Disclaimer: I
own neither Elder Scrolls nor any of the mentioned carols.
A word from M'aiq: Slight chance of more coming. Feel free to suggest a song. Happy Holidays, everyone.
M'aiq
the Liar presents…An Elder Scrolls Holiday Special
"What a Ride" –
A parody of "Jingle Bells"
Dashing through the
Blight, in a one-eyed Silt Strider,
Over hills we go,
groaning all the way.
Caws from racers sound,
making heroes sigh.
Those who ride and sing
in a strider wonder why…
Oh! What a ride, what a
ride, check out those riders,
See how glum it is to
ride in a one-eyed Silt Strider.
Oh! What a ride, what a
ride, check out those riders,
See how glum it is to
ride in a one-eyed Silt Strider.
"Twelve Days in
Morrowind" – A parody of the "Twelve Days of Christmas"
(Starting from
12…because I'm lazy.)
On my twelfth day in
Morrowind,
This province gave to
me…
Twelve Dunmer glaring,
Eleven Bosmer whining,
Ten races fighting,
Nine Kagouti mating,
Eight Orcs a-stabbing,
Seven Khajiits smoking,
Six houses fighting,
Fi-i-ive go-o-o-old
septims,
Four nude Nords,
Three mad gods,
Two different moons,
And a proph'cy in a
text book!
"Fargoth the
Red-Faced Bosmer" – A parody of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer"
Fargoth the red-faced
Bosmer
Had a very empty purse,
And if you ever stole
it,
Fargoth would prob'ly
curse!
All of the other
townsfolk
Used to sneer and
scorn him.
They never let poor
Fargoth
Buy anything on credit.
Then one foggy Sundas
Eve,
Santa came to say…
"Fargoth with your
face so bright
Won't you guide my
sleigh tonight?"
And still the townfolk
scorn him,
As they remark quite
firmly,
"Fargoth the
red-faced Bosmer
You are freakin'
crazy!"
"Deck the
Whatever" – A parody of "Deck the Halls"
Deck n'wah with fists
of fury,
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
'Tis the reason for a
jury,
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
Don some now in black
apparel,
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
Is that Khajiit called
M'aiq feral?
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
See the dual moons o'er
us?
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
Hear the Dreamers sing
their chorus.
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
Follow me into a
cavern.
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
When it's dark, we'll
see who's braver.
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
Then comes the time of
treasure…
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
It'll bring our souls
much pleasure!
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
Then, the tax man comes
to partake.
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
In the swamps, he'll
never wake.
Fa la la la la, la la
la la!
(The song ends here for some reason, like it was cut off. Hmm, odd.)
"Dagger, Dagger,
Dagger" – A parody of "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel"
I have a little dagger.
I made it out of steel,
And when it's sharp
and shiny,
Then assassin I shall
play!
Oh, dagger, dagger,
dagger!
I made it out of steel,
And when it's sharp
and shiny,
Then assassin I shall
play!
It has a shapely body
With a blade so smooth
and thin,
And when my dagger's
tired
It drops, and then—The End!
My dagger's always
spiteful
It loves to stab and
slash
A happy game of dagger
Will be done in a flash!