Belongs to Scott Westerfeld!
Originally this started whilst I was listening to "Out of Time" by A Day to Remember, as...er something. And I don't really know what became of it XD
Enjoy!
He sees her again, years after they parted ways.
The first time, she is there, watching from some bloated hovering beast, as he rides down the street. The turnout is astounding despite the chilly London breeze but he has eyes only for the whipping golden locks, short as ever, and the smoky blue eyes glancing down at him.
He sees nothing definite in those shifting orbs and remembers that fateful day. He remembers the tears that spilled from her all-too-young eyes and the ones he'd held back; remembers the way she balked away when all his anger and hurt burst forth like a malignant cannon.
"Stay away, betrüger!" He'd spat before storming off, each echoing sob like a rivet driven into his best friend's coffin. Those had been their last words.
Now he looks back on that day and feels only shame and disgust. For nothing, he had given everything.
For three days after he vanished, she had flickered through her duties, never away but never quite there either. For three days she had waited for him – a flash of red-brown hair, the gleam of cold clanker wit – and it was only as she slipped under the covers on that third night that the truth settled in.
Stay away, he'd said. Betrüger, he'd called her. She could guess what it meant, with clanker-speak as barking unoriginal as it was. Betrayer. Liar. All the same.
Silent sobs had wracked her chest, a coiling, tightening pain that sapped her strength and will. A single tear had escaped to slide down her quivering cheeks.
That night, Deryn Sharp swore to wait no longer. But as her eyes dried and her cries faded to whispers, she knew in her heart of hearts that it was a lie.
For him, she'd wait forever.
He doesn't hear the roaring adulation of the crowd at his feet. Nor does he feel the flowers (amongst other less-appropriate objects) that float towards him. Instead he hears her snappish voice recite her last letter – the one he always keeps with him – feels every stinging slap that would've punctuated her scrawled words and every tear spilt on the page. He had never penned a reply. Had never mustered the courage, even after he took his throne and ended a war, to rekindle that old flame. Still...her words linger.
Don't think you've got to go it alone, you ninny.
I've got nothing left to hide anymore.
So, Alek, you've got time, just make up your mind.
Deryn Sharp
Deryn. The name had seared itself into memory and he'd clung to the feeling that maybe – just maybe! – she didn't hate him. That maybe he still had a chance to right those past wrongs, to mend things.
But then the guilt would bludgeon him again. Memories of his last words flashed in his mind, flooding him with acidic shame, and he would dismiss his hopes as ethereal dreams.
He severed that bond long ago and enough time had passed for any wound to fester and rot. Seeing the way she looks at him now, like a stranger only reaffirms that belief.
But now he is here in London, and so is she. Once, long ago, he might've called it providence. Now he recognises it for what it is.
An opportunity, to finally see the aftermath of his idiocy. To finally undertake the rest of that old, old burden.
She's been waiting so long; she almost forgets what it's like for that agonizing anticipation to finally end. She knows he'll find her tonight, could see it in the way his swirling gaze had held her own amidst the mayhem of his parade that afternoon.
As she smooths out her trousers and tries – in vain – to still her trembling hands, she thinks back to that letter, messily scrawled with tear-smudges to boot, and wonders if he ever realised how true those last words were.
There is a gentle knock.
She is standing on the threshold before she even registers the shuffle of her own feet.
Deep breath.
The door swings open.
For a moment she simply stares, eyes frantically drinking in every possible detail – that same deep auburn hair, the brilliant gleaming emeralds for eyes – as if he'll vanish again in the next moment.
The burning hot tears fall quickly and her heart feels like it's choking, but she can only smile – beaming, joyful – as four years of unrequited emotion burst forth.
He doesn't know what to expect when the door opens. Swearing at the least and likely some punching to plug any gaps of silence.
Instead, they both stand there speechless. He sees her dusky golden hair, her inky blue eyes, the way her face looks delicate and powerful at the same time and realises that she hasn't changed all that much since he last saw her.
He's the one that's changed, to realise what she truly is.
Beautiful.
He snaps out of these thoughts in time to see the first tear slip down smooth skin and fall to earth.
And then she's grinning – brilliantly – at him, even as the river of emotion continues to flow and she slumps against the doorway. He catches her, trying to ignore the way heat dances between their skin, and lowers her to the ground.
Still locked in that awkward embrace, he barely hears the whisper in the night air.
"You finally came back, you bum-rag."
And suddenly the truth becomes all too clear, and his sins a thousand times worse.
"How long...?"
Have you waited, he wants to ask but his heart clenches and his lungs shudder.
She only tugs him closer, burying her warm, tear-stained cheeks into his shoulder. Her smooth lips send jolts crackling across his skin as she speaks.
"Forever."
He gets his answer. It's been four years since that day. Four years since he found the letter. Four years of missed love and four years of heartache and uncertainty. All for him.
All because of him.
He falls into her embrace, weeping with grief and guilt and joy alike, his calloused fingers threading through silken strands of gold. And amidst the intricate tangle of clutching limbs and silent tears, he gently presses his lips to her brow.
I'll always be here.
Still smiling, she kisses him back, passionate and tender all at once.
I know.
So yeah...I don't know how I got to where I did or what that even was but hope you enjoyed it!
No matter, feedback and critique is hugely welcome in any case xD
Until next time!