Title: The Unlikely Union
Fandom: Avengers & Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
Characters: Clint Barton, Melinda May, Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, Bruce Banner and mentions of Phil Coulson.
Genre: Romance/Humor/Angst
Summary: Two months after the Battle of New York, an arrest warrant is sent out for Agent Barton. While Natasha knew Barton couldn't hide forever, she took pleasure in the fact S.H.I.E.L.D would never figure out where he was. "At home," She said, with a small smirk, then, "Grieving, with his soon-to-be wife." It was a lie, a blatant lie, but he was with someone and they were grieving. And she supposed you could say they were in relationship. Though Agent May would kill her if she said as much.
Author's Notes: Two-Shot. AU– no Barton family. May continue through out AoS series, depends on my muse.
Disclaimer: No Copyright Intended.
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Tony was having a great day until a bucketload of S.H.I.E.L.D agents swarmed his tower, placing an agent at every possible exit. Including, some rather interesting ones he never even considered going out. He didn't run, instead he set his tools down and planned on having a very serious conversation with Fury about his definition of time off. But before he could do that he needed to dispose of the intruding agents, currently tearing up his tower in their desperate search.
There wasn't anything they could want; his tech maybe, but he wasn't going to give that up freely, and even Fury knew that. So why on Earth were they in his tower? If there was international crisis that needed to be averted they could've just called, or maybe sent an agent – one agent, not an army.
What, were they expecting he would start a war over preventing one?
Tony was enraged, not that that single word scraped the surface of the bundle of emotions he felt. They had interrupted his lab time; he had been so close to an absolutely genius idea when he was alerted of their presence. One that he couldn't work out anymore, thank you very much S.H.I.E.L.D.
He strode across his large remodeled lab in a haste when his phone began to ring. He considered ignoring it, planned on doing so, even hovered his finger over the ignore button, before JARVIS informed him of who was calling. Twisting his phone around, he pounded the answer button and shoved the device to his ear.
"You better have a damn good explanation as to why you're agents are in my tower." While he didn't know why they were inside his building, he could imagine the damage they were doing — JARVIS had painted a very good picture about what was going on when asked about it.
"Stark," Fury said over the phone.
"What do you want?"
"The council has ordered for Barton's arrested."
…
When Stark exited the elevator, he was less than pleased at the sight. Agents were poking around at his stuff, they peered inside his vents and messed with his bar. He glared at the agent in particular who touched his selection of drinks, liquor which was more expensive than him. After shouting at him to watch it, he focused on the center of the room where Natasha stood beside Steve giving the agent obviously in charge grief.
Tony couldn't say he expected anything less. This was Barton, they were talking about. Quite possibly the only person she cared about, not that Stark could honestly say he knew everything about who Romanoff socialized with and held personal feelings for. Though, he could say with certainty the group was a small one.
"He was under Loki's influence," She said with a growl. "He's a victim!"
"Agent Barton is responsible for–" Agent Wilson started to say, but Natasha cut him off, with a voice that would send most men running.
"I don't give a damn about what he's responsible for. What about the crazed Asgardian that mind controlled him and forced him into his doing his dirty work?"
Despite the fright hidden behind the agent's mask, he remained cool and composed and tried to calm Natasha down – a futile attempt. "Loki is on Asgard–"
"I know where the hell that monster is," Natasha snapped, her face inches from his.
"Okay," Steve said, stepping in between the two and holding his hands up. The last thing that they needed was for Romanoff to go off the rails and kill a high-ranking S.H.I.E.L.D member. "Maybe we can find a more reasonable solution to this." Natasha stepped back and snorted at that.
"The only solution," Stark said, walking over to them. "Is for you and your fellow agents to get out of my tower."
The agent let out a deep sigh, he obviously didn't want to be here – he was under orders, but from whom? "Mr. Stark, we aren't leaving here without Agent Barton and our sources says he's here."
"Your sources are wrong. We haven't seen or heard from Legolas since Agent's funeral."
Steve nodded in confirmation. Despite, having his apartment destroyed by the battle and not living on base due to his suspension, he hadn't chosen to come live with them. Barton was the only Avenger who hadn't moved in permanently. "He only stayed for a couple nights."
"Sir," An approaching agent began to say. "They're telling the truth. He's not here."
Wilson twisted to face a smug-looking Stark and then stared at Natasha who looked pleased. It was a known fact they were close – they were partners after all – and they shared secrets. There wasn't a doubt in Wilson's mind she knew where he was holed up. "Where is he?"
While Natasha knew Barton couldn't hide forever, she took pleasure in the fact S.H.I.E.L.D would never figure out where he was.
"At home," She said, with a small smirk, then, "Grieving, with his soon-to-be wife."
Both Tony and Steve turned to her, both surprised and curious about what she was doing. They weren't aware Cliny was engaged, or dating at all. Tony had done his homework and within S.H.I.E.L.D's unusually detailed section about their agent's personal life not once was a girlfriend, or fiancée mentioned.
The agent didn't hesitate in his reply, though he did quirk an eyebrow at her obvious lie. "Agent Barton isn't–"
Natasha cut him off, "They were planning on running off and eloping, but their plans were halted by the invasion. He didn't get the chance to inform the Director of his engagement."
Wilson hummed and nodded, knowing it was nothing more than a desperate excuse to try and save her partner's life. "I don't suppose you'll tell us where he and his supposed fiancée are."
She snorted.
…
Despite knowing Barton was in fact not in building, the leading agent on the case was hesitant to leave. A part was due to Barton's unfathomable abilities at hiding from S.H.I.E.L.D agents, the other being due to the lie Romanoff told and lack of evidence supporting it. But Natasha reminded him, regardless of how much evidence supported it, when any new information in a S.H.I.E.L.D case is found, the agent leading the investigation must report back to HQ for a reevaluation of the case.
The reminder sent him and his agents packing, and within ten minutes almost all the S.H.I.E.L.D agents evacuated Stark's, turned Avenger's tower. Which left only a handful of agents down in his lobby and private garage.
Once gone, Tony ran a security check to weed out any possible listeners and increased JARVIS security, while Natasha did a quick sweep through the room for any possible bugs. As she was doing one last sweep, Bruce came up through the elevator and glanced around, obviously hesitant – he had bolted when he heard of the warrant for Barton's arrest and felt the anger creep up on him. He knew staying there would result in a catastrophic event with the destruction of Tony's tower.
Stark glanced over his shoulder at the scientist and told him all clear. After finishing their sweep, Natasha and Steve strode across the room and stopped next to Bruce and she glanced at Tony expectedly. He informed her that he had kicked S.H.I.E.L.D out from his system and they were able to talk freely.
"What are we going to do about Barton?" Steve had to ask. They needed a plan if they were going to stop him from being locked up. Despite having only few and brief encounters with the man, he did consider him a member of the team and wasn't going to let S.H.I.E.L.D lock him up for being turned him into Loki's puppet.
"They won't find him," Natasha said without even a sliver of doubt in her voice.
At that Steve turned to her, curious. "When did Barton get engaged?"
"He's not," She admitted and Tony smirked at her, both at being right and her audacity to lie to S.H.I.E.L.D. He did it, but she was an agent and despite being a high-ranking member and world-class liar, he didn't expect for her to tell such a big lie. But Tony was almost certain there was nothing she wouldn't do for Barton.
"So you lied to S.H.I.E.L.D? I'm impressed Red." When Tony turned and met Bruce's confused face, he went on ahead and explained what had transpired while he was hiding.
"But Barton's not married," Bruce said. "What's S.H.I.E.L.D going to do when they realize he's not?"
"Can't be worse than what they're planning." Nothing could, but she still couldn't wrap her mind around why now they were choosing to penalize him. He had committed his fair share of crime before coming to S.H.I.E.L.D, nothing like her, but enough to serve jail time. But he worked it off by being an agent for S.H.I.E.L.D, the same deal she was given. Expect she killed more, many more.
"Where is he?"
She rose an eyebrow, knowing full well Tony had been tracking his whereabouts, both before and after S.H.I.E.L.D showed up at their doorstep looking for Barton. And knowing that he didn't know only made her more certain, S.H.I.E.L.D wouldn't find him. "With a friend," Natasha finally said.
"Is this friend by chance female?" He couldn't help but be curious how she came up with 'soon-to-be married' so quickly and so easily. There had to be a reason, she obviously knew there were other choices: bastard child, mental disorder, community service– why on Earth engagement?
"Yes," She said.
"And they won't suspect he's with her? They'll be looking for his fiancée and any possible candidates–"
She chuckled at that. Nobody would suspect he's with her. "They've tried to kill each other a couple times and filed a few complaints against one another. If they suspect he's with her than either S.H.I.E.L.D's grown a brain or they've hit rock bottom."
:::
She couldn't leave. Not yet. The agents were still outside and while she could easily loose a tail, if she left too soon it would be suspicious. And it wasn't worth the risk. They could hold off on their own, and hopefully not call anybody terribly important within S.H.I.E.L.D in their drunken state. Not that she wouldn't past them. Prank calling, while childish, seemed to play into their pranking forte. And being as drunk as they were when she last saw them, they didn't have any restraint.
When her phone rung and she saw the caller ID, she couldn't help but tense. There was only two reasons this woman would be calling her so soon after they received a visit from S.H.I.E.L.D agents. And both involved Barton.
Natasha clicked answer and pressed the phone to her ear.
Once it connected, a woman's voice filled her ear, "Why do I have agents in my office telling me Barton is engaged?" Maria asked, in a way of greeting.
Her shoulders relaxed knowing he hadn't been caught. "Because he is."
"And when did he propose? Was it before or after he started sleeping with May?" The Deputy Director wasn't fooled by her lie and knew without a doubt, he wasn't engaged. She had visited him on several occasions following the battle and each time he was the same way with the same person.
"Before," Natasha replied. "They're still celebrating their engagement."
"I wasn't aware celebration called for bickering, shouting and visits from the police."
"How should I know what they like to do in bed?"
Hill rolled her eyes at that. They may be sleeping together, but they would never take it to the next step and get engaged; they would first need to figure out how to survive the first step and go on a date together.
"Fury will never buy a marriage between them. Our tech division could spot a fake certificate a mile away, even if Stark did it." Not entirely true, but with close examination as they would certainly do, they would know for a fact the marriage was falsified. And a falsified document would only incriminate him farther.
"Unless it isn't."
Maria paused at what she was insinuating; she certainly had to be mistaken. "Are you suggesting they actually get married?" There was no way either one of them would go that far for a simple cover-up, even if they decided to be married only in name. They would kill each other before they got to the alter.
"They are engaged."
…
It wasn't easy to get there.
The drive was simple. Getting rid of the tails was the hard part. A normal tail she could get rid easily, but they knew all her tricks and knew how she operated. Every time she lost one, another one appeared and then another. Finally, once out of the city she managed to lose them all. She pulled over at an insurrection after driving for several minutes and parked her car outside of a pizza parlor.
The safe house wasn't too far from here, she could easily walk. First, she entered the pizza place and ordered one. She would need something to warm them up and a bribe seemed the best way. They would smell the trick a mile away, but it would at least gain her temporary favor, which was all she needed. Departing through the back exit, she crossed the street and walked down the sidewalk to the house.
Striding up the dirt path, Natasha came up to the front door and knocked. She didn't expect a response, but she wanted to give them the warning if they were indecent. Pulling out her own personal set of keys, she unlocked the front door and pried the door open with one hand, the pizza in the other. The moment she stepped inside she was hit by the smell of sex, alcohol and pizza.
She noticed two people sitting on the couches who still hadn't noticed her. A sign they had been drinking. Sighing, Natasha set the pizza on the counter and glanced at the trash scattered across the counter. For two people who kept their individual apartments surprisingly clean and tidy, this was an absolute disaster, but they were too caught up in their own grief.
She had tried to stop them, but they had both reached their breaking point. She never understood their relationship, but they both cared for Phil and it hurt them deeply when he died, yet somehow, through that grief it brought them closer — to an unusual degree.
Finally, Clint noticed her and turned at her with an odd, drunk grin. "Hey, Nat." May twisted to face her and Clint stood up, his body swaying slightly as he walked over to her. His eyes locked on the pizza and he threw open the lid, taking out a slice.
"How are you today?" Her eyes darted between Melinda and Clint.
Melinda glanced down at the pizza, then up at her. "A bribe."
"A good bribe," Clint said, then asked. "What do you want?" She had to want something if she was coming here, though it must be important because they made it very clear last time they weren't going to listen to a word she said. Stubborn.
Natasha didn't beat around the bush. They were acting civilized, we father drunk and enjoying the bribe. Any longer and she would lose any chance she had of convincing them. "You need to get married."
May froze where she stood, her mouth slightly agape and eyes widened as she stared back at the woman. She had to be joking, trying to pull one over on them when she thought they were too drunk to believe any differently; they weren't, but nearing that point.
Next to her, Clint seemed to be thinking the same thing and suddenly he broke out laughing, only coming to a stop when he saw the dead serious look on Natasha's face. She was being serious? "Wait, are you being serious?"
"No," May said, arms crossed, not giving it a moment's thought.
She glanced between the two; she should've figured they weren't going to be drunk enough to fall for it. Perfect. "S.H.I.E.L.D thinks you're engaged."
"Well, who the hell would give them that idea?"
Natasha glared at Clint. "I did."
"Why would you do that?" Melinda knew that Natasha must've been truly desperate if she resorted to saying they, of all people, were engaged.
"To save his life." Natasga wasn't trying to convince them to go through with it, merely have them realize the situation they were in. Turning to Clint, she said, "They're going to lock you up unless you get married."
For a moment it looked as though he was going to accept her suggestion and go through with it, but she knew him better than that. Clint didn't do anything he didn't want to do, even if his own life was on the line. The man did jump off of skyscrapers recreationally– his self-preservation skills were more than questionable.
"And it has to be to her?" He asked, his voice a combination of annoyance and irritation.
"You're already sleeping together," Natasha pointed out, purposely forgetting to mention she knew it was nothing more than a coping method.
"That's sex, you're talking about marriage."
Clint nodded his head. "Mels has a point."
Natasha shook her head and muttered, "The one time you two agree." She really wished Phil was here right now, he'd be able to slap some sense into them. Or rather talk, she'd do the slapping. He had a way of inspiring people and on more than one occasion had said they had a special friendship based solely on pranking. One that fell to pieces when Bahrein happened.
Sighing, she looked at Clint. "Look, Clint, it's either marriage or lockup."
He only considered it for a while half a second. "I choose lockup." Melinda snorted, though she couldn't say she disagreed. She wasn't particularly keen on the idea of marrying Barton, even if he was Hawkeye.
"Clint!"
"Why are you so hell bent on saving me?" He asked, grabbing the beer bottle off the counter and taking a large swig. "I'm sure Mels would prefer it if I was locked up. Most of S.H.I.E.L.D would prefer it."
"Life would be easier," May said, not entirely disagreeing with his statement. There wouldn't be an idiot crawling through the vents anymore, entering through the window instead of using the door and constantly causing trouble with his daily pranks, but that didn't mean she actually wanted him locked up. She had done far worse things and those were of her own free will.
Natasha huffed, past annoyed. She couldn't save someone when they didn't want to be saved. But that didn't mean she was giving up on him – on either of them.
"I don't give a damn what S.H.I.E.L.D wants! You are my partner, Clint, you are both my friends. We just lost Phil," She said and they flinched at the mention of their dead friend. "I'm not losing you too. So unless you two geniuses find another loophole, then I expect you two to get as drunk as you need to be and meet me at the alter."
Natasha snatched her keys of the counter and strode out of the room, slamming the door on her way out. Standing side-by-side they stared at the door as an awkward silence crept over and filled the air.
"So," Clint began and turned to glance at May. "Any bright ideas?"
A/N: Thanks for reading. I'll post the next part soon. Don't forget to review, follow and favorite!