Disclaimer: Criminal minds and it's characters don't belong to me. I'm borrowing them for entertainment purposes.
AN: This story would take place in season five at the point where Morgan and Hotch switch roles for the second time. I always felt that the writers messed up the characters relationships when this happened, which is understandable in a way but as a fan I didn't like it, and this is my explanation for the change that I perceived. Thanks to peanutmeg for betaing this and helping to smooth out the beginning and the end. You're awesome!
This story was also written to help promote the Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards. Please read the following announcement for more information and take the time to nominate some of your favorite stories!
~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~
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It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community!
The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)
Please read all rules prior to submitting ballots! Please PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards with any questions.
With it nearing six o'clock, the buildings of the FBI Academy were nearly empty. The top level officials didn't want to have to approve overtime, and the agents they employed had no desire to stay and finish mundane paperwork or tedious surveillance; the recruiters failed to mention that when they visited college campuses, and consequently their recruits promptly left the building after completing their required hours. Therefore, except for the janitorial staff dutifully sweeping up discarded coffee cups and emptying full trash bins, the security guards absently watching the security cameras, and the few agents who were attempting to meet various deadlines, the building was deserted. On the sixth floor, two members of the elite BAU stayed not to meet deadlines, and certainly not for pay, but to prepare themselves for the coming days.
One of the agents, SSA Aaron Hotchner, wasn't officially back from the leave of absence he had taken due to the death of his ex-wife, Haley, but he was in his office. Tomorrow he would return to work. Tomorrow - the day he would resume the position of Unit Chief. Due to his years as a prosecutor, Aaron Hotchner liked to be prepared. Coming in the evening before to make sure he was caught up on whatever he had missed while away was the best way to ensure that he was.
A knock on the door caused Hotch to look up from the email he was reading. Temporary Unit Chief Derek Morgan was stood in his doorway.
"Morgan, I didn't realize you were still here." Hotch motioned for the younger man to enter as he said, "come in."
"Just finishing up a few things. Making sure everything is in order before I turn things over to you again," Morgan replied easily, as he walked toward the desk. Hotch noticed the files in the dark-skinned profiler's hand but didn't have to wonder long about what they were. "These are the current cases I was considering for the team to take," Morgan said, as he reached the desk and placed the stack of files on top of the wood surface. "The file on top is the one I was leaning toward but, of course, the call is yours. I also left the notes I made on the files with them, in case you were interested."
Hotch pulled the stack of files toward him as he gazed up at Morgan. "You know I highly value your opinion, Morgan. I appreciate this. It'll make my first decision back easier to make."
Morgan nodded in acknowledgment to the compliment, unsure of how to reply.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Hotch asked, still holding the younger man's gaze, Rossi's words about Morgan not wanting to step down after getting a taste of leadership echoing in his mind.
"Yes," Morgan replied, his voice reflecting the conviction that he felt. "This was always a temporary promotion. I know that. This is your team. I respect you too much to even want to take this team away from you."
"And what about heading up another team? Your own?" Hotch asked, fearing the answer. He didn't want to lose Morgan but he wouldn't hold him back. Gone were the earlier reservations he'd had about Morgan's trust issues and impulsive actions that would hinder Morgan from making good leadership decisions. The dark-skinned agent had changed since Hotch had given that evaluation of the younger man when he was being looked upon to head up the New York Field office. Not to mention, working under the younger man had given Hotch a whole new respect for Morgan's ability to be an effective leader. Morgan had proved that evaluation wrong time after time while he had lead the team.
Morgan held Hotch's gaze. He knew that answer was a whole lot more difficult than a simple yes or no. "May I sit?" Morgan asked.
Hotch nodded and waved a hand to the chair that Morgan was standing behind. The dark-skinned profiler sat down across from the man who would outrank him in a few short hours.
"Morgan, if you are considering leading your own team, let me know. Between Rossi and I, we could probably manage to get something in the works. Not to mention your work here has been -"
Hotch broke off as Morgan held up his hand.
"I'm sure you and Rossi could, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to head up my own team someday. But not right now. Right now I want to be a part of this team - of your team, Hotch - even if you can be a drill sergeant."
Though he didn't show it, Hotch smiled inwardly at Morgan's last words. That sentiment had become a running joke between the two of them from the first case Hotch had been Unit Chief for, taking over while Gideon had been on a medical leave of absence following the case in Boston.
"As much as you deserve your own team, I'm glad to hear you say that. You're a hell of an agent and I don't want to lose you." Hotch paused making sure to catch Morgan's eyes and ensure he had the younger man's attention before continuing. "Although, taking a backseat after you've grown accustomed to leading can be hard."
"You seemed to change roles easily enough."
"It wasn't as easy as I made it seem," Hotch confessed, thinking of his own selfish reasons for giving into Strauss' insistence that he momentarily step down from the leadership of the team. Handing the reins over to Morgan had given him less responsibility and more time to focus on the personal crusade he had been on - finding George Foyet. "And I had my own reasons for accepting the change."
Hotch surprised himself with that admission. While he confided in Rossi when it came to his doubts and issues in his personal life, he generally did not include the rest of the team. Aaron Hotchner always thought it was his responsibility to show a calm, collected, self-confident front at all times, especially for the agents that worked under him. Showing cracks in that facade would only shake their confidence in him as a leader and in his leadership ability. Or so he had thought. Seeing the way the team had rallied around him during this entire ordeal with George Foyet had opened his eyes. The team had seen parts of him that he had never intended to reveal. Had seen him lose his cool. Had seen his grief at the loss of the only woman he had ever loved. And yet, he hadn't loss any credibility in their eyes. Hayley's funeral and the days following it had shown him that.
Deciding that revealing a little more of himself wouldn't hurt, Hotch decided to take the confession a bit further.
"Besides, despite everything else going on, I've got to admit that it was a relief to shed the weight of responsibility that the position of unit chief entails. It was actually nice to not have to make sure that everyone's paperwork is done; I only had to complete my own."
Morgan held up his hands in defense, knowing that Hotch considered him one of the biggest offenders on the team when it came to paperwork not being completed on time.
"Hey, I promise to try harder to get my paperwork done on time."
"Which means slipping Reid even more of your files," Hotch commented. He had intended for the remark to lighten the tone of the conversation, which was starting to get a bit too personal even for his new enlightened self. Unfortunately, it was immediately clear to him that it did not have that effect.
Morgan's body stiffened and the younger man set his jaw. He broke eye contact with Hotch, and focused on the desk between them.
Not for the first time since stopping down, Hotch wondered if something had happened between the two agents. He had felt a tension between the two of them over the past few months, but had chosen to stay out of it as it wasn't hampering the job. He hadn't been in charge then anyway so he hadn't felt it was his place to interfere, and he'd had other things on his mind as well. Now though - well as of tomorrow - he would be in charge. He felt a responsibility to the team to at least try to ease any tension among his agents to assure that it didn't interfere with their work.
"Did something happen between the two of you?"
Morgan sighed. "Not really," Morgan replied. He paused, thinking over his words. He hadn't admitted the fears he'd had while in the position of unit chief. He hadn't wanted to show that weakness. But if anyone would understand how he had felt, it would be the man sitting across from him. "I think I understand you better now Hotch. Why you've always tried to maintain a certain level of detachment from the rest of us."
Hotch looked across the desk at the other agent, trying to determine where Morgan was headed.
"Morgan, I care about the well-being of every agent who works under me. My door is always open to any of you."
"I know that. I wasn't trying to imply otherwise . . . it's just . . . well being in charge sort of isolates you in a way, doesn't it?" Morgan said, trying to explain himself while simultaneously wondering if all the fears and misgivings he had felt while serving as unit chief were just peculiar to him. "I mean, we always watch each other's backs while out there but when you're in charge, if something goes wrong then it's your fault. If something happens, you're the one that gave the order that resulted in that situation. But, at the same time, when you're thinking of what order to give, you can't let your emotions effect what needs to be done to solve the case. You can't not give a necessary order just because you're worried about your friends."
Hotch nodded, understanding what Morgan was trying to convey. "Yes, maintaining an emotional detachment while working on a case is necessary to effectively do this job. Once the case is over though, well that's when you deal with the emotional well-being of those serving under you as well as your own."
"I've got a greater respect for you now," Morgan said sincerely, relieved that the older man understood what he had been trying to say.
"So what's this have to do with you and Reid?"
Morgan allowed a small smile. "I'm not getting you to let it go that easily am I?"
"Not a chance."
"I guess being in charge made me feel like certain things in my relationships with others had to change. The teasing, especially the kind Garcia and I engage in, didn't seem appropriate. I felt that if I kept more of a distance between me and the others that I would be able to do my job more effectively. That making necessary decisions would be easier."
"Did it?"
"For the most part, but Hotch, every day I found myself thankful that he was on those crutches and then the cane later. Keeping him at the station made everything so much easier. Every time we got a case, all I could think of was that if Reid ever got hurt because of an order I gave I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I mean, well . . . he's Reid, you know? I've looked out for him for as long as I've known him. It's just how it works, Hotch. I'm supposed to protect him." ~He's like a little brother to me, ~ Morgan added silently, unable to voice that sentiment. Morgan allowed himself a small, relieved smile as he continued. "To be honest, I'm glad you're taking back over before he officially gets rid of that cane."
"Officially?"
"You mean you haven't caught him walking around without it? Every time he claims he 'forgot' to grab it, but I know he's hoping that the doctor will tell him he doesn't need it." Morgan informed him. There was a pause. "Hotch, I feel things will be different with the team. And that even though I want them to, things won't just go back to how they were."
"They won't," Hotch replied simply. "That doesn't mean they're ruined though. Relationships are always evolving. Things will work out. You and Garcia seem fine."
"We are, but things with Reid," Morgan shook his head. "Maybe I played being 'objective for the case' too often, or too well. I think it may have ruined our friendship. He's distant with me. He still trusts me, but it's not like before and I don't know how to change that."
"Have you talked with him?"
"No."
"Why don't you change that? Call him up, invite him for pizza and maybe a movie, and talk. It might do you both some good."
"And it can't hurt, right?"
"No, it can't." Hotch agreed. There was another pause before the former prosecutor spoke again. "Morgan this was a good experience for you. You're a natural leader so I knew you would excel at the job, but being in charge forced you to grow as a person and as an agent. You harnessed some of your reckless tendencies and put that energy to better use."
"And you got a chance to let loose a little," Morgan said with a wry smile.
"That I did," Hotch replied, thinking of chasing down the UnSub by himself during Morgan's first case as unit chief. He had to admit that had felt good. "I guess we're more alike than either of us realized."
"Yeah, I guess so," Morgan replied, feeling better about things after the talk with his soon-to-be unit chief. He got to his feet. "Hotch, thanks for this."
Hotch nodded. "Anytime. It put me back in the mind set for being unit chief, and I do appreciate you taking over temporarily."
"You're welcome. It was what the team needed. Just like now what we need is for you to take the leadership role back over. You're our rock, Hotch. I don't think we could have gotten through everything we've been through without you."
"I appreciate that and I know I wouldn't have been able to hold things together as well as I have without all of you."
Morgan nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."
With those final words, Hotch watched as the younger man headed out of the office. Morgan's transition had gone smoothly and now Hotch could only hope that this one would parallel its predecessor. The team did not need more trauma; they had gotten through the previous months because they were the best at what they did and because of their trust in one another, but even so, they could only be expected to endure so much. Everyone had their breaking point - even his team.
Hotch glanced out the office window at the darkened bull pen as Morgan's voice drifted over the silent, empty space. "Reid, hey man. I was thinking of getting a pizza and . . . " Morgan moved out of hearing range and Hotch turned back to the email he had postponed due to Morgan's visit. Yes - he was where he needed to be and it was good to be back.
