Sidney felt Kay's eyes on him as he threw his head back and downed the last of his beer. He had silently hoped she'd look away, but she didn't. Kay was looking at him with a face that he did not recognize.
"What?"
"Nothing. . ." Sidney sensed the hesitation in her voice, they had turned the TV off and spent the last hour talking, it was some time past midnight now. Sidney couldn't remember the last time he spent a decent night at home talking with someone so carelessly, as if he wasn't a celebrity but rather just a normal guy living a normal life.
"What's wrong?" he asked, and found it surprising that he genuinely wanted to know. Kay didn't respond, she simply tilted her head and looked at him, her face appearing as if she was in a lot of pain. Mental pain, not physical.
"I just…think it's weird, still. You inviting me here, so randomly. I mean, we barely know each other, sort of." Their relationship was definitely out of the oridinary, physically speaking they never spent more than a couple hours together at a time, and never by themselves, minus that night. But they knew everything about each other. Sidney sat there, with Kay looking at him still. His heart was poundering now, he wanted so much to bring up that night to Kay, but was scared of how she'll react. He couldn't explain the real reason why he invited her here, and Sidney was never much of a liar.
"I…I miss you." Was all Sidney said, which wasn't a lie, at all. He really did miss her.
Kay looked like she had just been told the biggest shock of her life, but then, just slowly, a smile crept on her face.
"I miss you too." Kay reached for his hand and squeezed it.
"Me too." Sidney said, not sure if he should take her hand in his fully. He looked down and noticed how small her hand was, it had a much smaller bone structure.
"But I mean, you're Sidney Crosby. What makes me so special?" Kay smiled as she spoke, relieving some of the tension in the room, and in Sidney's head.
"You listen to me like a real person, and you haven't taken any advantage of me." Kay looked at him in disbelief, Sidney quickly reworded. "I mean, you haven't taken anything I said and used it to your advantage, you treat me like a real friend. And you're a girl, I don't get a lot of those." Sidney wanted so much more than to be friends, and for some odd reason it kind of hurted telling Kay a lie.
"Yeah, and you're the only decent guy I've met in so long, you're still the only decent guy I met, that isn't gay, anyways." Kay started playing absentmindly with Sidney's jersey that she was still wearing, seemingly completely oblivious to Sidney.
"What if we could be something more?" the words flew out of his mouth, Sidney quickly recovered but it was too late. Kay's head flew back up, her brown eyes seeming like a venom black in the room. Sidney didn't understand what drove him to say that, but the damage was done. He might as well do it now.
"Kay, you can't tell me you haven't figured it out!" Kay's shoulders fell, her eyes were on the floor now. She sat there, crunched up into a ball and she looked unfocused. As if she's lost. Sidney wanted to hug her, something! He couldn't stand seeing her like that, seeing it once made him vulnerable and defensive at the same time. Sidney continued,
"You always listen to me and you treat me indifferent, you're like my best friend and ever since…that night," Kay's head jerked back up when he mentioned that night. "I've been trying to approach you about it, talk to you about it. But you never gave me the chance to when we were together, and when you left I just never found the opportunity. "
"So why didn't you give up?" her voice sounded strained, forced almost.
"I don't know." Sidney needed answers, which are the truth.
"It was over a year ago, yet you hold on to it like it happened yesterday. I want to forget that night, Sidney. I was drunk and depressed and wasn't thinking clearly, I wanted to get back at Ross for that night, that's why I slept with you!" Sidney sat in shock, Kay's eyes were tearing up now. But something in her voice told Sidney that it wasn't the truth, he knew Kay better than that.
"Did you really sleep with me because you were drunk and couldn't think clearly?" Sidney moved closer to Kay, his hands held her shoulders. "Kay, look at me." She did, but Sidney found it hard to look into hers.
"Sidney, is this the reason you invited me here?" Sidney didn't answer, Kay shook off his grasp and got up. "I'm going to sleep." She said finally, after a long moment of silence. Sidney sat there, unable to move. He heard Kay's footsteps slowly walking upstairs, Sidney snapped himself out of his trance and followed her upstairs. The Kay he knows isn't like this, at all, she wasn't telling him something . He walked upstairs and started reconsidering this, but too late for that. Kay's door wasn't closed, he walked in and saw her standing by the window, leaning against the wall. Sidney knocked.
"Hey." He said weakly. Kay didn't respond. "Kay, turn around." Sidney made his tone hard, she finally did. Her face was red and her eyes looked a bit red too, she had been crying. Sidney's heart turned soft when he saw her state, he walked up to her slowly and embraced her in a hug. Kay buried herself in his shoulders and they just stood there, embraced like that for a long time. Sidney silently prayed to whomever controlled fate, and wonder why things have to be so hard.
That night, it was as if fate had decided to somehow play with the two of them. Sidney and Kay stayed up and just talked, about everything. Time passed by as if it was no object. Sidney found out that Kay had left to get away from her parents, they were forcing her to pick sides and since she was an only child, Kay had pretty much went through this alone. Her father had at first been sweet and nice to Kay only to tell her off when Kay picked her mother's side of his dad's. Kay hadn't spoken to her father since the divorce was finalized 10 months ago. He also found out that Ross had contacted Kay in the middle of this fiasco with her parents, but Kay hadn't responded. It turns out that none of her friends knew about what had happened with her parents so Kay literally went through everything on her own, and she acted like everything was fine in front of her friends.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Sidney asked, offended.
"You were busy with your hockey, plus the Olympics was right around the corner so you went back to Canada to train, I didn't even know how to reach you." Sidney signed heavily, during his victory Kay was suffering. He hadn't contacted her right after the Olympics finished either, there were so much interviews and promotions that he could barely keep his head wrapped around it. "I'm a nobody, it wasn't important. My dad just left me alone and I just buried myself in work."
"Kay…" Sidney's voice lingered off, he wasn't sure what to say to her. Sidney wasn't the kind of guy who sweet talks and he certainly wasn't sure of what to say right now, it just seemed like a lot to take in, even for him. Let alone her.
"Don't. . .don't feel sorry for me. I don't need it," Kay was looking down, twirling her fingers. "I got through this all by myself, and I survived. In retrospect, I think it was a good thing I moved. No more painful reminders." A smile crept on Kay's face, although it looked so fake Sidney wondered if it hurted her.
"I wish you told me," Sidney said, full of regrets. All those times he had been talking to her, complaining about how he can't get a break of day from anyone and all his pressure, she was going through something so much worse. "I wish I knew, wish I had seen something, but I didn't."
"It's fine, really. If you did then I would've have stopped talking to you." Kay humoured him, her black hair was reflected to a dark brown by the light, the only light in the room was the lamp beside the two of them. Sidney looked at his phone, it was a little past 4. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go on like this anymore, the truth had came out, he couldn't just sweep it under the carpet anymore.
"Wouldn't it be amazing?" he whispered to her, knowing that his voice was barely above audible. He was so close to Kay he could kiss her, and God knows he wanted to. She didn't say anything, a look of uncertainty on her face. Kay stretched her legs out, as if she was going to get up and walk away. Sidney was afraid of her getting up, luckily she didn't . He wasn't sure if he could stop her if she did.
"I need to know, if all of this is real. Because it feels as if nothing is anymore"
Sidney sat there, almost shaking. She was doubting him? He had just poured his heart out. Kay continued,
"I don't know Sidney, you're…you."
"You mean I'm famous." He said, his tone blank.
"No, not famous! You're the best thing I've ever had, you're the only one who cares so much about me. If…if we were to commit to this, it'd be it. If we crash and burn, and go down in flames, then…there'd be nothing left!"
"Kay, you've always handled everything yourself. Please, you have to see how wonderful this all is. How much easier it would be for you if you could let someone else take care of you." Kay still looked unconvinced, Sidney took a deep breathe, then leaned in.
To his surprise she didn't pull away, he half expected her to push him off the bed and then run away. Probably screaming "bloody murder" while at it.
But she didn't. Her body didn't move one bit, Sidney pulled away. Something in Kay's eyes changed, the light reflected in her brown eyes, Sidney could swear something was different but he wasn't sure what.
"Just once. . ."
"Then we'll make the best of it." Kay smiled.
She grabbed him and they kissed, Sidney put his hand around her waist and drew her in. That familiar feeling of her body against his rushed in and Sidney could barely contain his happiness. Kay wrapped her tiny arms around him and he felt as if the world was right again. He pulled back and looked at her, she finally appeared to be smiling, a genuine smile this time. "You're right, it is going to be amazing."
Sidney realized the hands of fate had intervened, she was still wearing his jersey.
