Authors Note: I got this idea when I woke up one morning- go figure- after a particularly frightening dream involving the Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin and a bulky cameraman... not to mention I was also in the middle of a frightening drug induced stupor but I decided to post it for fun anyway! DRUGS ARE BAD PEOPLE!
Crikey! It's The Transgenic Hunter!
"The first rule ladies and gentleman when tracking a transgenic is to always keep a lot of distance between you and the genetically enhanced individual." A blonde man in a brown UPS delivery costume spoke into a camera. Budget hadn't been great since the cancellation of the Crocodile Hunter back in 2008 so we make do with what we can. "And be very, very quiet," he whispered the last sentence and took up a crouching position. Walking forward and looking like a demented crab, he expertly trekked through a throng of people on the Seattle street, who in return looked at him like he was an escaped mental patient.
"It's also handy to have one of these available too. I'm a qualified transgeniologist so of course I get the toys but remember, don't try this at home people!" He exclaimed a little over- over excitedly while holding up a thermal scanner. "Right I'll just switch this on and WHOA! We got a hit mates! Looks like an X series, a female- no no- that's definitely a female. Maybe we should switch my modified version onto x-ray vision just to be sure. Yep, that's definitely a female X5. And what a beauty!"
All of a sudden a blonde woman appeared by his side, hands on her hips as he studied the screen of the thermal scanner. He was so absorbed with what he was watching he didn't notice her standing there until it was too late. "Owwwwwwwwww!!!! What in the sweet name of wombats was that for?" He cried while clutching his now very sore bal-... sac-... scrot- Nuts, with all the censoring going on ff.net lately I'm not sure what to call them!
After a few minutes he gained his composure and returned to his feet. "Now Terri, I told you before, I'm a qualified Transgeniologist now and the x-ray is a necessity of- Owwww! Okay, I'll turn it off, okay my gorgeous little African Rock Python?" She smiled, turned and marched away. He held up the scanner and a look of shock passed his face... well a look of more shock than usual since his face seems permanently stuck in that position- the wind children, remember what your mother told you about the wind changing! "Crikey! She's gone! We better move now and try to catch up with her." He said and scurried away in the direction the transgenic had last been.
Max couldn't shake the feeling that she was being followed. Even after trying to evade whoever it was, they remained close by, not too close though, they kept quite a distance away actually. Turning around Max searched the crowd of people for any signs of her pursuers using her enhanced eyesight. Aside for a man in a ridiculous brown uniform with binoculars and a cameraman nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Shrugging she continued walking to her apartment.
"Looks like we're in luck. She's taken us to her den. This is where she'll spend the least amount of her day. Let's follow her up!" He shouted and ran as Max walked up the stairs. "Okay, we've just seen her go through that door there and we're going to proceed to follow her into it. This is the dangerous part people. If she has a mate then we're going to be seen as a threat and he may attack, but judging from what I've seen of this female we've been following, I don't think she has one. Fair dinkum, you can just tell from all the aggression her body exudes. Her temperature though is a little higher than it should be so I'm guessing she could be going into heat in the next few hours. It's just amazing!"
"Hey OC. Whatcha doin'?" Max asked as she sat down next to her on the couch. Her friend was studying her with a look that said 'I-know-everything-so-don't-even-try'.
"Max, why is there a strange UPS delivery guy here with a cameraman? And why are they hiding behind our kitchen counter?" Max turned around obliviously and then smiled when she spotted them.
"I don't know. They must have followed me home. Can we keep 'em Cin'? Pleaaaaaaaaaase????" She pouted even more- if that was possible- than usual.
Both Max and Cindy spun around as the man started talking into the camera. "We've found ourselves a domesticated X5 on the brink of her heat period, this is unbelievable!"
Max turned back to OC shrugged and smiled. "I have been feeling a little warm today." She said as OC put a hand to her forehead. OC's hand wandered to her cheek to check the temperature there and Max leaned into the touch and began purring. OC rolled her eyes and patted her on the head. Max curled up on the couch, her head in OC's lap as OC continued to stroke her hair.
"As you can see, just like a cat, she'll become very affectionate when coming into heat. She'll rub against your leg just like she's doing now!" And sure enough there was Max on her hands and knees on the floor rubbing her face and neck back and forth against OC's leg. "She obviously likes that girl since she is so openly affectionate. She'll become more restless soon though. This is so exciting!"
Max rolled onto her back on the floor and began rubbing her back on the floor before rolling and rolling. "This is an obvious reaction to the hormones surging through her body right now. She's probably feeling very cuddly yet somewhat restless, hence the rolling around on the ground. She'll begin calling for a mate soon if she's not let out. Crikey it's incredible! See the way she's assuming a breeding posture with her head and hands near the ground and the rump area held high, that's the position she'll take up while mating. It's a beautiful sight people! If she weren't already domesticated that's definitely one I'd want to stick a dart into and put in my zoo back home!"
All of a sudden Max jumped up and began peeling off her jacket and shirt. Cindy shot up and grabbed her hands as they went to the zipper of her way too tight jeans. "Max. What are you doing boo?" OC asked a little flabbergasted by her friends behaviour.
"It's hot." Her friend explained as though it were obvious.
"Max, there are two very strange lookin people of the three legged variety crouchin behind our kitchen counter with a video camera and you're about to get naked, while you in heat? Why aint you tryin to jump em anyway?"
Max looked confused for a moment. She looked between them and OC and then opened her mouth and shrieked, "Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeec!!!!!!!!!!"
"She's begun the mating call!" The Transgenic Hunter replied while holding his ears at the shrieking and meowing coming from the X5.
Max bolted to the door on hands and knees and began a combination of whining and scratching. OC rolled her eyes as far back into her head as she could, walked straight up to Max and smacked her upside the head. "Ow OC! God, what was that for?" Max asked holding the side of her head the fiery woman had assaulted.
"The door knob boo. Turn the freakin door knob and the door will open." OC explained as though talking to a small autistic child. She had her hands on her hips, head cocked to one side with one eye brow raised and her lips set tightly together. She exuded exceptional attitude. Yeah, she was bad! Real bad!
Max smiled at her sheepishly and opened the door using the door knob just like OC had told her. "Wow OC, you're like, so smart and stuff!" OC's hand shot out and slammed the door shut again just as Max was about to make her way out. Max looked at her incredulously.
"I don't think that's a good idea boo." OC stated.
"OC, move away from the door." Max smiled sweetly but her eyes said something different. That's right, Max had an actual expression on her face that didn't resemble a pout. Okay so maybe it did, a little, but still, progress has been made!
"This is amazing! The X5 is now becoming defensive and will soon resort to aggression if her need to mate cannot be fulfilled. I'd hate to be in Cindy's shoes right now!"
"Will you just shut yo damn hole while I try to talk some sense into my girl?" OC yelled at the Transgenic Hunter who recoiled in fear. OC could be frightening at times.
"She's on the move!" He exclaimed as Max blurred out the door. "The speed of these creatures is just incredible!" He shouted as he ran after her.
"At least put on a shirt!" OC's voice floated from behind.
To the people on the street it would have been quite an amusing sight if it weren't post-pulse Seattle. Seeing a half naked girl running down the street followed by a man in shorts that had no right to be that short and a cameraman followed by a pissed off black chick was a common occurrence. Right?
Max rounded corner after corner with feline grace and ability until she finally came to her destination. Looking at the door she fell to her knees and once again began the scratching and calling.
Alec came out of the shower- that's right, the SHOWER- dripping wet and wrapped in a small BLUE towel. He immediately noticed something wasn't right, or a little too right he reckoned, as he looked down at the towel. "Down boy!" He ordered his nether region but it didn't listen. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and then moaned aloud. Pheromones and they were increasing by the second.
He spun around as he heard clawing and little whines coming from his door. He approached the door carefully and he recognised her scent before he saw her. He swung the door open and looked down to find Max in only a pair of jeans and a bra, on her knees (damn she spends a lot of time in that position doesn't she) looking up at him with a very feline grin. He mirrored her expression and she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his towel (like we've never dreamed of doing that exact same thing!).
"Wow! It's a male X5! What a beautiful specimen too!" The Transgenic Hunter had caught up using his thermal scanner and was now watching in awe. "I'm in awe folks!"
OC had given up her chase after bumping into a decidedly fine honey on the way. Everyone had their weaknesses.
Alec pulled Max up and swept her in a bruising kiss as he inched his way back into the apartment, Max attached to him like a horny leech.
"Let's go mates! This is something I can't wait to get on camera!" The Transgenic Hunter declared as he and his friend followed them into Alec's apartment. "This is gonna top my daughters birth tape, I just know it!" About two seconds later two terrified bodies came crashing out of the door just before it was slammed shut with a force that rocked the entire building. Surprisingly the door remained on it's hinges, a little awkwardly, but nevertheless still mostly intact. "I guess we'll just wait out here." One of the bodies spoke in an annoying Australian accent even to Australians (trust me I know, I am one!).
After a few hours of listening to what was happening but not being able to see anything the Transgenic Hunter got bored and was just about to leave when he heard the strangest noise. A buzzing, sort of like a fly, or more a whirring. He waited in the shadows to see what was coming and then stilled as he saw one of the most horrific sights he had ever had the displeasure of laying his beady eyes on. And he had seen some horrible things! Getting his tranquilizer gun ready he waited patiently to see what it would do.
Logan had been paging Max every five minutes for the last three hours and he still hadn't heard a word from her. Thinking she must be in some sort of trouble and needed his extraordinary intellect and capability to save her from some unknown evil, probably caused by Alec, he went to her apartment to find her.
"Cindy." He greeted in his usual monotone. "Is Max here? I've been paging her for hours but she hasn't called."
OC looked murderous. "Yeah, I know. Girlfriend left her pager here and the damn thing's been drivin me outta my pretty lil head all day." She said crossing her arms and raising one eyebrow.
"Well, do you know where she is?" Logan asked impatiently.
A sudden smile crossed her face as she seemed to have figured something out. "Yeah boo, course I do. She's at Alec's. You can find her there." OC said sweetly.
"At Alec's?" Logan asked a little shocked at the revelation of Max's whereabouts.
"That's right. Girl got herself in a major jam that only he could help her with." OC said by way of explanation.
"Oh, I better get over there quickly before Alec messes something up. She may need my help." He said puffing his chest out and leaving.
OC closed the door and laughed. "I seriously doubt that fool."
When Logan got to Alec's door, due to his amazing abilities, he noticed something wasn't right. As he raised his hand to knock he heard strange noises coming from inside the apartment. It sounded like a struggle and then he heard her voice moaning in pain. Raising his leg he attempted to kick down the door but when his foot connected he succeeded only on dropping himself on his inept ass. Standing up and undeterred he tried again several times with the same results. He stood up again and decided to try a different route, so he turned the knob and the door, which had been hanging on its hinges in the first place, fell right on top of him. Pushing it aside with great effort on his part, he jumped to his feet as if nothing was amiss and charged inside.
A few seconds later a high pitched scream could be heard coming from inside which made the Transgenic Hunter cover his ears and the cameraman drop his camera. The wailing stopped suddenly with the sound of a crash and Logan came flying out the door with a thud. The Transgenic Hunter scurried to his side. Pulling out a cattle prod he poked him several times to make sure he was out cold. Satisfied he wasn't going to wake up he turned back to the camera.
"Now folks. Never, and I repeat never, try this at home. I'm a trained specialist in all things freaky and I'll tell you what mates, this is the freakiest thing I've ever seen." Pulling on some latex gloves he picked up Logan by the feet and started dragging him down the hallway. "I'm taking it back to the zoo for further studying. This is the first time I've ever been this close to an old, electronicized cyber geek so I'm being especially careful not to let any part of him come into contact with me. I wouldn't want to catch any of it's dorkiness."
Throwing Logan's limp body into the back of a UPS truck the Transgenic Hunter turned back to the camera one final time. "Well folks, it's been an amazing adventure today but I gotta go and make a few deliveries before my shift ends. See you next week on an all new episode of the Transgenic Hunter!"
Crikey! It's The Transgenic Hunter!
"The first rule ladies and gentleman when tracking a transgenic is to always keep a lot of distance between you and the genetically enhanced individual." A blonde man in a brown UPS delivery costume spoke into a camera. Budget hadn't been great since the cancellation of the Crocodile Hunter back in 2008 so we make do with what we can. "And be very, very quiet," he whispered the last sentence and took up a crouching position. Walking forward and looking like a demented crab, he expertly trekked through a throng of people on the Seattle street, who in return looked at him like he was an escaped mental patient.
"It's also handy to have one of these available too. I'm a qualified transgeniologist so of course I get the toys but remember, don't try this at home people!" He exclaimed a little over- over excitedly while holding up a thermal scanner. "Right I'll just switch this on and WHOA! We got a hit mates! Looks like an X series, a female- no no- that's definitely a female. Maybe we should switch my modified version onto x-ray vision just to be sure. Yep, that's definitely a female X5. And what a beauty!"
All of a sudden a blonde woman appeared by his side, hands on her hips as he studied the screen of the thermal scanner. He was so absorbed with what he was watching he didn't notice her standing there until it was too late. "Owwwwwwwwww!!!! What in the sweet name of wombats was that for?" He cried while clutching his now very sore bal-... sac-... scrot- Nuts, with all the censoring going on ff.net lately I'm not sure what to call them!
After a few minutes he gained his composure and returned to his feet. "Now Terri, I told you before, I'm a qualified Transgeniologist now and the x-ray is a necessity of- Owwww! Okay, I'll turn it off, okay my gorgeous little African Rock Python?" She smiled, turned and marched away. He held up the scanner and a look of shock passed his face... well a look of more shock than usual since his face seems permanently stuck in that position- the wind children, remember what your mother told you about the wind changing! "Crikey! She's gone! We better move now and try to catch up with her." He said and scurried away in the direction the transgenic had last been.
Max couldn't shake the feeling that she was being followed. Even after trying to evade whoever it was, they remained close by, not too close though, they kept quite a distance away actually. Turning around Max searched the crowd of people for any signs of her pursuers using her enhanced eyesight. Aside for a man in a ridiculous brown uniform with binoculars and a cameraman nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Shrugging she continued walking to her apartment.
"Looks like we're in luck. She's taken us to her den. This is where she'll spend the least amount of her day. Let's follow her up!" He shouted and ran as Max walked up the stairs. "Okay, we've just seen her go through that door there and we're going to proceed to follow her into it. This is the dangerous part people. If she has a mate then we're going to be seen as a threat and he may attack, but judging from what I've seen of this female we've been following, I don't think she has one. Fair dinkum, you can just tell from all the aggression her body exudes. Her temperature though is a little higher than it should be so I'm guessing she could be going into heat in the next few hours. It's just amazing!"
"Hey OC. Whatcha doin'?" Max asked as she sat down next to her on the couch. Her friend was studying her with a look that said 'I-know-everything-so-don't-even-try'.
"Max, why is there a strange UPS delivery guy here with a cameraman? And why are they hiding behind our kitchen counter?" Max turned around obliviously and then smiled when she spotted them.
"I don't know. They must have followed me home. Can we keep 'em Cin'? Pleaaaaaaaaaase????" She pouted even more- if that was possible- than usual.
Both Max and Cindy spun around as the man started talking into the camera. "We've found ourselves a domesticated X5 on the brink of her heat period, this is unbelievable!"
Max turned back to OC shrugged and smiled. "I have been feeling a little warm today." She said as OC put a hand to her forehead. OC's hand wandered to her cheek to check the temperature there and Max leaned into the touch and began purring. OC rolled her eyes and patted her on the head. Max curled up on the couch, her head in OC's lap as OC continued to stroke her hair.
"As you can see, just like a cat, she'll become very affectionate when coming into heat. She'll rub against your leg just like she's doing now!" And sure enough there was Max on her hands and knees on the floor rubbing her face and neck back and forth against OC's leg. "She obviously likes that girl since she is so openly affectionate. She'll become more restless soon though. This is so exciting!"
Max rolled onto her back on the floor and began rubbing her back on the floor before rolling and rolling. "This is an obvious reaction to the hormones surging through her body right now. She's probably feeling very cuddly yet somewhat restless, hence the rolling around on the ground. She'll begin calling for a mate soon if she's not let out. Crikey it's incredible! See the way she's assuming a breeding posture with her head and hands near the ground and the rump area held high, that's the position she'll take up while mating. It's a beautiful sight people! If she weren't already domesticated that's definitely one I'd want to stick a dart into and put in my zoo back home!"
All of a sudden Max jumped up and began peeling off her jacket and shirt. Cindy shot up and grabbed her hands as they went to the zipper of her way too tight jeans. "Max. What are you doing boo?" OC asked a little flabbergasted by her friends behaviour.
"It's hot." Her friend explained as though it were obvious.
"Max, there are two very strange lookin people of the three legged variety crouchin behind our kitchen counter with a video camera and you're about to get naked, while you in heat? Why aint you tryin to jump em anyway?"
Max looked confused for a moment. She looked between them and OC and then opened her mouth and shrieked, "Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeec!!!!!!!!!!"
"She's begun the mating call!" The Transgenic Hunter replied while holding his ears at the shrieking and meowing coming from the X5.
Max bolted to the door on hands and knees and began a combination of whining and scratching. OC rolled her eyes as far back into her head as she could, walked straight up to Max and smacked her upside the head. "Ow OC! God, what was that for?" Max asked holding the side of her head the fiery woman had assaulted.
"The door knob boo. Turn the freakin door knob and the door will open." OC explained as though talking to a small autistic child. She had her hands on her hips, head cocked to one side with one eye brow raised and her lips set tightly together. She exuded exceptional attitude. Yeah, she was bad! Real bad!
Max smiled at her sheepishly and opened the door using the door knob just like OC had told her. "Wow OC, you're like, so smart and stuff!" OC's hand shot out and slammed the door shut again just as Max was about to make her way out. Max looked at her incredulously.
"I don't think that's a good idea boo." OC stated.
"OC, move away from the door." Max smiled sweetly but her eyes said something different. That's right, Max had an actual expression on her face that didn't resemble a pout. Okay so maybe it did, a little, but still, progress has been made!
"This is amazing! The X5 is now becoming defensive and will soon resort to aggression if her need to mate cannot be fulfilled. I'd hate to be in Cindy's shoes right now!"
"Will you just shut yo damn hole while I try to talk some sense into my girl?" OC yelled at the Transgenic Hunter who recoiled in fear. OC could be frightening at times.
"She's on the move!" He exclaimed as Max blurred out the door. "The speed of these creatures is just incredible!" He shouted as he ran after her.
"At least put on a shirt!" OC's voice floated from behind.
To the people on the street it would have been quite an amusing sight if it weren't post-pulse Seattle. Seeing a half naked girl running down the street followed by a man in shorts that had no right to be that short and a cameraman followed by a pissed off black chick was a common occurrence. Right?
Max rounded corner after corner with feline grace and ability until she finally came to her destination. Looking at the door she fell to her knees and once again began the scratching and calling.
Alec came out of the shower- that's right, the SHOWER- dripping wet and wrapped in a small BLUE towel. He immediately noticed something wasn't right, or a little too right he reckoned, as he looked down at the towel. "Down boy!" He ordered his nether region but it didn't listen. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and then moaned aloud. Pheromones and they were increasing by the second.
He spun around as he heard clawing and little whines coming from his door. He approached the door carefully and he recognised her scent before he saw her. He swung the door open and looked down to find Max in only a pair of jeans and a bra, on her knees (damn she spends a lot of time in that position doesn't she) looking up at him with a very feline grin. He mirrored her expression and she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his towel (like we've never dreamed of doing that exact same thing!).
"Wow! It's a male X5! What a beautiful specimen too!" The Transgenic Hunter had caught up using his thermal scanner and was now watching in awe. "I'm in awe folks!"
OC had given up her chase after bumping into a decidedly fine honey on the way. Everyone had their weaknesses.
Alec pulled Max up and swept her in a bruising kiss as he inched his way back into the apartment, Max attached to him like a horny leech.
"Let's go mates! This is something I can't wait to get on camera!" The Transgenic Hunter declared as he and his friend followed them into Alec's apartment. "This is gonna top my daughters birth tape, I just know it!" About two seconds later two terrified bodies came crashing out of the door just before it was slammed shut with a force that rocked the entire building. Surprisingly the door remained on it's hinges, a little awkwardly, but nevertheless still mostly intact. "I guess we'll just wait out here." One of the bodies spoke in an annoying Australian accent even to Australians (trust me I know, I am one!).
After a few hours of listening to what was happening but not being able to see anything the Transgenic Hunter got bored and was just about to leave when he heard the strangest noise. A buzzing, sort of like a fly, or more a whirring. He waited in the shadows to see what was coming and then stilled as he saw one of the most horrific sights he had ever had the displeasure of laying his beady eyes on. And he had seen some horrible things! Getting his tranquilizer gun ready he waited patiently to see what it would do.
Logan had been paging Max every five minutes for the last three hours and he still hadn't heard a word from her. Thinking she must be in some sort of trouble and needed his extraordinary intellect and capability to save her from some unknown evil, probably caused by Alec, he went to her apartment to find her.
"Cindy." He greeted in his usual monotone. "Is Max here? I've been paging her for hours but she hasn't called."
OC looked murderous. "Yeah, I know. Girlfriend left her pager here and the damn thing's been drivin me outta my pretty lil head all day." She said crossing her arms and raising one eyebrow.
"Well, do you know where she is?" Logan asked impatiently.
A sudden smile crossed her face as she seemed to have figured something out. "Yeah boo, course I do. She's at Alec's. You can find her there." OC said sweetly.
"At Alec's?" Logan asked a little shocked at the revelation of Max's whereabouts.
"That's right. Girl got herself in a major jam that only he could help her with." OC said by way of explanation.
"Oh, I better get over there quickly before Alec messes something up. She may need my help." He said puffing his chest out and leaving.
OC closed the door and laughed. "I seriously doubt that fool."
When Logan got to Alec's door, due to his amazing abilities, he noticed something wasn't right. As he raised his hand to knock he heard strange noises coming from inside the apartment. It sounded like a struggle and then he heard her voice moaning in pain. Raising his leg he attempted to kick down the door but when his foot connected he succeeded only on dropping himself on his inept ass. Standing up and undeterred he tried again several times with the same results. He stood up again and decided to try a different route, so he turned the knob and the door, which had been hanging on its hinges in the first place, fell right on top of him. Pushing it aside with great effort on his part, he jumped to his feet as if nothing was amiss and charged inside.
A few seconds later a high pitched scream could be heard coming from inside which made the Transgenic Hunter cover his ears and the cameraman drop his camera. The wailing stopped suddenly with the sound of a crash and Logan came flying out the door with a thud. The Transgenic Hunter scurried to his side. Pulling out a cattle prod he poked him several times to make sure he was out cold. Satisfied he wasn't going to wake up he turned back to the camera.
"Now folks. Never, and I repeat never, try this at home. I'm a trained specialist in all things freaky and I'll tell you what mates, this is the freakiest thing I've ever seen." Pulling on some latex gloves he picked up Logan by the feet and started dragging him down the hallway. "I'm taking it back to the zoo for further studying. This is the first time I've ever been this close to an old, electronicized cyber geek so I'm being especially careful not to let any part of him come into contact with me. I wouldn't want to catch any of it's dorkiness."
Throwing Logan's limp body into the back of a UPS truck the Transgenic Hunter turned back to the camera one final time. "Well folks, it's been an amazing adventure today but I gotta go and make a few deliveries before my shift ends. See you next week on an all new episode of the Transgenic Hunter!"