunt them down (ningen prisons were absurdly easy to break into) and slaughter them in painful ways. He would not let the beast within him win this time around. Kagome needed him, and he would be there for her for as long as she needed him, in any way she would have him. For now, he needed to sleep, and leave in the morning on "urgent business", which would be proof enough to Naoko that he ran no risk of being in love with Kagome right at this moment. In the future, most certainly, supposing she would have him. Right now she was just pack, however. His only pack, and thus all the more precious and important to him because of it.
He would see her before bed tomorrow.
A fourteen year old Kagome screamed at the girls pulling at her clothes, and sent out a burst of invisible miko-ki that would act like a gust of wind and push the cruel harpies away from her. They wanted to see underneath her shirt? Fine. She would show them, and use her powers to make it so that even though they knew, they couldn't tell anybody whatsoever.
Kagome tore her shirt off and yelled at them. "Look at me! Look at my body! This is only the beginning. It covers my back too. You have beautiful, unblemished skin. You have families who love you, rather than a father who is not even your own and a mother who sees the rapist who gave you to her every time she looks into your eyes. You are popular, and wealthy, and blessed to be free from horrors such as what happened to me when I was six years old. I am sick and tired of your bullying. Just because some people like me more – who cares? They would not like me if they actually tried to get to know me, my body is just filling out earlier than some of yours and so they like me. What use is a beautiful figure when you are disfigured so?"
One of the girls had begun retching when she mentioned she was only six when it happened. "I will never trust any of those boys. The only reason you know about this is to get you to leave me the hell alone, because, you can try, but you will not be able to say a word of this to anyone."
Kagome pulled her shirt back on, sat down with her back turned towards the other girls, and began to finish her bento. She was exhausted again, emotionally, from confessing things like that to people she did not trust whatsoever, and needed the energy her food would give her. Especially because she had a trip with Sesshōmaru today! Daddy had promised to keep it secret from Mama, because Daddy knew that Kagome was a miko by now, and that she could protect herself, and that Sesshōmaru, of all people, had been the one training her powers. Once he found that out he basically decided that his wife's opinion was wholly untrue, based on nothing but her own baseless fears, and agreed to arrange for them to be able to spend more than snatches here and there together.
That was all it had been for six years, but it was enough. It kept her going. When he had to go out of town on business she put up a sound-barrier in her room and called with him for hours and hours. Even when he was in town they would text or instant message each other constantly, and every night he would be there waiting in her tree, ask her how her day was, teach her how to use her miko-ki by teaching her how he used his yōki, give her new recipes to try out, tell her how his day was, kiss her forehead. When he returned from long trips he gave her the best hugs.
There was nothing awkward about the way they interacted; it basically just worked perfectly. However… Kagome had known from when she was eight what her eventual place in Sesshōmaru's life would be, should she choose to go down that path, and he had never so much as kissed her even on the cheek! Only on the forehead, which meant he claimed her as pack. Kagome didn't want much, because she knew without a doubt that she was Sesshōmaru's entire life. But she at least wanted to be able to kiss him on the cheek and get a return kiss there. She was fourteen now, and while she might not be ready for romantic kisses for at least a couple more years yet, she was ready for more than what she got! Especially since Kagome knew what cheek kisses like that meant in inu yōkai culture. If someone had been chosen, then a kiss on the cheek meant that you agreed to their choosing. It wasn't an agreement to mate or anything like that, but it was acceptance of your place in their life and a promise that you intended to follow through on your acceptance.
Kagome was ready for that step now.
With a sigh, she grabbed her things and left the school – the girls were gone from the rooftop and would hopefully never bother her again, and she didn't give a crap about the rest of her classes. Right now she just needed Sesshōmaru. Like usual, she got what she wanted when he met her as soon as she arrived home, took her smaller hand in his larger one and led her into the forest behind the shrine, just like he had that first morning they ever met. The trip wasn't exciting, or crazy special, or anything like that. It was comfortable, warm, and loving, though, which to Kagome made it all the better. When they finally reached the edge of the trees once more and Sesshōmaru made to depart until he would visit her tonight, she grabbed his sleeve, took a deep breath, stood up on her tiptoes, and kissed his cheek.
That stunned look on his face really was adorable, but instead of saying anything stupid like admitting that aloud, she just tapped her own cheek and said, "Well? I'm waiting."
Probably only Kagome knew why Sesshōmaru had to draw in a choked breath before he gave her her kiss, or why he held her tighter than he ever had before once it was done. Kagome had not just accepted her place in his life… She had informed him of his place in her life. Kagome might not be inu yōkai but she'd been slowly learning the culture since she was eight years old, and considered herself as good as one, and had solemnly told Sesshōmaru just two years ago that if she knew about a gesture that had significant meaning in his culture, she would never, ever use it without meaning it. Kagome had pretty much just flat out told Sesshōmaru that she was his every bit as much as he was hers. He probably wasn't expecting anything like that from her for several more years, but seriously – Sesshōmaru had cured more of her trauma than Kagome even liked to admit had ever existed.
When she got home it was to a grinning Daddy (she had told him her plan), who asked if she was satisfied now. She smirkingly told him that she was very happy with this outcome, and was looking forward to the future.
"Honey, I'm worried…. You haven't even shown the slightest interest in dating, even though you're seventeen..."
Kagome nearly scoffed, and did roll her eyes. Puh-lease. Mama only gave a shit about her when Daddy was around, so this was just trying to wheedle information from her. Mama caused this whole thing to begin with, however, so Kagome thought it was time for Mama to know the facts of the matter. "Why on earth would I be interested in dating when I have Sesshōmaru?"
Her mother stopped short, her eyes filling with a fear that Kagome knew she had to remedy fast, before the situation got out of hand. "Don't worry, Mama, he hasn't so much as even kissed me on the lips yet."
That immensely relaxed her mother, so Kagome continued, "It's just that from the moment he saw me, I became the Most Important Person in his life, and it pretty much went like that for me too, despite being ningen. Inu yōkai instincts are strong, and they also only work a certain way – Sesshōmaru will be whatever I want or need him to be for the rest of my life. I decide when we take steps. I decide if we'll ever be anything more than what we ever are. And I decided that he would be my Most Important Person, too. Who better than someone who loves me unconditionally, will never allow me to come to harm even as he encourages and teaches me to defend myself, Is always respectful of my limits and what I can and cannot handle, and finally, has Daddy's approval? Once Daddy found out that Sesshōmaru was teaching me to use my miko powers..."
Here she let her hand glow, then stood up, took a basic stance, and formed a glowing bow and arrow made straight from the miko-ki that the Shikon granted her, before sitting back down on the couch once more, "He's approved and decided your fears were unfounded. I dunno if you're aware of this, Mama, but sometimes you get completely irrational about shit. I get it, you're afraid of me being raped like you were, but seriously – Sesshōmaru? He is the most honourable person in existence, and would never harm a child in any way whatsoever, especially not by forcing or encouraging one into his bed in such a manner. Seriously, making Daddy agree to having Sesshōmaru leave, despite all the good he was doing me? Not one of your smarter decisions. In fact I'd say it was rather stupid, and if we hadn't found ways to get around your fears and meet up anyway, I would have been more damaged than you could possibly imagine.
"I love and trust Sesshōmaru more than anyone else in my entire life, I have since the moment I saw him, and that's basically how things stand. You don't really have a choice in the matter, the only one with the choice is me and I choose Sesshōmaru, because he will never, ever do anything to hurt me, no matter what."
Her mama's eyes widened as soon as she mentioned that night, and she whispered, "How did you know?"
One; Sesshōmaru himself. Two; her miko-ki. This would make three. Well, teeechnically four since her miko-ki came from the Shikon and was the pretty pink light that taught and protected her. But she hadn't mentioned the wishing for things yet, so it was pretty much still only three. Three secrets Sesshōmaru would no longer have to keep for her. "Mama, I can hear anything that happens in the house whenever I please, wherever I am. I have been able to do this for as long as I can remember and it has only strengthened as I got older. The moment Daddy caved in I had Sesshōmaru in my room comforting me and I made him promise to keep in contact with me. He did one better and promised to meet me every day that he was in town, even if it was just a few moments. Sesshōmaru was the only thing keeping me sane for all these years. You owe him a huge apology and a debt of gratitude that your daughter is alive and healthy instead of dead in a ditch somewhere."
Daddy walked in just then, and her mama loved her again, which was wonderful and oh-so-painful at the same time. He sat down next to Kagome and took both his wife's and his daughter's hands in his. "Are you finally ready to tell us why that is, Kagome? I know that Sesshōmaru knows; I happened to pass by your bedroom before he put the barrier up, and it was clear that you were not crying like that over him leaving, because I was positive you'd at least use the computer or phone to stay in contact; you might have only been eight but you've always been very mature and intelligent for your age."
Kagome flinched. She literally could not tell them, or they would die… But… If she had help… She could show them. "I am, but I can't. I'm being serious about that, if I tell you you will die. They were very clever, those two. But… I… I can show you. With help."
She raised her voice a little bit, and called for the one person who always filled her with courage. "Sesshōmaru, I need you, please."
It took less than three seconds for him to be knocking at the door, and Kagome was highly gratified by the look on her mama's face. "I've been expecting you to confront me about not dating for a week now, your body language has been tenser than usual. Sesshōmaru promised to be in the woods if I needed him."
All the while, she was walking to the door, and as she let her beloved daiyōkai in, she wrapped her arms around him tightly and buried her face into his chest, scenting him to calm herself down much like he scented her. With her enhanced senses it was surprisingly effective, and as he growled comfortingly and clawed through her hair with one hand, his other arm was around her waist in a perfectly chaste, but slightly possessive, manner. She knew her mama could see everything going on, but that was good. Kagome was going to take the next step soon (she planned to do it tomorrow!), regardless if she had her parents' support or not, but it would be nice to have their support anyhow. She did not have to worry about Daddy, but she did have to worry about Mama. "Kagome? What can I do for you, beloved one?"
Even the way he addressed her was respectful; he did not try to assume anything, he simply asked why she needed him. The doorway wasn't too far from the living room where they'd all been, so Daddy and Mama could hear them fine, which was good. "First off, you can stop keeping three of the secrets you promised me you would keep. Wholly now instead of only halfway. Mama knows about you, about my miko-ki, and about my enhanced senses. Well, the hearing anyway but I don't care if she knows the rest."
He nuzzled into her hair lightly with a nod. "Understood. I doubt they will come up much, but I will know that they are open conversation now. Now, kitten, what is it you need from me?"
The childish nickname that he had given her that first day they met relaxed her immensely, and he could tell that. He always used it to relax her when she was tense but it was not an appropriate situation for anything more intimate – Sesshōmaru often gave her massages, and had been doing so for years now. But as much as she would love one, right now wasn't the time. She finally pulled away shakily and he clasped her hand in his, linking their fingers together comfortably. Kagome leaned into his chest again, speaking loud enough for her parents to hear her. Mama needed to know just how much she trusted Sesshōmaru with her very being. "I… I'm ready to show Daddy and Mama what I showed you the night before you left. But I can't do it on my own. I-if you don't-"
She was swiftly interrupted, "Your pain is the only thing that bothers me, kitten. Nothing else. I will help you show your parents why you locked yourself away."
She nodded at that and tugged him into the living room after he slid out of his shoes and into slippers. She hesitated when she got in front of her parents, however. I can't do this. I can't. They'll ask too many questions and I can't answer them and if I try to tell them anything-
Her thoughts were cut off by a comforting growl and a nuzzle to her hair. "Kagome, would you like me to pull your shirt up for you? And answer any questions your parents might have? As it would not be you telling them, it would be safe – they can find out all but the names, and I do not know the names."
Kami but Sesshōmaru was perfect. "P-please. I… I can't. Sesshōmaru..."
He tugged her close for a tight embrace. "I love you, Kagome. You can do this. I will never leave you. I am right here, and you are not alone. You have not been alone since the moment I saw you, and you will never again be alone in your life."
That did it. Her parents needed to see this, so she pulled away and took a deep breath, nodding when Sesshōmaru pulled on the hem of her uniform shirt. He didn't give her a chance to back out once she gave the affirmative, pulling her shirt up to her neck. Her mama immediately choked on a sob, "Oh my God, Kagome when did—Oh no. The cruise."
Mama was smart when she wanted to be, but Kagome refused to look at either of them as she took another deep breath and turned around, releasing Sesshōmaru's hand only to capture it again in her other one, her eyes closed tightly. Her back was bad enough, but her stomach… The woman who did this to her had wanted to make sure that Kagome could never wear clothing that would reveal any part of her stomach. "Slut" was carved in kanji above her bellybutton, and below it was "whore". Kagome hadn't learned what the words on her stomach meant until quite some time after the incident happened, but once she had, she had become aware that Sesshōmaru had known from the moment he saw them what those words were, what they meant, and he still considered her to be beautiful. Nobody could ever love her as much as Sesshōmaru.
Mama and Daddy were beginning to get angry now, so to keep them from getting angry at her beloved, she said, "I made Sesshōmaru promise not to tell anyone anything I showed him, and he gave me a Vow. Because he gave the Vow to me I am the only person who can release him from it."
Sesshōmaru obligingly let her shirt fall back into place now, as she held a hand over his heart, "I release you from the responsibility of the Vow you made the night before the first time you left me."
Because that was not the only Vow he had given her, so she had to be specific. Kagome glowed a soft pink as she released him from his Vow, and in turn Sesshōmaru glowed a lovely crimson as the magic holding the Vow in place removed itself. Then she looked up at him and spoke softly, "I wanna sit now."
That meant she was tired and wanted to snuggle. She didn't care that her parents were there; Daddy knew already and Mama would damn well have to deal with it. So Sesshōmaru picked her up, sat in the loveseat next to the couch, and allowed her to curl up against him just how she liked. She knew she was clinging to him like a child, but Kagome frankly did not care about that; Sesshōmaru adored it when she did this, so she did it as often as possible. She murmured into his chest once they were arranged comfortably, one of her arms around his neck so she could play with his hair, the other holding tight to his shirt, her legs tucked against his side, her face resting against his chest, his arms around her waist. Sometimes one of his arms would be playing with her hair, but her Sesshōmaru understood her very well. Right now she needed to be held. "Thank you. Not just for helping me now, but for helping me since the very moment you met me, for healing me better than anyone else could ever hope to, and for being yourself. I love you."
Her eventual mate held her tighter against him and nuzzled into her hair. "You are welcome for all of that, even though there is no need to thank me. I did it because I love you with all of my being."
Kagome decided to ask a question she knew the answer to, because she had asked it before, but Sesshōmaru would understand – her mama would be very worried that she'd been groomed or some crap like that, and she had to make Mama see that Sesshōmaru not only would never do that, but could never do that. Because Sesshōmaru wasn't even in love with her yet. "Are you in love with me yet?"
"I cannot be in love with you until you are in love with me, and since you have not mentioned your feelings changing in such a way, no, I am not in love with you yet. I only ever will be when you wish for me to be."
Daddy laughed at that, and Kagome smiled against Sesshōmaru's shirt. Anger deflected, with no one the wiser but Sesshōmaru. Her mama was radiating wonder right now, whilst her father was amused; both of them were still upset, but they were not overcome by the upset any more. "Kagome, how long are you going to string my friend along?"
Eep! Shit! Kagome had forgotten that she confessed to Daddy last year that she was falling in love with Sesshōmaru. Sesshōmaru's breathing caught, and he only said, "What?"
Kagome sighed and shot a half-hearted glare to her daddy, "I was waiting until tomorrow to tell him, Daddy. Now you ruined the surprise."
Her father shot her a grin that said he was well aware of that fact, and Kagome realised that she needed to tell Sesshōmaru now. How hard had this to be on him, remembering her pain? So Kagome leaned up, rested her cheek against his, and said softly into his ear, "I am very, very much in love with you, Sesshōmaru."
When she moved away to give him a swift kiss on the lips – permission for courtship to begin, in this situation – she looked into his eyes, and there was wonder and joy and fierce protectiveness swirling through the intense pools of gold. He growled lowly, a happy, triumphant growl, and held her tighter against him. "Thank you so much, Kagome."
Daddy gave them a little while to soak in the joy from their relationship officially changing after nine years of friendship and companionship, before he cleared his throat and nodded firmly. "Sesshōmaru. Since you are the one who can safely tell us what can be told, would you, please?"
So he did, explaining what he knew of the situation – which was actually much, much more than Kagome had told him that night: partly because she had told him more and more about it later on, and partly because he had watched the part of the trial where the other girl talked about what she went through; nothing else, because Kagome didn't wish him to know their names. If he knew he might slip and her parents would be dead.
He told them everything he could safely tell them about what she suffered, confirming when it happened in the process, and Kagome did her best to listen to the Shikon whispering comfortingly to her rather than listening to the details of her rape and torture when she was only six. "Kagome, come kitten, it is safe now, I am done."
Kagome realised that not only was she crying – not surprising, that – but she was glowing quite strongly, so she toned down the glow, until it was invisible, just a whisper of words on her skin, through her body, in her mind. Kagome knew that it was originally a vile, wicked thing residing inside of her – she knew the history of the Shikon no Tama by now – but for some reason that nobody could really define, it loved her and wanted to protect her. Kagome thought it was because she used it so much when she was a little girl, before that week happened, and it had been free to twist all the wishes she made as it wished. Ever since it was forced to hurt her, however, it didn't twist unless it was necessary.
Sesshōmaru said that the purity of her heart and soul had changed the Shikon when she willingly sacrificed her health and safety for the health of a woman who didn't even properly love her. Kagome thought he might have a point there.
Her mama was the first to speak, changing the subject completely – she might only love Kagome when Daddy was around, but when Daddy was around she loved Kagome a lot and read her very well. "Why didn't that affect him?"
Kagome's eyes were dry now – Sesshōmaru had wiped them for her – and she answered that. "Several reasons. First off, Sesshōmaru's so strong that most purification abilities can't touch him. They have little to no effect on him. Mine could hurt him – I got scared once and lost control and he got zapped. He said it hurt a lot. Anyhow, like I said, mine could affect him, when we first started the lessons, but now they can't; not just because he's so strong but also because he taught me how to use them. It's the exposure rule. His yōki can't hurt me because I spent so much time in the presence of him actively using it, my miko-ki can't hurt him for the same reason. On top of that is the fact that intent really matters when using ki and I don't want to hurt Sesshōmaru because the only thing he has ever done is love, protect, and accept me, for who I am, without ever trying to change me."
While she was saying that, Sesshōmaru whispered ever so softly to her, "I did not tell them about the wish, because that is a different matter entirely, and your choice to reveal, not mine."
Kagome fell in love a little deeper with Sesshōmaru just then.
"Did you trick your father, then?"
"Hmm? Oh. No, Daddy knew right from the start that Sesshōmaru couldn't be hurt while he was training my abilities. But he was still teaching me how to defend myself, especially because my abilities are special and can affect ningen, as well as yōkai. Once a bunch of girls were bullying me and I used my power to push them all away from me like a gust of wind would have done, and then made it so they couldn't tell anyone about what I told them. And before you ask why Sesshōmaru isn't upset at that it's because I stood up for myself that day and told them off for bullying me, got them to stop bullying me, and then kissed his cheek before he left from our walk and demanded he kiss mine. In inu yōkai culture, once someone has been chosen by someone else, affection has special meanings. A kiss to the cheek means you accept that you have been chosen, you accept your place in their life, and intend on going down the path that leads to you becoming their mate. It isn't an agreement to mating or anything like that serious, it just means you completely comprehend and accept that the person will have no more important person in their life than you."
Sesshōmaru spoke up then, after rubbing his cheek against her hair affectionately, "Essentially, she demanded that I accept that I was going to be the most important person in her life, despite only being fourteen at the time. It was… There are no words to describe the feeling that came when she tapped her cheek and said, "Well? I'm waiting." as if it were nothing unusual."
Daddy laughed there, "If only you had seen the pleased little smirk on her face when she came back that evening. She planned that out, I'll have you know. Four weeks ahead, deciding how she would go about it and asking me for ideas. Of course, she rejected any idea I threw at her, because deep down she wanted to figure out how to do it on her own."
Suddenly Mama stood up and bowed deeply in their direction, "I owe you my deepest and most sincere apologies, Sesshōmaru. It it clear that your presence has done nothing short of healing my daughter, giving her happiness she never would have attained without you, and protected her. My fears were wholly unfounded and baseless."
Sesshōmaru released her long enough to wave a hand in dismissal, then latched back on once more. Kagome adored how close he was holding her to his warm body. "Your interference was necessary, in the end, as it gave Kagome the courage to tell me the bare bones of what had been done to her, laid a foundation for us to begin her therapy on, and tempered our relationship so it can hold up to quite a lot before we even begin feeling stressed about the way things are going. In the end, were I to stay, Kagome might never have learned to stand on her own – I love her so deeply that I would have let her rely on me in such a manner, because there is no way in hell that I would ever leave her willingly."
That made her father nod, "That's actually the real reason I caved in when Naoko was frightened of your love for Kagome. I had no worries whatsoever of it – being a priest's son, I know a lot about yōkai, plus Sesshōmaru has been my friend for many years, and I learned about inu through him. But I could see that Kagome was beginning to rely on Sesshōmaru too much, and I knew that Sesshōmaru would not really be capable of denying her anything she ever wanted. When I passed by Kagome's bedroom later and heard her sobbing, it felt like an even better idea, because at least someone knew about whatever had been making her close herself off, and better yet, it was someone who would never betray her in any way."
He sighed and commented again, repeating something he had said earlier, "I knew Kagome would not let something so little as him having to leave the shrine get in the way of her having his presence with her, especially with how much time she spent on the laptop talking to her other friends, and I similarly knew that Sesshōmaru would not let such a thing get in the way of being able to be there for his chosen one. And yes, Naoko, I knew little Kagome would hear us. She always knew things she shouldn't know in many different ways that eventually clued me in that her senses were stronger than a normal person's. For example, watching her pupils go slit for the merest second when I turned a light on in a dark room, when they had previously been completely blown. You can see in the dark, can't you, Kagome?"
Kagome nodded softly, "All of my senses are enhanced because of my miko-ki. They have been for as long as I can remember."
Daddy looked at her mama and Kagome minutely shook her head. No way. There was no way she was giving that away right now. "She'll find out eventually, you know. Since you are getting everything else out of the way, why not that? I am here with you, and I do not believe your mother will stop loving you. If you do this now there will only be one more secret – one that we can both keep together forever because I will not have others using you to gain things they want."
Dammit. Sesshōmaru had a point, and Daddy was looking at her meaningfully – she knew he couldn't hear what Sesshōmaru was whispering to her but he knew what was going on – and her mama was just reeling from all this information. Might as well make her reel some more. "Mama, I have known for my whole life the circumstances surrounding my conception. I know how you feel when you look at my eyes too long. I know the enormous, drastic change that overcomes you whenever Daddy is around. I have an ability called empathy that allows me to feel the emotions of the people around me. We don't know if it is inborn or comes from my miko-ki like my enhanced senses do. I have always known everything for as long as I can remember. There. That's it. No more secrets."
Sesshōmaru would allow her to lie when he wouldn't, and he nuzzled her head in such a way so as to make it look like he was nodding – misdirection, but not a lie. And here it came. Kagome was just holding into Sesshōmaru even more tightly, waiting for her mother to recover from the shock of realising that her daughter had known even when she was a very small girl that her mother could not love her when her husband was not around, that her daddy was not her actual father, and that every time she looked into her eyes for too long, she felt a deep, overpowering fear run through her that always made her turn away.
The revelation was too much. Her mama burst into tears, and Kagome tugged on Sesshōmaru's shirt, not even bothering to whisper, because her mama needed to know. "We need to leave. Mama needs to come to terms with this without me around."
"Whatever you say, Kagome."
With that he fluidly stood up, holding her easily against him, and they went outside of the house through the front door, before jumping into the tree outside of her room and lightly padding into her room – the window had been left open because of the nice weather today, but they closed it after they got in, and Sesshōmaru laid out on her bed with her, her body curled half atop his. "Take the chance to rest some, precious."
Kagome couldn't deny that the opportunity sounded wonderful, so she sighed and nuzzled into his chest some more, arranging her body more comfortably atop and beside his as he began growling a lullaby that she was very, very familiar with by now. She closed her eyes slowly and began to drift in a sea of warmth, comfort, safety, love. It wasn't too long before she fell asleep, her mind getting some much needed rest.
The bedroom door opened to a slightly weary looking Higurashi Isamu. "Naoko's asleep. She managed to come to grips with it before she passed out but she isn't capable of coming back face to face with Kagome until she rests som—ah, I see you have made yours rest too."
Kagome was out like a light on his friend's chest, clinging to him like a little girl, but Isamu knew that would never change. Part of her would always be stuck in childhood because of what happened to her. At least it was being expressed healthily now, as opposed to her being closed off how she had been from six to eight. "Hn. More like she hardly took any encouragement at all. I cannot make Kagome do anything she does not wish to do. I suspect the same goes for anyone in her life. I have a question for you."
Isamu chuckled softly at the sentiment – it was very true, after all; nobody could make Kagome do what she didn't want to do. Then he tilted his head, and his friend asked him. "You have never been upset with my attachment to Kagome, despite having every right to be. Why is that?"
"First off, I know you. I half suspected this would happen, it's why I begged my wife until she caved; if anybody could help our Kagome it would be you, and as you are inu, your loyalty knows no bounds. You would always treat her with respect, love her, and be true to her. Secondly… What do you know of the Shikon no T-ah, I see. Kagome was the one to say there were no more secrets, not yourself."
He interrupted himself when Sesshōmaru stilled and clutched Kagome protectively to his chest; Isamu had better talk fast. "When our daughter was born, Naoko and I saw it sink into her skin. Naoko had no clue what it was, of course, but I recognised it at once. It became even clearer that it was the Shikon inside my daughter when any time she wanted something, she got it. Even more so when her wishes came about in unpleasant ways. I always did think something suspicious was up when Naoko's depression that should have lasted two more years lifted the moment we got on the cruise, Kagome was depressed when we got back, and neither Naoko nor I actually tried to do anything about the depression until the time we brought you in."
The black haired man could tell that his friend was barely holding back his emotions, and Isamu nodded. "I knew from the start that she needed a protector, teacher, and friend. I also knew that if things went the way I suspected they would it would always be her choice how they changed. Who better for that job than the friend of mine who has done the same for me all these years? Especially when that person would convince Kagome she is not at fault for what happened to her. I know you can't talk to me about most of this stuff, you are a yōkai of your word, after all, but can you explain why her wants are not being twisted any more?"
Sesshōmaru nodded at that, "Firstly, your daughter has learned when the price is too much, and is careful with her wishes. Secondly, ever since she was six it became determined to protect her. I would tell you why I believe this to be so but I cannot. Not without breaking my promise to her. You can likely guess why."
He already had his suspicions, and assumed they were correct. The wish she made to cure her mother's depression had impressed the Shikon and from then on it decided she was a worthy container. Some things still didn't add up, but for the most part, they made sense. So he nodded firmly and leaned against the door. "I could not have ever hoped for a better mate for my daughter, dear friend. Thank you for being what she needed in her life, and for healing her so thoroughly."
"I could do naught else even had I wanted to. Of course, I did not want to do anything but love and heal Kagome."
Isamu smiled and nodded, "Exactly. I will leave you be for now; see you at dinner."
Then he left the room They would make it fine, he just knew it.
Kagome fidgeted slightly as her Mama fiddled with her veil, taking in a deep breath. Kagome was getting married today. It was something that, before she met Sesshōmaru, she could never have expected to happen to her. She had too many trust issues, after all. But no, she was getting married today, to her best friend, beloved, protector, teacher, therapist. Sesshōmaru was a child's therapist for a living, and had been ever since his daughter died and left a gaping hole in his life. She had been a homeless orphan when he found her, and he had begun schooling in order to help her. It had worked, but when she died of pneumonia at only sixteen years of age, he turned his attentions to other children that would need help.
It was how he had helped her cope with her trauma so thoroughly and so well – Kagome's thought at eight that her parents would bring in a therapist who could not be Sesshōmaru was rather hilarious, thinking back upon it now. They had already given her a therapist, one who was better than any ningen could ever hope to be.
Still, today was her wedding day and her mating day; it was the most important day of her life so far, even more important to her than the day she met Sesshōmaru, something she had thought would be the most important day of her life forever until she gave him permission to propose to her by biting his ear gently six months ago. The look on his face when she did that had been the most hope-filled, wonderful thing she had ever seen in her life. She suspected today would surpass it, though.
As Daddy walked her down the aisle her thoughts were whirling, and when it was time for their wedding vows, she took a deep breath. They had written their own vows for this, and it was her time to say them. "I have loved you since the first day I met you, and that love has only deepened since I met you. You are my light in the darkness, the flame that never goes out, the balm on my soul that healed and protected me from any hurts both from before and from after you met me and entered into my life. I swear to love you, be loyal to you, care for you, and be yours for the rest of our lives, the eternity that we have together. I swear to allow you to protect me and comfort me, and to never, ever leave your side."
Now it was his turn, and the look of desperate love, happiness, and warmth (she had not allowed him to hear her vows before today) was all she could have ever hoped for in her life. Sesshōmaru was everything to her, and always would be. "I have loved you with every fibre of my being since the moment I first saw you, Kagome, and every day that passes my love for you grows even more, despite how impossible that should be. You are my life, my reason for existing, and everything I could ever want for all eternity. I swear to love you, be loyal to you, protect you, care for you, and adore you for the rest of our time on this earth and beyond. I swear that I will be yours, in every way possible, to be anything you want me to be for you, and that I will never abandon you, no matter what happens."
Kagome could cry, it was so perfect. And as the priest pronounced them man and wife, Sesshōmaru stepped close and lifted her veil, before kissing her with all the love he had for her. This kiss lit her on fire, and she clung to him, kissing back desperately. She was married now, and as he pulled away, gazing at her with love and desire, she linked their hands together in a daze. They had a reception to attend, but after that it would be just them, forever and for all eternity.
Kagome could never be happier, and she knew, with a look at her husband, that neither could he. For Sesshōmaru had opened her heart when she closed it down, slid into it effortlessly, and secured his place in her life forever. They would be happy together for the rest of their lives.