Author's Notes: So here's what happened. I wrote that Life as We Know It AU and then someone asked me to do an AU of another cheesy romcom. I plan on doing it. But then I mentioned it on tumblr and people began sending me other romcoms that they wanted Rebelcaptain AUs of and I decided, sure, why not? My legacy can be this: turning guilty pleasure romcoms in AUs. Miss Congeniality happens to be one of my all-time favorite movies, no guilt involved. As of right now, the chapters are planned to be alternating POVs. I already have the next chapter written from Jyn's perspective.
Disclaimer: I don't own Rogue One or Miss Congeniality.
While the other men were positively ecstatic over the idea of being surrounded by beautiful women, possibly even putting themselves in the situation to "save them", Cassian Andor found himself staring down the barrel of a nightmare. Being stuck around a bunch of beauty queens did not sound like a good time to him, but then, most of his colleagues assumed that his idea of a good time was putting himself in life or death situations that involved him hanging out with bad guys and pretending to be one of them.
Why in the hell had his boss given him the lead on this assignment? Probably because he was the only guy that wasn't currently hunkered over a computer flipping through the files of female agents and making comments that were insensitive at best and cause for a sexual harassment complaint at worst.
Cassian pinched the bridge of his nose as the guys whistled and jeered. He needed to rein them in or they were all going to get in trouble and be forced into one of those seminars on sensitivity in the workplace or whatnot. Some of them needed it, but he'd never had any issues working with women. If he couldn't work with a woman, then he would've been dead, most likely because his partner would've murdered him herself.
"Oh shit, Cassian, check this one out!" one of the guys called.
He did not want to check anything out, but there was suddenly a nervous buzz in the room that propelled him forward out of curiosity. Doing his best to look completely uninterested, Cassian peered at the computer screen and got the shock of his life.
There, in a computer-generated and decidedly skimpy dress, was his partner, Jyn Erso. He'd never even seen her in a dress before, considering she either wore her uniform or the same practical clothes that did a grand job at hiding her figure. However, if this computer was right - and it had to be right, seeing as how he knew she was in shape from all the times they'd sparred together in one of the training rooms - she looked damn good in a dress. No, better than damn good.
Jyn looked mouth-wateringly attractive. It was an inexplicable revelation.
"What are you all staring at?"
Every man in that room whipped their heads around to look in the direction of the door while Cassian wisely hit the exit key on the keyboard and forced himself to slowly turn around. There was Jyn, in the flesh, but in the FBI regulated uniform. It was bland enough to make her look like any other agent, but if he paid attention, he could see the small curves under her clothes that the dress on the computer had accentuated.
Jyn's eyes narrowed at him and he jerked his gaze to the binder of files lying limply in one agent's hands.
"Well, we were attempting to find an agent that would fill the requirements of the undercover aspect of this mission," Cassian pointed out as he picked up the binder. He held it out to her, like an offering, but she ignored it.
"What about Agent Bey?" Jyn asked. "She'd be perfect."
"Still on maternity leave," one agent sighed, sounding too disappointed.
Cassian had to resist the urge to kick the man in the shin, but there was a larger problem in the room - or rather, standing right in front of him. They had gone through the files of multiple female agents, but for one reason or another, they couldn't be used. Either they were too far away, on assignment, off duty, or just didn't, well, look good enough. They needed someone and they needed someone fast.
That someone was looking directly at him, only he knew that she would absolutely hate it and him if he so much as breathed the suggestion. Special Agent Jyn Erso would not want to go undercover in a beauty pageant as one of the contestants. She'd probably prefer to be used as target practice at a circus.
Still, a forced smile somehow found its way onto Cassian's face. "We did find one agent that fit the bill perfectly."
"Oh?" Jyn snorted and took a bite of her sandwich. "Who's the unlucky sop?"
Cassian didn't even have to say anything. He just looked back at her, the room filled with men holding their breath and waiting for the explosion, and she looked at him while violently munching on her food. The silence filled in the blanks for him. The murderous expression that appeared on Jyn's face, however, had every man with half a brain scrambling out of the room. Except for him. He stayed. Because he was too stupid, too desperate, or too stubborn, he couldn't be for sure.
But he couldn't get the image of Jyn in that dress out of his mind.
"I'm not doing it," Jyn insisted. "There's no way in hell I'm going anywhere near this."
Cassian swept his hair out of his face. "Planting an undercover agent in the pageant was your idea in the first place."
"That's because I thought no one, least of all you, would be ridiculous enough to volunteer me!" Jyn huffed, an angry, sweaty mess of a woman, and glared at him with the strength of a piercing round. He only blinked back at her in response, which seemed to piss her off even more. He'd thought that exercise or a little sparring would knock the fight out of her, but she was struggling even more than before.
And he was pretty sure that she was trying to knock him unconscious.
The truth was that if he could have found another agent, he would have, but he also knew that being replaced would indirectly hurt her. Jyn's pride was as prickly as she was. He didn't think she even realized it sometimes. She was decent at undercover missions, but they'd never been her forte. It was almost always him that went undercover while she watched on the sidelines, doing her best to cover him and then rushing in when the op was over and it was time to round up the bad guys. She had a knack of busting down doors and getting scary men to stand down, despite the fact that she was so petite.
But there was no one else to take this assignment and, even worse, both of them knew it. He could tell by the way she aggressively swung at him that she knew, like she was trying to fight the fact itself. There was no win in this for her though. She'd have to accept defeat and do the job. Of course, that didn't mean she wasn't going down without a fight. No, Jyn never did anything without fighting first.
A particularly harsh kick to the chest had him sprawling backwards onto the floor. "Hey!"
"You were distracted," Jyn told him as she scrambled on top of him to pin him down. What she lacked in height she certainly made up in fierceness. He'd seen her force grown men to cry out after getting them in a chokehold. But he also knew her ways and used her anger to his advantage.
Using his strength and size, he was able to get a hold of her and flip them over so that he was the one pinning her to the mat. She frowned up at him, her bangs plastered to her face, and jerked in his grip, but he held on tight no matter how much she wiggled underneath him. A smile crossed his face. "I'm not the only one, it seems."
Snarling at him, Jyn bucked her hips up, causing him to nearly leap out of his skin, and then kneed him. The hit just barely grazed against him, but it was enough to send him careening off of her onto his side. He was still cringing in pain and trying not to groan out loud when she pulled herself up to her feet. So small and yet she towered over him now, still brimming with irritation.
"I still think this is a stupid and terrible idea," Jyn said in a breathy voice.
Slowly, Cassian dragged himself back up. She had her hands planted on her hips and was breathing heavily. Sweat dripped down from her brow and slid down the side of her face, her wild, dark hair half out of the messy bun she'd thrown it in earlier. The front of her gray tank top was covered in stains and her skin was almost glimmering. She looked like a literal hot mess.
"It's the only option we've got," Cassian pointed out flatly, "or we let innocent people die."
Jyn's lips pressed into a thin line and her nostrils flared, but the moment she looked away from him, he knew that he had her in the bag. She was the type of agent that would throw herself in the line of fire to save someone. No matter how much this mission would serve to humiliate her, she wouldn't let someone get hurt because of her own insecurities or pride, though she'd never admit to either of them.
"I don't see how it's going to work," she finally said and then waved a hand at herself. "I mean, have you seen me? Even I know a disaster when I see one."
Cassian looked at her now and bit his lip. She did kind of look like shit, but for the first time, he had to wonder why. To be honest, Jyn wasn't unattractive. In fact, if he paid attention, which he'd never done before, all the signs that she was the complete opposite of unattractive were staring him right in the face. It was like she went out of her way to appear so, hiding everything that made her a woman and then some. Part of her it was her brusque personality, which many men accused of being unladylike, but it went beyond her not caring about her looks.
Was she doing it on purpose? If she was, he didn't think she knew it herself. And why?
The image of her in that dress popped into his mind again. Yeah, he had seen her. All she had to do was put in a little effort and she would be very much physically attractive. This half-cocked plan just might work. She'd hate every second of it, of course, but it could happen. They could do this.She could do this.
But why did he get the feeling that the hard part would not be convincing her to do the mission? Why did it feel like the hard part would be convincing her that she was capable of doing it? Oh hell, he was not prepared for this at all. Navigating Jyn was one thing and he'd gotten good at it compared to everyone else, but he had a bad feeling that this job was going to take them in directions their partnership hadn't gone before.
Cassian knew the second that the beauty pageant coach blew into the room like he was walking on a cloud, there was trouble brewing. Jyn's eyes narrowed into a sharp glare, which did nothing to deter the man. His assistant and partner, a burly man with a shockingly flowing mane, strode in after him, hands in his pockets.
"Tell me, Baze, how bad is it?" the coach asked.
Baze Malbus, the man in question, inspected Jyn closely, making her scoff and fold her arms across her chest. She was wearing a ratty pair of jeans and an FBI windbreaker over a t-shirt. He didn't look away from her as he replied matter-of-factly, "Like deep shit."
"Excuse me?" Jyn demanded, unfolding her arms and looking like she was going to physically attack.
Cassian leaped forward just in time to grab her elbow and hold her back. She jerked out of his grip, shooting him a look, and then stormed off. Watching her go, he sighed, put on his most pleasant expression, and held out a hand. "You'll have to pardon her. She's, ah, very on edge about this whole thing." He shook hands with Malbus and then with the pageant coach. "Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Imwe. We couldn't do this without you."
"Clearly," Imwe responded, but he wore an amused look on his face. "It wasn't like I was doing much - I'm not exactly in high demand these days anymore - so when Baze told me the FBI was calling, well, I was intrigued."
"We needed an expert," Cassian said, trying not to look at Jyn, who was attempting to guzzle a cup of coffee and stuff a bagel in her mouth at the same time. She probably had a feeling that this was likely to be her last hurrah with food before she was forced to go on a diet. He almost flinched. He did not envy Imwe's job in having to train Jyn to be a beauty queen. "It's not every day we have to infiltrate a beauty pageant."
Imwe smiled cheekily. "I can hear you chowing down on those carbs from over here, Agent Erso!"
Since she had a mouth full, all Jyn could do was flip him off. It didn't seem to matter that Imwe was blind; he chuckled as if he knew exactly what she was doing.
"We can get you two settled in so you're ready to start tomorrow," Cassian explained.
"Oh, I don't think we have that kind of time," Imwe said. "If that's what we're working with, I need to start right away. Baze can take care of the rest."
The coach beckoned Jyn forward. She slunk over to them, like a child ready for a scolding, clutching the last half of her bagel like it was the most important thing in the world. Cassian tried to give her an encouraging look, but it only made her give him a look that suggested she would chuck that beloved bagel at his head if he so much as said a single word. He didn't blame her, especially not when he caught sight of the very high-heeled shoes that she was going to be forced to wear.