Disclaimer: We not own Lord of the Rings. I thought this would be obvious by now.

Authors' Notes: This has been a round robin complied so far by Aman'mai, Serphent, Klutzy34, and Insane Pineapple from Worlds Apart. Others will most likely join in later.

The Hunters' Perfect Target

Darkness had befallen Middle Earth. The stars grew dim, and leaves faded as the evil grew near.


Elrond looked around at the council before him. Frodo seemed to shaking dreadfully, and Sam looked about wildly as if being pursued by some unknown evil. As calm as they usually were, Legolas and Aragorn in turn threw cautious glances over the railing. Gimli muttered curses under his breath at the sight.

"What ails you, son of Gondor?" Gandalf asked as he stood before the council. Elrond watched the member's reactions keenly.

"It seems to me, certain members of this fellowship have been attacked. We do not know where this force was bestowed from, but we do know they do not give in easily," Aragorn answered as he checked the secure area once more.

"What of this new evil?" Elrond asked as he looked to every man, elf, dwarf, and hobbit in turn. It was Haldir who answered.

"They attack with a force matched by no other. They have invaded our homes and have stationed themselves outside our doors. I, myself, barely made it to this council at all. Their eyes are ever watchful. They do not sleep, and their seems to grow above that our defense," Haldir answered as his eyes betrayed no pain from his voice.

"Who?" Gandalf asked worriedly as he leaned against his staff.

"The Mary Sues," Frodo answered quietly.

Boromir stood up swiftly and moved to the center.

"I say we kill them before they drive us mad! They cannot be let to ravage Middle Earth unchecked!"

Elrond's eyes narrowed as he listened to Boromir.

"They are but girls, we cannot morally harm them."

"They're not girls! They're monsters! On my way here I was accosted by a black haired, purple eyed, so-skinny-she'd-be-the-stick-you-wouldn't-want-to-poke-her-with 'elf'. I nearly suffocated..."

Aragorn looked calmly at the Steward-Heir of Gondor.

"Nonetheless, we cannot harm them..."

"They infiltrate our minds!"

"But I agree, we must do something. Death would be too good for them."

Boromir began to understand where Aragorn was heading.

Legolas stood.

"I agree with Aragorn, I believe I have been the most tackled, kissed passionately and brainwashed than any of you."

"It's his hair," snickered Merry.

Legolas shot hima glare that shut him up, and went to continue.

"LEGOLAS!!!!!!!" something screamed, or squealled.

Legolas closed his eyes patiently and side stepped a glomph.

*THUD*

He felt one of his tension headaches coming on.

Aragorn raised an eyebrow as the girl landed with a thud.

"Lord Elrond, not even our place of council is safe from this...devilry." He said, standing up.

Elrond nodded, sitting down in his chair and taking his traditional thinking pose. "I agree. But what shall be done about it?"

Sam twitched audibly. "Mary Sue..." he groaned.

Frodo looked over in concern, but said nothing. Pippin stood nearby, a confused expression on his face.

"What's a Mary Sue?" He asked, but the question fell on deaf ears.

Aragorn stood up. "I see fear in your eyes, the fear that would take the very heart of me. But we can't let them see that fear. Today, we fight!" He said, slamming a fist into his open palm.

Legolas continued to rub his temples. "Aragorn, that would be a lot more encouraging if you weren't about to be glomped..."

*thud*

Glorfindel entered the balcony out of breath. "We cannot hold them back! There are too many for my elf eyes to count!" he exclaimed.

"We must make a stand! They cannot capture us to their vile torture devices!" Gimli shouted as he raised his axe.

"Gimli?" Pippin said nervously as he pointed behind the energized dwarf.

"Yes, Master Hobbit?" he answered he brought his axe down.

"I think you and Legolas will have plenty to fight before the night is over," Merry said as he edged back away from the balcony.

The Mary Sues were scaling the walls.

"Ai!" Legolas climbed onto his chair. "We come to it at last!" He cried, pulling out his twin blades. Aragorn put a hand on his.

"They will do you no good. They are invincible...almost."

The blades dropped to the ground. "What shall we do then?"

Gimli, however, refused to drop the axe. "Let them come. They cannot withstand the fury of a dwarf!"

Aragorn shrugged. "Your funeral."

The trees above them shook, and Elladan and Elrohir tumbled to the ground.

"I told you not to sit on that branch!"

"It seemed steady!"

"Look, we have bigger problems right now." Elladan said, standing up and brushing himself off.

Aragorn and Legolas looked at each other.

"We have to slow them down."

"I know. Any suggestions?"

"Shoot 'em. Shoot 'em all."

"That might slow them down."

"Might being the scary key word there..."

~~~

Slowly and skillfully the writers of the cursed mary sues began to climb the wall and trees. One young girl, being filled with joy, jumped unto Frodo's back,"Marry me!"

The others slowly climbed and planned their attack on the rest of the LOTR characters.
"We should break this wall here." one young boy said pointing to the wall underneath the balcony,"so we can watch them fall to us."

Mary Sue nodded to her friend Mary Sue. They climbed with perfect grace up the gleaming wall. Mary Sue One spotted her target long before his elf eyes could spot her perfect visage. She swung her hips as she sauntered at to Legolas invitingly.

"My, aren't we looking gorgeous today," she purred as she stroked his golden hair.

Legolas scrambled away, but she moved closer. "What's the matter, my precious? Had enough of me already?"

No one blinked twice as grabbed her, and threw her back over the balcony. "What?" he asked the hobbits.

"You aren't supposed to kill them without good reason," Sam whispered quickly as he batted another one off with Gandalf's staff. It was the only big stick in sight.

"She was a distant relative of Gollum's," he answered back as he dodged another one's assault.

Frodo paused. "'Tis good enough for me."

~~
Mary Sue Two tried the more direct approach on her beloved ranger. She held a sword under Arwen's chin, and spoke calmly. "Come with us, or you will never see your beloved elf again," she threatened as pressed the blade harder.

She didn't know what hit her until a vase knocked her unconscious.

"Vile creatures, indeed," Gimli grumbled as he handed Araogrn the sword.

The pushed and shoved their way over to Elrond. "What can we do now, Ada?" Arwen asked as a Mary Sue tripped over her silken dress. She gasped in horror at the stain it left.

Elrond looked to them.

"I have a wife waiting for me in the Undying Lands."

"When's the next ship?" asked Legolas anxiously.

"Not for a long time..."

Gimli yelled at them from the battlements.

"There trying to bring down the wall, we can't hold 'em!"

Elladan and Elrohir grabbed for eachother and Boromir, unthinkingly, looked to his king.

"Is there no safe place?" he asked Elrond.

"There is one place, that I hope may hold them, but you must seek Galadriel's council first. No doubt Sauron..."

"Sauron has... these??" asked the hobbits in sync, except for Sam who was trying to detach the Sue from Frodo's back.

"I'm not letting them get near Mr Frodo..."

Sam wrestled the attacking Sue to the ground.

Legolas looked to the rest.

"I am willing to go to the depths of Mordor if it means getting away from these..." he shuddered delicately and drew his bow to head off a Stu.

"How do we get there?"

Elrond looked at them all sadly.

"I'm afraid the pass east of here has been blocked by the Sues, you can either go past Isengard or through the gates of Moria."

~~~

Mary Sue 3,479, being perched on a branch over heard the conversation of their plan to escape. Then she spotted her love. "Gandalf," she said into the night air. Quickly she called upon her other Mary Sue's and told them of their plans for escape. The word spread like wild fire. The Mary sues began to disperse, but a select few remained.

Mary Sue 3,479 met up with Mary sue 3,478.5 to have a quick talk of tactics. The Mary Sues were already making a S.W.A.T. team.

"Have you seen Elrond?" 3,478.5 asked

"No, have you seen Gandalf?" 3,479 asked

"Why would I look for that ugly wizard?"

"And why would I look for that femine elf?"

"Well what are we going to do?"

"After we find our men we keep them hostige and pray they aren't taken away."

"Sounds good to me."

They two Sue's went their seperate ways to find their loves.


Mary Sue 3,479 looked for her love. And she found him with out his staff. 'GOAL!' she thought. "Why hello there my love." 3,479 said taking off her cloak to reveal the revealing outfit underneath," Do you know how long I have been waiting for this moment? I don't think you do. I have dreamt about you for so long." 3,479 drew out a long rope and tied Gandalf up,"You're coming with me."

Mary Sue 3,478.5 was having a hard time finding Elrond. She looked high and low for him. She even shoved many of her fellow Sue's and Stu's out of the way to find him. But to no avail,"Where are you my love?!" She shouted into the crowd.

~~

Aragorn let out a bellow. "ELENDIL!" He shouted, running towards the two girls running towards him, silken hair trailing behind them, lips puckered.

But even the brave king, who had fought against hopeless amounts of orcs and persevered could not withstand the onslaught of Sues. He put on the breaks, turning the other way.

One of the Sues grasped his cloak, shouting her undying love for him. Aragorn turned, banging the hilt of his sword on her head, and the hollow sound resonated around them. His eyes widened.

"Their heads cannot be harmed. They are as hollow as Pippin's!" He cried.

"Mah head's not hollow." Pipping said, when he suddenly left the ground, arms around his waist.

"Pip-pip!" The oversized hobbit wannabe Mary Sue shrieked, squeezing him. Pippin started to turn a particularly interesting shade of purple in the process.

Merry plucked Elrond's tiara off his head and whipped it like a frisbee at the Sue, scoring a hit as another hollow echo rang around the courtyard. Pippin scrambled loose and hid under Elrond's long robes, the fabric shuddering from time to time.

Legolas tried to fight them off, but the elven Sues numbered too many, and he was pulled under, waving his arms and disappearing under the perfect bodies and blond hair. Aragorn dove in, pushing them aside, surfing in to grab his friend. He finally snatched Legolas's hand, pulling him to his feet and out of the group, running. The elf stumbled behind him, in a daze. In a somewhat safe distance, he turned to Legolas, worried.

"How many fingers?"

"Four."

"Good. What's my name?"

"Aragorn."

"Good. What's yours?"

"Will Turner."

"Er..." He heard the incessant shrieking start again. "Good enough. Run!"

~~~

Gollum hissed as he batted off the irritating Mary Sues. "Must get the precioussss."

"Get away from him!" Sam shouted. It was getting increasingly difficult to tell whether he was talking to the Mary Sues or to Gollum.

"I want precious!" Gollum shrieked as he launched himself at Frodo.

"You can't have him," Sam answered as he held out his sword.

"You're not in this part of the story yet!" One of the Mary Sues yelled. They proceeded to attack Gollum as they defended their poor Frodo and Samwise.

"Precious!" Gollum shouted as they drove him back away from the One Ring.

Sam and Frodo crept back towards Elrond while the Mary Sues were distracted.

~~~

"The eyes of the enemy are moving," Legolas whispered to Aragorn as they hid in the underbrush.

"We must hurry," Aragorn said as he set the last trap.

"They're here!" Proclamations of love could be heard from the tops of the trees where the Mary sues had ensnared.

"How long will they hold?" Gimli asked as he threw a rock at the nearest Mary Sue.

"The defenses have to hold!" they heard Gandalf shout from somewhere in the deep.

"They will hold," Aragorn answered as he scooped up Frodo and Sam. He ran twoards the mines with Gimli and Legolas close on his heels.