Something Blue
Laurie shut himself parlor and continued to pace the room, as he had been doing for the last half hour, rationalizing with himself. There was no reason for him to have this hesitancy when it came to saying his vows. He laced his fingers together to hide their trembles, and stared as the traitorous digits gave him away. He needed something to calm himself. But this room offered nothing; there wasn't a single piece of breakable object that he could vent his frustration upon.
He marched up to the window and rested his palms upon the sill staring directly ahead, past the guests milling about in the lawn, past all the tables laden with food and champagne and wedding cake. His eyes rested on the little window of the Marches house, the one that always soothed him for it was pretty as a picture. The curtains were lifted and he had a clear view of 'Marmee's corner'. But it was empty of course, for the whole March family was at his place. A movement caught his eye and he squinted to make out the person. A tall form dressed in pale gold was blundering around inside the house upsetting Mrs. March's needle work, which she righted immediately before heading the other way.
Laurie straightened up. There was only one person with such gait. And Laurie had to talk to her before she joined the rest of the family. And that man.
Upstairs in the same house, Amy paced restlessly in her wedding attire. The maid was done dressing her ages ago. And Amy fretted that if the ceremony didn't begin soon her hair would start to come undone and her dress would wrinkle horribly.
She sighed and looked around the beautiful room for something to distract herself with. A single large mirror stood in the middle of the room. It didn't actually belong there but Amy insisted it be put up there for her benefit.
Amy walked up to it, smoothening her hands over the skirt of her elegant white dress and observed her reflection from every different angle. The dress was beautiful in every aspect, with a bodice that was heavily embroidered and beaded with floral paisely design. No one would've guessed that the dressmakers were her own sisters and mother; they knew how much Amy adored elegance and insisted on putting together this masterpiece and a proper ceremony to celebrate her and Laurie's marriage.
How weird it feels to get married to the same person again!
Not that she minded of course, she thought with a small smile. When she and Laurie had developed a little romance abroad, little did she know that it would end with them getting married. But everything was so perfect that Amy thought it just needed that fairytale ending.
Amy fingered the beads around the waistline which were from one of the many old necklaces that Aunt Marge left her. Her aunt would have a fit if she knew, but Meg suggested that it would be reasonable (and cheaper) to put them to some use or other as Amy wouldn't wear them all.
Then there were her gloves which were elbow length and made of some sheer material that felt like satin against her skin. For all she knew, it could be, for they were brand new and looked like they must've cost a fortune.
Then came her ear rings. They were not hers, but a friends, who insisted on letting her borrow them for they were made of the same kind of pearls that were on her dress; perfectly round with sparkling overtones and a sharp crisp luster.
Lastly she observed her face. Polished and powdered, her cheeks and lips were dabbed with soft rouge, her golden hair fell in ringlets around her shoulders and set of thick dark lashes that framed her baby blue eyes completed her picture perfect image.
She looked at her self a minute and then laughed. She didn't follow the tradition but there it all was; the beads, the gloves, the earrings and her eyes- something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
She smiled, feeling more relaxed. Everything was perfect. She was perfect. There was no need to worry, she told herself choosing not to acknowledge the nagging feeling which was trying to creep upon her. There was not a chance that she'd let any ill feelings spoil her day.
The door opened and Meg's head popped in along with two smaller ones, dressed in pink, who scrambled to get to Amy first.
"Well, look at you! Such a lovely sight you are!" Meg exclaimed sighing blissfully as she eyed her youngest sister. Amy felt a slight pang, for Meg adored lovely things as much as she did but didn't get to have a grand wedding like Amy was about to.
Amy hugged her sister. "No one looked lovelier than you on your wedding day, Meg. And you look much more splendid after you've had your Angels. Now that's a task not many can achieve!" It was true, for Meg had been and always will be the prettiest of the March sisters. But it was also true that Amy's airs made her almost as appealing as the oldest March.
"Thank you Amy." Meg said as she patted her cheek affectionately, careful not to smudge the makeup.
Conversation and laughter floated from the grounds below and Meg took a peak through the curtains "It's almost time." she said and started putting finishing touches to Amy's attire.
While Meg busied herself with fixing a few rosebuds on the golden head, Amy parted the curtains an inch and observed the big house where the guests were gathered. Amy couldn't believe how many people had turned up for the wedding. Most of them were Laurie's friends from collage. Amy recognized some of the faces from when they visited the Lawrence's over the holidays, and also from the fair a few years back when Laurie had made them buy all the flowers from her stall.
Amy's eyes scanned the lawn for more familiar faces. "I suppose Laurie's still getting ready?"
"Oh, no, he was just down there entertaining the guests." Meg answered adjusting the folds in Amy's dress.
Amy's eyes raked the length of the lawn searching for glimpse of her husband. The unsettling feeling began to creep upon her once more. Her parents were there conversing with Mr. Lawrence and Aunt Marge. And Brooke, it seemed, was trying to strike up a conversation with Professor Baher. But Laurie was nowhere to be seen. Nor was Jo.
"I don't see Jo."
Meg frowned absent-mindedly as she fidgeted with the train of the dress "She's supposed to be showing the guests in."
Amy breathed deeply and tried to ease the heavy feeling in her heart, as the words repeatedly ran through her mind; Stop jumping to conclusions. It doesn't mean anything...It doesn't..
Doesn't it? Another voice echoed in her thoughts. You know he's probably run off to keep an eye on Jo. You knewhe would ever since Jo let slip that he invited that Professor Bhaer to the wedding. You saw the way his jaw would clench every time Jo mentions him.
"It doesn't mean anything." she repeated in an inaudible whisper.
Doesn't it? The voice taunted. You knew he was still in love with your sister and yet you took advantage of his weakness. Made him feel that you could be what Jo wouldn't be. You deluded him into a sense of contentment being fully aware of the possibility that he'll go running back to Jo the moment he reached home!
Jo will never have him, not when he promised to marry me!
Of course he wouldn't, the voice said dryly, he's too much of a gentleman to go back upon his word. And that's what you'll always be Amy, a duty to his honor.
Amy shut her eyes, willing the voices away. She needed to talk to Laurie. She needed his assurance.
When she opened her eyes they fell on Jo walking briskly across the lawn from their house to the Lawrence's', a tray laden with food in her hands.
She watched her sister calmly. It wasn't her fault. Jo may not want Laurie but Amy certainly did. And Laurie would learn to love her. He just didn't approve of the Professor for he was much too old for someone fiery and so full of life like Jo, she reasoned with herself.
But the next moment her reasoning flattered, as Laurie followed Jo closely, a grave expression on his face. He caught up with Jo around the hedge which separated the Marches from the Lawrence's estate. Amy watched as Laurie halted Jo in her tracks, pulling her by the elbow, almost upsetting the tray. Jo placed the tray on the ground and her hands on her hips. Amy knew this posture; she was probably giving Laurie a good telling off. But it didn't last long. For by the time Jo picked up her tray Laurie had closed in on her, getting angry in his turn Jo just stood there tight lipped, darting looks around him, and looking for a way out. Laurie placed his hands on her arms while Jo held the tray in front of her like a barrier. Laurie's hands left her arms and moved in to cup her face. Whatever it was that Laurie was telling her made Jo color up and look like she was torn between wanting to comfort and wanting to flee. Amy watched the back of Laurie's form as he brushed his thumb against Jo's cheek…and then her mouth.
Amy's hand gripped the window sill so tightly she felt one of her nails crack. Her lips parted and her breath came out in short audible gasps.
"Amy? Darling, are you all right?" Meg's voice seemed to be floating. "You look so pale."
Amy closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to steady herself.
She let the curtains fall back and pushed herself away from the window, wanting to put as much distance as she could between herself and the scene below.
"I'm alright. It's the...corset. It-its a little tight." she choked.
Meg's wide brown eyes scrutinized her sister unsuspectingly. "Well you should've let me or Marmee fix it. We can't undress you now, and it's just for a little while so you'll have to bear with it I'm afraid."
How naive Meg was still. Amy thought as she averted her eyes for they threatened to fill up. Her throat felt constricted, and she swallowed and forced the lump to settle down.
She needed to talk to Laurie. If he didn't want to go through with the wedding then Amy would have to agree and they would make up some excuse to the guests for the time being. Laurie was very spontaneous; there was no telling what he might get into his head. What if he refused to say his vows? Wasn't it better to call off the wedding than be humiliated by being rejected in front of everybody? Amy looked down at her gloved fingers. The small diamond in her engagement ring glittered merrily. The mere thought of having to give it back made her heart ache.
Music drifted from below indicating that it was time for her to make her appearance. "This is it!" Meg exclaimed as she pulled down the veil over Amy's face, masking the look of panic on her face.
Amy stopped Meg by her arm as she started to lead her. "I need to speak with Laurie." she told her in a tone of urgency. "Please."
"There isn't time! Everybody is waiting." she gestured towards the window. "Laurie is down there with Father, I cannot pull him out of there without raising suspicion among the guests!"
"Laurie is down there?"
"Where else on earth would he be?" she smiled fondly at the bride. "And I'm sure that he too cannot wait for all this to be over soon."
Meg didn't know how true those words were. But it was too late for Amy now. She had to go through with this.
Amy felt like she was in a trance as she allowed herself to be guided outside into the garden where everyone was gathered.
Demi and Daisy led the way scattering flowers on Amy's path, as they went. The guests stood smiling and marveling at the beautiful bride as she walked down the aisle and took her place next the Laurie. Meg left her side to join Mr. Brooke and Jo and Marmee.
She watched him from the corner of her eyes, thankful that her veil shielded her from the prying eyes of onlookers. Laurie's face was impassive. He didn't seem to be brooding. He didn't seem to be lost in thought and yet his eyes had a faraway look. Amy continued to scrutinize him trying to decipher his mood. His handsome features were too unreadable at the moment, even for Amy, who had spent so much time studying him, trying to guess what it was he wanted. His face might have been a mask but there was no mistaking the look in his eyes; that dark soulful look was one she was familiar with. It was the look that he gave Jo, a look so full of the emotion that Amy yearned for.
"And do you, Theodore Laurence, take Amy Curtis March to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
Laurie stalled. Amy felt light headed like she was about to faint. So this is it. He's going to say no, she thought miserably. Laurie's eyes flicked to Mr. March and then away and he and replied curtly "I do."
Amy followed his gaze to where it was fixed, to the right, where Jo stood with her family, and Professor Bhaer.
"You may kiss the bride."
Laurie lifted the veil covering Amy's face and planted a searing kiss on her lips. While everyone clapped and cheered the newly weds. Amy took that moment to really look at her husbands face. He had no idea what he had just put her through. But the next moment she felt guilty for letting her former selfish self surface. Amy shouldn't have doubted him. She knew that he was a man of his word. But she was saddened to see how manfully he tried to hide his torment.
Amy plastered a smile on her face as they accepted well wishes and prayers from the guests who now surrounded the couple to convey their congratulations.
When the crowd finally moved away to sample the magnificent buffet, she placed a hand on his cheek. She knew how hard it must have been for him today. She knew, that accepting her as his bride in front of everyone had sealed his fate. Promising to love her and care for her had wiped out any chances he might have had with Jo.
Jo, her stubborn, hard hearted sister. She probably was in denial herself. It was impossible to not want someone like Laurie. Any woman would. Especially Jo, for they had everything in common. But Jo...she never let this 'romantic rubbish', as she called it, get into her head. She had never allowed Laurie half a chance, never even let him try, for somewhere deep inside, the part of her that turned a blind eye to such 'romantic rubbish', knew that she would not be immune to his love, if she gave him a chance. Laurie knew this, as did Amy, and it was the one reason he kept trying and praying for that half a chance.
"Are you unhappy to be married to me?"
Laurie looked down at her and blinked a few times as if coming out of a trance. "Of course not," he said sounding a little hurt. "I'm sorry to find that you think so."
"Well, anyone would think so looking at you...but at this moment everybody is too busy being happy to notice." Amy said looking around at the guests. It was true, for everyone around them looked like they were having a good time save for them. How ironic, for it was supposed to be their happiest day and they were anything but.
Amy cocked her head "It's not right, the way they are completely ignoring the matter. Do you think I should do something drastic? Like start tearing at my hair, or my dress or-"
Laurie had to laugh at her attempt to brave the situation. "That would certainly be hard to ignore, I must say." Then he turned to her, his dark eyes taking on a more serious expression that made her heart speed up. "Please do not think for a moment that I have any regrets about today. I truly am ashamed for appearing weak." he said, sounding disappointed in himself.
"I just didn't think I would...that is to say, I didn't realize it would be so hard..." he stole a glance at Jo and 's direction and then shook his head and looked at Amy straight in the eye.
"But I am glad I have you Amy. I truly am. For I have to admit that you understand me, and acknowledge my needs better than Jo...wants to. And for that I am grateful." he added.
Amy placed both hands upon his cheek. "I promise to make it better, Laurie. Upon my word, as your wife. I don't know if I can, but I shall try." Amy said with an earnestness that went straight to his heart.
Laurie placed his hand upon hers and kissed the ringed finger. "I know you shall try and you will succeed. And for that, I love you."
That was the first time since their marriage that he had uttered those words. And anyone who would look at him now would know that he meant it.
Amy's lips trembled as she tried to say something but it was all too overwhelming.
"Please don't cry." Laurie said looking worried as Amy started to tear up. "The guests will think I've told you something inappropriate about...later."
Amy's sob turned into a giggle halfway and Laurie smiled broadly and held her close while she rested her head against his chest.
From across the garden, Jo watched the exchange and blinked back her own tears at the sweet spectacle.
"Do you think they will be all right?"
Jo turned to Mr Bhaer. "Im sure they will be."
"And...you?" he asked looking at her with his kind eyes.
Jo smiled widely feeling light hearted and happier than she had been in a while "That, Mr Bhaer, is a question you need not ask! Not as long as you stay by my side."
Mr Bhaer grinned and held her hand as they watched the younger couple fondly who were now moving with grace to a music only the two could hear.