Shit... This is not the reaction that I expected from her... I think that I've read her the wrong way. I can feel that she's atracted to me, but she loves him. Him...
Before I can feel more pity of myself, I look up at the jet stairs, where she went, letting herself clear on which one she would choose... Sighing sadly, I decided to go and lie down, in my tent. There's nothing I could do now... She already made her decision...
- - - - - - - - - -
Jean
Oh, my God... What did I do ? I can't believe that... thi...s happened... Forgive me Scott, please... I don't know what's wrong with Logan... or me, for that matter. He kissed me and I kissed him...
I don't know what I was thinking... Thank God, I could stop it or we... No, I cant think about this... I have to finish fixing the jet so we can, finally, rescue Scott and the Professor and stop Striker...
I have to concentrate on what I'm doing right now, but it's hard... there is so many things happening... the attack on the school, the capture of Scott and the Professor, Magneto helping us, Logan kissing me...
Sighing deeply, I stop what I'm doing and close my eyes. His lips coming down on mine, sweetly... I feel the tears fill my eyes when I put my hand on my lips... what have I done?
I really love Scott and I can't do this to him... I can't cheat on him with another man... Even if I feel atraction towards Logan, I can't do this... Scott is everything to me, he's my life...
Feeling the tears falling on my face, I know what I have to do... I feel for breaking Logan's heart, but... there is no other way... I can't and I won't throw away everything I have with Scott for an adventure with another man...
Drying my tears of my face quickly, I throw on the floor the dirty cloth that was on my hands and getting up, I leave the jet... I know what I have to do, before it's too late...
- - - - - - - - - -
Jean got down the stairs of the jet again, determined to talk to Logan... She knew that he was in his tent, awake... she walked on the camp that they have built... Ororo was in her tent and saw Jean walking, so she put her head outside it and called:
" Jean, could you please come in here ? I need to speak with you... "
Jean looked at her friend.
" Can it wait ? " Jean said. " I'm going to talk to Logan... "
Ororo looked at her and from her expression, it wouldn't be a good idea to let her talk to him right now.
" No, it can't... " said Ororo. " It's about tomorrow... "
Jean sighed and walked to Ororo's tent.
" What's wrong ? " asked Ororo, when Jean walked in and sat down.
" Nothing... " lied Jean. " What do you need ? "
" Jean... " said Ororo. " I can imagine what happened... Logan seemed sad when he was walking towards his tent... and you are sad too... "
Jean looked away.
" You can tell me... " said Ororo, putting her hand over Jean's, waiting to know what the hell happened.
" Logan kissed me... " Jean said softly, but Ororo didn't hear her.
" What ? " asked Ororo again.
" Logan kissed me... " said Jean, her eyes filling with unshed tears. " And I kissed him back... "
Ororo looked at her surprised. She want to say something, but didn't know what to say.
" I know that I shoudn't have done that... " continued Jean, looking down at her hands. " I was going to talking to him about it, when you called me... "
Ororo passed her hand on Jean's arm, up and down. She understood Jean's dilemma, but... did she have the courage to choose Logan ? She can't do it with Scott...
Ororo was projecting and Jean read her mind, without meaning to.
" No... I won't do it with Scott... I already told you, before, that I won't... " Jean said, looking determined, to her friend. " I'm not throwing away the relationship that I have with Scott just because I'm attracted to another man... "
Ororo breathed out, relieved. Even if Jean thought she alredy told her this, she didn't. Ororo didn't want to see two of her friends hurt because of this.
" Well, getting back to the subject... do you trust Magneto and Mistique ? " asked Ororo, after a few seconds.
" We have to... " said Jean, looking away again. " We have to rescue Scott and the Professor... "
" And stop Striker... " completed Ororo.
Jean noded. Turning back to Ororo, she asked:
" Can I sleep with you ? I don't want to be alone tonight... "
" Of course... " said Ororo, smiling.
" I'm going to catch my things... " Jean said, getting up.
It would be a narrow space, but the two of them would be warmed.
----------
Logan took a deep breath. He was turning around for fiftenn minutes, trying to sleep and be prepared for tomorrow, but he couldn't. He thought about Jean again. He just wanted things to be different between them. Maybe in other time, he could had have the chance...
Of nothing, he heard a noise outside his tent and sat quickly. He saw the shadow outside and thought that maybe he was dreaming... Jean was opening his tent and seconds after, she was entering in it. They looked at each other, but he couldn't put a finger on what she wanted.
" Jean..." he tried to say, but she put a hand on his mouth, stopping him from going any further and sudenlly, kissed him. Logan closed his eyes and put his arms on her waist while she put her hand on his face and with the other, pushed him to the ground. This is heaven... he thought.
They staid like this for a few seconds. His hands pushed her cottom shirt up, almost touching her breasts, when he found something. Scars... three lines, paraleles with each other... it was from his claws...
Logan broke the kiss and looked at her. He should know better. The smell were different.
Mistíque... he thought...
"No one gives a scar like you... " she said on his ear. She looked at him. Logan didn't know what to do and Místique didn't loose any time, she acted right away, transforming herself from Jean to Ororo. Logan liked Ororo a lot, but he still didn't like Místique... His face was a stone. Místique changed again, now to Rogue.
Rogue ? thought Logan. She's a kid... why I want someone like her ?
Místique was enjoying herself. She resolved to change to Jean again, because it was the woman he wanted most. Logan was determined to stop this and pushed her away from him.
" What do you want ? " asked Místíque, changing to Striker form.
" Out..." Logan said to her.
Mistíque changed her form again, now it was her own form, and looked at him. She didn't want trouble, she already knew what he was capable to do, so she got up and went out. Logan breath deep again, trying to put his thoughts on right away again. They need to stop Stryker. They have too...
----------
Jean took her things and went back to Ororo's tent. Ororo wasn't there, but Jean knew she wouldn't be long. Opening her sleeping bag besides Ororo's, she sat on it and took her jaquet away. The night was good, neither too hot nor too cold. Taking her boots away, she sighed and looked to her watch. It was almost midnight...
Not knowing what to do, Jean laid on top of her sleeping bag, on her back. Putting her hands over her stomach, she thought about Scott.
Ah, Scott... what are they doing with you ?
Thoughts of torture entered her mind... Jean tried to make them go away, but wasn't too successful... Shighing, she tried to think about others things, but this too wasn't good, because she thought about Logan... Scott and Logan, again and again...
From outside, she heard a noise and sat abruptually, to see what it was. A man entered the tent and Jean raised an eyebrow...
" Jean ? " Scott asked.
" You don't fool me, Mistíque..." Jean said.
" Mistíque ? " asked Scott. " Come on Jean, it's me..."
Jean was starting to get angry. Who this woman thought she was, to play with her sentiments like that ?
" Get out... " said Jean, trying to remain calm.
Mistíque looked at her. She could see that Jean was much more stronger than she was, on their last meeting, on Liberty Island. Trying to go the other way, Mistíque changed her form, now to Logan's.
" Jean..." he said.
" I mean it, Mistíque..." Jean said, serious, but her eyes filled with tears. " I won't let you play with my feelings, like you did to Logan... now, if don't want to start a fight, leave..."
How she... ? thought Mistíque. Seeing that Jean wasn't kidding and she resolved to stop right away. There were more important things now. Magneto had to know about this...
Jean laid again, when Mistíque got out of the ten. She didn't want to cry, but the tears were already falling... She missed Scott and his hugges, his kiss... why it was so hard for them to be on peace ?
----------
Ororo came back after a few minutes and found Jean crying softly. She wanted to go to her friend, but decided against it... She knew that Jean needed to put her feelings out or they would consume her. Ororo would speak to her later, but now wasn't the right moment. Turning to her sleeping bag, Ororo laid on it, without saying a word...
----------
Logan
I tried to sleep after Mistíque little visist, but I just couldn't... Giving up the chance of getting any sleep, I decided to get up... now I'm standing in a roc, near some trees... I'm nursing a cigar. Smoking makes me calm... I don't have problems with adiction, so... why not ? My body learned to cure everything... well, in most of cases... everything, but a broken heart...
----------
Jean
I was awake all night after Mistíque visit... I tried to sleep, but I didn't have any lucky. Sighing, I decided to get up and walk a little... Ororo is still sleeping, so I dressed up and without making noises, left the tent... I need to clear my mind. before talking with Logan...
----------
When Jean left Ororo's tent, it was almost morning... Looking around, she saw that Logan was up, sitting on the ground and reclining against a tree, his legs folded and his arms on top of his knees. A cigar was on his mouth... It's not even six in the morning and he is smoking already... she thought.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she went to talk to him... It woudn't help to postpone this conversation any longer...
----------
Logan looked up while she approached and looked away again.
" If you know what's good for you, red... " Logan started.
Jean raised an eyebrow.
" You don't want to come near me, right now..." Logan explained.
Jean could feel that he wasn't in a good mood. She respct his wish and kept a distance between them. She wasn't in a good mood, either. Jean looked in the direction he was looking... she could see all the camp that way.
" I knew that you couldn't sleep either, after Mistíque..." Jean said, trying to start a conversation.
Logan groaned, taking off the cigar of his mouth...
" How do you know that ? " he asked.
" I read it on her mind, during our little... meeting..." Jean said. " She knows how to be convincing..."
Logan looked at the cigar and saw it was almost in the end. He nodded, extinguishing the cigar on his hand... Jean wrinkled her nose at that... She could ask why he always did that, but already knew the answer: his mutation.
" Yes, she knows..." he said.
He didn't like the woman, but messing around with the person he loves, was just too much...
" But, what are you doing here ? " Logan asked, changing the subject.
Jean took a few seconds to answer that. It was a cold question. She knew that he wasn't cold and it was just a way to protect himself. Logan...
" I want to explain why I can't..." she tried, looking away." Why I chosed Scott..."
" I'm not interested..." Logan said quietly, but Jean heard him.
Ignoring him, she continued:
" Scott and I had hard moments... after we were together, he always supported me, always was there for me when I needed the strenght... since my first failure to my greatest win... since my first mistake to my last hit... we are best friends, companions, lovers, soul mates..."
Jean stopped for a moment and the silence was mortal between them.
" Why are you telling me this ? " Logan asked, looking at her.
" Because I felt like owing you an explanation..." Jean said.
" You owe me nothing, red..." Logan said.
" I know... " Jean said, looking at him. " I just want to put it on clean plates... and I don't want this to prejudice the team or our friendship..."
Logan sighed and looked away.
" May I sit here ? " Jean asked.
Logan hesitated, but nodded. Jean sat, still keeping a distance between them.
" I need somebody who gives me stability, Logan and I feel safe with Scott..." Jean said, looking at her hands. " I'm not a stable person... at least I wasn't when the professor started to treat me as a kid... I was in a coma, before starting to listen voices in my head, the my telecinesis appeared... I almost let my parents crazy, doing stuff like levitating the car or her fine dinerwishes... afther the professor and Eric talk, I decided to join the mansion... Scott and I met when he was on the infirmary one day... we became friends in no time... ah, there was Hank too, but he traveled most of the time..."
Logan became less tense and started to talk with her.
" How long it took you... and him, to start... " he tried to say, but couldn't.
" Almost two years..." Jean said. " We started before Christmas and are together till now..."
" How long are the two of you, together ? " asked Logan, sudenlly wanting to know more about Jean and Scott.
" It will be ten years, in July..." said Jean.
"And he was your first..." asked Logan.
Jean looked at him, with both eyebrows raised.
" I'm sorry, but..." Logan said, realizing what he did.
" As a matter of fact, he was..." said Jean, looking away. Logan could see the redness on her cheeks. " But it's not the case... I really love him, Logan... Scott is my life and that's why I can't do this with him... even when I'm atracted to you... I won't leave him for an adventure..."
Logan looked at her, hurt stamped in his eyes. Jean knew he was hurt and that was exactly what she was trying to prevent.
" This is all you think it would be ? An adventure ? " he asked.
" Did you think that our relationship would go any further than this ? " Jean asked, in the same tone.
Logan was quiet after this. He looked at his feet.
" I'm sorry..." she said, tears appearing in her eyes. " I didn't want this to happen..."
Logan sighed, tired and sad. He knew it wasn't her fault, he was the one who had came between Scott and she... He knew it was wrong, but he persisted. At least, he noded.
" I want you to be happy, Jean... and if Scotter makes you happy... " he said, resigned." I'm sorry if I've caused problems between you two..."
Jean nodded and couln't help but notice the nickname that Logan gave Scott.
" Scooter ? " she asked.
" Yeah, you know me..." Logan said, smiling a little.
" He does make me happy, you know... " Jean said. " I'm sorry Logan... maybe in another time..."
Logan nodded, looking away again. It wasn't much, but it was enough for him. Even so, he couldn't and wouldn't, stop loving her.
" Come on...the sun is starting to rise... we need to get prepared..." Jean said, getting up.
Logan sighed and got up, too. And they started to get back at the camp, talking with each other...
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