The Naga Conspiracy Theory
As Narrated by Zakariah Saturday
Forcibly Published by Doyle L. Blackwell
True Events
"—It's surprisingly easy to take over the Reptilian Army; but ten out of ten, don't recommend."
-Zak S.
To be fair, he'd like to clarify that, for once, this wasn't his fault. In fact, he was a surprisingly innocent party this go around. But it's not like he could prove said innocence when he was surrounded by bowing snake people. It was rather condemning evidence actually.
Being an optimist, which was becoming extremely difficult in such trying times, led to a bunch of strange situations. But this, this took the cake. Well, maybe it didn't, the lake incident was worse, he thinks. But at least then he had the chance to call back-up, here... he was stuck.
This was the last time he would trust an ancient Sumerian artifact. They were all stupid for believing a flute could solve their problems. And now? Zak was supposed to take up the mantle of creepy cryptid dictator. Man, Ulraj was going to have a fit when he heard.
And he could practically hear Doyle going on about his conspiracy theories. Maybe it wouldn't be all bad? He could end up on the history channel and get the spotlight on Ancient Aliens. He could hear it now: 'Young Boy Actually Leader of the Reptilian Army.'
Zak slapped his palm to his forehead, this was just great.
"Our Lord Kur has returned! Rejoice!" He heard Rani Naga coo as her talon tipped fingers traced a line down his jaw. Her face was shoved into his personal space and he instinctively activated his power as her tongue flicked out teasingly. He knew she was trying to get on his nerves... and it was working. As much as he wanted to lash-out, he couldn't. He maybe, sort of, kind of owed her his life? If she hadn't rushed in when she had he might not be here now. It was almost cool, the way she rushed in, by the time he had come out of his pain-induced shock Rani Nagi had him tucked in her arms tight against her scaly body and Gokul under her massive coils. In every sense of the word, she had conquered the castle.
His parents were helpless; they couldn't attack when he was held hostage, and he couldn't retaliate when more Naga rose from the shadows and surrounded them. With his parent's captured and the other secret scientist pinned by the enemy there simply wasn't enough wiggle room for him to work with.
"Your first order, master?" Wincing he turned his eyes from the carnage around him. Before him was a lanky, yellowish Naga bowed low, his head nearly brushing the ground and his tail quivering in excitement. He knew what the Naga wanted him to do, they wanted him to rip humanity apart bit by bit but he wouldn't. He couldn't.
"I, um," he stuttered, at odds with all of the eyes on him, "I want to go home. We need to, um, regroup."
Hisses rose from the wave of Naga's their eyes narrow and fangs shining; their queen protested the loudest, her body trapping him in a thick wall of scaly flesh. Her hands rough on his shoulders as she stared him down. He had to rectify the situation quickly, if he didn't, he knew that she could kill him, could kill his family.
"Hey! What are you doing, I'm king now, remember?" He started off haughtily, first things first, he had to have a tight grip on his position, had to have that control over them, "We can't be hasty about this, okay? We have to plan this out, gather troops, resources, rushing in without a plan is stupid." Zak looked Rani Nagi dead in the eyes, daring her to argue.
Reluctantly she bowed, her eyes never leaving his, "As you command, my master."
In one smooth motion she grabbed him under the arms and plunged into the murky water not a foot away. His mouth opened and he inhaled a mouthful of salty water; this was it, this is how he'd go out. The liquid crushing his lungs and his hands reaching out for the help that wouldn't come.
When he woke up it was to the sight of bones and the smell of musty air. He was back in the Naga Lair, but further underground than last time. The air was tight and it was near sweltering— Zak thought he wasn't claustrophobic but he may have to reconsider.
He was in the heart of the Naga stronghold.
Zak was captured in his own kingdom.