On Love

Disclaimer: yawn dun own ok?

Chapter 1

Naruto is doing some serious thinking.

At the ramen stand.

Alright, now we've established the setting, let's get on with the story.

Right…where were we? Oh yeah, the ramen stand. It is THE place for serious thinking. And Naruto is doing just that. He can't do it anywhere else. He needs to do it at the ramen stand. I know what you're all thinking. What the fuck? Let me explain. You see, Naruto is an unconventional boy. He hates being a stereotypical, angsty fuck-arse. Since the author shares the same sentiments (although the author does admit to reading tonnes of angsty slash sasunaru fanfictions and enjoyed them immensely), Naruto will do his angsting at the ramen stand. Yes, the author is a bloody hypocrite.

OK, I haven't explained why he does that. The author apologises for being a procrastinator. You see, a lot of characters do their angsting near a peaceful lake or by the beach with its hypnotic roaring or somewhere…..well…..basically natural and peaceful. So to cut the long story short, Naruto has decided to do it amidst the wafting scent of ramen…purely to be unstereotypical.

Anyway, this IS a sasunaru fan fiction. So I better get on with it.

And so, my dear readers, let us delve into the complex (not) mind of our main character, namely Naruto. Forgive the author's unsuccessful attempts at being the next Jane Austen. What is he thinking about? We all know about Naruto since we've probably read the manga thousands of times looking for slashy hints of a blossoming forbidden love between Naruto and Sasuke.and searched the net a million times for yaoi doujinshis. He is an obnoxiously loud boy. He likes to play pranks on people and basically just being the naughty lil uke that screams for Sasuke to punish him. So why the hell is he angsting? No, the question should be WHY THE HELL IS HE EVEN THINKING?

Yes, miracles above all miracles. Naruto thinks. At the ramen stand. I think I've stressed the point enough and so I will go forth with the story.

Naruto is thinking about the thing he has never had and has always wanted. What is this strange substance, you're probably thinking? There are many that fit the criteria – Game Boy Advanced, Eminem, Chanel no. 5, lots of slashy goodness between two hot gay guys, new Calvin Klein jeans, Brad Pitt, punching bag…Oops, the author has accidentally wandered off to read her Christmas wishlist. OK, allow me a few seconds to search around for Naruto's crave list. Ahuh! Got it! Let me see...new orange jumpsuits, Hokage title, anal sex, ten year's supply of ramen, new and improved version of Sexy no Jutsu, Sasuke, see Kakashi-sensei's face…Wait…did the author just spy the two magical words that summarise this whole fanfiction – anal sex and Sasuke? That's right, readers. Naruto wants Sasuke and anal sex.

BUT that is not what Naruto is thinking about. No. He is thinking about the deeper meaning of life…and finally came to the conclusion that it is NOT 42...but love.

Yes. Naruto thinks life is all about love. It is what he craves most and something he possibly can never have. Dear readers, please forgive the author for not handing over anal sex, Sasuke and Naruto on a silver platter. Since Naruto is ANGSTING, these wonderful things will have to be left off until later. We have to work our way towards it.

Alright. Now, our darling lil uke is angsting about the fact that he has never had love, never been loved and he desperately wants to be loved. Hence, he has decided that he will GET love. But how? To be able to get something, you must first understand it. To understand something, you must know what it is first.

So Naruto does the only possible logical thing his little mind can think of – ask around. Forgive the author for not being witty enough to come up with a funnier expression.

Well, I must say, it's getting quite late and I do need my sleep so I shall leave the Naruto angsting episode for later.

snooze

Now, we were at the part where Sasuke is shoving his cock into Naruto's tight, virgin arse, correct? No? Damn…the author must wake up immediately.

OK, to recap. Naruto is angsting about how no one loves him and so he asks around. Yes, that's right. Enough useless crap. Let's get on with the story.

"Your miso ramen is ready," a voice cuts through Naruto's first-ever thick, heavy, solidified, concrete train of thoughts. Naruto looks up to see the old ramen dude. Naruto thought that he looked quite nice and wise…since he is old and shit…and in Naruto's simple mind, all old people are wise on such sentimental, trivial matter such as love.

Naruto stares at his miso ramen.

"Mister," Naruto hesitated.

The old man turns around and sighs, looking at Naruto expectantly. "Don't tell me it's another cockroach…"

"No, sir…I……….."

"What is it, Naruto? Spit it out. I do not have all day," the old man said impatiently.

"What is love?"

The old man's hard, wrinkled face softens and he stares dreamily at the boiling water.

"It is…like…this thing…I feel…"

"Yeah?" Naruto gestures him to continue.

"Whenever Kakaship-sama takes off his mask…" the old man giggles.

"Is that all?" Naruto is disappointed. Love cannot be this simple. Otherwise, he would have figured out what it is by now.

"No. Love is when I imagine myself sucking off Kakashi-sama and then bending over the ramen bench to let him finger-fuck me…" the old man moans.

Naruto is disgusted. No, that is an understatement. Naruto is beyond disgusted and begins bashing his head on the table, but succeeds only in spilling miso ramen all over his face. Damn him and his overactive, overly vivid imagination.

"I'm leaving," Naruto wipes the ramen off his face with his orange sleeves and stalks off in a very-pissed-Sasuke-style. You know what they say about fuckbuddies looking alike after a few fucks. What? Yeah, good point. They're not together. Should have remembered that.

Anyway, Naruto stalks off. He begins processing the information he's got from the old ramen dude. So…having Kakashi-sensei bending him over and sticking his finger up his pooing hole is…love. That is absolutely wrong. Naruto is beginning to appreciate the feeling of being unloved.

Oblivious to the stares and giggles aimed in his direction from random passerbys, Naruto stalks on. Images begin to trickle into his overworked brain.

Wrinkled face contorted in pleasure as flabby, crinkly arse cheeks are spread apart by long, pale fingers. Short stubby legs begin to spread further as the fingers enter…..

Naruto screams and bashes his head against the dirty ground. People around him begin moving away.

Arms pull him off the ground and begins slapping his face. "Snap out of it," a calm monotone.

Naruto opens his eyes and blinks.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

It's Kakashi-sensei.

Wrinkled face contorted in pleasure as flabby, crinkly arse cheeks are spread apart by long, pale fingers. Short stubby legs begin to spread further as the fingers enter…..

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto shrieks and starts bashing his head into the ground again.

Kakashi begins slapping him again and finally, after a while (more like six hours later) Naruto has finally calmed down and pushed the nasty image into the back of his mind.

"Naruto."

"Look, Kakashi-sensei, I'm sorry for thinking those things. OMG, it's seriously disgusting and it's all that old dude's fault…I'm so overly disgusted. No beyond that. Horrified to the point of…"

Kakashi cuts Naruto off again.

"Naruto, you have ramen across your eyebrows."