Hey, so it's September 27th, 2015 at just about 3 AM and I quite possibly am just about to make the worst fanfiction decision of my life. So I like Dick Figures. So I also like brutal, sadistic kidnapping scenarios. So I also like Marysues. So what if I made a Marysue and then she kidnapped Blue from Dick Figures? Don't want to read that? Whoa, surprise, surprise, neither does anybody, probably. Oops, oh no, ohhhh nooo, I'm posting it, ohhh! Noooo, here it goes, it's going on the internet, ohhh nooooooooo... Ooops I'm hitting "publish" oh noooooo.

Blue woke up in a strange room with no furniture.

"Hello, Blue," I said, entering the room in style.

"What?" said Blue.

"Knock knock. Who's there? Se-"

"Stop. Stop. Stop. Who are you?"

"I," I said, "am a lonely woman who wants to be with you."

"Oh. Heh. Alright, well, I mean-"

"And," I said, "I am going to capture you right. The fuck. Now!"

"...Oh, well... Uhh. Cool, okay, so I'm gonna leave-"

"You can't leave; I am literally going to take you."

Blue turned around and noticed there was no door. "...Red...?"

"Red is dead; I killed him!."

"Wh...?" He laughed slightly, as though Red was not, in fact, dead.

"He's actually dead! I actually killed your best friend!"

Blue backed up slightly and tried to feel the wall for some secret button that would open a door. Failing this, he made a dash for the door I had just entered. I threw a fucking net over him so that he was trapped.

Blue looked at me through the net. "Is—Is this gonna be really creepy? Wait, it's already kind of really creepy." He fidgeted in the net. "H-help...?" The gravity of the situation began to set in, as I began to tie him up. "H-help?! HELP-"

I dragged him down a hallway toward a closet and stuffed him in there. His muffled screams could be heard through the door.

"Heeeelp! Help me, Jesus Christ!"

I banged on the door for no reason. "Shut up in there!"

"Jesus, somebody help me, oh God!"

I sat against the door. "Remember that time when you and Red were standing in the street and he swallowed that bee and his voice got autotuned? That was a good time, huh?"

"How do you know about that?"

"I watched you. I've been watching you from the beginning. And now you are mine," I said, with a gleam in my eye.

I was an average-looking stick woman with some titties and a skirt, as per usual. I probably had eyelashes or some shit. My color was rainbow or some fucked-up bullshit like that.

"My name is Rain," I said. "Because I'm rainbow."

"Fuck you, that's so stupid, and also let me out right now!"

"I kinda like to think of myself as the embodiment of a rainbow, you know?"

"Ohhhh my gooodddd, somebody help me."

"Like... I feel like rainbows understand me."

"Oh god."

"I was probably born under a rainbow."

"Jesus Christ, I'm gonna shoot myself."

"Not before I do everything I want to you," I said.

"Wh—what's that supposed to mean?"

I leaned way up close to the crack beneath the door, and whispered, "Probably gross stuff."

"Gross like... hot-gross? Or...?"

"Gross-gross," I said.

"Oh. Oh God. Oh God somebody help me!"

The walls were sound-proofed.

Maybe more chapters coming? Oh no. Sorry for this. God, in keeping with the spirit of things, I should just only write this at three AM. Oh wait, no, I have things to do in the morning so I shouldn't keep staying up this late. Maybe just 3 AM on Saturday nights.