This was an idea I had randomly, so I wrote it. It's a songfic to Pat Bentar's I Don't Wanna Be Your Friend, but I can't post the lyrics here, so if you want when you read this, listen to the singo
Sherlock looked in the window of Angelo's, being careful to stay in the shadows. He watched John on a date with a nameless girl. John laughed at something she said, and smiled at her. His special 'I really care about you' smile. The smile that had previously been directed only at him.
Sherlock's breath caught in his throat as he saw John's eyes turn towards her. John's eyes were filled with love. John used to look at him like that, before he met her. Jessica, or Mary...one of those. Maybe it was Penny? No! Willow, that was it.
He didn't just want to be flatmates, or partners. He wanted to be friends, no, not even. He wanted to be more than friends...he wanted to be lovers. He really doesn't think he can take John not knowing anymore, he won't be able to say goodbye, even if John turns him down.
He knows John will take her home, at some point, to have sex with her, and that hurts. Because in John's relationship, he seems to think there's no room for Sherlock. He forgets Sherlock was there first, he's been ignoring Sherlock, and their cases together.
Sherlock knows he should just forget about it, he should give up all hope on a chance at a relationship with John, but he just can't. He's loved him too long for that. He doesn't really have a place in John's life, at least not the place he wants.
He really wanted to just tell John, but he knows he won't do anything about it. In fact, John will probably turn him down, and then it'll be awkward.
Whenever he thinks of 'what-ifs', his heart wrenches. There's no point in hoping. So instead he remembers. Remembers John's sweaters, his experiments and how John disliked them, how they'd eat at Angelo's to celebrate a case solved...
Hell, he even remembers the times they were arguing over his experiments or eating habits. He just remembers.
Sherlock took out his phone as he stared hungrily at John, wishing he was in Willow's place. he sent a text, and watched as John looked at it.
I love you. -SH