Bubbles
Lynette's POV
"Just remember, Callum, when you're floating up and up in your bubble, that bubbles have a habit of bursting. The higher you climb the further you have to fall"
I don't think Callum truly understood what I meant when I mentioned the bubble. He was annoyed, I could tell that much, that's why I didn't stay and pursue it any further, I'm too tired for any form of argument or tension, especially not from Callum, the one who is most likely to understand. I wish I could talk to him though, force him to understand exactly what I meant. I wish I could tell him everything because maybe if I could make him understand then it wouldn't be so bad, maybe Callum could help me?
I shake that thought from my head; Callum can't help, no one can. Well, no that's not really true, one person could. Jed could but Jed's not here and Jed's never going to be here again. I can't stop the tears from welling up in my eyes but I fiercely attempt wiping them away anyway. No, I know it's too late for me, I've already made the decision regarding my future and that's not going to change, can't change. And to be fair I don't want it to change. I just wish I could make Callum understand. I wish I could tell him about me and Jed, I don't want him to hate Jed or hate Crosses. I look at Jude and Dad and sometimes even Mum and I can see the hatred growing by the day, by the minute and I can't stop that, no one can stop the way they feel. But Callum isn't like that. Callum's like me, the odd one out, the one who cares about everything sometimes too much. The one who wants change and wants it to come the right one. The one who fell in love with a Cross.
Because he does love Sephy. He may be so young but he's no younger than I was when I fell in love with Jed. And that terrifies me, that scares the living daylights out of me. He loves Sephy with all his heart in the purest possible way, it's so obvious. The way he sneaks off to spend time with her, the way he tenses whenever Jude says anything against her but mostly the look in his eye when Sephy is mentioned. I want nothing more than for Callum and Sephy to succeed where Jed and I couldn't and I believe in love I really do. It might seem impossible for someone like me to believe in love, living in this world, after everything that's happened, but I do believe in love. How can I not when it was love that caused all my problems? I loved Jed. I still love Jed. Every fibre of my being will always love Jed and that will never change and I denied it for so long while we were together, trying to stop it because I was scared. And I look at Callum now and I know that history is repeating itself. He doesn't realise how much he loves Sephy, or maybe he does and he just won't admit it even to himself. He doesn't realise the dangers of that. He's scared and I know it, I wish I could tell him that I understand. But how can I without telling him that if he stays around Sephy it will end in tragedy for both of them? How can I break my baby brother's heart when the only crime he has committed is falling in love with the wrong girl?
I can't. It's as simple as that, which is the biggest part of the reason I left Callum's room. Maybe it's selfish, maybe it would be better for me to tell him now rather than him find out later down the line. But I can't tell him. I know he wouldn't listen, or he'd admit that he already knows that and still not do anything about it but that's not why I won't talk to him. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a coward, I know I am, I'm taking the easy way out when it comes to everything. I won't talk to Callum and warn him of the dangers of the future because I couldn't bear to see his face during that conversation. I couldn't bear to see the pain, I know it would just re-shatter the already broken pieces of my heart.
But that's what I meant, when I talked of the bubbles. Maybe Callum thought I was talking about him being at high school and whether being someone or making a difference was more important because that was our conversation at the time. And in a way he'd be right if he did, because I did, if Callum believes he can become someone and make a difference then he will come crashing back to earth but I think that fall would be slightly less painful than the one which tore him and Sephy apart.
No. Scratch that. I don't think, I know, because losing Jed was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I couldn't cope with it, I can't cope with it. Will Callum be able to?
A/N: It's been a while since I wrote about Lynette, I was writing chapter 22 of Together and Divided the other day and I realised how much I missed it. I love writing about Lynny, she's probably my favourite female character ever. Anyway, the quote at the top is from chapter 32 of Noughts and Crosses and has stuck with me more than any line from a book ever has before. Please R&R, I'll love you forever if you do, Carly. x