I know I haven't finished my other stories but I have too many ideas floating around in my head which I love to share with you all.
I hope you enjoy reading.

Some may say the main role of a woman is to give birth and be a mother but what do you do when that decision is taken away from you? Being with Jonny has opened my eyes in so many ways. I can love. I can feel and most of all I saw a future where I could be a wife and a mother. But that choice is no longer in my hands, torn from within me with a gut wrenching diagnosis.

I never realized the ache, the need for children. I turned my nose up at the women who carelessly got pregnant while in the work place and then left to go on maternity leave. My job has always been my first priority but I am beginning to see an alternative where my job shouldn't come first. I am content where I am now, Consultant Cardiothoracic surgeon. I am happy on the ward with the people around me but I want more. Not a higher position but a family. A child to call my own, my flesh and blood. A house with a dog and picket fences, and a husband standing at the doorway holding our child. I want it but can I have it all.

I thought all was over with the endometriosis, I lost Jonny and any chance of a family but maybe I have been given a chance, a chance to make everything right for once. I had to go back to the gynaecologist for some reason and I wasn't completely happy about it. I sat there not really listening, not really caring for what he was saying but one word caught my ears. Pregnant. My urine sample that I provided under my actual name was positive. They couldn't believe it, my chances of conceiving were nil but here they were telling me that I was going to be a mother. He went on and on but I wasn't listening, that one word just kept going around in my head.

And at present I am sitting on the same plastic chair under the stars where Jonny had asked me to move in with him. I'm pregnant but the father wants nothing more to do with me. Why couldn't I have told the truth? Instead of letting it get this far where we hardly communicate. He can't even bear to look at me. It's cold out here but I refuse to move, the coffee will warm me up. Pregnant. How? The last time me and Jonny slept together, the once and only time since I came back from Japan. It's something I suppose; the first time that I have ever made love to someone the product is a baby. Maybe that's what my body has been waiting for. Someone that I share my heart and soul with.

Sitting here in the peace, I can reflect on my past but also look forward to my future. But I must do something first and that is to talk to Jonny, properly and about everything. I may have kept quiet about my endometriosis but I just cannot keep quiet about this, being pregnant. I just have no idea how or when I should. But I also have no idea how he will react, I just have to wait and see. I rise from the tiny chair back up to Darwin to finish my shift. The sooner that I tell Jonny, the better.

Please review and let me know your thoughts. I love people's Twitter talks and how we all come together for our love of Holby and Janny.
Until next time...