Lovino doesn't know when it started; when he fell so deep into revulsion. Many would call lovino self indulgent, they just never knew the depths of his perversion. To where it will lead and to where he currently resides. He had become so heated, so explosive, but this is normal. "I've never been good at holding in my sentiments. Maybe if I wasn't such a spoiled brat I might have learned right from wrong, but its too late for that. Damn you asshole. You should have reprimanded me more", lovino mused sadly, his lower lip quivering sadly at the thought of his caretaker. He has officially sunk into the deepest layer of hell, past delusion and denial. Which left us here: acceptance. The last place lovino wanted to be, but with 18 years of torment, of unwanted emotions, of sleepless nights and shameful dreams its time to finally give into himself. To give into him. God, how he wanted to give in to him. Lovino gave a sigh; letting his breath wonder in the steamy room until it vanished into the translucent vapor. How wonderful it would be to seemingly disappear. Floating through life sounded like a good way to go. Lovino laughed at his own stupidity. He was many things; sentimental was not one of them. Antonio was sentimental enough for the both of them much to lovino's amusement. He knew it was time to stop the melodrama and return to his permanent state of calm anger. Yeah, now that's an emotion lovino could understand. Anger. Aggressive, bitter, uncontrollable anger. This is what bothered him the most growing up, when his anger seemed to mellow and it was all thanks to the bastardization of that damn bastard! Oh how lovino wanted to hate him but the mere though brought him to a completely different state. Something new and scary. Of course as kids grow up these feeling tend to become normal as they begin to understand. In class they say males have testosterone and women have estrogen. They fall in deep passionate love and have millions of love children to drown their failed past and dying existence. Barf. To 18 year old lovino this seemed like a ridiculous story, so he continued life with his permanent scowl and bubbling suspicion that maybe he was a little weird for not understanding this concept when everyone else already seemed to be experiencing it. So he forgot about it because that's what kids do and he was awesome after all so he was perfect and everyone else was just weird.
Lovino looked around the misty bathroom from his spot in the empty tub, sitting slightly crouched forward, his muscles felt weak after the boiling bath. His cheeks along with every awkward body part were flushed rouge with small orange tints; his nose, his shoulders, his hands, knees, chest. All red, all burning. His mouth remained agape, panting so softly it was practically inaudible. He just sat and kept breathing heavily as he cooled down, his dark auburn hair sticking to his forehead and covering his eyes. Between the strands of hair lovino saw the evidence of his misdoings. Strings of white coated every inch of the tub and his hands, now slipping down the drain from the condensation of the shower water. He knew that there was no coming back now. Lovino did not expect that this would be what acceptance looked like. To become so enraged, so careless and powerless that he would succumb to his own submission in the form of simple masturbation. That the moment he left his mind go it would travel to hidden memories of a Spanish man 5 years his elder. Memories that he tucked so deep into his subconscious that seemed to explode the moment his toes curled and his head snapped back covered in sweat and tears. The first time lovino purposely came he was 17 years old and he cried. And he let it happen and he let it flow out because this was not a desperate deep cry of anguish, this was a continuous flow of fondness for his love, tenderness and yes, even acceptance. Once the tears ceased to exist, he turned the shower back on and let the flow burn his back and wash away every ounce of burdened flesh and opted to for once in his life surrender to these tender feelings bursting through every pore of his being. Soft music played in the background as he introspected.
"Don't tell me that they're all the same
Cause even the sound of his name
Carries me over their reach
Back to some golden beach
Where only we remain"
Lovino wasn't sad as he lay back on the tub and rubbed a towel through his sopping hair. He smirked because he was happy, as much as he would never admit. After so many years around this man, they have somehow learned each other in such a way that was intimate yet not disgustingly codependent. Lovino knew Antonio loved him, just as Antonio knew lovino did as well. It was never spoken, just understood. He felt his eyes lazily fall as he slipped into unconsciousness. Lovino loved the bath; it was the only place he could let himself unravel. Where all his layers shed and he can relax and occasionally let a smile seep through.
"Lovi, are you still in there?"
Lovino woke with a bang, literally. The sound of Antonio's voice was like a sonic boom to his peaceful slumbering state and the moment he raised a leg to stand, it aggressively hit the bottom faucet of the bath and scraped his knee causing a small cut that would later evolve into a very colorful, angry bruise. The cut oozed a far larger amount of blood than expected and lovino just groaned In disapproval.
"Lovino are you okay?"
Antonio having heard the commotion turned the knob looking distressed and a little amused at the scene that lay before him. A tiny barely visible pink flush adorned the Spaniards tanned features in contrast to lovino's boiling red typically olive skin.
"What the hell, get out idiot!" By now he was fuming and trying to desperately cover whatever bit of flesh he could from his intruders eyes.
The Spaniard gave out a small choked laugh that he desperately tried to keep in but just seemed to bubble out of his chest and covered his eyes.
"I'm sorry lovino I just thought you were hurt, besides its not really anything I've never seen before now is it? I'm glad to see you were just having a little siesta in there" Oh how lovino burned in shame, he knew damn well that is exactly what the cheerful idiot wanted and he would not give him the privilege of even remotely darkening in color. Instead he wrapped a clean towel over his hips and threw the wet one which previously resided in his hair at the tittering Spaniards face. Lovino smiled, that should shut him up. Antonio simply shrugged it off and kept smiling. Lovino could be so childishly mischievous sometimes.
"Well I was napping until you so rudely woke me up and made me scratch my knee."
Antonio looked down at the younger boys bleeding leg and slightly cringed.
"I'm sorry lovino. Does it hurt? Here, let me take care of you." Antonio wrapped his arm over the smaller boys waist and much to his protest and squirming dragged him over to his bed where he sat with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl across his face. Lovino is so dramatic, if only he knew how wonderfully transparent he was, Antonio thought. He had cared for this boy for years. Just how oblivious would Antonio have to be in order to not understand how he works? When caring evolved into something more complex and inexplicable Antonio welcomed the feeling. He was perplexed by it, somewhat anxious, but mostly he was glad that of all the people on this earth, it was his duty to look after and adore this difficult difficult man-child. Lovino's bitter charade were endearing to the Spaniard and an amusing tirade to his usual workload with the armada. Coming home to a demanding ungrateful child frequent to bedwetting and episodes of anger and saddening confusion? What more could he have asked for. Antonio laughed at the memory and sighed sadly. After Lovino had reached puberty he just seemed so sad all the time. So exhausted to even banter with the doting Spaniard. He worried for a couple years, but once lovino reached the age of 16 he seemed to cheer up somewhat and fall back to his usual ways and for that he would be eternally grateful. I wasn't till last year that he came home to a fuming antsy lovino. Antonio didn't know what to do. He tried comforting the boy but he would just flinch if Antonio so much as made an attempt to touch him. Antonio unlike lovino is very in control with his emotions. But the moment lovino started visibly shaking from a mysterious range of emotions Antonio exploded. He roughly grabbed the struggling teenager and pinned him forcefully to his chest, which elicited a pained moan and loud uncontrollable sobbing from the smaller boy. Antonio slid down the wall until he was sitting down, cradling the boy and whispering soothing words to his ear. Antonio just kept cooing him till he finally calmed down and let his face rest hot on Antonio's neck while nestled into his chest his. "I'm sorry." Lovino spoke out barely above a whisper. Antonio seemingly understanding just stoked his hair until lovino visibly calmed down. After a few more minutes of soothing touches and gentle cooing, lovino seemed to have started mewling under his touch, his face once again flushed and his eyes wide.
The strange behavior alarmed Antonio. "Are you okay lovino?" Lovino simply stood up knees weak and actively avoiding his gaze as he spoke. "Thank you. For everything." And promptly left. At that point Lovino knew he was so close to giving in. At that same moment Antonio realized that maybe lovino no longer looked like the innocent child of a once bright and sunny morning of the Spaniards life, but more of an achingly handsome, confusing young man. Antonio wondered when the centuries have gone by. Sometimes he thinks he might have dreamt them away. But the soft breathing of the dozing teenager in the room next door told a different story. He came to the conclusion that he would love this young man for the rest of his inexplicable existence; and if those feelings were never returned he would be fine because all the things this boy needed, all the things he didn't know he wanted, were on their way regardless of his own feelings because Antonio knew lovino loved him. Regardless of his words, lovino's mannerisms told a different story. Whether his love was platonic or romantic didn't matter to Antonio. He was just glad that the boy was his and the potential was alive and shinning. This is okay Antonio thought with a happy smile.
"Hellooo earth to idiota are you here?" lovino softly bumped the side of his head with his fist
"Ah yes! I must have dozed off for a second there. Where was I?" Antonio looked down to lovino's currently bleeding limb and made a face. "Oh, yeah." He cautiously removed the towel from his leg until it rested on his lap and everything from his thigh down was exposed.
"Heh, sorry about that lovi" he flushed slightly as he looked up and noticed lovino looking the other way, his ears red. He just knew he was scowling and he couldn't help but think about how wonderful lovino is that such small things could illicit such intense reactions. Lovino hmph'd in response and Antonio got to work with cleaning up the cut with a cotton ball and some alcohol and peroxide, to which lovino protested quite vocally. "Ah, it hurts bastard!" "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"
Antonio just kept tenderly washing the bruise as he tried to coax the man into relaxing. "This is just to clean your wound. You wouldn't like it if it got infected now would you?"
"No.." came Lovinos grumbled reply. He hated being lectured by the man but otherwise calmed down and let Antonio place a bandage on the cut.
Before Lovino could react he sneaked in a quick peck to the bandage, which caused the younger man to visibly stop breathing. Antonio expected to be thumped in the head but instead the Italian remained unmoving. Curious as to what his reaction might me Antonio placed another kiss a little higher, just above his knee. Still no reaction. So he placed another one on his thigh and he could have sworn he heard a small groan coming from lovinos throat. Feeling daring Antonio cautiously tugged lovinos leg open till he got a glimpse of creamy thigh and instead of a kiss he bent his face into the crook of his thigh and slid his hot tongue across the smooth flesh and lovino whimpered. Antonio pulled back and gingerly pulled lovinos face till it was facing him. He stared at his face, it looked almost pained. His calloused hands touched his blazing cheeks and he whimpered again. Lovinos eyes remained squeezed shut as Antonio began rubbing his blazing cheek tenderly, eliciting a soft mewling sound from lovinos tightly closed lips.
Why was lovino fighting this?
"Lovino look at me."
Lovino opened his eyes and stared up at the Spaniard, seemingly fighting himself as he experienced 10 different emotions in the span of 3 seconds, because yes. It was time this happened and lovino knew it needed to happen yet it never made anything easier. He couldn't be in control and that was frightening to him.
" I know this is strange lovino and I know it is difficult and confusing but let me take care of you. I want you to know that whatever happens, I did, I do, and I will love you. You don't have to do anything." Lovino looked at Antonio with such intense eyes that the Spaniard couldn't bring himself to look away, or move, or breathe.
Something inside the Italian broke that day, and as he inched forward his lips pressed against the Spaniards with such a force that he was sure his lip would bruise. Antonio fell into the kiss and quickly took control, not grabbing, but cradling the back of his head like he was holding something that was prized and precious. Lovino let himself relish in the sensations ruling his lower stomach as the heat travelled to every part of his body and transcended into Antonio's until they were both a heated tangle of limbs. When lovino finally parted he looked back at the Spaniard's blushing face, finally a noticeable shade of red and couldn't help but laugh at his flushed face. How the tables have beautifully turned. That's not to say lovino wasn't as red as a cherry, but at this moment, so was Antonio and that's all he needed to conceal his dignity as he smiled smugly much to Antonio's confusion.
"What?" asked Antonio, still in a hazy daze and bursting with enamor, a small lazy smile adorning his flushed features.
"You look like a tomato. And I love you. " Lovino smiled smugly and gave out a small chuckle to which Antonio smiled widely in amazement before grabbing the smaller boy in a tight embrace. He held lovino in his lap while tenderly kissing and sucking his heated neck until it was swollen and lovino was left a whimpering mess. Antonio then lay back in bed and ignoring the intense heat in his lower body snuggled a shaking lovino into his chest. Once calmed down they dozed off. When they would wake up it would be to a loving embrace, grumpy, complaining about a painful position but otherwise rosy Italian and a bright and cheerful future and Antonio could wait. Because time he had a surplus of. And this moment right now, he would never dare rush.