Better Than Me, a harry potter fanfic

WARNING: This is a sequel to the one-shot 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' that can be found on my profile. Those who didn't read it, however, can just read the short summary below:

James found out that Lily was cheating on him with Amos Diggory, and he went into a period of depression. His friends tried to talk him out of it, but he kept running to the Forbidden Forest for comfort. Finally, one day while he was hiding in the forest again, he told himself that he needed to get over Lily and start being himself again. Meanwhile, Lily just found out that Amos was just using her to prove that he could be better than James, so she breaks up with him and hopes to reconcile with James. However, James has also made a promise to himself that he will never talk to Lily Evans ever again.

...Yeah, I recommend you read the actual story, because I suck at summaries.

AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM.

SONG IS 'BETTER THAN ME' BY HINDER.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, and I certainly do not own the song. The only thing I own is the plot, so don't you dare steal that away from me!

I think you can do much better than me

After all the lies that I made you believe

It had been exactly two weeks, three days and eleven hours since James Potter had stood on this very spot, in this very room, facing her with a face of utmost disgust. It was here where the words were final, where the tears were shed, where Lily knew she had lost him forever.

She felt so stupid. How could she had thought that, after everything she had done to him, he would just accept her back so easily? This wasn't a computer game, there are no second chances, she couldn't just waltz back into his life just like that, after breaking it so firmly. She laid a hand on the couch where they had sat, where Lily told him that she was sorry, and where he didn't accept her apology.

A tear slid down her cheek, but she wiped it away. She wouldn't be like those weak, pathetic girls in the movies, she had promise herself. She had to stay strong, she had to stay Gryffindor, as James would always remind her after another spat with her best-friend-not Snape.

Stay strong, stay Gryffindor, and together we will be able to conquer any obstacle that comes our way. Those were his exact words.

Thinking about him, tears welled up in her eyes again. Just thinking about the way she had betrayed him so badly, after everything he had done to please her, after everything he had done for her...

All she wanted to do was scream.

Guilt kicks in and I start to see

The edge of the bed

Where your nightgown used to be

Lily walked out in the cold air alone, with only a woollen scarf and her trusty wand as company. She treaded the roads that were covered in snow, making tiny, heavy hearted footsteps along the way. Her eyes travelled to the currently frozen lake. The ice sparkled as the sun shone on it, giving it a beautiful golden glow. Lily allowed herself a small smile.

"James, please. I'm sorry. At least give me a second chance!"

"Why would I give a second chance to backstabbers like you?"

Lily's smile dropped.

Backstabbers like you. That was the line that Lily, along with many others, remembered the most. This was the line that hurt her so horrifyingly she almost crumpled to the ground like a heap of nothing. And even now, after so many days, the thoughts still come back, and they still cut her like a knife.

"Why can't you find it in yourself to forgive me?"

"How could you have found it in yourself to betray me?"

She knew she deserved it, though. The pain, the abandoned feeling. She deserved every little punishment she got. Because she, like the people she swore she would never be, was a backstabber.

Backstabber.

Traitor.

Untrustworthy.

A failure.

"I know I've hurt you, but-"

"Hurt me? Hurt me? Perfect, prissy Lily Evans knows how much she's hurt me, does she? You didn't hurt me, Evans; you killed me."

And she would never be able to redeem herself.

I told myself I won't miss you

"Amos, we shouldn't-" she tried to say, but stopped as Amos put an arm on her waist and pulled her close to him, his breath tickling her ear. "Come on, Lily," he murmured.

She found it very difficult to breathe, being so close and intimate with him. Her breath hitched in her throat when he trailed his hands up and down her thigh.

"I can be so much better than him," he whispered so softly Lily had to strain to hear him, even though he was just right beside her. "I can offer you things he wouldn't even think of."

"James-" she tried to say, but she was cut off by a long, hard kiss given by Amos.

It was nothing like she had ever experienced. It set her on fire, that kiss had. Instantly she tangled her fingers in his hair and crushed herself even harder towards him, deepening the kiss. A low growl emitted from his chest and he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him.

James never made you feel like this before, Lily's inside voice thought. When they had started, Lily said she wanted to go slow, and James happily agreed. Anything to be with his Lily.

But it's wrong just to leave him like that!

So what? Face it, Lily. You've been cheating on him for months. If you have cared for him, you would have rejected Amos from the start.

Lily's eyes gazed over to where James, Sirius and Remus were drinking themselves silly, and remembered all the good times she had together with James, the walks they had shared by the lake, all the jokes he had told her, and all the times she had laughed, even when they weren't funny...

I probably won't even miss him anyways, she thought, turning back to Amos and smiling. She knew now this is whom she belonged with.

She just hoped her guilty, aching heart would realize it someday, too.

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

"Hey, are you okay?" asked Mary Macdonal, one of Lily's best friends in Hogwarts. She handed her a cup of steaming tea.

Lily took it with a small "thanks" and drank deeply. The tea warmed up her insides, making her feel a little bit better. Just a little.

She laid the cup back onto the table and stared out the window. It was a beautiful day outside. Many students were enjoying the bright sun by taking playing Quidditch, observing the giant squid, or simply just talking a stroll around the lake.

She and James used to be like that.

Guilt crashed down on her again, and Lily looked down at her hands, close to tears. How had something so perfect become so wrong?

By cheating on the man who made your life complete, that's how.

Mary sat down beside her. "Come on, Lils," she said. "I know this is a difficult subject for you, but it's been three weeks. You have to tell me what happened."

"Two weeks and four days," she muttered. Mary flashed her an annoyed look.

"I don't want to talk about it now. Just...later, okay?" said Lily tiredly. Mary sighed exasperatedly and nodded.

Lily smiled sadly. "Thanks, M. You're the best."

"I thought you loved me!"

"I thought you loved me too! Obviously I was wrong!"

"Please, what can I do to fix this?"

"If you really wanted everything to be perfect, you wouldn't have done it in the first place."

"But I miss being together with you, James. I miss us."

"There is no us anymore, Evans. You destroyed us the day you destroyed my heart."

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

She missed him.

She really did.

She missed the way he held her hand in the corridors, telling her lame jokes and the stories of him and the Marauders. She missed the way he would play with her hair when he was bored, and the way he would try to explain Quidditch to her although she still couldn't get it. She missed his carefree attitude, a man who had everything and didn't care about anything. Most of all, she missed him being hers, and she being his.

It's not like they didn't exactly not see each other. No, they see each other all the time. Down the corridors, in classes, during meal times... but neither of them had gone up to the other to express their own feeling, and in a way, Lily was glad that James hadn't come to her yet. The first time was bad enough.

Lily shivered in the cold. Christmas was coming, and so the usual decorations were being put up. Hagrid has, once again, handled all twelve Christmas trees single-handed, and Flitwick was casting the usual charms all around school to give the place some Christmas spirit. Usually, this would also be the time when the Marauders would pull a spectacular prank and dazzle the entire school, lifting up their spirits even more.

This time, Lily was sure that there would be no prank.

She knew other people were talking about it. If the Marauders were to do something, they would have done it by now. It was only a few more days till Christmas. And Lily knew that everyone blamed her. She even blamed herself.

Just then, someone bumped into her, startling her from her thoughts and making her drop all her books on the floor.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking- oh, it's you."

Lily didn't even have to look up to know that that was the voice of Sirius Black. Flushing with embarrassment, she mumbled a apology and bent down to pick them up, not daring to look into his eyes.

When she stood back up, he was still there, staring expectantly at her. She stared at him questionably, but not in the eye. Definitely not in the eye.

"What is it you want, Sirius?" she asked, sounding a lot more braver than she felt. She knew what was coming for her and she still stood there like a fool, instead of running away. God, what was wrong with her sometimes?

The loud blow came just as she expected. "What is it I want? What is it you want, Evans?" he snapped. "Do you enjoy playing with people's hearts just like that, toying with them and then ripping them apart to your fancy?"

Tears welled up in her eyes again. Lily hated herself for being so weak. "I never wanted to hurt him, Sirius," she tried.

He snorted. "Yeah right, because cheating on him with his arch enemy won't hurt him, will it? Let's just assume everyone is stone and I'm the only person with feelings, so I can do whatever I want!" he said in a very bad imitation of Lily's voice. Then he looked sharply at her. "You know Evans, I could have got it if you weren't into him, but wrecking his heart just like that-"

"Like you are any better," she snapped back. Anger took over any feeling of sadness, remorse of guilt she should have felt then. She was tired of everyone trampling over her. She knew she was wrong, so was it necessary for everyone to shove it in her face? "You play with girls all the time," she continued, even though she knew she was just adding fuel to the fire. "You use them just for sex, and then toss them away like they're useless ragged dolls. Have you ever thought of how they felt like? Their dream, Sirius Black, finally asks them out, only to realized that he's just a good-for-nothing playboy."

Lily felt satisfaction as she saw Sirius's eyes narrow. "At least I'm not afraid to admit it," he snapped, wiping away all smugness that Lily had felt. "And half of the girls I shag know what they're in for. And besides, they angst for a little while, and then they move on to someone else. But you-" Sirius stopped as he saw James talking to Mary from the corner of his eye.

He grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her to a more secluded corner, watching for any suspicious looking people that might spy on them until they had finally reached their destination. He shoved her in an old, abandoned classroom and locked the door behind them. Lily checked the room for Peeves for good measure.

Finally, Sirius continued from where he last left off. "But you," he said in the most menacing voice that he could muster. "You knew that James liked you. Loved you, even. He spent five years chasing after you. Five. Fucking. Years. Evans. And then he finally got you. Do you know how happy he was then? I have never seen a more spirited face. And then you had to ruin it."

Every little thing that Lily had tried to push away from her mind flowed out of Sirius mouth so easily she just wanted to run away and never come back. "And are you really so dense to think that Diggory actually liked you? For Merlin's sake, Evans. Anyone could see that he was using you to get back at James. You would have seen it too if you just cared a little-"

"Okay, stop. Just stop!"

"No, I will not stop, Evans. You have no idea, no fucking idea how he feels right now. It's like watching a dead man walk, and let me tell you, it is not a pleasant sight."

"Do you think I'm not affected as well? I have to live with the guilt every day, for the rest of my life, and it's just eating me up inside- oh god, you don't even know what I'm feeling."

"Well maybe you should have thought of that before you made the wrong choice."

They stood there, glaring at each other, before the bell rang and the both of them jumped out of their reverie. Lily picked up her bag and made her way towards the door.

"Evans."

She stopped in her tracks, her hand on the doorknob.

"At least talk to him, even if you can't fix it. He misses you, you know," he said, his voice softer, kinder, more sympathetic.

She closed her eyes. "I know. I do too."

She walked out and closed the door behind her.

While looking through your old box of notes

I found those pictures I took

That you were looking for

James was cleaning out his trunk. He decided to go home for the holidays. It'sbeen a while since he's had Christmas with the family, and he wouldn't mind going for the annual Christmas ball again, just this once. Besides, he missed all his cousins. They only come so often during the summer. He had offered the others to come with him, but Sirius wanted to settle down in his new flat, and Peter was going there to help him. Remus was going home as well. Said he misses his mom's turkey.

Suddenly, James heard someone knocking the door. "Come in," he called.

The door slid open slowly to reveal a very timid looking Mary, who was holding on to a very frail looking piece of parchment. "Hey James."

He nodded. "Mary."

The both stayed that way in awkward silence for a while, each not knowing what to say. Finally, something popped back into Mary's mind and she handed James the parchment in her hand. "I found what you were looking for. Merlin knows how trouble I had to go through to get it."

He took it from her and smiled. "Thanks, Mary. I knew I could count on you."

"What do you want with those, anyway?" she asked. "I mean, I haven't opened them or anything, but it seems to me that it's something you wrote to Li-" she gasped and clapped her hands to her mouth.

Instantly, James's entire mood changed. His smile disappeared, his eyes turned into a darker shade of brown, and every single happy thought left him. All he did was turned away from her and continue to pack his things.

"I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry!" exclaimed Mary. "Here, let's change the subject - how was potions today?"

That was the wrong question.

His entire body tensed up, and his expression became colder than it already was. Mary could literally see the black aura emitting from him, and she backed away slowly. She mentally hit herself for asking such a stupid question- she and James had seen Lily and Sirius sneak off together when they were chatting away after potions.

"Right, wrong question..." she tried to start again awkwardly as James continued to ignore her. "Alright then, how was-"

"Mary," he interrupted. "Take my advice: Stop reading Witch Weekly, take up a hobby, and shut up."

Well, she couldn't say that it was bad advice.

Cold air flew between them, brushing against the awkward silence that was hanging so obviously between them, although no one wanted to acknowledge it. It just stayed there, swishing around, wrapping around their arms and legs, clogging up their vocal chords, messing with their minds.

Finally, Mary found the courage to ask what has been bothering her for a long time. "James, what really happened in the common room that day? All I heard was that you guys got into a fight, but really-"

"I've told you before, Mary, I don't like to talk about it," he said stiffly.

Silence again.

"James-"

"Mary, I think you should leave."

She understood that she has lost.

She sighed in defeat and walked slowly out of the room, dragging her feet one at a time. James still stayed where he was before, stiff, tense, guarded, kneeling there on the floor with what he was suppose to be packing for his holiday back home. He could hear Mary's fingers clasp around the doorknob and turn in open, but she didn't walk out.

"You know, just because you don't talk about it, doesn't mean it didn't happen," she said.

He heard her foot scuffling out and the door slamming shut.

Dear Lily,

There are so many words I want to write out in this letter. So many words that I just want to spill out right now, so many words that I could use to describe what I'm feeling now. But I guess there's only one way to say this:

Lily, I love you.

I love the way you shake me up so early in the morning just to share the sunrise with me. I love the way you always complain about your hair, and how you always tie it back even though many tell you to just leave it down. I love the way you concentrate hard during classes and tell off my mates and I for goofing around, and the way you stick by the rules like your life depends on it. I like the way you pretend your listening during History of Magic, although really, you're just doodling at the end of your page.

But most importantly, I love you for you.

I love the way you care for everyone you have ever met, and how you'd risk anything just to make sure their okay. I love your confidence and your pride when you get in an argument, and your determination to win (and most of the time, you do -hard as it is to admit it). The way you are responsible, disciplined, hardworking- all of these add up to your beautiful personality, and goddammit, you're just so beautiful, Lily. You truly are.

I'm writing this letter, because there are so many things I just want to say, and yet so many things I just cannot say. Even as I sit here, with my quill in hand, the words don't come easy for me. You're like my sunshine on a rainy day, a single red rose among all the black ash. Remember that book you made me read- Pride and Prejudice? You are like Elizabeth, and I am like Mr Darcy. Yes, even I'm admitting it.

You're all I could ever want, Lily, and now, after five years, I finally have you, and nothing could make me happier.

I hope this doesn't change anything between us, but I love you so much Lily, it's true. And I really hope that you will love me back one day, even if that one day is not today.

Yours forever,

James.

His eyes skimmed over the words he once wrote to confess his undying love for the most beautiful maiden on earth. His eyes sparkled as he remembered how she had rushed into his arms that day, how she had returned the words back with such passion in her voice James could not resist any longer to swoop down and kiss her. He remembered how happy he was then, how confident and strong he was, like he could take over the world.

Now all he could feel, as he read the letter over again, was the dark, dark memory of how he used to feel. He was once the strong, passionate man who could conquer the world, but now that man was too far out of reach. Like it was there, but he still couldn't grab it. Something was missing, and he had a feeling that it would never be found.

So why did he ask to keep the letter?

Because the letter is the only proof that any of what happened between him and Lily actually existed. It was the only thing that couldn't betray him, because what was written on paper could never be taken back. It was the sole survivor of their rocky and failing relationship, and probably the only hope left of ever getting them together.

James held it in between his finger, examining every corner of the flimsy piece of parchment.

It was the only thing left that could remind James that what they had was real, and not everything was a lie.

You're all I could ever want, Lily, and nothing could make me happier.

He crumpled it up into a ball and tossed it into the fire.

If there's one memory I don't want to lose

That time at the mall

You and me in the dressing room

"Oof" escaped Lily's lips as she bumped into yet another person the second time today. And again, all her books fell onto the floor. She sighed in exasperation and bent down to pick them up. "I'm sorry, I didn't see where I was go-"

"Lily?" said a voice.

She looked up to meet the warm, chocolate eyes of Remus Lupin, who had also bent down to help a friend in need. He smiled warmly as her eyes met his and handed her her books. They both stood up.

She was glad that this time, it was Remus. Remus was the kind one, the sensible one. He wasn't crude and rough like Sirius Black, and she knew him better, so they were most likely considered as friends more than anything else. But Lily still wasn't fooled.

She knew why Remus was here. He, like Mary and Sirius, have come for her.

"Mind if I walk you back to the common room?" he asked in a pleasant, polite, typical Remus-fashion. Lily knew it was a trap.

But what else could she do? She couldn't avoid this forever, and he would just find another way to corner her, anyway. Besides, he couldn't be any worse than Sirius, could he?

She gave a nonchalant shrug. "Sure."

The both of them set off to the common room in silence., lost in their own thoughts. Lily kept glancing at Remus, wondering when was he going to drop the bomb.

They were walking down the third floor corridor, and Lily was getting impatient. Her palms were sweaty, her legs were shaking, and she desperately had to resist the urge to just bolt out of sight. If he wanted to talk to her, why didn't he just do it already?

Finally, while at the fifth floor, she snapped. She spun around and faced Remus with a ace so ferocious it could have put McGonagall to shame. "What is your problem?" she demanded.

He merely looked at her questioningly. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you!" she exclaimed, bringing a finger to his chest. "I know why you're here. You're just like them- Sirius, Mary- I can't even walk peacefully for five minutes without one of you breathing down my back-"

"Lily," he tried.

"What is it all of you want from me? And you, pretending you want to walk me to the common room and just stalling there, waiting to ambush me with your horrid questions. What, is Peter going to jump out from behind a vase and get me? Do I have to watch out for him too?"

"Lily-"

"Look, I know what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry that no one even knows how sorry I am. I'm sorry for ever believing that Amos liked me, I'm sorry for breaking James heart, I'm sorry for 'playing with his heart'-" she made air quotation marks as she said that. "I'm sorry for ever talking to James, and I'm sorry for loving him, okay? I'm really, really sorry-"

"Lily!" Remus finally managed to get her attention by grabbing her arm, which was making wild gestures. She looked close to tears. "I'm not going to interrogate you," he said gently.

Lily sniffed. "You're not?"

"No. I, uh, actually had a different motive," he continued, a lot normally now that she had calmed down. "I wanted to apologize for Sirius's behavior."

She blinked. Once. Twice.

"Oh" was all she said.

They stood in awkward silence, neither knowing what to do, neither knowing what to say.

"Lily," said Remus quietly. "I think you should talk to James."

She sighed. "I tried, Remus. I really did. But he just didn't-"

"No, Lily. When I say talk to him, I mean talk to him, not beg him to take you back," he said. "I don't want to take sides here, but let's face it- you're in the wrong. And until James sees past that to accept you again, he's not going to take you back, no matter how much he loves you."

She sighed again in frustration. Why is this all so hard? "I know, but-"

"Lily," he said, taking her hand not in a loving way, but in a way a friend would hold the hand of another friend. "It would be the best for all of us. Please."

She then looked at him for the first time. He seemed withdrawn, shaken but calm, like as though he's living life purely for the sake of living. There was no fire in his eyes, like the ones she's seen in James so many times before. He's seemed to have given up.

She cracked. Tears swelled up in her eyes, and she didn't want to push them away. "Remus, I'm-"

"If you say the word 'sorry' again I'm going to have to hex you," he said, and even Lily cracked a smile at that. "I'm just saying, Lils. James loves you. A lot, too. And though I know nothing can be the same again, it doesn't hurt to try again. That's what he has been doing for the past five years, hasn't he?"

And with that, he spun around and walked down the corridor, leaving Lily standing there alone. Why does everyone seem to do this nowadays?

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

"James," she breathed, watching him standing there, hands in his pocket.

He turned around slowly, and every second more she had to wait made her even more anxious than she already was. She wanted to get this over with.

"Evans," he said, smiling bitterly. "What a pleasant surprise. What do I owe this pleasure?"

She winced at his voice. It sounded cold, dead, unused for several years. She took a deep breath and stepped forward. "James, I'm sorry."

The tension in the air was thick then. No one else but the two of them were in the common room, seeing as it was two in the morning. Lily wanted to take a sword and just cut the tension in half, but she knew that would be impossible.

James raised an eyebrow. "You're sorry." It wasn't a question.

"Yes. I am, James. Really. I wish that we could be together again."

Okay, that sounded a lot less stupider in her mind.

Both of his eyebrows were raised now. "You want us to be together again."

She stayed silent. She didn't know what to say.

"What happened to precious Diggory?"

She winced again. This was not going well. "He- well, I dumped him."

"I see. And I'm -what? The rebound guy?"

"No!" she exclaimed a little too loudly. "You're not! James, look, I made a mistake-"

He snorted. "Well, I guessed as much."

"-but I've turned over a new leaf," she said in determination. She wasn't going to let his snide remarks and horrible attitude get her hopes down. She knew they could be together. She just knew it.

"Well, what makes you think I believe you?" he shot back, and Lily was stunned. She hadn't expected such an answer.

She tried again. "James, I know I hurt you-"

"Hurt me? Well, that's a thought. Lily Evans hurts James Potter." he laughed sardonically. "Just like she's been doing for the past five years."

"So what you are saying is no?" said Lily softly, not believing her ears. She couldn't believe it! It all seemed so easy in her head.

"What, do you need me to spell it out for you, Evans? Of course I'm saying no! Why, in a million years, would I say yes if you're just going to treat me like that?"

"James, please. I'm sorry. At least give me a second chance!"

"Why would I give a second chance to backstabbers like you?" he blew up, finally giving in. His strong, impeccable front broke right in front of Lily eyes, and suddenly all she wanted to do was run away.

"Please, James," she pleaded. "Why can't you find it in yourself to forgive me?"

"How could you have found it in yourself to betray me?" he yelled, not caring who he woke up. "You knew I loved you, Evans! After all these years, after so long I've been trying to transmit the message, but you didn't get it did you? You were too busy fanning over Amos fucking Diggory-"

"I know I've hurt you, but-"

"Hurt me? Hurt me? Perfect, prissy Lily Evans knows how much she's hurt me, does she? You didn't hurt me, Evans; you killed me."

"I thought you loved me!" wailed Lily.

"I thought you loved me too! Obviously I was wrong!"

"Please," she tried again. "What can I do to fix this?"

"If you really wanted everything to be perfect, you wouldn't have done it in the first place." he said, his voice ringing with finality.

The silence overcame them again. Tears were streaming down Lily's eyes, and she bowed her head to let her hair fall as a curtain over her face.

"But I miss being together with you, James." she said softly, speaking only the truth. "I miss us."

"There is no us anymore, Evans. You destroyed us the day you destroyed my heart." he snarled harshly. And with that, he left the common room in a huff, running up to the boys' dormitories as fast as his legs could carry him.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

Wish I never would've said it's over

And I can't pretend...

"Out of my way! Everyone just get OUT OF MY WAY!"

Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew came storming into view, wands in their hands and their appearance in a mess. Sirius's hair was askew, and there were stains of blood on his shirt. Remus and Peter had it slightly better than him, but nothing could compare to the anguish looks on their faces. It was as if someone had died.

Well, close enough.

Behind them, a floating stretcher came into view and a very bloody, very messy body laid on it. The boy's shirt was off, and in it's place lay a gigantic cut across his chest and right to the stomach. His nose was bloody and his glasses were askew. But though in this horrid position, everyone recognized him instantly.

"NO!"

A horrible shriek that was let out in the paved courtyard could have been heard twenty miles away, but at that moment, Lily didn't care who heard her as she rushed beside the man she knows and loves, a certain man who was extremely close to his death unless given assistance immediately.

"James, no!" No man or woman could have competed to her agonized screams as she ran to see him clearer. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her knees felt weak, but yet she pushed forward through the crowd, just so that she could see him. It looked like his right leg was almost sliced off.

Finally, she reached him, with only the Marauders in the way. She gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. "Let. Me. Through." she said.

"Evans, this is no time to pick an argument," said Sirius with an equal amount of disdain.

"I need to see him!" she insisted.

"In the hospital wing!" he snapped, pushing her away and marching towards their destination. But Lily wasn't about to give up without a fight.

"What happened to him?" she cried, not caring that a thousand students were staring at them right now with their wide eyes and whispering among each other. Sirius pursed his lips in a scary imitation of McGonagall.

"None of your business, Evans," he said calmly. Anyone within a ten foot radius could tell that he was holding all his anger in and trying his best not to yell out at Lily right there and then.

"Black," she growled, threatening him, but Sirius entertain her anymore. His best friend was dying behind him, and there was this pesky red fly right in front of him disturbing him with her buzzing and her fussing. He swatted her away and rushed into the school, the stretcher floating behind him. Peter followed him without question.

Lily started to run after them. "Sirius Black, don't you dare-" but she was stopped by Remus, who grabbed her wrist and reeled her back. He shook his head at her.

"Later," he said in a softer tone than Sirius. "What James needs now is a paramedic and some rest."

Lily swallowed in her tears that were now flowing down her face like an endless waterfall. She needed to see him, needed to know what position he was in, know that he's still alive. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she found it exceptionally hard to breathe. "Don't you understand, Remus?" she cried out, clutching his shoulders for support. "I need to see him. I need to see- and know- I can't just stand here-"

"I know, Lily," he said. Lily could see that Remus was worried as well. His eyebrows were scrunched together and his hands were shaking. But they still held her arms firmly as he said, "I'm scared, too."

She looked back at the door and bit her lip. She knew it would be awhile before she could see him.

"What happend out there, Remus?" she asked, anxious and scared to know at the same time.

Instantly, his face darkened. "Death Eater attack in Hogmeade," he said, and she couldn't help it- she gasped. "James put a shield while all the other students got back into the carriages. As soon as he let it down, six Death Eaters came charging his way and he had no choice but to fight his way out. He got hit by a dark curse I can't identify. We did everything we could do to help."

A Death Eater attack. Six against one. Dark curse. That was all that registered in Lily's brain.

Her head was spinning, making her dizzy. She fell to her knees. Her circulation of air was cut off, and she breathed heavily, her chest heaving up and down. She grabbed her head, trying to stop it from spinning, but nothing helped. She was trapped.

She decided not to go to Hogsmeade today, as NEWTs was coming soon and she really needed to study. Or at least, that's what she kept telling herself. If she honestly spoke to herself, the reason was that she didn't want to go to Hogsmeade with anyone but James, and she knew that it was impossible. So she decided to stay, thinking it was the best.

And look where that got her.

She should have gone. She should have helped. She, as Head Girl, should have been responsible enough to know her time and place. She should have helped James, not just leaving him there to do everything on his own. To leave him there with the six Death Eaters, to leave him there to die.

"Remus," she managed to gasp out. "Tell the prefects to restore order. Tell them to get everyone back to their houses. Please, I need you to do this for me."

She could see him turn around and yell out something, but she couldn't hear the words. She couldn't process them right. All she could think of was how she had failed, how much she has lost. She couldn't even breathe right, was she going to lose her life as well?

She felt the area being cleared, and she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Breathe, Lily," came in Remus's voice.

And so she did. She breathed in, breathed out. Her breathing became stable again, and with the help of Remus, she managed to stand up again.

"James," was the only thing that she said. Remus nodded, and the both of them rushed up to the hospital wing together.

Every step that Lily took was a nightmare. She wanted to apparate directly into the hospital wing, but obviously she couldn't do that. After what seemed like forever, she saw the familiar old doors and a short matron standing with her hands on her hips, her lips pursed.

She and Remus rushed to her. "How is he?" he asked.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "I've done everything I could to help him, but he may need to be sent to St Mungos. Though he can't be sent anywhere in this position. It was amazing how he could have still stunned three Death Eaters in this condition."

Lily didn't want to turn her head. She didn't want to look. She didn't want to see what was laid out for her, to let reality hit her. She still wanted to pretend that it was just another of James's fights with Slytherins and he could come out looking a little injured, but still with a wide smile of victory and say, "Don't worry Lily-Flower, I'm fine."

But she still looked anyway.

It was worse than she imagined. Most of the blood was cleared up, but the cut across his chest was still very big and very obvious. It looked like someone broke his glasses, as well. His left leg was broken, and there were red marks on his neck, like someone had tried to strangle him. But the worse of all was his eyes.

His eyes, the eyes that usually got Lily through the day, the eyes that usually shined with mischief and laughter, the beautiful hazel eyes with flecks of green in them where not staring at the ceiling, hollow, blank. It was when she saw his eyes when she broke down.

She broke down right there and then, in front of Madam Pomfrey, in front of Remus, in front of Sirius and Peter, who never left James's side. She fell to her knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. They couldn't even spare his eyes, spare the life that was in them, spare everything that Lily had fallen in love with. She ran to his side and took his hand, sobbing into his bare, injured chest.

She didn't care that Madam Pomfrey was trying to get her off. She didn't care that Remus was trying to force feed her a calming drought. Hell, she didn't even care that Sirius was in the room. Right in front of everyone, in the midst of all the chaos, she said, "James, come back, please. Please come back. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you. You're right; I don't deserve you."

The words that she's been keeping to herself for so long finally spilled out from her mouth, and as she said it, she knew she was speaking the truth. She felt like everything was said with that sentence, but she kept going on anyway. "I don't deserve you after everything I did to you. Ever since first year, I've treated you like a dog in mud. I never appreciated you. I don't understand why you loved me, I truly don't.

"I'm not asking you to give me a second chance, I don't want it. You've given me millions of chances, and I blew them all. And I know that pleading for you to forgive me is useless, because I don't deserve it. If I could do it all over again, I would have ran into your arms and never let you go. I never would have gotten together with that prat. I would have always stayed with you, be together with you even through all your mess ups and mistakes, because you've been through all of mine.

"I love you, James. I really do. But I'm not asking you to return it, or wake up to this sentence like they do in the movies and act like a couple again. But I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will. And while I know this sentence won't do much, I hope you'll take heed in what I say next.

"I'm not the only one here who's waiting for you to wake up. All of us here, in this room, even those outside this room, are praying that you're okay. Remus, Sirius, Peter," she swallowed. "Your mom, your dad, even Professor McGonagall, although she probably won't admit it. So wake up for them, show them that you're okay, put their hearts at ease.

"We love you, James. Don't ever forget that."

Lily pressed her lips to the palm of his hand. It was cold.

Finally, she obliged to Madam Pomfrey, who was still trying to get Lily away from him. Standing up, she let a few tears fall from her face before wiping them all away. Then, taking the calming drought from Remus, she walked out of the hospital wing with her mind praying, her heart aching.

...I won't think about you when I'm older

Cause we never really had our closure

This can't be the end

All James could think about, lying in the hospital bed and so close to his death, was Lily.

She remembered the times he would hold her hand in public with a big smile on his face, and she would blush so hard and look around her. "There are people staring," she would say.

And he would reply, "So? Let them stare. They're just jealous they don't have what we have."

And then she would smile a smile so bright it was like the Great Hall during Christmas.

She was the one who lighted up the stars in his sky. She was the white in all the black, the ray of sunshine on a rainy day. She was the heart, the life, the sole of his existence. She was the one thing he truly wanted, and the one thing he could never let go, even when he wanted to.

He now knew that he would never stop loving her. Even after all that she's done to him, he will never be able to let her go just like that. Not even after a million years would he be able to forget her smile, her laugh. He could still hear it ringing in his ears, even as he lay there on the bed, only half-conscious and almost dying.

Just then, he heard her voice break into her thoughts.

"You're right; I don't deserve you."

Just those six words, uttered using that melodious voice of hers, was able to get his brains gear kicked up and working again. He seemed a lot more in control of himself. Sure, the injuries still hurt like hell and still blocked out most of his thoughts, but he could still make out most of what she said.

"I don't deserve you after everything I did to you. Ever since first year, I've treated you like a dog in mud. I never appreciated you. I don't understand why you loved me, I truly don't."

First year? James struggled to think back how they were back in first year. He remembered some vague screaming, and him dropping slime into her hair. He remembered stealing her quill and laughing as he threw it to Sirius, who ran to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet while she stood at the Entrance Hall, screaming at the top of her lungs. And she said she treated him like a dog in mud?

James almost smiled at that. Lily didn't need a second chance to prove that she was sorry, to make things right again. She already had in so many ways.

He wanted so much to open his eyes, to take her hand and squeeze it and tell her that everything was okay, she was already forgiven. She didn't even need to be forgiven. She still loved him, after all this time. And after everything they have been through, how could he not love her back?

But the words she uttered next made his heart drop.

Her voice. It sounded defeated, lost. Like she had finally come to accept the fact that he would never love her back when he loves her in every possible way. He could imagine her hair falling over her face like a curtain as she says this. She's given up hope. She's lost.

But she hasn't. She just needs to know it.

And at that moment, James knew that he would spend every moment fighting for her, just to tell her she's hasn't lost. On the contrary; she's won brilliantly.

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

"He's released. From the hospital wing."

Lily's head shot up at these words, uttered by none other than Peter Pettigrew himself. Lily rose from her chair quickly and wasting no time, sped off to the hospital wing.

"But he's not allowed visitors!" he called after her. Then, after seeing her walk off, he shrugged and went to the kitchens. He promised he would sneak some food into the hospital wing for James.

Lily was walking halfway to the hospital wing when someone grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away without explanation. She didn't even have time to react before her arm was almost ripped off as Sirius pulled her into one of their secret passageways.

"What is it you want, Black?" she said impatiently.

"He doesn't want to see you," he said simply, and Lily's heart dropped. Of course he didn't want to see her. Why would he want to see her, of all people?

"He does, however," continued Sirius, interrupting Lily's thoughts. "Want me to give you this."

In his hand was a beautiful white lily with a small note attached to it. Lily took it from him, speechless. Sirius nodded awkwardly and walked away, unsure of what to do.

"Hey Sirius," she called. "Thanks. You know, for everything."

He turned around, giving her a small salute, his image fading into the darkness.

Lily stared at the dainty little lily in her hand, her fingers poking the petals. Finally, curiosity got to the better of her and she flipped the note over.

You don't need to do it all over again. We can just start now.

She smiled.

A/N: I've just realized that it's been about two months since I was supposed to actually post the sequel... god dammit, I suck.

I hope this didn't disappoint you guys, though. 9000 words long! I had quite a big writer's block, but I'm okay now, and that's what matters!

The song is 'Better Than Me' by Hinder, and it took me FOREVER to find it! I had to ask my mom, my piano teacher, my friends, and finally one of them found this song online (Cass, if you don't know this is you then you're an EPIC FAILURE).

So...yeah, review! And I really hope you enjoyed it even though it was super late! And even those who didn't read the prequel, I hope you can review too, just as feedback on how I did.

Thanks guys!