I do not own Glee. This takes place after Blame It On The Alcohol and Silly Love Songs.
Kurt had been feeling distant from his family lately. He still went to Dalton, but even when he visited on the weekends it felt as though they had all of these family bonding times together and inside jokes that he wouldn't understand because he wasn't there the majority of the time. So when he came home one weekend to find out that his father, step-mother, and step-brother had gone out of town without telling him he really wanted to feel shocked and sad and surprised. But honestly, he just felt tired.
He wanted to call someone. Someone outside of his family. Someone he could just vent to. He sat in his old room, still kept nice and neat, going through his contact list, thinking of someone to call.
Blaine. No, Blaine probably still thinks he's a creep after the whole Jeremiah incident where Kurt professed his love to Blaine just to be turned down.
Mercedes. No, Mercedes and him haven't been as close lately. He could call her, but he would just feel shy and awkward.
Quinn. Well, he had gotten really close with Quinn after she had moved in with Mercedes, but now she was back with her mother and head-cheerio again, and way too popular for him.
Rachel. He was still mad at Rachel after the whole I-Kissed-The-Guy-That-I-Know-You-Are-In-Love-With-thing.
No wonder he didn't have any friends to talk to. Have you seen him lately?
Blaine would rather convince himself that he's straight and kiss the most annoying girl in Ohio than even be seen with him.
Mercedes would rather have gross cafeteria food over him.
Quinn never really liked him at all anyways.
Rachel would hate him enough to back stab him.
His dad could easily and happily have Finn over Kurt.
Carole never liked him either, she just felt sorry that the creepy gay kid had a crush on her son.
Finn still hated Kurt for liking him. He made that very obvious after the whole incident in the basement. And his song at the wedding was obviously a lie, he just did it so his mom could be happy for once.
"Stop," Kurt said to himself, "That isn't true and you know it."
But it is, his mind told him. And he had to agree with his head. He was worthless. Unwanted. He just wanted all of the pain to go away.
All of this thinking is making my head hurt, he thought to himself. Kurt went down to the kitchen and opened the medicine cabinet. He took two Tylenol for his slight headache. Then, he decided, Maybe just two more. To take the edge off. "No," He said aloud, "No, I'm not going to do that. I can't."
He was still feeling pretty upset. Well, pretty depressed to be more like it, so he did what always made him feel a little bit better. He watched old home videos.
I wish I could be normal again, He thought. I wish that my mom was still alive. I wish that I could be the perfect son. I would be straight. I would have the perfect body, a nice build, but not bulky, just enough muscle that he could be a star football player. Like his dad wanted. Like everyone wanted.
Everyone wanted him to be perfect. His dad wanted him to be just like Finn. Blaine wanted him to be more attractive. Finn wanted him to be less gay. The Glee Club wanted him to be less of a wimp. To just tough it out. The bullying really wasn't that bad. Just some locker slams, slushie facials, the usual. Oh, and the death threat. And the kiss.
God, only a closeted freak wanted him. He was pathetic.
Maybe he could make himself more attractive. More popular. More desirable.
Skinnier.
Kurt went to sleep that night after doing some major thinking. The next morning he knew what he had to do. First he would start off simple. He would buy some diet pills from the pharmacy and maybe cut down on the junk food.
That would be a good start.
He drove to the Krogers down the street and picked up some diet pills and some special low-calorie nutrigrain bars. As soon as he got home he took one pill with water and ate one of the nutrigrain bars. He was about to watch reruns of Grey's Anatomy when his phone vibrated.
He checked the caller I.D. Dad. He really didn't want to answer the phone. It was his dad. The same dad who had replaced him with his dream son. Straight, star quarterback. The same dad who replace his mother, too. Now he had a new, better family. He didn't need Kurt anymore.
Kurt threw his phone against the China Cabinet and watched as the glass shattered down the middle. I wouldn't be here right now if I were perfect, he thought. I would be with Dad and Finn and Carole and I wouldn't have to go to Dalton because everyone would have loved me at McKinley.
"Why can't I just be fucking perfect?" Kurt said, crying. He grabbed a piece of the broken glass and started to slice his wrist. He watched in awe as the blood trickled down his arm. He took the piece of glass and cut again, a few inches away from the gash he just made. He leaned his head against the couch and slowly drifted out of consciousness.
Kurt woke up his head, arm, neck, and back throbbing. That's it, He decided. I can't have anymore nights like this. I am going to start being less pathetic. I am going to win over my dad, and Blaine, and the Warblers, and New Directions, and all of McKinley.
"I am going to be perfect."
So should I continue? I know that this isn't very good so far, but I promise it will get better as I go on! I have great plans for this story!
Please review! I will take any suggestions for the next chapters, but please no hate!