So, author notes before we start. Yes, this is a crackfic. Yes, this is a Sodia-centric fic. Yes, this fic is very angsty (or at least, as angsty as my mind can take). No, this fic is not totally a SodiaxFlynn fic. In fact, if anything, this fic is here to try to explain the reasons why Sodia might have tried to stab Yuri in terms that any normal person could possibly understand (aka- expanding on Sodia's character since Namdai refuses to give us her backstory.) Of course, this is where the crack part comes in. And because I have no idea how to write a humorous crackfic, you get a serious crackfic instead. Or a crackfic attempting to be serious. And because I'm unable to understand Japanese, you get this fic based off the 360 version of the game. And if you want to be really nit-picky about it, yes, this fic is non-canon compliant while trying to be canon-compliant at the same time. I think.
Also, I do not own Tales of Vesperia although it'd be freaking awesome cool to do so.
Anyways, thanks to Daidairo for being my ToV reference since it's been like a year since I've played through the entire game and for pointing out my grammatical mistakes.
Father
When Sodia was five, her mother brought her out of the tall brick walls of the Noble Quarter for a celebration. She wasn't quite sure what it was- maybe it was in commemoration of the building of the empire, or a celebration of the day that the Empire crushed all its other neighbours and became the sole country left on Terca Lumereis- but whatever it was, it was loud and noisy and something that five-year-old Sodia wasn't quite used to, since she rarely left her house, let alone the Noble Quarter at all. She would only recall the bright sparklers and fireworks that lit the night sky, the scent of freshly-grilled food set up in the stands, the happy and joyous people as they danced through the streets.
But what Sodia recalled the most of all, that night, was when her mother knelt down and pulled her into a corner. And with a smile that looked both sad and angry at the same time- something which smiles weren't meant to be, Sodia thought- she pointed off in a distance towards the crowd, where the soldiers were passing by on their horses and said, "That's your father."
She stared at the man that had just entered her field of vision, his figure blurred by the harsh lights cast from the fireworks and the constant movement of the people. For a five-year old child, it was hard to see above the crowd, but he was there, standing high on a raised platform. And in a moment which seemed to last for eternity, their eyes met.
When Sodia's mother brought her home that night, back within the safe comforting walls of the Noble Quarter and their mansion, she babbled on and on about things and matters that went over Sodia's head, things like Emperors that weren't there and blastias and monsters. Sodia didn't really mind. After all, in a brief moment, she had met her father that night. For a fatherless child, that was something big, wasn't it? She was unable to sleep that night, her thoughts caught up with the brief image she glimpsed of the man she had, up till that point, only heard stories about.
Dimly, she thought, I have my father's eyes.
Her step-father was a man that was neither kind nor unkind. He tolerated Sodia, she knew that, only because she was her mother's daughter- a bastard child of an affair nobody spoke of. She bore his name, lived in his house, grew up with his own sons and daughters. But her looks- eye-catching as they were- were definitely not his. Yet he never once threatened to throw her out, nor treat her any less than the servants, despite everything that merited such behaviour. He never judged her for who her father was, nor did he treat her any different for who her mother was. If Sodia had to describe him, she would have said he was impassive. Someone who was there in her life- except not.
"A noble's duty is to look after their own- whether it be people, land, or wealth," he had told her. "You're your mother's daughter. Therefore, you are one of mine."
He was a good man, different from his peers. He taught her right and wrong, the basics of the law of the land and the duty of the nobility (forgotten as it was). He taught her when she was a child, yes, but he was never Sodia's father. In her mind, that was synonymous with a figure who stood head and shoulders above the crowd, a man who would regard her with a tender affection and joy every second he saw her. And in his eyes, the eyes of the man who raised her in a mansion enclosed by the brick walls and the pretty gardens and trappings of the nobility, she never saw approval or love.
Sodia knew she would never find that within his home.
Her mother was never quite there. She loved her, yes, but she always seemed obsessed with things that Sodia had no use for- fashion, and beauty and wealth. Things like that would fade and wither away with time, oppressing those that weren't gifted with it and blessing others with unneccessary fortune. They might have been close when she was a child, when her mother still kept that affair under wraps- but after everything was exposed, when it was revealed that Sodia was not her step-father's daughter- then she seemed to blame her husband's coldness towards her on the girl.
To her, Sodia was a symbol of a mistake she couldn't quite get rid of. A regret that she could never quite wipe away. Not that she told her that, actively- after all, Sodia was still her daughter, the daughter she had loved and cherished for years. She would laugh and tell Sodia stories of heroes of old and new, of her father; but ever-so-often, she would give her one of those sad, angry smiles that twisted her immaculate features into a frosty visage, and Sodia knew that despite her love, her mother would never think of her with pride or happiness. Everytime she looked at Sodia, everytime she glanced deep into those eyes, she would always be reminded of him, and of the consequences of her folly.
It was the whispered rumors of her father that pushed Sodia to excel in her studies- slackers weren't accepted in the knights, after all. Every now and then, when her step-father wasn't in the room or the servants didn't notice her by a window, they would talk about his deeds, his accomplishments. He was a great man, they said, someone who held order in one hand and peace in the other. He was trying to change the world for the better. And Sodia, so young at the time but with nowhere else to go in the cooped up mansion, whose step-siblings had already grown up and left to join the knights, wanted nothing more than to be at his side. She wanted to be his daughter, the daughter of a great man who would look upon her with pride, who would lavish her with the affection that she longed for.
Soon after, when she was of age, Sodia left to join the knights, seeking to escape a home that was warm but not. She wasn't angry at her mother, or her step-father, but she wanted to do something rather than sit in that mansion, watching over the twenty or so servants that worked for her step-father before being forced to join the family business of selling pots. She had heard stories of how injustice was rife through the land, how monsters and bandits and the guilds seemed to be closing in every day on the helpless and the weak. And Sodia wanted to change that- she wanted to be a daughter her father- her real father- would be proud of. It was the best decision she ever made in her life, and quite possibly the worst.
She heard more about her father when she entered the knights. Actually, she would have been more surprised if she didn't. Practically everyone and everything had heard of him- how could they not? He was everywhere, on everyone's lips and in everyone's thoughts. Compared to the hushed whispers of her step-father's mansion, the conversations she overheard revealed more information on her father than the man probably knew about himself.
He was ruthless to his enemies, yet kind to his countrymen, and had taken a stance to progress the Empire in the best way that it would benefit them all. He was the light of everyone's eyes, Sodia thought. He was the reason why people could believe in the Empire, in the knights. A far cry from her step-father, safely enclosed within the tall brick walls of his mansion, a man who would rather quote the law rather than wield it to protect those in his charge.
And yet, despite his overwhelming presence, Sodia never once managed to confront her elusive father. Perhaps, despite her courage at using the sword and the confidence she bore during her exams, she was terrified of finding out what he would say if he really knew that this was the daughter that he had sired so long ago. Would he think of her as a nuisance, an error from a day that should never have happened? Despite his reputation for magnanimousity, she wasn't quite so sure what he would do if he was confronted with the fact of her existence. So she survived off his occasional visits to the training grounds, longing for him to look at her when he spoke. He never did.
Except for one time, during an early morning assembly at the crack of dawn, when she saw a hint of dim, red eyes staring at her direction for but a moment. Her breath caught in her throat, and just ever-so-briefly, she wondered whether he recognized her.
There was a second of silence as they stared at each other, barely noticed by the rest of the sleepy trainees, but a second that seemed to stretch on for eternity. Even though they were well across ten feet away, Sodia could feel the intensity of his stare, the hard gaze that seemed to make her feel small and little in the light of his presence. She could feel the aura of command that he held as he breathed, the strength of his will and the weight of his sword. She was thankful for the distance, she would later be ashamed to admit. She found herself wondering what he had been through to put such an intense light in his eyes that seemed dark and unfathomable and bright at the same time. She wondered if he really did recognize her, and if he did, what he would do. She doubted that he would suddenly leap out and embrace her, declaring her to be his daughter to the whole world.
And then, that second was over before she could protest, and his eyes swept off towards yet another sleeping trainee.
Even as he suggested that the boy next to Yuri Lowell wake him up from his incredulous upright-standing-nap, Sodia felt a lump rise up in her throat, even if she didn't quite know why. But she stomped down her daydream as viciously as she could. He wouldn't recognize her. As far as she knew, her mother never even told him that she existed. And maybe, just maybe, it was better that way.
After all, part of her was scared to know the man. To see beyond his tough facade, to see him different from the way everyone else saw him. And yet, part of her wanted nothing more than to do just that.
There was one day when she met her father face-to-face, when she stood in front of him: the day of her graduation from trainee to knight, when she would be assigned to a squad and a position. It was already an amazing day- Sodia hadn't quite realized that she had lasted through the entire training school until the day of the graduation itself- but what made that day even more special for her was the fact that she would be standing right in front of her father. While her fellow trainees clapped her on the back and told her it was natural for her to be nervous in his presence, she doubted that they understood the true depth of her fear.
What would he say when he sees me? she wondered. Will I break down in tears? Will I be terrified to speak? Will he laugh or be gentle or be strict and fierce? Would he look at me like I was the scum of the earth? But more importantly: Would he know?
The answer, she realized as he stood before her, a weary smile on his face as he handed her the certificate she had worked so hard for, rattling off her name and position like it was nothing to him, his eyes distant and not looking at her, but rather at a blonde trainee a few feet away, was a resounding no.
Later, when the rest of the trainees were off gallivanting through the taverns and pubs and celebrating their graduation, Sodia slipped off to the mansion she had not visited since she had joined the knights. She gave her step-father and her mother as warm a greeting that she could manage, thanking them for their monetary support and the funds that they had supplied her during the grueling years of learning how to wield a sword and shield and blastia. They talked during dinner- not the loud banter that Sodia had grown used to, but the tight, refined way that nobility handled themselves- and spoke about Sodia's distant future. It was supposed to be comforting, supportive, relieving.
To Sodia, it felt all too false.
And later that night, she locked herself up in her room, and lay in bed, thoughts running through her head and her mind confused by the various emotions that were swamping her thoughts.
She had stood in front of her father that day. She had become a knight. She had excelled in her dream to finally be able to protect the weak and the innocent. And he never once noticed her.
Two years later, she met him: the blond knight that her father had been so interested in during her graduation day. She wasn't sure what to expect, honestly. He was a commoner boy who rose through the ranks of the elitist knights, or so they said, and played a part in stopping some disaster at some far-off corner of the empire, and she would be re-assigned to a squad under his command within the capital. There were many good things she had heard about him, but to her, he was just some upstart who was a little bit too lucky. She wouldn't admit it, but a part of her saw him as a rival- after all, he was the one who had the eyes of her father watching him.
She thought she would hate Flynn Scifo. She was quite wrong.
The day she met Flynn was the day she found her whole life suddenly filled with a new burst of colour. He was everything she imagined her father to be in his youth- charming, if a bit idealistic, who held the people's interest at heart. He was youthful and inexperienced, and he was a whole lot of contradictions that Sodia wasn't even used to dealing with. Clumsy, but graceful; strict but kind. He dealt with threats with a level-head, and yet there was a part of him that seemed less restricted than the nobles she was used to- a part of his lower-class upbringing, perhaps? But what caught her interest was his smile. He smiled with the enthusiasm of someone whose ideals hadn't been shattered, a smile that made Sodia's heart flutter ever so slightly when she found herself staring into his deep, blue eyes.
It was a smile that she had never seen on her father's face during the rare times she had glimpsed at him. Despite his reputation, his dreams, there was a hint of sadness and anger to them that reminded Sodia a bit too much of her mother- a smile that was there, hiding some deeper issue which the rest of the world never saw. It was a broken smile, Sodia realized, and she had no idea how to help a father who didn't even know she existed. Would he even want her help? Even though she would deny it with all her might, she doubted it. What use was she to her father- a mere knight who was no more special than the rest of them, a knight incapable of handling the burden he bore?
But Flynn...
She wasn't sure when, but she swore that, as long as she was capable to aid him, she would never let that innocent smile break.
Sodia never liked Yuri Lowell. Flynn may have said that he was a friend, and that he wasn't a criminal, but there was something about him that put Sodia on edge. Maybe it was the arrogant smirk he had, or the calm, almost-dismissive way he seemed to talk to Flynn. Or maybe it was because Sodia remembered the way that her father would keep an eye out for Lowell back when he was training in the knights, protecting him from the better part of the noble elitism that was rampant in the ranks, watching him with a faint smile of dry humor, actually remembering his name. Though she would never mention it to Flynn, or herself.
She was absolutely not jealous of Yuri Lowell.
"You know," Flynn had remarked to her once, almost off-handedly, when Yuri had ran off with the rest of his rag-tag crew (including Princess Estellise, which made Sodia even more infuriated by him) in pursuit of Barbos, "You and Yuri are a lot alike."
The way he said it was full of praise, and it was obvious that he held Lowell in high regard. What he said could almost be construed as a compliment. Despite- or in spite- of his constant disregard for the laws; laws which helped governed the country, which gave hope to the people (laws which her father upheld, which she longed to uphold); Flynn thought that Lowell was an ally first and foremost. No, better than that- a friend. The warmth in his voice was bursting when it came to Yuri Lowell, almost so much so that Sodia felt a little part of her shrivel up and cry somewhere deep under her plate mail armor.
Sodia was stunned at first. True, she was stubborn and impulsive at times. True, she wanted nothing more than justice for those who had broken the law and hurt other people. But she was not Yuri Lowell- not the smirking, sarcastic fellow who somehow managed to get everyone's attention despite the fact that he never once tried for it. But more importantly, she was not a criminal, a blight on society, who would do as he pleased for the sake of some law-breaking version of 'justice'.
"Impossible," she had responded curtly, before walking away.
What made her worry, though, was that it didn't seem half as impossible as she had made it out to be.
She did not expect to meet her father in Dahngrest, of all places. The knights were notorious for their hatred of the guilds, but yet, here he was- willing to sign a truce between two opposing factions in order to bring peace to the land. It made her heart swell with pride, and yet it made the fact that he never once acknowledged her presence hurt all the more. He was this great leader, this hero to all. She even heard some guild members speak highly of him. Was he ashamed of her, she wondered? Was that why he never made any sign of recognition towards her?
And then, he called her to a meeting. Well, to be more precise, he called Flynn Scifo to a meeting, but as his second-in-command, she would be there as well. It was possibly only the third time she had met her father face-to-face. And everything in her wanted to blurt out the truth, that she was his daughter, but it was getting easier and easier for her to suppress that urge. Her father, this great man, was someone she would always look up to. But she was just Sodia, the person who wasn't quite different from Yuri Lowell, but not similar enough to warrant anyone's attention, be it Flynn or her father.
And then came the announcement- Flynn was getting his own brigade, for his daring actions and valor in the pursuit of greater peace for the world. The stunned look of shock on the blond knight's face was enough to make Sodia smile a little. He looked so surprised by the fact that he was now one step closer to his goal- to change the empire from within- so unassuming and completely astounded, that Sodia had to elbow him in order to snap him back to the present.
"Well done," her father said, a smile on his face but a mirthless light in his eyes. "I suggest you start picking out your knights now. A brigade is a lot larger than a squad, you know."
"O-of course!" Flynn saluted, then bowed low. "Thank you, Commandant."
He waved his hand dismissively, as if it were nothing. As if Flynn- common-born Flynn, who rose through the ranks on his idealistic thoughts- was always meant to be in a position of power. As if her father wanted him by his side, and by extension, her as well.
She turned to leave, following Flynn- only to be stopped by his voice.
"Sodia, isn't it?" It was the first time he had ever called her name. The first time he had actually acknowledged her presence.
"Y-yes, sir?" Father.
He smiled, ever so slightly. "Keep up the good work. It must be hard trying to keep that one out of trouble, isn't it?"
She couldn't work up a response. It was bad enough that she could feel the heat on her cheeks and the elation that he actually talked to her swelling in her heart. There were a million and one things she wanted to say, but somehow, she wasn't able to open her mouth and speak. So instead, she bowed down as low as she could, trying to hide the embarrassing, silly smile that threatened to burst through her features.
"I try my best. But I'd like to think it's all worthwhile."
His smile grew. "Yes, I'd like to think so too."
Things progressed smoothly for a while. The Flynn Brigade, as it was now called, were now acting under the direct orders of the Commandant, searching out for strange gems called apatheia in the furthest reaches of the world. Moving on to Nordopolica, and then to Mantaic, they searched and scoured the land for any signs of trouble. Sodia felt slightly guilty at the fact that she hoped that they would; partly so that they could put the troublemakers behind bars where they wouldn't harm the common men, partly because a part of her longed for her father to see their work and praise them (and her) again.
And over the past few months, he had paid more and more visits to Flynn (and effectively, her), giving out instructions and praising them for their hard work. The last time he did that, Sodia felt herself almost burst with the mixture of embarrassment and pride. It was something that she had never experienced under the stern tutelage of her step-father. But of course, she tried her best not to let it show- the more she thought about it, the more it made sense that the Commandant himself would hardly want to acknowledge a bastard child from his youth. Perhaps it was a sign that she was growing up, but Sodia realized one thing: it didn't matter, really, whether her father acknowledged her as his daughter. So long as he was able to rely on her, in some way or form, she could be content with that.
She knew that Flynn felt the same. More than once, she had heard him expound on one of the Commandant's many values, about his ideals and how he wanted to change the world where everyone- noble and peasant alike- could live in harmony without any separation between the classes. In some ways, she wondered whether her father viewed Flynn as a son- someone to carry on the duty of being a knight when he retired. And he was growing old, she knew that from the weary look in his eyes and the growing number of frowns on his brow. The burden of being in charge of the safety of a country- no, the world- was a difficult one. But Flynn was one of those few who shared his ideals, and Sodia wholeheartedly believed that he would carry them with him for a long time to come. She made sure of that.
Thus, she was surprised when Flynn announced that the Commandant- her father- was a traitor.
At first she was too stunned to speak. Witcher decided to step in on her behalf, eloquently voicing their shared shock in a single word.
"What?"
"He's been using us all along to collect the apatheia," Flynn said quietly, a dangerous gleam of anger flashing in his eyes. "Do you know what he's going to do with them? He's going to use them to control Princess Estellise to open the way to some ancient weapon, which he then will use to bring the world to his knees!"
"But that's impossible, Captain!" Sodia protested, the words leaping to her mouth instinctively. Deep in her heart, she knew her father was a good man. "The Commandant would never do such a heinous thing!"
"He has now!" Flynn slammed his fist onto the table, a loud sound that terrified her so utterly that she found herself backing away from the man that, a moment ago, she would willingly follow into the depths of hell itself. "He's betraying every ideal we as the Imperial Knights stand for, practically dismissed the Council for standing up against him, and now we have reports that he somehow managed to capture Lady Estellise and is about to march on to the Imperial Capital!"
"What of the knights?" Sodia said, trying to keep the tremble of fear from her voice.
"Most of those loyal to the Commandant- to Alexei, which are quite a majority of our knights, by the way, have already defected." There was a bitterness in his voice, like he somehow blamed himself for not seeing this coming. "The others are currently leaderless and unsure of what to do."
Sodia bowed her head. She wanted to believe, so badly, that what Flynn was saying was wrong. But what could she do? She was far from her father, where she could question the truth of the allegations, and even then, even though every fiber of her being demanded that she denounce this farce of an accusation, she wasn't sure whether she could turn her back on Flynn and Witcher now. Especially Flynn, who was the one that, up till now, had been the most trustworthy man she had ever met. Possibly even more trustworthy than her father.
Sodia didn't like to have to choose between the man she had spent her whole life looking up to and the man she would protect with her life. But thinking logically, it wasn't as though she could pack up and leave and run all the way to Zaphias now.
"And us?" Witcher asked.
Flynn's eyes were deep and blue like they always were, but when Sodia looked at them, they looked so lost and full of uncertainty. Her father had been his role model, just like herself, and irrevocably, he had been toppled from the pedestal that they had looked up to since childhood. All too clearly, Sodia realized how badly she had already failed her Captain.
Flynn's smile was humorless, not quite sad and not quite angry, and his eyes were as hard as Lowell's when he spoke. "We're going to go after Alexei and arrest him on charges of treason."
The Commandant escaped, of course. And after a surprise encounter with Lowell and his rag-tag guild friends, Sodia could only watch as the criminal- Flynn's best friend- berated her Captain for failing in his duty. She wanted nothing more to speak up for him, to defend his actions (just like she had with her father) but the beaten, despairing look in Flynn's eyes gave her pause.
Well, that and the fact that she just found out everything she ever believed about her father was a lie and yes, he was betraying the entire country.
They parted ways quickly. Lowell and his friends had somehow attained a flying ship and were about to chase after the now-disgraced Commandant, while Flynn and his brigade were left to watch them leave. But the result of their confrontation, though swift, had left deep gashes in the morale and the beliefs of all the knights in the area.
What had they all been fighting for?
Sodia wondered why she never noticed- the smiles that never quite reached his eyes, the hard stare that seemed to pass over everyone like objects. The man she looked up to, the father she longed to have never existed. Or if he did, he was dead, killed by the years of having his dreams and thoughts crushed underneath the heel of the cruel ministrations of fate.
Sodia would never know her father. Sodia would never stand by his side, proving her worth to him. She was- and always had been- nothing in the eyes of a man who would use everyone and everything in his power for his own whims.
And as she watched Flynn stare off into the hot sky above the ruins of Yormgen, she wondered whether another person she cared deeply for would share the same fate, would shatter under the burdens of everything that he had tried to protect, but failed so very badly.
And then he spoke.
"Witcher, Sodia. Let's get to Nordopolica. We'll need ships if we want to pursue the Commandant."
His eyes had regained some of their vigour, and his smile- though still not quite as innocent as it once was- wasn't as twisted as she remembered.
When they departed the ruins of Yormgen, leaving behind the shattered remains of their dreams of What Could Have Been, a small flicker of hope ignited in Sodia's heart. Flynn wasn't gone- not like her father, not yet. And she would make damn sure that it would stay that way.
The rest of the journey to Zaphias passed in a flurry of desperate work and fear. There was one count of procuring ships for the journey to Zaphias, one count of trying to get the rest of the now confused and demoralized knights back to fighting form, and one count of preventing their precious capital of getting blasted into smithereens. All in all, Sodia wasn't quite sure what happened where and when, but she was glad when the weird plants stopped growing and when a sense of normalcy was somewhat restored.
It didn't give her time to rest, and didn't give her time to think. And thinking was one of the last things she wanted to do right now.
But then when she was finally alone in her room in the mansion that was now almost as foreign to her as her father, she found herself unable to sleep.
After all, they were going to stop her father tomorrow.
She chuckled weakly. When she first left this house with her dreams and her thoughts, she would never imagine about how swiftly they would all be dashed. Something within Sodia had snapped when the Commandant had admitted his treachery- and suddenly, Sodia found herself wondering what was it that she had wanted to do. To protect the weak? Or to help her father achieve his dreams?
Well, she had done exactly that, and look where it got her. She and the rest of the world.
She refused to believe that the Commandant was as evil as Lowell and his gang had painted him out to be. Surely there must be some inkling of the Commandant of the stories left within him, surely, surely, there must be a hint of her father still alive and beating in his otherwise cold heart? She had joined the knights because of her father, and she worked her whole life to gain his approval. She couldn't accept the fact that it was all for nothing; not now.
Lowell would be joining them in their pursuit of her father tomorrow. That was another thought that could not leave Sodia's mind. Even before Yormgen, everytime they ran into him, she could see the barely-contained sneer in his eyes, the way that he was slowly wearing away the Captain's last shred of faith in the law. The way that he was slowly corroding the good, upstanding nature of the man that Sodia had, at some point or other, fallen in love with.
She closed her eyes, remembering her father's deep red ones staring into her. Her father had changed, long before she ever met him. Something must have been the catalyst.
Flynn was changing, she knew. And Yuri Lowell was the catalyst of that change.
Whether the change was for the better or the worse, she could not tell.
Sometimes, things change faster than you could possibly be aware of. A single action, a split-second, and suddenly everything you believed in is turned inside out, and you're standing on the edge of a cliff, wavering between falling over and safety.
In a split second, the Commandant fired a laser at Yuri.
Flynn reacted, pushing his friend out of the way, taking the hit for him.
Sodia cried out, went to support him. And then suddenly her father was gone, rising high above the sea level towards some spiraling stone that she could scarcely make out from the ground. Yuri leapt, his team following, and suddenly, she found herself being left behind again.
The injury wasn't serious, Flynn assured her that, but even so, her thoughts, messed up before, burst into a full explosion of chaos.
What was right and what was wrong didn't matter in that split second when she thought that the man she loved had been grieviously injured because of the actions of two other men, men which he had trusted and cared for. It didn't matter when everything she wanted to believe in was crumbling around her, leaving her completely alone.
Sodia wasn't one to watch things crumble and do nothing about it.
She left Flynn to the care of the knights that had finally caught up and slipped away in the ensuing confusion. The stairs up to the pinacle of Zaude were long and winding, but the adrenaline pumping through Sodia was enough to push her body beyond its limit, as the desperation she felt gnawing in her heart became too much to bear.
She was all too aware of the dagger clutched tightly in her hand. But Sodia had had enough. She didn't want to see the people she cared about hurt any longer. Even if it meant going against the law she so desperately stood for- because what good was the law when the person who made it was nothing more but a sham?
And then she reached the top of Zaude, just in time to see the giant blastia at the top sway and topple and fall.
Onto her father. Onto Alexei.
She opened her mouth to call out to him, her hand reaching out, but the din drowned out her voice. Yet, in his final moments, Alexei turned his eyes onto her.
In that split second, his eyes bore neither recognition nor love. Only a sad, mocking smile.
And then the moment passed, and the dust covered Sodia's last glimpse of her father as a scream tore through her body.
But nobody heard her above the sound of the falling debris.
Yuri could have saved her father. He had been standing right there. He could have pulled Alexei away, brought him somewhere safe.
But he had left him there to die.
Just like he had so casually shattered Flynn's hopes and beliefs and ground them to fine dust.
If Sodia was thinking properly, she would have known that what she was doing was a crime. She would have known that she would regret this later.
But seeing him standing there, as if he had no other care in the world, the look of contentment on his face after her father had just died was too much for her to bear. He hadn't seen her, not yet. And Sodia, fueled by the grief and the anger that she had been keeping at bay for years, drew her dagger and ran at him.
He didn't see her coming. Quite frankly, neither did she.
All she saw was a tilt of his head as he turned to look at her, the sensation of her dagger sinking deep into his skin, the scent of blood mixing with the warm sea breeze. And then she saw the deadened, shocked look in his eyes as he swayed backwards, toppling away from the peak of Zaude.
All Sodia could do was watch, and as her rage cleared, only one thought rang above all:
My god. What have I done?
The vision of her father- of Alexei's- eyes, dead and shattered, flashed before her. And she realized- by trying to protect the people she loved, she had destroyed herself.
Maybe not quite.
Yuri was alive, and came waltzing back into her life a few months later, acting as if nothing had happened.
Except she knew that he knew what happened up at the peak of Zaude. The smoldering anger in his eyes whenever he looked at her was evident enough. And yet the dunce- the stupid, idiot dunce- actually had the gall to go up to her and tell her to get over it and protect Flynn to the best of her ability. It was probably the closest thing she would ever get from him to an official, signed letter of forgiveness, (despite her insistent desire for a lack of one- it made it easier for her to hate him) before he went waltzing off again to defeat that big bad thing that was stretching across the world and was about to end all human life.
But Sodia was too weary of everything that had happened to pay much attention to it apart from the fact that Yuri and his gang won, everyone was safe, and suddenly the world was actively seeking peace.
The peace that her father so badly longed for.
A year and a day after the world was saved and the saviours of humanity came back riding on a ship attached to a flying whale, Sodia decided it was time to pay a visit to her father. What she didn't expect was to see Commandant Flynn Scifo there, waiting for her.
"C-commandant!" she began, stammering, wondering whether she should salute with the flowers in her hand, or whether she should brush her hair up and actually look presentable instead of someone who hadn't been able to sleep peacefully for the past few months.
"Sodia," Flynn greeted her calmly. "Are you here to pay your respects to Comma- to Alexei?"
Sodia nodded. She walked up to the tombstone (trying to avoid the fact that Flynn was watching her very carefully now) and placed her offering on the grave. It seemed sad that a man as great as her father had been would be demoted to a simple grave in the middle of nowhere, without recognition or even an epitaph, with only his name gracing the stone.
Perhaps it was for the best, she thought. When they finally dug out Alexei's body from the ruins of Zaude, it had been broken and battered like a broken doll that a child-like god had played with for years before being thrown away like trash. She couldn't bear to see the body, but when they dragged it out, she remembered glimpsing her father's face- a wild-eyed stare, a maniacal grin. It haunted her memories, sometimes.
"I... understand that he was your father."
She glanced up in shock. "How-?"
The blond scratched his chin sheepishly. "Captain Schwann, or Raven, as he calls himself these days," he responded. "He served directly under your father for several decades, after all. I let slip that you seemed a bit subdued the past few months and he told me- as your commanding officer, I mean, not that he told anyone else-"
Sodia could only nod dumbly- if Schwann knew, chances are he probably told the entire thing to Yuri by now. "I never knew him, really."
"It must be a hard burden to bear."
"Not as hard as it is to watch him try to destroy the world for his ideals," she responded- a tad more bitterly than she would have liked.
Flynn nodded. "There was nothing wrong with the dream he wanted to achieve," he said. "He just gave up because it was easier for him to be angry at the world than to push on with his dreams."
"Aren't you afraid? What if it ever happens to you?" The questions left Sodia's mouth before she even thought about what she said. The desperation, the fear, all of it injected within those few words. And suddenly she felt as though her entire heart was laid bare on the ground before him.
Flynn chuckled then- a soft laughter that seemed to drive the dark thoughts that had haunted her mind for months.
"It won't happen to me," he assured her with a smile. "After all, I have you and Yuri to knock me into place if anything like that happens."
His smile was not the innocent one he had when they first met, nor was it the twisted one that Alexei and her mother wore. It was calm, confident, bright. It was hopeful.
Sodia felt her eyes tearing up and mentally, she scolded herself for being such a wimp. But there, finally after years of searching for a place where she was welcomed- where she could belong, she had finally found it.
"Just promise me one thing, Captain," she said as sternly as she could. "Please, make sure it never happens to me."
There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes when she said that. Then he held out his hand and said, "You have my word as the Commadant, Sodia."
And for the first time since her father- no, since Alexei- died, Sodia found herself smiling as she took his hand in hers.
Maybe, just maybe, she could finally begin to emerge from the shadow of the man that had towered so much over her life, and yet, never at all.
Although she never quite got over her guilt for her actions at Zaude until Yuri Lowell truly did go out of his way and sign an official document saying that yes, he, Yuri Lowell, did forgive Sodia for her stabbing him back in the Shrine of Zaude and leaving him to die (which he would have done if it wasn't for a certain white-haired, entelexeia riding swordsman, please don't think too harshly about it), now will she please stop stalking him and giving him those ridiculously sad eyes wherever he went?