Lauren's enthusiasm over Christmas had initially taken everyone by surprise. After all, none of them had known her to celebrate her own birthdays let alone anything else. It had, of course, been an affect of the emotional weight of her enslavement. Her first Christmas in the fae world, she'd spent the precious few free hours she had been given with Nadia; talking to the comatose woman and making promises she didn't know how to keep, or even if they were possible to keep. At the time, she'd thought that spending those scant hours with her would have been cathartic, that she could remind herself that this was all temporary—all for Nadia. But after most of her time had been spent leaning over her unresponsive girlfriend and crying until she felt sick, she'd decided to stop celebrating everything altogether. It was too hard.
Eventually, dates that had once meant something would slip by virtually unnoticed and they would have gone by completely unacknowledged if she didn't have outside clues. Thanksgiving was only ever noted because everyone started talking about Kitchener-Waterloo Oktoberfest and the parade. Halloween because of the decorations and Hocus Pocus playing on at least two channels at all hours. New Years would only register because the automatic time stamp on her computer rolled to the next year. When filling out forms, she had had to routinely check her unused and rarely remembered drivers license to verify her date of birth. The only reason why she ever knew it was Christmas was because the city insisted on decorating every stationary piece of public property and all of her techs would go home early on Christmas Eve, not showing up at all Christmas Day—leaving her alone to work through the whole day.
Lauren had been a slave eight years before she and the little group she'd come to know as family had inadvertently (but happily) caused the restructuring of the hostilely dichotomous Light-Dark system into an actual alliance. There were still a lot of problems—it wasn't a perfect set up—but there was a representative tribunal and they weren't threatened with catastrophic prophecies and-or apocalypses every other week. Even so, it still took until the following year before holidays felt as important as they'd used to. More important, even. Lauren had always liked holidays; Christmas in particular, and once she'd regained her celebratory sprit it seemed to have brought with it all the suppressed joie de vivre of all that she'd forgone until then.
The overblown quality of the first Christmas after the long hiatus was surprising, but expected. No one had really anticipated just how into the holiday she was going to get, but it was entirely understandable. She was free and she was happy and she took pleasure in tons of simple things she hadn't been allowed or able to do for a long time so no one was going to begrudge her a flamboyant Christmas celebration. The second Christmas was no less toned down than the first and everyone'd been amusedly indulgent, but since then Lauren's zeal for Christmas was often lovingly compared to Trick's enthusiasm over Yule.
Now, by this third Christmas, Lauren's annual December 15th party had become an expected and well-attended event. Like the rest of the core group, Tamsin had arrived a couple hours before the actual party started as was expected of them at this point. Kenzi had been the one to initiate that particular tradition, taking it upon herself to get the group to have a little 'family holiday bonding time' by making their own ornaments to add to Lauren's tree. Tamsin never really cared that much about holidays—any holidays. Or at least, she'd never used to. But she cared about Lauren and that extended to the things the doctor cared about. And though if ever asked she'd never admit to such a thing out loud, she'd started to look forward to these parties. At least the time spent with just the gang before others started to trickle in.
The valkyrie wasn't exactly a social butterfly, but she was no introvert either; she usually ended up goading some unsuspecting friend-of-a-friend of someone into one contest or another, stealing away to the kitchen to take brief respites from socializing and spend some quality time with the alcohol and homemade eggnog. That's where she had just retreated to after embarrassing a few macho-types in several arm wrestling matches. She was sitting on the counter and nursing a tumbler full of rum that had only just enough eggnog in it to alter the color. Tamsin's current perch allowed her gaze to fall unimpeded through the entryway of the kitchen and into living room, the noise from where the bulk of the party was taking place slightly dimmed by her distance and the covered bar counter set into the wall sandwiched between the two entryways to the kitchen.
She could just make out Lauren talking animatedly to two of her employees at the principal joint fae lab, a grin on her face and gesticulating excitedly. Judging from the techs in question, it was just as likely they were talking about some new research at work (Lauren's moratorium on shoptalk during the Christmas party only ever lasted as long as it took someone to bring up some new theory), as it was arguing about why Deep Space Nine was so unappreciated. Tamsin felt the corners of her mouth twitch up, throwing back half her drink before shaking her head and forcing her attentions elsewhere.
Bo was barely visible on the edge of what she could see over the bar counter, talking to Kenzi and pretending not to notice the occasional admirer trying to subtly con the succubus over to the end of the foyer which Tamsin couldn't see from her position but knew there was mistletoe hanging directly over that spot because Kenzi had put it there several hours earlier. Dyson and Hale she couldn't see at all, but knew they were seated at a table at the far end of the living room playing cards with three other guests by the boisterous laughing coming from that general direction. No sooner than she'd located the only people she really cared about at the party and verified that they were doing alright, her gaze slipped directly back to the human doctor who was taking a measured sip of the drink in her hand to hide the kind of self-satisfied grin she always got when she'd proven a point to someone who was being particularly stubborn.
When Tamsin had finally admitted to herself that she was feeling more than friendly for the blonde human a couple months prior, it had been with no small amount of vexation. It wasn't that it was surprising, far from it actually. The Dark Fae felt lucky to count Lauren among her friends and the two of them had become close over the years; brought together through the trials they'd faced as a known hazard to being part of Bo's close circle and the fact that they understood each other in a way Tamsin hadn't been understood by anyone. Their pasts and motivations were often more parallel than either realized until they spoke about them and they had become each other's confidants. Tamsin often found herself telling things to Lauren she'd never even consider talking to anyone else about; not even Kenzi.
So it wasn't that the feelings were unexpected; it was that she couldn't stuff them into the mental box where she normally locked away all the emotions she didn't want to deal with. Not anymore, anyway. It had been fine at first; she'd been able to keep everything confined. It wasn't even that she was averse to thinking impure thoughts about Lauren. Tamsin was entirely used to random lascivious thoughts about one of her friends—she was fully cognizant that her friends were attractive and that was fine—but at some point 'wayward thoughts' had become 'zoned out daydreaming.' The teasing comments that slipped past her lips without her permission weren't just the cocksure remarks or lewd innuendo that populated the territory of her comfort zone, but sincere flirtations that made her stomach flip when they caused a flush to creep across Lauren's face.
Tamsin drained the rest of her drink and refilled the tumbler with the rum bottle she'd deliberately half hidden behind her, putting it back and pulling her fingers frustratedly through her loose hair. She'd foolishly assumed that if she at least acknowledged the extent of her feelings to herself, they'd be easier to get a handle on but it seemed like the second she had truly accepted that she was definitely into Lauren in a way that went beyond friendship or even just physical attraction, her mind decided quite resolutely and entirely without permission to ramp up everything she'd been trying to compartmentalize. It was uncomfortable, and in her opinion, entirely unnecessary to boot.
Tamsin scowled briefly and forced her traitorous eyes to focus on the connected strings of multicolored lights running around the apartment walls near the ceilings, wanting to let some of her annoyance with herself seep away before she rejoined the festivities. Her attentions were so focused that she didn't notice Kenzi bouncing up next to her until her drink was yanked unceremoniously from her hand.
"Sup, dochka?" the lithe woman started brightly, taking a few gulps of Tamsin's rum and moving to replace what she'd drank with eggnog before taking another, more subdued, drink. "You better get your cute butt off the counter before Lauren comes in and lectures you about putting your ass where people prepare food. Again."
Tamsin smirked but slid off the counter compliantly, grabbing her drink back and scooting the bottle of rum over to the human. "Doing okay?"
Kenzi hummed in the affirmative as she leaned backwards slightly to check where Lauren was. Deciding the doctor was acceptably engrossed, she took a long draught directly from the bottle before putting it back on the counter. "Bobo's gotten preoccupied with one or three members of her fan club; I can only understand every other word Dr. Nerd and her geek squad are saying and I'm not actually sure if they're talking about real science or Star Trek science. Hale just banned me from the card table because, and I quote:" she held up her fingers to do air quotes for emphasis, "'you're fouling my winning streak, mama.'" She rolled her eyes and hopped up on the counter she'd just told Tamsin to get off of. "Not my fault I have the face of a goddess that drives lesser beings to distraction… so I gave the plebs a break and came to bother my fave valkyrie." She knocked the heels of her boots gently against the cabinets. "You having fun?"
Tamsin shrugged noncommittally but knew Kenzi would read it as the favorable gesture she'd intended and trained her gaze in front of her. "How many numbers?" she asked, referring to the annual bet they made on how many phone numbers Bo would end up with by the time the party was over.
Kenzi frowned and pulled out her cellphone to check the time. "I give it another hour before Lauren gives Dyson the nod and he starts herding people towards the door, it's not time yet."
"That's not what I asked." Tamsin pointed out, taking a drink and trying not to look exasperated with herself that every time she let her eyes do what they wanted; they landed on Lauren.
"Five." Kenzi grumbled, jerking her foot to kick the Valkyrie lightly when a grin bloomed on her face. "But I still have at least an hour and there's less new people than there was last year!"
"Sounds like a buncha bullshit excuses to me; you're going down."
Kenzi scoffed and the duo sat in companionable silence, listening to the din of the gathering that was punctuated with occasional loud bouts of laughter.
Tamsin generally considered herself pretty good at the surreptitious glances game, but she must have let her gaze linger solidly too long because Lauren looked around like she could feel someone watching her. She offered Tamsin a warm smile when their gazes met, tucking her lower lip between her teeth in a seeming effort to keep her smile from widening when the Dark Fae returned the smile very briefly before sharply darting her gaze away.
"So," Kenzi drawled, breaking the silence between them. "You gonna ask her out or what?"
Tamsin jerked her head to look at Kenzi who had a knowing grin on her face and grimaced. "Fuck." She muttered, knowing better than to try to con a con now that she'd been caught. Kenzi knew her too well for that. "Is it that obvious?"
The Russian shook her head and liberated Tamsin's drink from her again. "Not really, but you know you can't fool Mama Kenzi." She reached over and pinched the valkyrie's cheek playfully, laughing lightly when Tamsin looked affronted and slapped her hand away. "Don't think this is the first time I've seen you spacing out on Hotpants." She took a drink before continuing. "You should go talk to her so you guys can knock boots and get it over with already. The tension is making me so antsy that I'm ready to just talk to her for you."
"No." Tamsin said quickly and firmly. She watched Kenzi raise her eyebrows and stop her drink halfway to her lips. The blonde took a short breath but couldn't suppress the pleading tone in her voice when she continued. "I'm serious, Kenz. And don't say anything to anyone else either."
Kenzi nodded carefully, the playfulness in her expression giving way to concern. "Okay," she started, lowering her voice when a few revelers came into the kitchen to refresh their drinks. "But why not? I know you're not that dense… you do know the flirting is going both ways, right?"
Tamsin gave a short, sharp shake of her head indicating that the other woman should keep her mouth shut while there were people in the kitchen and she offered the intrusive little group a tight smile as they waved towards the duo on their way out. Once the last of them were several paces from the entryway, Tamsin let out a heavy sigh and hoisted herself back onto the counter.
"I know." She started uncomfortably, but Kenzi gave her an opening to air her anxieties so she was going to take it. The petite Russian was her best friend. Better than. She'd more or less raised her while still a child when her final lifecycle had started. As much as a valkyrie who spent so little time as a child could be raised, at any rate. "I know," Tamsin repeated with a sigh. "But it's one thing to just wanna fuck someone and a whole other thing to want," she cut herself off and looked away from Kenzi's widening eyes to concentrate on the veined white marble tiles on the floor. "It would be too complicated… there's all the history her and Bo have, and we're friends, right? I'd fuck that up. I can't fuck that up." She gratefully took a mouthful of liquid when Kenzi offered her own drink to her. "Anyway, she seems pretty happy dating around and I…" she trailed off, staring into her glass and trying to verbalize her thoughts. "I don't want that. Not with her." She winced when Kenzi did a poor job muffling the squeal that slipped through the fingers of the hand she'd clamped over her mouth.
"Ohmigod," the human gushed in an excitedly loud whisper after she removed her hand. "You're in so deep!"
"I know." Tamsin groaned and let her head fall with a thump onto the cabinet behind it. "This is so fucked."
"No, no, it's totally adorable." Kenzi grinned when the blonde shot her a withering glare, which she ignored and hopped off the countertop to stand in front of the valkyrie. "Look, Lil T," she started seriously, slapping her hands down gently on Tamsin's knees. "I know it's hard for you to let people in and just give in to feeling stuff," she held up a hand to stop whatever the Dark Fae was going to interrupt her with when Tamsin opened her mouth. "Don't try to be a smart ass, we're having a moment." She nodded approvingly when Tamsin remained silent. "It makes sense. It's taken time and some of us coming back from the dead, but you've let us in and vice versa, but this? This is a different kind of trust; a scary kind of trust. I get it, but give the doc a little credit."
Tamsin shrugged but her expression conveyed that the impromptu pep talk was appreciated. She slumped back a little, nudging Kenzi gently away from her with her legs to signal she was done with this conversation. With a final pat to the valkyrie's knees, Kenzi stepped away from her to head back to the living room.
"Okay, I'll leave you to your pining, but Trick's on his way with some kick ass fae lightshow crap so come back to the party soon?" she smiled when the blonde nodded and left her alone in the kitchen again.
Tamsin wiped a hand over her face and stared unseeingly in front of her, her inward focus causing her vision to blur. She was distracted by her own thoughts for so long that she was taken off guard for the second time that night by someone positioning themselves right next to her. She smiled slightly at Bo in acknowledgment of her presence and offered her drink to the succubus casually.
"Thanks." Bo said genially after taking a sip and handing the nearly empty tumbler back. "I'm not letting Kenzi put that mistletoe up next year."
"You say that every year." Tamsin snorted. "How many numbers ya got?"
"Seven," Bo replied with a grin and a gentle poke to the blonde's shoulder. "And don't think I don't know about the bets, because I do. And I'm willing to throw this year since you haven't won yet if you cut me in."
Tamsin laughed and raised her tumbler in a toast to the succubus before draining the rest of its contents and setting the empty glass next to her on the counter. "I'm in. I'm not above cheating if it'll keep her from gloating about taking my money for a year."
Bo nodded understandingly and moved to rifle through Lauren's fridge, pulling out a beer and shutting the door again when the blonde declined her offer for one. "Tamsin?" she started tentatively, tossing her bottle cap into the trash. "Can I give you a friendly piece of advice?"
Tamsin hummed her accession absentmindedly, a smile ghosting her features as she saw that Kenzi had managed to get Hale to abandon the card game and was currently doing everything short of manhandling him over to where the mistletoe was.
"You can't let being afraid of screwing things up stop you from trying."
That got Tamsin's attention right away and she whipped her gaze to the brunette who was regarding her with an openly sincere expression. "I'm gonna murder Kenzi." She vowed through gritted teeth, scowling when Bo chuckled lightly.
"She didn't say anything, I promise." Bo insisted, briefly laying a placating touch on Tamsin's hand that was gripping the edge of the countertop tightly. She leaned her back against the space next to the blonde and took a pull from the bottle in her hand. "I'm a succubus, remember? I don't need anyone to tell me when people are attracted to someone."
Tamsin squeezed her eyes shut briefly but nodded. Of course she knew. But why say something now? Did Bo know something she didn't? She was curious, but not curious enough to want to have that conversation with Bo. It was entirely possible she was misreading the situation like Kenzi had; even with the succubus powers.
"I've been noticing." Bo continued, inadvertently answering her first question. "I wanted to say something, though I wasn't sure if I should. But I wanted to make sure you weren't holding back because of me."
"Right, cause everything orbits around planet Bo." Tamsin replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
Bo smiled, not put off by the tone. She'd long ago grown accustomed to sarcasm from the valkyrie when something struck a nerve or she was embarrassed and all it did now was to tell Bo she'd hit too close to the mark. "I just," she started, looking over the bar top at something out of the line of Tamsin's vision. "I love you both." She said finally, returning her attention to the valkyrie. "You both deserve to be happy and I think you could do that for each other if you'd quit dancing around for two seconds."
Tamsin sighed, deflating a bit as she did. "I don't think I can." She admitted; her tone somehow conveying the insecurities she'd aired to Kenzi without actually having to give them specific voice again.
Bo nodded sympathetically and squeezed the blonde's shoulder briefly before dropping her hand. "Just think about it, okay? Trust me, she's not going to wait around forever."
"Yeah." Tamsin mumbled, unsure herself if she was agreeing to think about it or acknowledging that if she stalled long enough, she'd lose whatever kind of chance she had.
Bo pushed herself away from the counter in an obvious move to go back to the party. "Talk to her," she advised with a kind expression. "I get it; I really do." She chuckled a little self-deprecatingly. "A lot of things could go wrong…but a lot of things could go right, too."
"Yeah," Tamsin repeated, though her tone was much more thoughtful than before, sighing once Bo left. She stayed where she was sat for several minutes, trying to collect herself a little. As her eyes were wont to do, they sought Lauren out.
The doctor was across from her on the far side of the living room in a small conversational group, nearly doubled over with laughter with one hand steadying herself on Dyson's shoulder who had a pleased grin on his face. Lauren wiped at her eyes as her laughter subsided and she glanced around the room, clearly looking for something, stopping when her gaze settled on Tamsin. The doctor's smile, which had been fading since her fit of laughter ended, grew in size again and she beckoned the valkyrie over in invitation. Tamsin's mouth unconsciously fixed itself into a responding grin and she slid off the counter to make her way into the living room, pleasant warmth spreading out from her chest as she left the kitchen.