I have a lot of extra time now that it is summer and I just wanted to do another song fiction, so here it is, I apologize for the lyrics of the song, but it just seems to fit the mood I was trying to place.
Rating: T maybe M for language
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or Crossfade, or their song, We All Bleed.
Do or die
Can't you feel it in your heart?
Shooting blood under your skin
It's all around you
Have you ever had the feeling that you're worthless? That no matter what you do, you will always have no worth? Do or die that is the question. The latter would be easier. Can't you feel your heart struggle to keep beating? That every day you live, the urge to give up strengthens. The desire gnaws at the edge of your sanity. I feel this way every day and there is no escaping it. It is everywhere. All around you.
Do or die
Don't you feel it in your soul?
Blaming me for all that's wrong
Or is it all you?
There's that choice again. Do or die. But when you're sick of life, the answer is obvious. I'm sick of the constant complaining. Sick of all the blame. You blame me for everything. Whenever a plan goes wrong, I'm the scapegoat. It's not me. It can't be all me. I did nothing wrong. It's you. It's all you, but it's not like you would listen anyway.
Do or die
Could have taken them all
Sixteen marks on your skin
Where did I go wrong (Where did I go)
He thinks we don't notice. He truly thinks that we can't see the cuts. We have known him our entire lives, yet he thinks we don't notice. The last time I saw them, I counted sixteen. Sixteen lines. Sixteen cuts. How can he hate himself so much? How can he hate us so much? Where was I when he stopped caring? Where did I go the day he gave up? I blame myself for everything.
You would choose suicide
I can see it in your eyes.
No more pills for you to swallow
And no tomorrow
I can see it in his eyes. If he had a choice he would die. I can see the way he stares at the kitchen knives. I know he doesn't want to live. It has to be my fault. I should have seen it. I remember one day I found him unconscious in the bedroom. He had an empty bottle of aspirin in his hand. I called 911. My mom, the guys, and Katie had been out shopping that day. They never found out about this, but I never forgot it. I shoved it in the back of my mind, but I can still see him laying there. When I found him he wasn't breathing. He was actually dead. D-e-a-d. Dead. My best friend. I will never forget that. And I won't let myself either.
This hate is bleeding in front of me
Confused and bleeding in front of me
Your life bleeding in front of me
We all fucking bleed so just let it go
(Let it go)
He knows. I know he does. I can see how he watches me around sharp objects. Like I'm some suicidal freak. I'm not. I might cut myself but I don't want to die, or at least not yet. But he just doesn't understand. No one does. So what will it take to get it through his skull? We all bleed so just leave me alone. Just let it go.
I was higher inside from the start until the end
So where do I begin? (Where do I begin)
Another vacant heart dreams of beautiful lies
Filled with emptiness and sorrow
But no tomorrow
Before Hollywood, I was the face. Now I'm just a wannabe star. I dream of being famous, but I know it's fake. The longer I dream, the emptier I become. I can't even decide if I want there to be a tomorrow. It would be easier if there was only a today.
This hate bleeding in front of me
Confused and bleeding in front of me
Your life bleeding in front of me
We all fucking bleed so let it go
I'm so lost, yet I don't want help. I think I actually like the confusion. I have grown to love the pain. Mainly because it brings me back to reality. I need to be sane, but it's more fun to be confused. My life is just so messed up, but watching the blood flow just reminds me how we are all messed up. In our own way. As I said before, we all bleed, so just let it go.
Do or die
Can't you feel it in your heart?
Don't ever let the blood flow
But it was all for show
I know I shouldn't let myself do this; because once I'm caught I can't go back. I told myself countless times not to let the blood flow, but I can't stop. It's an addiction. A sin. But somehow everything will be alright. I put on a smile. I fake a laugh, but, it hurts more than you can even imagine. They make jokes about me, and I joke right back. Did they ever stop to think it was all for show? I guess not. But somehow everything will be alright. One way or another.
Just let it go
Let it go
I finally snap and scream at them to stop. To shut up. But they tell me to let it go. Just to let it go. So you know what. I will. I will let go and never hold on. I have tried so long to fake it and you know what, I'm done. So I will let it go. I will let it go and never look back.
We're all fucking freaks
I am not unusual. We all have our faults. Our flaws. But the great Diamond isn't supposed to. He is supposed to be perfect, because diamonds are perfect. They are strong and clear and beautiful. But I'm weak, clouded, and ugly. But no one's perfect, so why should I be? I don't care anymore. We all bleed. We are all freaks, so just let it go. I did.
So just let it go