Hi everyone! I'm really excited to be writing again, and apologize it was such an horrifically long wait. This hopefully will not happen in the future.

Ever notice how all of the obscenely strong geniuses in Naruto are aloof and/or antisocial? It makes you wonder how new geniuses are born at all. Here is my take ;)

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S stands for Suck Kakashi thought dourly as he trudged back through the streets of Konoha. He had been on more S-class missions in the last month and a half than he could count on both his hands (and given his current mental state, this made the total of "adventures" innumerable). He really couldn't remember when he hadn't smelled like sweat and wilderness, nor when his clothes had felt comfortable, unencumbered by all of the smears of dried blood. On that count, he wasn't even entirely sure when he had slept last. Tragedy. Sheer tragedy.

High on his "let me do this or get a kunai in your kidney" list was showering, indulging in a few chapters of Icha Icha over something hot and edible, and sleeping away any sort of obligation his fazed system still felt towards the hidden village. He did not recall (though admittedly his memory wasn't in the best of shape at the moment) 'have dango thrown into hands by a fleeing man' being on said list. The incompetent robber fled down the avenue with a flailing of limbs and a stream of obscenities. Blinking down at the sticky dumplings, Kakashi tried to recall if this were an atypical occurrence when one was walking the streets of Konoha. Shortly thereafter, a swarm of what appeared to be thieving flunkies followed, each dribbling some sort of stolen delicacy in their wake. Last to rocket down the already crowded avenue was an obese shopkeeper clocking an impressive speed for his size, using sticks of pocky as projectile weapons. As a ninja of the village, Kakashi should have technically aided the shopkeeper and reprimanded the wrong doers, but… one had given him food, and it would hardly be proper etiquette to reward his benefactor's generosity with a cold jail cell. Satisfied with the karmatic conclusion, Kakashi turned in the direction of his apartment.

The second item he was relatively sure was not on his current list of must-do's was walking face-first into an irate Anko. He concluded that this particular development may have been slightly less desirable than having free food thrown at him.

Anko, for her part, was diligently working on refining the magnitude and intensity of her killing intent. Worse. Day. Ever. Between waking up late for a mission, losing the support of her personal subordinates as they were assigned to their own missions, nearly getting kunai'd in a vital organ at least three times when walking past the academy, and having the cursed seal act up (of course), she was at her wits end and desperately in need of something to maim. That something kindly presented itself by running face first into her. Breathing? Check. Warm? Check. Good, it would bleed. She whipped out a kunai, determined to have something go right for her. Oh, nothing fixes a glum mood like bloodsh- is that dango?

Instinctively shielding himself with the newly acquired dango as some vestigial instinct warned him of imminent danger, Kakashi squeezed shut his only visible eye in a pitiful and exhausted cringe. Anko in her usual maniacal state was scary as shit. Anko in pissed-off-must-murder mode was actually mortifying. A technique she had acquired from her old sensei, he was sure. It was several seconds before he cautiously cracked open his eye, hearing her tirade dwindled into silence.

Anko, he found to his bewilderment and fright, appeared on the verge of tears. As a relieved grin cracked across her face, she snatched the dango, swallowed an entire stick in one gulp, and fixed Kakashi with a predatory gaze. Kakashi blinked back owlishly.

In what he would later claim was a deliberate slowing of his reflexes, Kakashi found himself tackled to the ground by the psychotic kunoichi. He had just opened his mouth to deliver a cunning and witty retort when he found that very mouth being assaulted by the woman on top of him.

Two thoughts flashed through Kakashi's mind. The first was that Anko was getting mitarashi sauce all over his mask, and his already irate cleaners would have something above the usual blood and gore to bitch about. He was half tempted to warn her that, returning from this particularly gruesome mission, the mask was hardly sanitary. "Let the crazy wench die of some exotic disease" was his mind's immediate response.

His second though was that he had no idea you could play tonsil hockey through a mask. Frankly, he was ashamed of himself. To make up for this disgraceful lapse, he responded to Anko with gusto that belied his dwindling energy.

Unseen by the two ninja snogging in the dirt in the middle of the avenue, the traffic on Konoha's busiest street had come to a grinding halt. While Kakashi was fondly regarded as a village pervert, his giggles and blushes had a monogamous relationship with Icha Icha. It was actually a concern in the village that the great Hatake clan would end with the Copy Nin. To see the man getting so worked up with anything besides Jiraiya's orange covered monstrosities was a blow the villagers on the main span were unprepared for.

Unaware he had given a good third of the square mild aneurisms, Kakashi was rethinking his previous avoidance of the admittedly unstable kunoichi. Anko was doing something fascinating with her tongue that left him wondering if such actions were legal in public…and suddenly his vest and Jounin issued shirt were gone.

Kakashi was relatively unaffected by town gossip, but he suspected being stripped in Konoha's main avenue may have some negative repercussions. Not to mention being jumped by a Jounin was not on his list of things to do-

Kakashi's eye snapped open as the hands that had skillfully divested him of the upper half of his clothing became otherwise occupied. Nope, scratch that, being jump by a Jounin was on his list. Silly him for forgetting…

Sleep? His mind whispered tentatively. Don't think so, his body growled back, and both Jounin disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The square was silent for 3.27 seconds before it exploded with a cacophony of excited voices.

Tsunade rested her forehead on her desk. "What in the- just what?" she asked, not even knowing where to start. Shizune stood before her, reporting that the mass riot that had broken out three days ago was finally under control, and that property damage was under repair.

"Ah," Shizune started with a blush, glancing down at her notes. "It seems the crowd was, um, energized, at the site of two ninja… giving a public display of affection, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade glanced up, eyes quickly darting to the cabinet to the right of Shizune's head. 7:23 was NOT too early in the morning to start drinking….

"Shinobi have done a lot worse than lip-locking with each other in the streets. Why the hell was this particular display enough to light Ichiraku on fire?" Honestly, she had to push past ninja in the throes of far worse just to make it into her office everyday.

"Well, it seems the two ninja where Mitarashi Anko-" no surprise… "and Hatake Kakashi." Again, no… wait, WHAT? "The crowd was, er, inspired by the sudden unanticipated libido from the Copy Nin. The riot was the easiest way to channel this excited energy, I suppose."

Tsunade was still locked on the fact that her most antisocial genius was making out in the middle of the road. As the shock dulled, a grin seeped onto her features. "Get them both in here, now."

Utterly creeped out by the Hokage's expression, Shizune bowed and scuttled out of the room immediately. Tsunade templed her fingers as her mind went into overtime. It was so perfect! While she waited, Iruka came in with school progress reports and started filing mission statements. He was halfway through a good morning greeting before he fell into silence, hid his startled expression, and moved to the file cabinet that was furthest from the Hokage's desk. Every ten or twenty seconds he would glance back over his shoulder at her with a worried look, usually in concert with the delighted giggles that kept escaping her.

It wasn't long before all three Jounin returned to the office in varying states of dress. Kakashi was exposing considerably more than usual, his glowing pale skin only covered by a pair of blue boxers and a hastily thrown on mask. Anko, on the other hand, was actually more clothed than usual in an oversized shirt that left a lot more to the imagination than her usual mesh. Shizune, while fully clothed, was an alarming shade of red that actually bordered on purple.

"Is this important, Hokage-sama?" Anko yawned out with a feral grin. "I really would like to get back to our activities."

"You are sleeping together?" she asked bluntly. If either of the ninja were fazed by her prying, they didn't show it.

"Maa, she jumped me and hasn't let me leave my own apartment in days. I adapted to the situation."

"Have you SEEN him?! And God, you thought he was good on the battlefield!" Kakashi took this with a relaxed, blasé expression of a pampered house cat who knew it deserved all forms of worship and was simply accepting its due.

"Jiraiya really does inspire creativity…" He murmured in a belated effort at modesty. While their running commentary was amusing, Tsunade cringed at this comment and looked around the room to distract herself. Shizune looked mortified to the point of nearly passing out, and the reports clutched in Iruka's grip were slowly slipping from his hand, one sheet at a time, as his mouth dropped open into a gape.

"Good." She declared finally, and was rewarded with various levels of shock from the room's occupants. "I do, however, have a request."

Hatake quirked a silver eyebrow in question. Anko was too busy ogling him to respond.

"Make babies."

"Eh?!"

Thump.

Clank!

"Heeeehehe. Oh? You were serious?" Anko looked mildly baffled at the thought. Iruka had crashed into the cabinet, poor Shizune had had enough and passed out, and Kakashi appeared to be at a loss for words.

"That… I don't er, that is," all of the Copy Ninja's eloquence was lost in his stuttering. Perhaps he was still sleep deprived? Likely…

"Iruka!" Tsunade called, and the school teacher's features took on a look of sheer terror. "How are your classes doing?"

That was not was he was expecting… "They are all very dedicated to learning, Hokage-sama." He answered carefully, sensing a trap if not being able to see it.

"Indeed? And name a student who could hit all the targets straight on in their first try of shuriken practice."

"Ah, well, shuriken is not this class's strongest suit…"

"Oh? So how about henge? Surely someone grasped it immediately and can morph into anything they please effortlessly?"

Iruka appeared to be getting a bit flustered at the odd line of questioning. "Well, we're still a bit mired in henge at the moment. But-"

"Intellect? Ability to solve complex trajectory questions in a blink? Taijutsu? Amazing speed? Bloodline limits?"

Iruka stared at the floor, not wanting to belittle his students. They were all very dedicated to their studies- one of the best classes he had had, in fact- they were just still a bit caught up in the basics. Perhaps it was due to the conspicuous lack of talent that they were so manageable. "We do have the one Hyuuga boy-"

"Heiji? The one who passes out if anyone even mentions activating byakugan, and stabbed himself in the foot three times last week? It may have to do with those twelve fingers he has…"

"Ah-"

Tsunade turned away from the embarrassed teacher.

"We have NO prodigies. Not one, in the last seven years or so. Our geniuses are too busy gobbling up missions to reproduce."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed. Whose fault was that?

"In another ten or so years, Konoha has the potential to be the weakest of the Hidden Villages. We are on the verge of destruction from our own doing."

"I don't like kids," Kakashi muttered. "Why don't you go recruit some other prodigies to do this?"

Oh, I WILL…"Because that is none of your concern. Your concern is this new S-rank mission."

Both of the Jounin regarded her mildly.

"If Anko has a child within the year, you will get triple the regular pay of an S-class." Both sets of eyebrows shot into their respective hairlines. "Each." Jaws dropped open. "And the sum will double with each child." Anko's look for Kakashi was a whole new breed of rabid. "You will also get a house. With several acres of forested land added on to your family lands."

Both were silent. That was as close to a guaranteed retirement as any ninja had ever heard. Still…

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama, I can say in total honesty we would make the worse parents the world has ever seen." While Tsunade was inclined to agree with him, stating so was counter-productive to her goal.

"Nonsense. Your first, er, three or so years of life were normal enough…" he gave her a level look, "and I'm sure Anko could take up the slack for the later childhood…" the cursed seal almost seemed to hum.

Anko shrugged. "We'll just slip sake into the little brat's bottle. If he's sauced, he won't be able to tell we're horrible parents."

There was something so fundamentally flawed about that statement that no one in the room really had a response.

"Okay, so you can't raise the child, but I'll I need you two to do is make it." Her eyes flitted around the room. Perfect. "Iruka will live with you two and raise the child for you."

"I'll do WHAT?"

"Maa, Iruka-sensei, that is very generous of you. I have no doubt it will be a hellion."

"Heee. If you get bored with that assigned role, you could always join us. You have any tricks up your sleeve about threesomes, Kakashi?"

"Eh, I could come up with something."

Thud.

Iruka became the second unconscious body in the room that morning.

After ushering her first breeding pair out of the office (along with a flustered and disoriented Iruka, who legitimately looked close to tears), Tsunade sat back at her desk and felt immensely pleased with herself. She was doing something essential for the village, and was having a damn fun time doing it. Why stop now?

Lazily lobbing an empty sake cup at Shizune to get her to wake up, Tsunade regarded her aide with glee. "This village will soon be flooded with the most talented little ninja the five nations have ever seen. I thought that Hatake brat would be the hardest! Who should we tackle next?"

Shizune straightened her kimono with careful dignity. Arranging a "breeding program" for the most powerful ninja in the village sounded like a good way to piss off a lot of individuals who were a great deal stronger than her. She did not relish the thought.

"Perhaps we should just let them work out their own relationships, Hokage-sama. It seems immoral-"

Tsunade waved her away. "Stop rambling Shizune. What is the most skilled position below Hokage right now?"

Shizune gave a defeated sigh. She knew she should have stayed home and played house with Tonton. "I don't know, Hokage-sama, there are many high ranking positions below you. Naruto? He's Hokage-in-training right now."

"We'll tackle that challenge in due time," Tsunade said with a cringe. "Besides, Naruto is amazingly talented, but he got there out of sheer obstinacy. We need some quick-fix genius babies, not a village flooded with hyper-active, attentions deficit children harboring speech impediments."

Shizune had by this time come to terms with the fact the discussion was particularly amoral, and didn't bother lecturing the Hokage on her heartless statement. "Perhaps one of the talented ANBU Captains then?"

Tsunade's face split into another terrifying grin. "Where is ANBU unit one?"

Shizune had anticipated the question before Tsunade even voiced it. She was getting quite good at suppressing her sighs. "They are field-scouting today, Hokage-sama."

"Send a message to all the nin on gate duty. I want Hyuuga Neji in my office by sunset."