Breathe

Addison sat on her couch, watching the rain drizzle down the window. The television blared in the background.

She wasn't paying attention.

Her legs were drawn up on the couch and she pulled her knees to her chest. She shivered, for an unknown reason, and wrapped the blanket tighter around her.

She had left the hospital early today. It was their eleventh anniversary and ten thirty at night. Despite working at the same hospital, she hadn't managed to see her husband at all today.

His favorite meal sat cold on the table, a forgotten present on the seat. Everything was perfect, untouched.

Except for the bottle of red wine, which Addison decided to open an hour ago. The glasses remained on the coffee table in front of Addison. She didn't feel like drinking tonight.

Her hand rested on the remote, tapping the buttons with the pads of her fingers. Closing her eyes, she pressed the power button. The tv clicked off.

Addison sat alone in the dark.

It seemed as if the whole world was silent. She couldn't move an inch. It felt like she was surrounded by millions of glass objects: one move and everything would crumble and shatter to the floor.

A crash of thunder sounded.

She jumped and opened her eyes. A cold sweat fell over her. The house was dark. She heard footsteps and assumed the best. She wanted it to be Derek so badly.

But he didn't turn the light on, which was odd. It couldn't be him. Addison couldn't feel his presence, as she always did when he walked into a room. Her breath quickened.

The house creaked and she could hear someone moving.

She could hear someone breathing.

She sat absolutely still. Maybe if she didn't move, whoever it was would leave. Derek will be home soon. Derek will be home soon.

Someone was coming for her. She pressed her palms into her eyes, praying that it would be over soon. Please Derek. Come home! Come home now. Please. Please. Please! Please!! I'm so scared. Please come home. Please save me Derek.

"Please Derek!" She cried out to the darkness. Nothing happened. No one came running at her with an axe. No one pressed a gun against her sweaty skin.

No one was there.

Addison opened her eyes. Of course. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and clicked back on the television. She figeted and tried to calm down, but she kind of started to hear noises again and it was making her very nervous. She contemplated calling Mark and just as the thought entered her head, the phone rang. She checked the caller ID.

Speak of the devil. Mark. She grabbed the house phone off of the end table beside her.

"Mark?" She breathed. Knowing about the anniversary dinner that she had planned, Mark began to apologize for Derek. She stopped him. It was the same redundant speech over and over again. "Can you come over? I'm scared."

He remained silent. She cradeled the phone against her ear. "I think someone's in the house." Mark quietly muttered a few colorful curse words that she couldn't hear.

He attempted to calm her, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. She sighed and whispered into the phone. "I know that I've done this before and that it's getting ridiculous. I know it's all in my head," She hesitated. "But I'm still scared. Please, Mark. Just for a little while."

She almost begged him. Fortunately, he saved her dignity by agreeing to stop by. He would just come over and check all of the closets for frightening axe muderers. Then he would leave. He wouldn't stay until Derek got home. He won't watch the tears run down her cheeks as he scrubs the dishes from the meal that he's not going to make her eat. And he definitely won't snuggle with her in his best friend's bed.

Doing all of those things would be very dangerous. Actually, the fact that he was even driving over to the brownstone was dangerous. Because he was in love with her just a teensy bit. The guilt overwhelmed him on the way to the house. He pulled over to catch his breath and regain his self-control.

Meanwhile, Addison felt guilty. I still hope Derek will arrive before Mark got here. Am I leading Mark on?

But it's not leading him on if I don't stop him. She didn't plan to stop him. She didn't plan to think.

Currently, she wasn't thinking. She lifted one of the glasses off of the coffee table. Should she drink it? She contemplated throwing it against the wall for a dramatic effect. What a beautiful splatter that would make. But then she would have to make sure to clean it up before Derek gets home. She'd never want to hurt him. What if he stepped on one of the little slivers of shattered glass and mistakenly cut him on the foot? No, throwing the glass wasn't a good idea.

She stared at her feet. I have to do something. I have to do something before this drives me insane. She got off of the couch and kneeled. She pounded at the dull, white carpet with one hand. It was perfect, pure, with no mistakes.

She poured the wine on the carpet. The wine left a beautiful stain on it, consuming ever fiber of white it possibly can. Addison watched the liquid diffuse through the carpet and when it seemed to slow down, she poured the other glass, sighing.

She emptied every drop of wine out onto the carpet. And then she looked around. White carpet surrounded her, except for the red patch in front of her. The stain stood out and it made her want to cry. It was all that she could see, all that she could stare at. She couldn't look at all of the perfect white carpet around her, she just saw the hideous mistake that she made. She pulled the coffee table from the middle of the room over it and then turned her head, forcing herself not to look at it anymore.

She crawled over to the wooden floor of the kitchen, running her hands through the crevices. She didn't worry about cleanliness; she wiped it down with a Swifter earlier that morning. She can still smell the lemon-y scent.

She sat in a chair far away from the couch and the stain that she wasn't looking at. She bit her lip. Twelve minutes until Mark gets here. She looked down and started to play with the lace on the black lacy lingerie that she bought for tonight. Then she rolled her eyes a little. She couldn't wear this in front of Mark.

So, she got up from the chair like it was a tedious chore that she didn't really want to do. She made her way to the bedroom, dragging her fingers across the wall as she walks.

She took her favorite fluffy white robe from the hanger and threw it on, tying it in the front. She pulled her hair up into a bun, letting a strand or two hang down in ther face. She entered the bathroom and sat in the chair in front of her mirror.

Moonlight shone down trom the window, casting an eerie glare on the off-white tile. She realized that she is much more accepting of her appearance in the dark than with the lights on. The dark shaded her face, blending in her wrinkles and scares. Her eyes made a contradiction themselves, seeming dark and bright at the same time.

She looked at her vague appearance in the mirror. Mark always said that she was much prettier when she smiled, but she just couldn't bring herself to do so.

She knew that Mark wouldn't want to stay the night. He always thought of Derek. She did too, but in a different way than he did. Mark felt guilty; Addison felt guilty, but sad too.

She wanted to tell Mark how much she enjoyed his company. She wanted to hug him and kiss him. Yes, she wanted to kiss Mark, her husband's best friend and not feel guilty or sad about it.

But everything in her mind told her that she cannot do this nor voice her feelings to Mark. For one, Mark might not feel the same way. Sure, he might want to screw her, but he could actually be coming over because Derek asked him to. Maybe he was reluctant to stay because he was afraid that she was going to make a move and then he would have to tell Derek and that would ruin their friendship. Addison knew that his thirty-year frienship with Derek is going to trump any sexual feelings he might have for her.

On the other hand, he could have true feelings for her. (Which still kind of scares her a little bit.) In this case, if she told him, it would prompt the question, "What are you still doing with your indifferent husband who is probably having an affair?" And she wouldn't want him to ask that because the truth is, she asks herself the same question every day. She still didn't know the answer.

But Addison prefered to not dwell on the "if's and when's". She concentrated on the fact that Mark is five minutes late now. Where is he? She thought that he probably decided not to come. Their relationship complicated everything. He didn't need that. She doesn't even know why he picked up the damn phone in the first place. And just as she was about to curse all hell on him for not showing up, the doorbell rings.

Ten minutes late? That was unlike him.

Unless it wasn't him who rang the doorbell.

Fear began to creep up Addison's spine as she heavily walked down the stairs. Please be Mark. She peeked out the window quickly.

It was him.

Thank God.

He stood outside in the pouring rain, looking straight ahead at the door. She tried to unlock it, but her hands keep shaking and she fumbled with the locks. Come on! Damn it! Finally, she mananged to open it.

He stepped inside and said "Hey" with a smile on his face.

She crossed her arms. "What?" She smiled too and waited for some smart-ass comment about how long it took her to open the door.

Mark just shook his head and grinned.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." she began, "you must be freezing. Here, let me take your coat." She held out her hands to receive his jacket, but he ignored her and hung his jacket on the railing of the stairs.

"Addison," he laughed, "you don't have to be the perfect hostess."

She blushed and looked down nervously. "I know, it's just..."

He interrupted her, "Don't worry about it."

They stood for just a short uncomfortable silence before Mark said, "So where is the 'monster' this time?"

Addison giggled. She forgot the reason for asking him over. "It's nothing really. I think I was just feeling lonely."

He looked around. "You don't want me to give it a once-over? Check the closets and the showers?"

She shook her head and rubbed the goose-bumps on her arms. "It's just...the house makes noises when Derek's not here."

Mark took a step forward and placed his hands on her arms. "Is it making noises now?"

Addison looked at somewhere over Mark's shoulder. He was making her nervous, being this close to her. She reminded herself that she invited him over. She felt an adrealine rush that she no longer felt with Derek. She looked back into his eyes. "No. I feel much better."

She surprised him with the intensity of her stare. Now he was nervous. He took his hands off of her. "Uhhh...I should probably go, if you're not scared anymore."

"No!" She yelped. He couldn't leave her all alone in the house. She was miserable. "Please, Mark. Stay. I can't be here alone. Please. I need you, okay?"

Before he could answer, she grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen. "Stay here." she told him. Going into the living room, she ignored the large red stain that she hoped he couldn't see. She picked up the wine glasses and refilled them. She went back into the kitchen and gave one to him. "Here."

He eyed her curiously and took a sip. "I'm not sure if this is such a good idea."

She set her glass back down on the counter and fiddled with it, rotating it between her hands. "Derek's not going to make it home, is he? He won't care if you drink his wine or eat his dinner. He doesn't care about anything anymore."

Mark leaned down, resting his weight on the counter. "He cares about you."

Tears welled up in Addison eyes. "No. If he cared about me, he would be here, instead of you."

Mark took a deep breath. If she only knew how hard he was working to restrain himself. "Addie, you know he wants to be here. He's a doctor, we're all doctors. We signed up for the long, hard night when we applied to medical school. It's a sacrifice we have to make."

Addison stared into the wine again and took another long swallow. "You keep saying 'we'. If it was a 'we', it wouldn't be 'you and me' here, and 'him' at the hospital."

Damn. She was right and he knew it.

She wasn't finished talking. "Derek and I, we were so in love back then. He doesn't love me anymore, Mark."

She was going to break any second now. Mark could see it, but he didn't want to touch her when she was proclaming her love for his best friend.

Her whole body started to shake and her voice cracked into a deeper sound filled with hurt. "Do you know what that's like? The person that I love most doesn't care what I think or what I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel like he hates me and I don't know what I did to make him so angry with me."

Finally, tears streamed down her eyes and Mark didn't care who she was proclaiming her love for. He couldn't let anyone hurt her anymore. He pulled her into his arms and half-carried, half-dragged her to the living room couch. "Addison, it's okay." He hugged her into his lap, pressing her head against his shoulder. She fit perfectly. And she smells so good.

She cried it out for about a minute and then stopped. "Mark?" She mumbled into his sweater.

He stroked the hand that he was suddenly holding. "Yeah?"

She didn't look at him. "If I ask you something, will you tell me the honest-to-God truth?"

He tried to shift her so that he could see her face, but she wouldn't move. "Depends on the question." He laughed a little. She didn't.

She clenched her other hand around his sweater, holding on to him. "Mark, you have to promise. You cannot lie to me. Do you promise?"

Mark nodded. "I'll try my best."

Addison took a deep breath and sat up in his lap. She cupped his face in her hands and stared into his eyes. "Is Derek having an affair?"

Mark stared back at her. Tension built from the silence and he watched her composure fade away as her fears seemed true. He answered her, when everything in the world seemed that it might break if he didn't.

"No."

She kissed him anyway.

And he gave into every tug of desire that he ever had for her. Oh God. She tastes like everything I've ever wanted. She opened her mouth and their tongues touched. Mark felt as if he was surging for the high heavens. His hands roamed her body, searching for those pearly gates and, oh-no, here comes his conscience. A feeling of guilt infiltrated his brain, destroying everything that he was feeling right now.

He pushed her away and stood up. He saw the stain on the carpet and looked back at her. That was a mistake. He could see the black lace pushing out of her robe and her lips looked as kissable as ever. He sat back down and kissed her again, this time with more passion and oh, I want more of her. I want to know every inch of her. I just have to have her right now.

But guilt found him again. He stood back up and whipped out his cell-phone. He called Derek. He needed to hear his voice, to know that he wasn't resisting every one of his natural instincts for nothing. But, of course, Derek didn't pick up. So, he called the hospital and spoke to a nurse.

"I don't care if he's busy! Is he in surgery?" Pause. "Then put him on the damn phone. It's an emergancy." Pause. "Yes, it's a real emergancy. I have to talk to him RIGHT NOW. AND IF YOU DON'T PUT ME THROUGH TO HIM, I AM GOING TO GO OVER TO THAT HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW AND- Derek?"

Mark sat down on the couch and then stood up and sat down in the chair across the room. Addison followed him and tried to steal the phone from his hands. "Please don't tell Derek. Don't tell him. Please. I didn't mean to kiss you. It was just an impulse. Please don't tell him. He'll never forgive me."

Mark put a finger to her lips to quiet her. He listened to Derek for a minute on the phone and then interrupted him. "Derek, this is me being nice. You need to come home now. It's your anniversary. Addison's got this whole dinner thing planned and you need to be here."

Mark was quiet again and then he looked at Addison and shook his head. Fury bubbled within Addison and she grabbed the phone from Mark. "DEREK SHEPHERD!!! Did you even remember what tonight was? It's our ANNIVERSARY. You know, of the day you pledged to love me and cherish me forever. We should BE together. And if you don't come home by, let's say, TWELVE o'clock SHARP, I will..."

Derek was trying to calm her, but it wasn't working. "Derek, I'm serious, if you aren't home by twelve, I'm gonna..."

Mark could hear Derek yelling, but Addison wouldn't let him control her. Not tonight. "I'm gonna screw Mark. Yes. I am going to have SEX with your VERY BEST FRIEND if you don't come home. This is your ultimatum, Derek. Take me or leave me."

Addison was quiet for a minute and then she started up again. "Ohhhh, believe me, he'll do me. I just happen to have on some VERY sexy BLACK lingerie, but you wouldn't know that, would you? Because YOU aren't HERE."

Derek was being very loud. "JUST SHUT UP DEREK. And you can safely assume that at 12:01, if you aren't on top of me, MARK WILL BE. LOVE YOU TOO, BABE." She spit sarcastically and slammed the reciever back down on its stand.

Mark stood there with his hands in his pockets, shifting back and forth. Addison breathed very heavily through the awkward silence. Finally, her mascara smudged eyes met his. "Sorry," she muttered and then she fell to the floor on her knees. Her hands moved to her mouth to stifle her sobs as tears ran down her cheeks.

It took Mark a minute or so to snap back to reality. He fell to his knees too and put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing her arms to calm her down. "It's okay. Just breathe, okay? We'll figure this out."

"What am I going to do? I can't believe I just did that! I'm a horrible, horrible person." She buried her head in her hands. She couldn't touch him or look at him anymore. I'm so embarrassed. I pretty much just forced myself onto him.

"You're not horrible. You're just a little stressed. Let me get you a drink of water." Mark quickly rose to his feet and headed to the kitchen. When he got back, Addison was sitting with her legs crossed and her face dry.

"Here." He handed to her and sat down next to her. She drank it slowly, not knowing what to say. After putting the glass down on the carpet, she spoke first. "Sooo, what are we going to do?"

He looked at her. "What do you mean?"

She grimaced. She hated this. The awkwardness. She hated having to tell him everything. I wish he could just read my mind. "About the sex. Are we going to do it?"

"Oh." He looked away again. "We don't have to if you don't want to."

"Do you want to?" It was amazing. They could have a whole conversation without looking at each other.

Jesus. The girl of my dreams just asked if I wanted to have sex with her. What the fuck am I supposed to say? "Uhhh. I want to do what you want to do."

"Great, Mark." She said sarcastically. "That helps a lot."

"Are you mad at me now?" His head hurt and she wasn't making it any better. "I didn't do anything Addison." Except for falling in love with you. "I didn't make the first move. I didn't kiss you until you kissed me. And I didn't say that I would have sex with you. That was all YOU. So, please, don't blame me for anything."

She was quiet. That was the most he had spoken tonight. And he was right. A lump grew in her throat. He doesn't want to have sex with me. God, how could I be so stupid? I KISSED him. I thought he LOVED me.

Mark didn't understand. She was too quiet. Maybe he said too much. "I'm sorry, Add. I'm just so lost."

She moved away from him. "And you think I know what to do?!" Her voice changed pitch and became all high and squeaky. "I don't know what you're thinking and I certainly don't know what you want. I thought that maybe you wanted me. CLEARLY, I was wrong. CLEARLY, I am the most undesirable..."

She stopped talking when he grabbed her and pulled her to him. Their eyes connected and his lips were milimeters away from hers. She felt his breath on her lips when he whispered. "How could you think that? Of course I want you. I want you so much that I need you, if that makes sense. Every cell in my body is working to restrain myself from taking you right on this floor. So please, don't pull away from me."

Her heart was pounding and he felt it. He realized that he may have been too rough before and loosened his grip, putting space between them. Her body involuntarily jerked forward, slamming her hips against his. He groaned loudly and fell on top of her. She ran her fingers through her hair. "Shit. I'm sorry." Everything was so intense between them. His head rested on her stomach, but then he moved up to her chest and kissed it once.

He grinned. "Not a problem." He glanced at the clock on the mantle. "But maybe we should wait an hour or so before anything else happens."

"I don't think I can wait that long." She smiled, glad about his reaction. She twisted her fingers into his hair and he obediantly put his mouth back on her chest.

"Add...We have to stop." He would make sure that she kept her promise to Derek.

"I can't. Not when I'm this close to you."

Her body felt glued to his. It was difficult, but he pulled away from her. "Let's sit on opposite sides of the room."

"Mark. How long as it been?"

He checked the clock. "Five minutes."

"Ughh!!!!" She whined. She sat with her back to the fireplace. He was a good distance away from her, leaning against the doorway.

She smiled at him. "Do you know how long it's been since I've had sex? Derek and I never do it anymore..." She kept talking, but Mark didn't hear her. All she talked about was the sex, never about her feelings for him.

She felt his blank stare on her. "What?" She looked at him curiously.

"I'm just..." He took a couple of steps into the room. "I just feel like you're taking advantage of me." He said it with a small half-smile, so she didn't realize that he was serious. She didn't realize that he wasn't playing with her.

"I was under the impression that you wanted me to take advantage." She got on all fours and started to crawl toward him, her robe opening so he could see straight down it.

He looked away for some odd reason and took a few steps back. "I think we should remain at least four yards away from each other at all times."

"Thirty minutes!" Addison announed. "I think we should do something special, just for making it halfway."

Mark eyed her with suspicion. "What kind of special?"

"I think that we should be able to touch each other again." She smiled eagerly.

"Come on. We made it this far. Only a half-hour to go." He stared at her, passion and love in his eyes.

She sighed. "You have to stop looking at me like that."

He continued. "Why?"

He was playing dirty with her, but she could play too. "Because if you don't stop that, I'm going to orgasm as soon as you touch me. And then it will all be over."

He laughed a little, but it was more like a growl. "You think it's all going to be over after your first orgasm? What about your second? Or your third? Do they not count? You've got to give me a little more credit, Add."

She sulked a little in her corner, but then relented. "Jesus, Mark. Fine, you win."

"What did I win? I wasn't aware of a race."

"No." She crossed her arms. "You win the argument. Congratulations."

He laughed. This was a little ridiculous, but he played along. "What's the prize?"

"Pride. Dignity. Is that not enough for you?"

He shook his head. "Tell me why there is a wine stain larger than my head under the coffee table."

And the mood grew serious again. Too serious.

"It's a funny story, actually..." She wanted to make a joke, to play it off as "no big deal". But it was more than that and she didn't want to lie to him. "Actually, it's not." She took a deep breath. "I just wanted to ruin something, you know? EVERYTHING is perfect here. Or that's what it seems to be. But it's not. I don't want to keep living a lie."

Mark was silent for a while and watched her play with the belt on her robe. "Okay. I'll clean it up for you." He knew where the cleaning supplies were. Addison pondered about this until he finished.

After returning the coffee table back to it's rightful spot, Mark sat down across from Addison, a little closer this time. "How about three yards apart instead of four?"

"Okay."

Three yards turned into two and soon yards became feet and feet became inches. Mark had taken the liberty of rummaging around for a ruler. It sat between them.

"Okay." Addison sighed. "So, five inches. We can do this."

"Yep." Mark agreed. "Only ten minutes left. We're definitely going to make it."

Addison giggled. "No, I mean, we can actually do this. I can think of something a little longer than five inches that would fit perfectly right between us."

"Addison..." Mark warned her.

She giggled again. "Sorry. I just can't help it. I'm excited. We're actually going to do this."

Mark glanced down at the ruler between them. "You should know something, before anything happens."

Her face turned serious. "What is it? If you tell me that you have AIDS or any sort of STD, I am going to kill you. That's it, isn't it? Why couldn't you have mentioned this before? This is so messed up..."

"Addison!" He said forcefully. "That's not it. Calm down, okay? Let me talk for once."

She couldn't pick up what was wrong. She couldn't read him, but she would be quiet for once.

He had been planning this all night, yet now he couldn't decide what to say, or how to say it. He just couldn't find the words. "Add...I don't know...ummm...I've felt this way for a long time."

She fought off the urge to ask "What way?". He continued, slowly, "And, you know, this is kind of huge. For us, I mean. I just want you to know...that...it's more than sex. For me anyway."

She watched him intently so he continued. "I just wanted you to know how I felt because I wanted to know if you felt like that too. And if it means the same to us then it's not just having sex. It's...it's..." His masculine soul pleaded with him not to say the words, but he had to. "It's making lo-". The speech he had practiced for the past hour, the carefully chosen words all disappeared from his voice when he saw that she wasn't looking at him anymore. "What is it?" he asked, half-annoyed, half-nervous.

She pointed at the clock. "It's 11:59. We're almost there."

"Oh." He watched her as she patiently waited for the seconds to pass.

She almost cried when the back door opened. He almost vomited. His world fell apart.

Derek entered. He wasn't sad or angry or anything. He acted normal. He shut the door, instead of slamming it. He set his briefcase down on the counter instead of throwing it into a corner. He approached Mark. "You can go now. This never happened. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

But Mark couldn't leave after everything that had happened. He sat there, still.

Derek sighed. "Look, man. I'm sorry that you had to spend your Friday night doing this. I know you'd rather be off flirting with some blonde chick. Here." He handed Mark a twenty. "You can take a cab where ever."

Mark was furious. At Derek, at himself, at the whole situation. How did this happen? Mark stood. "I'm not a babysitter, Derek" He slapped the twenty back into Derek's hand.

Derek was taken aback. "God, Mark. Chill. I know Addie is in one of her pissy PMS moods, but I didn't think she'd be that much of a burden. I already said that I was sorry. And I'm here now. You usually bolt after stuff like this. You can go, Mark. Go find some blondie to fuck."

Addison forgot everything that happened between her and Mark. All she could see was Derek. And Mark with someone else. Everything hurt inside of her. "Yeah, you should go, Mark."

What is she thinking? I can't leave her with him. Why did she ask me to leave? She probably doesn't want me here. He headed for the front door.

"Don't drink and drive, Mark!" Derek yelled after him.

Mark grabbed his jacket. "I think I'm done with the blonde chicks and the bar for a while. I'm just going to head home."

Derek didn't pay attention to this change of personality. "Whatever, man."

Addison and Mark didn't say goodbye to each other. They didn't really believe that it was goodbye. They were too much in denial that Derek was actually there, that they weren't going to have the perfect night.

Derek offered his hand to Addison to help her off the floor. But before she could leave for bed, he grabbed her wrist tightly. Their eyes locked. He spoke calmly and evenly with tenstion in his voice, his only acknowledgment of the phone call. "This will never happen again. I will not be Cinderella, my curfew set just before midnight. You are not a controlling bitch, so don't act like one. Are we clear?"

Addison gulped in fear. He was scaring her. "Y-yes," she stammered.

His eyes softened and he kissed her. At that moment he could taste his best friend on her and smell the scent of his hands all over her. He wondered for a moment if they had actually been together. He dismissed the idea. Mark wouldn't have left if they had.

She looked at him. "I'll meet you upstairs. I just have to finish the dishes."

He nodded. "Okay. I have a surgery in a few hours so hurry up."

She faked a smile. "Okay."

Long after Derek had fallen asleep, she returned to her lonely couch. Her cell phone vibrates on the table next to her. It was Mark. He sent her a text message.

"I love you."

What he'd been trying to tell her all night long. She wanted to cry, but she didn't have any tears left. She deleted the message quickly. I can't believe I almost cheated on my husband.

She headed up the stairs to a cold bed and a loveless marriage, wishing the opposite of what she had about two hours ago.

Wishing Derek hadn't come home.