"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?" I smiled, that was an easy one.
"Where do you think I'm going to go? Cali forn eye ay!" I said laughing and they laughed.
"Right, right. Nice choice! But what I want to know is why?" they winked at me. I thought for a moment that I wanted to go because I loved the place, but on second thoughts it was to do right where I had wronged.
I broke so many people's hearts, so so many. Including those who called me their "friend". I began to feel sick inside. I hadn't meant for anything to happen at all but it did, oh yes it did. I fucking messed up again. I ruined SmoshGames, it was all my fault and there was nothing I could do.
"Well?" the interviewer interrupted me from my thoughts and I jumped immediately. "So why do you want to go?" I pulled out my best smile and put it on. "Meet all my new fans out there! Haven't been to america for sometime" ~there's a good reason~ I shook my head, ignoring the voice repeating its message. They looked at me and I looked down at my hands, my fingers, at the band of white emptiness around my tanned fingers. "You're a bitch!" I heard someone shout. I look out to the audience and I see him. My heart is aching for him but I know how he feels. I don't blame him, I hate me for what I did too. "Just let me rewind time, please" I murmured to myself. More people began to shout abuse at me and I wish the ground would have just swallowed me up. I looked over, towards him again, he was looking at me and for one split second our eyes locked on each other, until he turned away.
I caused that, I caused his pain.
I couldn't believe I had done that to him and ruined his life, my life, our life. The interviewer sensed that I was getting uncomfortable "Right!" he clapped his hands once. "I think that's more than we need for this interview! Thank you miss!" I smiled and we shook hands. Everyone was beginning to leave, I need to do this now, I need to talk to him, I need him. What was I going to say though? "Oh hi, sorry I just stopped staying in contact completely with you after I broke your heart, I decided I'd come back and taunt you with the memories" haha no. It will ruin him seeing me but I want to see him. Why was he here though? Of all the places he could be? Stop thinking all these thoughts and find him!
I pushed through the crowd, repeating his name, hoping he might hear me, see me, talk to me. I saw his head and ran towards him. "Come back! Please!" I heard my voice tremble, I wasn't going to keep it together. "I need you god damn it! Come back!" Tears were falling from my eyes. For a moment I had hope, he turned around and looked at me. "Fuck you." I felt my heart sink, and the rest of my body followed. I crumbled to the floor and laid there all crunched up. I sobbed into my knees, and the true realisation sunk in, I really had fucked up big this time. And by big I mean fucking huge.