You may live in your house, talk to your friends about freedom and liberty, lie in bed with beloved woman. But do this things really make you free? Striving for freedom we still can't understand that freedom is life's greatest lie, chains that stuck into your flesh furiosly. Freedom of faithful is in the prayer, freedom of wind is in the skies, freedom of eagle is in the wings, freedom of prisoner is in his cage. The only difference is in the level of comfort. We may never understand that unless we will have a moment of peace, a pause during which we are able to look back at our life and see it as clear as never before. See that our longings to something bigger can be that chains that keep us from realization of what we already have and appreciating it. Real freedom for me lies in the independence from false ideologies that bind you, force you to follow the only possible way - the one that they preach.
The way of law-abiding citizen, the path of an outlaw, of an honest man, of anarchist or a moralist - this is all just a frames that limit the existence and excluding comfort and the possibility of change. Not everyone can withstand such adherence to a single road and not all are able to renounce it. And they are not the one to blame, just as we are not the one to ask them to change their way of living. Some things are just meant to stay the same and once you choose your path you can never go back and make another better and wiser choice. Trying to change it mostly means change yourself and thungs like that can't end good. Especially when you and your life is like /It will end bloody, the ghosts will hunting you and there will be no place in the whole universe where you would find shelter. But there are always someone who refuse to live that way, who naively wants out and who is ready to give up everything just to try to start over again one more time from the very beginning.
For the last few years I thought that I may be one of them, beeing one hundred persent sure this life is no longer for me. I thought that as I'll come out me and Tara will try this chance together, facing the unpredictable future standing by each other. But deep inside I knew that she always was too far from this kind of life and she didn't really wanted to be in this shit any longer, though she tried to overstep herself. And just as I said, not everyone can do this and succed. br /Loosing her second time was quite easier though. From the beginning as we decided to try again I wasn't sure if she'll stand all that crap. I had no right to ask her to, but I was hoping that this time it would be different yet she run away again and in some way that didn't surprise me. She made her choice and I respect it. After all, how would I feel if being with me would lead her to more danger than it already did? That's how I soothed. I kept telling myself that this is only for the bast as well as at least she will be safe somewhere far from Charming. As long as she won't have a deal with some asshole from ATF, of course. But it wasn't my problem anymore and that's great, 'cause I will have a lot of them even without her.
Getting out of a prison after more than a year was… weird. After a long hours of rethinking, re-evaluation and making conclusions even breathing the air of old-new city was like something completely new to me. Charming seemed to be the same and absolutely different at once and that made me think about what changes SAMCRO will need to make to still fit in. One of these changes that happened in town while we were at Stockton just hit us in the face, writing some permanent problem that threatened to interfere in our way in the foreseeable future. We were quite ready for increased attention of the cops, but the warm welcome with which we encountered was very bold move, I must admit. New Sheriff showed himself as kind of a new superhero of the town whose intention was to clean Charming from any signs of a criminal gangs to which he had ranked us. It supposed to scare us or at least to impress, but we were only amused and the rest of the way to the clubhouse was full of /Maybe we were trying to hide some tension behind this humor but anyway it was about playing this game until we will sit around the table and no minute earlier. First there was meeting that we've all been waiting for so long. No doubt that saying goodbye to your family is the hardest part of going to jail, just as seeing them again is the best. This is what was constant, what can't be changed by time - one year or ten - and what's worth of waiting.
Gemma's hugs was stronger than ever, I could almost feel as my ribs started to ache.
"I'm so glad you're home, baby," she said, holding my face in her arms. I hugged her back trying to show how much I missed her. A few seconds later I felt Abel's tiny little hands around my neck.
"Hey, little monster! Gosh, just look at you! Gonna be bigger than your old man soon," Abel smiled and started immediately telling about his past year. There were so many stories to tell about and I was dying to hear them all as soon as possible though Clay as usual called everyone to chapel so we could discuss some problems on the agenda. I gave Abel back to Gemma and kissed her quickly. "See you tonight, mom," she nodded smiling.
Sitting at the table with reaper was strange, almost unbelievable but with every second I could feel myself finally at home. I wear my cut and know who I am with no doubt. Ready to swear on my old man's grave that everyone else in this room felt the same way. My brothers, my family. All the other shit outside the door was nothing right now, and even the threat of new Sheriff's big dick in our business didn't ruin our mood. Right after everyone got their part of pay jokes and laugh became only louder, the conversation went on Putlova. If that would be another me in another situation, reminder of russians would probably pissed me off but right now I was just too happy to be mad.
"And the freak circle is complete", said Juice, pulling me out of my thoughts, and here we are, laughing again, Tig and Hap louder than others - those guys are good in self-joking. And for desert Opie prepared for us one last news about his wedding with Lyla. Didn't think it will be that soon but time in prison goes differently, so there was no surprise it will happen so quickly.
"And don't you dare to present us some bullshit, I know how much in these envelopes, bros".
Soon the convocation was over and we had to ride to meet with Putlova. Saying I wasn't excited about this meeting would be an understatement, it seemed like I felt as my scars started to burn again. But I needed to be coldblooded since our plan did not include immediate revenge. Ride on a long road, which I missed almost the most of all in Stockton, was a great way to clean my head from uncontrolled thoughts that involuntarily climbed there. And even better way to do it was unexpected game that we had to play with our little a halfway to the place of meeting we saw police car that was following after us, at first silently, but as they realized that we're trying to break away, they turned on the sirens and the funniest part started. Letting them know who's really in control on the road was fucking pleasant so confusing and dividing two Sheriffs, who still haven't been able to accept the simple truth that they are messing with the wrong guys, we really caught the buzz. But everything has it's limits so we couldn't have fun this way for too long and it all ended up with another separating. Me, Opie and Clay broke away from others who were supposed to keep distracting the cops.
'Pure buisness' as a justification of all sins and the title of the meeting. I knew that the main goal was to create an illusion of the fair deal, but anger forced me to nervously clench my fists, that's why mainly clay was speaking. Personally I fueled by the desire as soon as possible to deal with it and knock out, otherwise uncontrolled emotions could spoil everything. For our luck it ended with one drinking a glass of vodka and a promise to meet at the party after Opie's wedding. The one that was coming up closer with every minute. Getting back on my bike I was unconsciously thinking about how it all came to fact that it wasn't me and Tara, but Opie and Lyla. A pornstar. I smirked to myself, going on the road and trying to throw reflections about Tara away. Sasier to say than to do, actually. But what was the point of turning back on what is now covered in past. We both need to move on and if Tara was able do that against all the promises, then I can definitely do the same. From this point I swore to myself that the new part of my life is about to begin, the part free from Tara's influence. I guess that would be another definition of freedom for me if I succeed. But apparently some omnipotent guy above me decided that if I cannot forget Tara that easily, he will distract me with something else instead. With someone else, if being more specific.
She looked like she really had a bunch of troubles but yet she was too arrogant to ask for help. God knows how long she was going down the roadside, but one thing was clear - she won't stop, not until she get to the place of her destination. As we passed by I slowed down a little so now we were on the same distance. You don't need to be a goddamn Sherlock Holmes to understand that she was definitely running away from some kind of shit. The bruises on her pale skin were screaming about her being insulted and humiliated by someone. And since I am a sucker for a pretty face with savior syndrome (not my words, pals), I couldn't help myself but stopped and offered assistance.
"Hey, lass, what are you doing in the middle of nowhere? Need some hand?" She looked at me a little nervous at first, but then smiled politely yet a little bit sad and confused, I might say.
"Just, eh… traveling, you know. New places and all that shit," she answered tired but very calm with no sign of fear. People usually don't like being stopped by bunch of bikers with reapers on their backs. This one was definitely not of the same kidney.
"We're going to Charming, it's not far from here and maybe could be new enough for you. What do you think? Can give you a ride if you want," I smiled back, hearing clay's objections already. "Come on, Clay," I said to him, preparing another helmet for our new fellow-traveler, "Don't be an ass! This is our civic duty to help those who are lost." Clay rolled his eyes, but yet didn't argue anymore. A doll nodded gratefully, taking a seat behind my back.
"I'm Jax, by the way."
"I'm Ellie.