Of a Hat
Hello?
Well, hello there.
Excuse me?
Why, if it isn't one of my favourite students!
Is it?
Or, are you?
Am I?
I would believe you to be. You, my dear, were extremely difficult to place.
Was I really?
Oh, yes. You had the courage of a Gryffindor, the loyalty of a Hufflepuff, the brains to be a Ravenclaw, and the ...well, I do not know of what you had of a Slytherin, but at your Sorting I distinctly remember thinking that you had some unusual characteristic of Slytherin.
I wouldn't want to be in Slytherin. Draco Malfoy is one of them.
An acute observation, my dear.
Was that sarcasm?
Quite.
Oh. But Draco Malfoy taunts my friends all the time.
As well as yourself – or so I've heard from the Headmaster.
Oh, do you talk to Professor Dumbledore?
Very often, my dear. He is a brilliant head, and your Professor McGonagall is a very fine Deputy Headmistress.
She's not my Professor McGonagall.
Of course not, my dear.
What house was Professor McGonagall in? Was it Gryffindor?
Seeing that she's the head of Gryffindor, yes.
I gather that that was sarcasm, too.
Yes, it was. You are catching on, my dear.
What was she like?
When I sorted Professor McGonagall, I gather?
Yes.
Well, Minerva – Mina, I gather she used to be called by close friends – she was very brave. Not at all afraid to stand up for herself or her friends. She definitely got herself into some messy business with the Chamber of Secrets when it first opened. Oh, I shouldn't have mentioned that – best not to say anything, my dear.
Yes, sir.
Well, you're the first to call me 'sir.'
You seemed like one. And if you're going to call me 'my dear' I might as well call you 'sir.'
Oh, I'm not offended in the least, my dear. Cannot you hear the chuckles?
As if they were my own.
You know, I like you very much, my dear. You are very unique – did you know that?
My mother always said that I would be teased because I was unique, like her, but that I should believe in myself and the stars.
Well, I do not know about the stars, my dear, but most definitely you should believe in yourself. If you live through everything, you will be great someday.
And if I don't...?
I do not know about the realms of Death, my dear, as much as I wish I did. Many a student has come to me following the death of one loved and asked if I knew about Death.
You have had to tell them all no, haven't you?
Indeed I have. A grave task, especially because I talk to those who mourn, and I do not care to disappoint anyone.
I wouldn't think you would like to.
I hate it.
Isn't 'hate' a strong word?
I suppose it so. But I have been used to strong words – why, I once sorted a young lad, Bobby Blott – spoke all in profanity! It got quite annoying after even just a minute or two; he was a profound Slytherin, although, my dear, you will find that not all who use profanity or do mean things are Slytherins. I can think of more than one example of that.
Could you give me an example, sir?
Why...oh, yes, there was young Peter Pettigrew. Mousey sort of lad, very easy to be led on; much more Hufflepuff than Gryffindor. I always regretted placing him in the house of those so noble and true. He was very horrible as an adult – but I do not think we have time for such musings.
Do you know anything about the Founders, sir?
Working on a project, are we, miss?
No. Just curious, 'tis all.
Well then. I was Godric's hat, you know. Wonderful man, although he had a red-hot temper. I hear they make sweets named that nowadays – I'm not surprised. He and Helga were always bickering, back and forth; back and forth. I wasn't particularly surprised when they married. But then some family rows got in the way when Helga's side found out. They separated, and Godric left for many years.
It's a romantic love story, I suppose.
Yes, indeed. Well, Godric came back with a girl on his arm. Beautiful girl – dark brown hair, grey eyes. And yet he came back more surprised than ever, to find Helga married to a good young man, name of Smith.
Oh, how sad.
How sad indeed. I always suspected that Salazar and Rowena would court, but Salazar married a nice girl, Selena. Unfortunately, she died, but not before she gave birth to a baby girl, Sapphire.
And Rowena?
Married and had a daughter, Helena. She's your house ghost, my dear, lovely Helena is. But she always was angered and upset by Salazar. Expected to marry him, a little bit, I think.
What house would you be in, if you were at Hogwarts?
I do not know. I like Gryffindors, although sometimes they are foolish –
Yes, my friend Harry is very foolish sometimes.
Are you more than friends, perhaps?
No. I don't think so. He liked someone else, you see. And Ginny Weasley likes him very much. She has since she was very little.
But men can have more than one admirer, you know.
I don't fancy him. He is much to – grounded, would be the word. I like to fly.
But he flies, my dear. Flies on a broomstick all the time. Just like his father.
No, I don't like him.
Yes. Actually, I did not think you apt to like him. Anyway, Ravenclaws are quite smart through and through.
But most of them are very grounded.
I suppose so. Some say that the lot of them have their heads in the books, that they are stuck permanently in the library. I do not think so.
Really? Than what do you think of the Ravenclaws?
That they often think, and sometimes think they know, that they have the knowledge to get through life – and sometimes they do. But other times, and this most often, they do not know that life can lead in something other than a straight line.
A straight line would be quite boring, wouldn't it?
Very, as I imagine it.
I think that Padma Patil is a straight line.
That could be true, my dear.
So...?
I love the Slytherins for their ambition and cleverness, but their prejudices and pride – they have gotten so horrible over the centuries of time that I would not want to be one.
And Hufflepuff?
I think I would want to be a Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff often have traits of the other houses, you see, but they have their own traits on top of that – loyalty and perseverance, and a good work ethic.
Yes. I have two friends who are Hufflepuffs – Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott.
Two lovely girls, as I recall. Susan's family has been in Hufflepuff for years, but she was so very much like a Ravenclaw that I was tempted to but her there.
And Hannah?
Headstrong and bold, but she has such a fierce loyalty that I never would have forgiven myself had I put her in Gryffindor.
Why did you not put them in the other houses?
Because they needed Hufflepuff, and Hufflepuff needed them.
To even up the numbers?
No, no. They needed Hufflepuff to grow and develop into the people they could and would become. And Hufflepuff needed them to be the backbone of the school – for when some of the Slytherins turn their back, or the Ravenclaws desert to their books, or the Gryffindors go off to fight, Hufflepuff will still be there.
All of it?
Quite so, my dear. Although on second thought, I cannot vouch for your friend Hannah...
I – Oh, the Headmaster's coming!
You ought to get going, then! Take me, off, quick! I belong on the third shelf above Fawkes the phoenix.
Thank you, sir!
And thank you, Luna Lovegood. You are a true Ravenclaw – and although I might be a bit biased after talking with you, my dear, I think it be Ravenclaw the best house of all.
What would happen if Luna Lovegood tried on the hat after she was Sorted?
At the end of OotP, because I presume that Luna, as well as the others at the Department of Mysteries, were called in to talk with Dumbledore, and, Luna being Luna, she forgot the time and came a half hour early to find the room empty and the only occupant – you guessed it – the Sorting Hat.