A/N: Ok, so some notes on this, so you know what you're getting into. This is not a strict novelization. The premise of this fic is that Cid dies shortly after the orphanage gang arrives at B. Garden, and consequently, Garden is defunded and all cadets and SeeDs are split up between the remaining two Gardens. The gang ends up at Galbadia. I wanted to see how this would change the course of the story, and, as you'll see, along the way I've added a lot onto canon events, played around with their childhoods (since we really don't know much about them, particularly after the kids left the orphanage) and just in general tweaked a lot of things. I wanted to tackle an epic project like a novelization, but I know me, and I know I would be utterly bored following a script that I already know without deviating from the beaten path. Originally I was going to post the prologue and the first chapter together, since this is quite short; I don't, however, have time to edit the first chapter tonight, but thought I would throw this up anyway, just to get the story going. This is going to be a very large project; I will update regularly, but I don't know exactly how close together those updates will be. I just started the fourth chapter of this tonight, so I have a fair amount of story beneath my belt, but I like to space chapters out and not post them as I write them; it's nice to be a little ahead of myself.

This is going to be very long; I don't think you can novelize (or bastardize, in this case) any Final Fantasy game in a way that does it justice while keeping it to a mere hundred pages. For the moment, my intention is to post this all as one fic, but depending upon how long it works out to be, I may split it in half and post a second part, for those of you who pick this up after I am some ways into it and don't want to wade through three million words of fanfiction.

Some general warnings, so I don't spoil plot points but so you know what you're getting into: Because this is swerving off the beaten track, anything goes. If you've ever read anything of mine before, you know I do not treat my main characters nicely; you know the good guys die sometimes; you know that just in general, some really bad shit happens to them. I cannot guarantee everyone makes it out alive. They may, they may not; even I do not know yet. If you're looking for something that tells the story of Final Fantasy VIII exactly as it unfolded on your computer or your TV screen, turn away. If you cannot stomach graphic violence and serious subject matter, turn away. If you are looking for a fluffy take on child mercenaries, turn away.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy. You guys know that. What you should also know is that I'm pretty damn poor, and I can hit really hard, so if you try and sue me for borrowing this world and these characters, I will punch you. It will hurt.

Also, the quote from the book Seifer mentions at the very beginning is indeed an actual quote from an actual book. It is Blade of Tyshalle, by Matthew Stover, book two in the Act of Caine series, and if you enjoy your fantasy bloody, I highly recommend the series. Not for the faint of heart, but some damn good action and enough philosophy to get your brain working. The line 'So what I say to them is that fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny, and also, suck my dick, you fat fucking asshole' is a quote from Kamran Hamid, just severely paraphrased, by the end.

With that being said, here we go. I hope you enjoy.

Prologue

There is something about dodging fate that gives me the warm and fucking fuzzies, because the only book I ever actually finished once told me that some people say Time is both a hammer and a blade: that the hammer is a sculptor's mallet, and the blade is a sculptor's chisel: that each stroke is a refinement, a perfecting, a discovery of truth and beauty within what would otherwise be blank and lifeless stone.

Thing is, the way I like to look at it is that I'm that hammer and that chisel, and I'm carving my own path through everything that is supposed to be; me, not Time, and whatever Fate or Time or whatthefuckever had planned can just re-route itself around me, on my own goddamned schedule.

Some people say I am a narcissistic asshole.

So what I say to them is that fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny, and also, suck my dick, you fat fucking asshole.

I like to believe the author of that one and only book I ever finished would approve, because what is a hero, if not someone who will say 'fuck off' to what is supposed to be, to what is accepted: a hero makes his own path; he does not take the ones others have pre-arranged for him, or some metaphorical shit like that.

I always wanted to be a hero.

What I have learned about heroes could fill a book of my own, because the thing about heroes and villains and good vs. evil is that it's all this matter of perception; ever notice how the winner is always the good guy? It's not about good always triumphing over evil or some kitten-crapping rainbow shit like that. Kick the shit out of the other side good and long and hard enough and you get to write the history books; you get to be the 'hero'.

That was always my plan, you know. Bash in enough faces, and who's going to be fucking stupid enough to tell me I'm the asshole?

It's when you get caught up in your own legend that shit starts to get slippery. And somewhere along the way you realize there are all these invisible paths you're supposed to follow, and it looks like you might have just taken the wrong goddamned one.

And that's when the choice comes, and I don't care what you believe about fate, because it's what you choose, not some unseen guiding hand, so face shit like you've got a fucking pair: it's a long goddamned road back to redemption, but we'll all take it sooner or later, and that's the real fucking lesson here.

It took me too long to understand about all of that, those paths and how history belongs to the winners even if they were cocksuckers, and it all started with my mother, just like it probably did with yours.

She used to tell me these stories, y'see. Princesses in towers and the princes who rescued them and the witches who died horribly, except the thing was she forgot everything in between: that time the 'hero' took advantage of someone weaker than him, just because he could; the witch who started out as a nice lady with a garden and a house full of kids; the real good guy- the kind stories should be written about but aren't because he's not 'flashy' enough- getting shit all over by life for no goddamned rhyme or reason-

The heroes who become villains and the villains who become heroes.

Another thing she didn't tell me: we are all heroes and villains, simultaneously, and we can only ever do what feels right, according to our own beliefs, our own code, and fuck the naysayers-

They don't know shit anyway

My mother was a goddamned liar with good intentions, and this is everything she forgot to tell me: