Seems just like yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Before I left to 1947 he was mine, we would go everywhere with me, we were like one, we were each part of each other. To him I used to be so tough on him, always sending him to jail. If only he knew about the other time line… does he even think about us together now? In the other time line the first time we kissed it was like we were meant to. I don't and never have believed in fate or destiny or all that but it felt like we were always meant together and only then did we realize it. Now everything has changed while I can't imagine us not together he's not missing anything. He doesn't even know about the other time line, nor will he ever. I can barely hold on, he was… is everything to me, but to him I'll be the one he despises and avoids.
Here I am once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Just another day without him. Just another day I wonder why I'm here, why I haven't just given up yet and left Eureka? He's never going to know about what we had. Or how much I needed him, and relied on him. The only one I had ever told any of my most dire secrets. The only one who had seen my real emotions run free. He was still my Zane. Just with different memories. Right? Who am I supposed to tell that I'm hurt because of him? If he's the one that I would always tell that sort of thing to? He's the one that hurt me, yet not at the same time. It's not his fault that I got sent back in time. For once he won't be the one I run to when I am crying. For I am crying for him. He won't get to see the tears I cry for him.
Not this time.
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now that's left of me
Is what I pretended to be
I confided in him, I told him everything. It just happened. I never thought I would trust someone that much. And actually I didn't. In this time line there is no my-Zane, I didn't confide in him. I locked him in my jail cell instead. Not only did I trust him I felt calm, like myself before I changed when I was young. When my mom died I had to live like my brothers so myself wouldn't be decimated instead I just changed myself. When he came I started to change back, I wasn't heartless. Now I have to be all tough on the one that I loved, pretend that I never loved him. Now what I am is what I've always pretended to be like what started when I was young. I'm barely even real if I can't be myself. I can't be myself if he's not here.
He's a part of me.
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
When I walk around I have to look like I'm fine, like it's just another day for me. I'm not. I'm hurt beyond words. And no-one can fix it but him, maybe I should tell him. Ever since he asked me to marry him I can't function properly. Zane never messes up on machines but I'm not a machine. Every time I see him walk by it crushes me, when I see him walk by with one of his flirts. My heart stops, what am I supposed to do now? When all I've ever done that has meant anything is gone? I can't breathe when I see him, I can't sleep knowing that he is supposed to be next to me. I can barely hold on. It's hard to find something to hold on to though.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Sitting in the office reminds me of how we met, how we kissed, how he proposed, all of the memories that no longer exist for him. I know that its' not healthy to dwell upon things but I can't help it, they are the things that I dream of at night. The place I go when I'm upset, into my own head, and Zane's arms. They're my happy place.
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you. I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore
He didn't meant to but he came, acted like a jerk, cared for me, loved me, asked me to marry him, and then… now… he acts like it never happened. I'm forced to as well. My emotions still flow for him though, that I can't help. I wish I could turn them off. I want to have the emotions but I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
I'll make it go away.
Here I am once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Why not? No-one will miss me. One less person to worry about blabbing to about the wormhole. After all we should be isolated and sanctioned. Zane will be happy, I won't be able to throw him in jail anymore. Everything that I've done can be replaced, they'll find a new Head of Security, I don't have a house, my room at Carter's can be turned into another room for Zoe or something. It doesn't matter, why should I have to worry about something that won't matter once I'm gone.
Here I am once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here we go.
I stepped onto the top of the Sheriff's building.
Nothing matters now.
And I stepped forward.
Authors Note-
Okay, there is another chapter so it's alright I was going to make it a one-shot but decided I couldn't make it like this.
Zane/Jo