It was gone 2 in the morning. A extremely tired Carla was sitting on the sofa in her dressing gown crunched up in a ball. She had her hands through her head with a worried look across her face. So many thoughts racing through her mind. She couldn't believe this was happening again. Another disappearance, another sleepless night she knew when she married him that this was likely to happen, that she would never be able to stop Peter from having a relapse but she just didn't know what to do. As soon as she found out she was pregnant she knew that this might of happened but she wanted to be the one to tell her not someone else. Carla thought she was all talk she didn't think she'd actually go through with it and tell him.
It was earlier in the day, the factory lot were happily stitching away while Carla was in her office trying to concentrate on her work. The door opens as she looks up and sees Michelle walk in. Carla's eyes go back to her laptop, she knew exactly why she was here.
"Hi, how are you feeling". Michelle asked trying to be friendly.
"Fine". Carla bluntly said as she was typing away.
"Where's Peter". Michelle asked
"At a meeting". Carla replied still not looking at Michelle
"Oh right didn't you fancy it". Michelle said as she sat down on Peter's chair.
"I didn't think me running off to be sick is really gonna clench me the deal do you". Carla moodily said as she finally looked up at Michelle.
"Your morning sickness bad then". Michelle asked.
"Yep". Carla quietly said as she looked back to the email she was sending.
"And I take it Peter still doesn't know". Michelle said a hint of annoyance in her voice.
"Nope". Carla quickly replied.
"Carla you need to tell him, its been nearly 3 weeks since you've known now, you are carrying his baby he deserves to know". Michelle said getting irritated at Carla as her voice rose.
"Keep your voice down will you, if any of them lot hear they'll have a field day". Carla angrily but fairly quietly said as she looked out of the office to see if anyone was looking. She was pleased they all seemed to be working. Michelle sighed.
"I am surprised he hasn't worked it out for himself". Michelle said.
"I look fat already do I, thanks". Carla bluntly replied.
"No that is not what I meant, I mean your morning sickness what does he thinks wrong a 24 hour bug turned into 3 weeks". Michelle said waving her hands in the air in disbelief.
"I don't even think he's noticed". Carla quietly said as she looked at the ground.
"Is something wrong between you two". Michelle asked as she sensed something else was wrong.
"I don't know he's just been in a world of his own lately". Carla truthfully said.
"Maybe because he knows something is up with you". Michelle replied.
"No he was like it before I found out". Carla explained.
"Well whatever it is you need to tell him". Michelle said with a firm tone of voice. "And I know you've said you needed time to think but Carla you have had it and trust me it is not fair on him or the baby because if you do decide to have a abortion the longer you leave it the bigger it will be. You may think it is just a little dot but its growing every day you know". Michelle said trying desperately to get through to her best friend.
"Expert are you". Carla rudely spat back. "You've had one kid Michelle your hardly on one of them documentary's for having 15 kids and counting are you". She sarcastically added.
"No I'm not and I am not saying I am a expert but what I will say is..". Michelle argued back.
"Go on then enlighten me". Carla said a real tone of sarcasm in her voice as she furiously looked at Michelle. She clearly wasn't in the mood for one of Michelle's pep talks today.
"Do you know what Carla if you don't tell him I will" Michelle angrily said fed up of trying to help her.
"You wouldn't you have no right". Carla exclaimed back as she moved forward in her chair, she was giving Michelle daggers. There was a frosty silence between them.
"Take our Liam for example he died knowing that he didn't have a son, if Maria told him at least he would of died really happy no matter how daft that sounds it's true". Michelle said trying to do her best to talk sense of her. Even the mention of Liam's name has a clear effect on both of the women.
"So what your saying I need to tell Peter in-case he suddenly dies in a hit and run". Carla coldly said.
"No of course not". Michelle quickly implies as she shots up from the chair. "What I am saying is you shouldn't keep something like that a secret not for as long as you have". Michelle added as Carla looks down at the ground again not wanting to listen to her any longer. "I am here for you Carla I always am but you need to listen to me for once and just tell him". Michelle added as she shook her head, she knew it was best to leave Carla now she weren't gonna get through to her any more today, so she left the office quickly, Carla just let out a painful sigh as tears filled her eyes.
The sound of the door creaking open pulled Carla out of her thoughts. She turned around to see Peter come tumbling in. Carla let out a big sigh, half relieved and half extremely annoyed. Peter was shocked to her.
"Carla...your up". Peter said, stating the obvious as he shut the door behind him and tried to act as sober as possible as he held himself up by the wall.
"You've been drinking". Carla quietly sighed shaking her head disappointed at him.
"What, no of course I haven't". Peter said slurring his words a little as he tried to walk straight.
"Peter there's no point lying you smell like the rovers and the bistro rolled into one". Carla stated.
"I thought you'd be asleep". Peter said.
"Oh yeah because I can really sleep when my husband pops out for some fags and then disappears from the face of the earth for hours".Carla truthfully ranted as she shot Peter a look of disappointment. Peter bows his head in shame hating that he has let his wife down again. "I honestly didn't think she'd tell you... I know she can be interfering but...". Carla said shaking her head.
"She...tell me, you know". A shell shocked drunk Peter asked. He started to panic, he needed to think fast he thought.
"Well of course I know Peter I am the one that took the flaming test, I am the one that has this thing inside of me". Carla shot back at him.
"Wait your pregnant". Peter declared, absolutely shocked at what he just heard.
"What Michelle didn't tell you". A confused Carla asked as she got up from the sofa.
"I haven't seen Michelle...oh Carla love that is great...we are having a baby, our own baby". A ever so happy Peter said as he stumbled towards Carla trying to place his hand on her belly.
"No hang on a minute". Carla said quickly moving his hand away from her as she moves back from him no longer facing him. "If you didn't know I was pregnant what did you mean by 'you know'...and why on earth have you gone on a bender, what's happened". Carla said as she turned back around giving her husband a look of pure confusion as she had a million questions running around her mind. Peter just looked at her blankly not knowing what to say.
"I need a coffee". Peter slurred as he tried his best to carefully walk over to the kitchen area.
Earlier that evening around 8 o'clock. Peter storms into Tina's flat, it was clear he wasn't very happy.
"What have I told you about texting or phoning me were over right can't you just except that". Peter said waving his hands about as he turned around and faced her. Tina couldn't believe how he could be so different.
"Sorry did I interrupt your cosy night in". Tina said.
"Yes...yes you did". An annoyed Peter replied.
"Aww well maybe I'll go over there now tell her everything...I mean its already interrupted isn't it so why not ruin it some more". Tina said as she looked straight into Peters eyes, she could see how panic stricken he was.
"I thought you liked Carla". Peter asked in a more friendly tone.
"I do". Tina replied.
"So why are you doing this". Peter asked
"She deserves to know who's she married too doesn't she". Tina replies as she raises her eyebrow and folds her arms.
"Go on then go because there is no proof". A frustrated Peter said calling Tina's bluff. "Who do you really think she'll believe me her own husband or you someone she's been friends with for 5 minutes". He added.
"That's where your wrong I do have proof...well maybe not yet but in about 7 and half months time I will, but if I tell her now I am sure she won't mind waiting". Tina waffled on as she smirked at Peter. Peter looked at her in totally confusion.
"What are you on about". He asked as he slightly turned away from her.
"I'm pregnant Peter, you are going to be a dad again". Tina said calmly waiting for Peter's reaction.
"You what". Peter furiously said as he swung back round.
"You heard". Tina replied.
"Your lying". Peter exclaimed
"I don't lie that is more your style". A slightly emotional Tina said looking Peter straight in the eye.
Peter froze for a second before running off. He needed a drink.
Peter was sitting at the table drinking a strong coffee trying to sober himself up a bit while Carla was sitting on the sofa rubbing her eyes. There was a tense atmosphere in the flat.
"Is that helping". Carla asked.
"Yeah a bit". Peter replied.
"So come on tell me what you meant before". A extremely confused Carla asked not being able to wait any longer.
"Nothing...that was the drink talking that's all". Peter said trying his best to dig himself out of this deep hole he was in.
"Why have you been drinking, why now". Carla asked her voice raising.
"It's been a stressful few months that's all, I guess it just all got on top of me". Peter said as he looked down into his coffee.
"Really...because I am the one that has been to 2 funerals already this year and found out I'm up the duff all in the space of 3 months if anyone was gonna go off on a bender it should have been me". A suspicious Carla stated she wasn't buying what he was saying at all.
"You can't your pregnant". Peter stated trying to change the subject.
"That is not the point Peter and you know it...the point is why did you get drunk in the first place and I want the truth right". Carla firmly said as she gets up and walks over to him sitting opposite him round the table.
"I told you it just all got too much". Peter said not being able to look at his wife.
"What did". Carla quickly asked.
"It was a mistake a one off.. I just you know what its like the temptation...lets forget about that lets talk about you, the baby... our baby that you are carrying inside you". Peter said desperately trying to change the subject. Carla let out a big sigh as she pulled her hair away from her face. "Why didn't you tell me". Peter asked.
"Oh because clearly you tell me everything too do you". Carla sarcastically said.
"Yes...yes I do". Peter lied.
"So why Peter why tonight". Carla said, the tone of her voice pleading with her husband to tell her the truth. Peter looked away from her again, taking another big sip of his drink trying his best to sober himself up. "I knew when I told you it would go either two ways you would be unbearably happy or you would run a mile and get bladdered on a park bench somewhere and I would be out of my mind with worry for hours that's why I thought you didn't come back...I prepared myself for that but for you to just have a relapse over what you say was a mistake...temptation, I don't know If I can cope with all of this". A exhausted, emotional Carla truthfully said as tears filled her eyes. Peter saw this and quickly got up from his chair moving to sit in the chair that was next to his wife.
"Course you can love". Peter said as he put his hand on top of Carla's, Carla didn't move it instead she just stared at it. "Look I am fine aren't I, this coffee is sorting me right out and anyway I didn't drink that much". Peter added
"Well the stench suggests otherwise". Carla bluntly replied as she moved her hand away.
"Oh come on love I know I have let you down I am sorry but there's no harm done is there". Peter said trying his best to sort everything out.
"No harm done". Carla repeated him muttering.
"No". Peter assured her as Carla looked back up at him.
"So when temptation is too much for you again and I am left with a screaming smelly baby at 4 in the morning and then you come strolling in off your head...there will be no harm done then will there". A emotional Carla asks with a real tone of vulnerability in her voice as Peter doesn't know what to say.
"Or when it's a toddler and its woken up to daddy banging about in the middle of the night falling all over the place what do I say then hey oh don't worry daddy is silly he just needs to look where he's going". Carla added as Peter hangs his head in shame.
"Or when your off on a bender that lasts a couple of days after we have a big bust up what do I say when it is crying at me because they want there daddy...what do I do tell them that you have just gone away for a few days...but why didn't he say bye doesn't he love me they would ask. I can hear it now, of course he loves you I will try and assure it...But believe me Peter my words won't be enough...children need to see things they need actions rather than broken lies and promises. I should know". Carla emotionally declares as she wipes a few tears that were fallen down her cheeks, Peter tries to speak but Carla stops him.
"They need love and warmth and support, they need to know that there mummy and daddy will be there for them 100% of the time and I do not know If I can give it that...and tonight shows that you can't too...we can't be anyone's parents Peter no way it is not fair on them".Carla added as she shakes her head, she bites her lip to try and stop any more tears from fallen down her face.
"What no Carla course we can we would be ok, you would make a great mum". Peter tries to assure her as he moves his body forward nearer to Carla.
"Huh do you really believe that". Carla mutters almost laughing at his last comment.
"Yes yes I do". Peter replies.
"Well your drunker then I thought then". Carla states as Peter sighs.
"Tonight it was a blip I won't drink again I promise...right this moment is the start of my recovery and I will never have to start again because this is it this time". He states, panicking a little.
"I want to believe I do...but I can't". Carla says as she gives in fighting the tears as more fall down her face.
"Carla please". Peter begs.
"I have heard this all before...there never is a last time Peter. Don't say things you can't keep". Carla explains as she gets up and walks away from him as she places her hands to cover her face.
"I would never harm our baby you do know that". Peter asks with a real tone of emotion in his voice too.
"Not intentionally no". She replies turning back around. "But when your drunk you don't know what your doing just look what happened in this very flat with Simon". Carla added trying to get through to him.
"Why bring that up that was ages ago". A defensive Peter said. His tone of voice changed instantly as it rose and sounded angry.
"Yes I know but you nearly killed the pair of you Peter". Carla harshly but truthfully tells him.
"Oh right yeah and your perfect are you, no your not you nearly killed him too with a hidden bottle of merlot, does that bring back any memories, the social services got involved because of you". A defensive Peter shot back angrily at his wife, it was clear to Carla that she obviously touched a nerve and that he was still quite drunk.
"I would hardly say I nearly killed him". Carla shouted back. "But yeah your right this is exactly what I am talking about. We are both as bad as each other we can just about look after ourselves and sometimes we can't even manage that so how on earth do you expect us to look after a baby". Carla truthfully asks.
"We will make it work, your amazing you underestimate yourself I didn't mean what I just said". Peter said completely changing his mood and tone of his voice, as he takes a couple of steps forward as he reaches for Carla's hands.
"You were right though". Carla quietly replied. She then took a deep breath in before she looked up at her husband with her watery eyes. "I am sorry Peter but I have made my mind up tomorrow morning I am booking a appointment for a abortion and there's nothing you will say that can stop me". A distressed Carla said before pulling away from Peter and walking away to their bedroom.
"You can't". A bewildered Peter shouted to which Carla ignored him as she carried on walking and shut the bedroom door behind her, she was exhausted she couldn't take any more tonight. A devastated Peter threw his hands up to his head as he thought about the evenings events. Things really were messed up and he hadn't a clue what to do about it.