Neji's Monologue and The Fiction Gaara Lives
By AnnMiuka

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, although if I did #&#$#$#(enter explicit material here)#$$$$#$#. I don't own Gaara although if I did, I would share him with my friends, and we'd $#!$#$$(more explicit material)#!#$$!#!#. I don't own Neji, but if I did, I would hug him, cuz he looks sad sometimes. He's kinda boring though...Sorry Neji. I don't own Autumns Monologue or The Fiction We Live, by From Autumn to Ashes, although if I did, I would be very proud of myself for making something so magnificently beautiful (although I bet they think it's just another song). It touched me. (Take that as you will! dramatic flourish)

A/R: (author's rant) I was going to make a Christmas story for this month, but I couldn't get out my ideas, so instead I did another songfic. Darnnit, the fans are going to hate me. It was SasuNaru, and it started out with them #!#$#$(explicit material, do not interpret under the age of 18)!$!$&!#$. Just kidding. I didn't actually write any of that out. But don't you just love presents, mistletoe, and suggestive wordplay? Anyway, so I wrote this because I was taking care of my sick dog (he had a seizure, now my epileptic is loopy) and I got bored sitting in the bathroom with him. I had to dash out to find lyrics, for which I should feel bad, but don't. I'm a horrible person.
Kat:I'll feel bad for you.
DTD:Here's a razor; get over it.

coughs Anyway, so I wrote this for The Forest Whispers's Neji and Gaara, because I hate NejiXGaara pairings, but I fell in love with her stories and character versions of Neji and Gaara. Go emos and real world insanity mixed with Naruto characters! Anyway, I hate NejixGaa because they only meet for a day or so when Gaara #$(Shipudden spoiler warning)#$4#$ Fans will know what the bleeping is. So it's very appalling to see them together in my opinion. But enough! We need to get on with the story!

Chapter 1: Neji's Monologue

Neji unlocked his apartment and picked up the mail sitting on the floor. He was a twenty-four year old private guardsman working for the hokage. That had not always been true. He had, not so long ago, been a private guard for the Sand Village kazekage. Before that he'd been working as a private guard for his cousin, Hinata, the Konoha ambassador for Suna. While on an assignment, however, he had met the red-headed kazekage. Everything had changed. When a position had presented itself, he had jumped at the chance. Oh how he wished he had stayed to be the hokage's guard as he was now.

Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me.
But I'm nothing so good,
No, i'm nothing...
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence, of love, and of sorrow.

A piece of sand stricken parchment stuck out of the bunch, clearly addressed to him in Gaara of the Sand's red handwriting. He tossed it into the pile of letters from the man that sat on his table, unopened. He was in love with the pale, green-eyed younger man, and had thought that the feeling was mutual.

I beg for just one more tomorrow!
Where you'd hold me down, fold me in
Deep, deep, deep in the hear of your sins.

The letter had come almost half a year ago. It had been addressed to Sabaku no Gaara, Kazekage of Sunagakure. It had been a marriage proposal from Konohagakure, specifically Neji's uncle. Eleven years ago, he had made amends with the man from the Main Branch for the death of Neji's father. But then the man offered Neji's lover Neji's female cousin.

I'd break in two over you.
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies,
and only you can give the breath of life

And he had accepted.

But you don't see me. You don't.

Neji leafed through the mail once more. Once Gaara had accepted Hinata as his bride, Neji had resigned. There was little real need for him anyway. Gaara could protect himself now that there were no real threats against him. A letter in white was carelessly thrown in the pile with the rest. He didn't want to read her pleading. Throwing the rest of the mail in a basket, he went to bed.

Here I'm pinned between darkness and light,
Bleached and blinded by these nights
Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn
by you, visions of you, then you're gone.

As he lay awake, he thought about all that had happened. He had been working in his office, pushing paper. A messenger had summoned him to the kazekage's balcony. Gaara had explained everything calmly. Neji had left, pale and broken.

The shock bleeds the red from my face,
when I hear someone's taken my place.
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that I did was for you...

Restless, as always, it seemed, Neji went into the living room of his apartment and sat on his floor, staring at the piles of letters on his coffee table. Hinata's letters were only a small few, five of so, in comparison to Gaara's dozens. In almost six months, Neji had received nearly fifty letters from his red head. Not his red head anymore, he corrected. He decided to continue his ritualistic ordering of the letters.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You don't.

All Neji could think of as he added the two new letters to the mail was that Gaara had chosen Hinata over him. His family had done the same thing to his father, choosing one over the other. He couldn't't stand it! Everything led back to his family. He loathed it. Yet, he remained loyal Amends had been made. He cared about the cousin he used to hate, and her father. He had accepted the main branch, just as they had accepted him. Why couldn't't Gaara?

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You don't.

He had gotten himself riled up again. It was all he seemed to do nowadays. He worked as a guard for the hokage now, and that kept him free to think whilst the blonde and his lover, the other private guardsman, the last Uchiha, forgot paper work in the blonde's office. It disgusted him; not the things Naruto and Sasuke were doing, but himself for wishing hypocritical thoughts. He'd done the same not so long ago. Now he loathed the idea.

I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two over you! Over you
I'd break in two,
I would break in two for you.

Now you see me,
Now you don't.
Now you need me,
Now you don't.

Finally, and without meaning to, Neji opened one of Gaara's letters, the only one written in green ink...

A/N:Ooh, cliffhanger! Mwahahaha, review kindly and go to the next chapter! Mwahahaha!