When Mary/Gary Sues Attack!
Disclaimer: Sonic and Shadow are (C) SEGA.
Danny Phantom is (c) Butch Hartman.
Ash Ketchum and Pikachu are (c) Nintendo.
Imperfection07 and Mini are (c) Imperfection07
Summary: Muse Based Universe. A fanauthoress and her muses endure a Mary-Sue epidemic. DP/StH/PkMn Muses. Moved/Edited.
The room is dead silent before the clunking of hover shoes against a carpet is heard. Shadow the Hedgehog, in all his Ultimate Life Form Glory which causes nearly every one of his fan-girls (and often neglected fan-boys) to swoon in happiness, walks to the computer's swivel chair and sits down in it and faces the audience.
"Ladies and Gentlemen—"
The fans scream at the sound of his unaltered (pre Sonic X) husky voice and Shadow remains silent until it dies down.
"Ladies an—"
More fan-girls (and the neglected fan-boys) shriek again…
"Ladies…"
Shrieking…
"Lad—"
More shrieking…
"La—"
Even more shrieking…
"L—"
…and even-even more shrieking…
Shadow seethes silently under the roars of the fans then explodes "WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE?!?!"
Crickets chirp and it's quiet enough to hear a pin drop…
"…thank you—"
A fan shrieks out loud then gets nailed on the head with a cinder-block…
Shadow clears his voice then proceeds: "This next skit will be targeted towards a certain species of dangerous creatures commonly found in many poorly written (romance) fanfictions and several pieces of artwork throughout the internet. In this case, we give you a prime example of what situation would occur if we were under attack by: a creature so vile it chases its prey with an unbending deadline. A beast so disturbing it has possible uncensored interaction with every male and/or female it chases…sometimes with success. A human, half-being, anthro, etcetera with such a malignant mind that it plots to take the stage away from the main character and bask in it's demonic glory. The creature we shall discuss in this skit is none other than a—"
"OH. MY. GAAAAAAAAAAAAWWDD…!"
A loud scream of either panic and possibly anguish erupts from outside the room before several noises similar to that of a bottle breaking atop a head and something metallic striking something made out of flesh (oh-key that's descriptive) are heard along with the screams of: "AAAAAUGH! IT'S TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUUUEE! EEEEEYYAAAAAUUUGHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT TILL IT'S DEAAAD!!!"
The Ultimate Life Form sighs as one of the many half-baked fan-authors/authoresses (who's recently been losing her touch in writing fanfiction) shoots into the room and slams the door closed. The authoress resembles something close to her self-insert but instead of carrying a sword she's carrying a…very thick metal rod that has red colored stains coating the opposite edge…and her hair isn't at all brown anymore…being a blackish red shade and not being held up by a head-band. The hair is only being held in place near the end by a single hair band (not a scrunchie mind you) yet some of the hair atop her head is standing on end and frizzy.
"You saw the Mary-Sue didn't you…?" Shadow asks as he side-glances the authoress "Imperfection07" who is currently locking and bolting the door like anyone would do in a zombie epidemic.
"There's more than one!" Imperfection07 shouts in panic as she forces the rod against the door and stabs the other edge into a nearby wall before she runs into another side of the room and somehow runs back with an entire truckload (we're being literal) of nails, hammers, and wood boards. "It was disgusting! There were Gary Sues too!!!"
Shadow's eyes start widening as Imperfection07's side of the room is coated with the sounds of hammering and chains clinking loudly. "You don't say…" He then starts to notice something. "Where are the faker, ghost-boy, and that idiot?"
"Well in perfect order, Amy and the Mary-Sues are chasing SONIC around the planet since they SOMEHOW gained super-speed and chaos control. DANNY locked himself inside Walker's prison after begging and the GHOST-GIRLS were almost at his neck. Unfortunately for ASH (don't call him an idiot), Pikachu was turned into a female half-Pikachu half-Human…"
The hedgehog cringed at the thought of a Pikachu anthro chasing the poor trainer around the place. "…what about you…?"
"Well…ONE…" Imperfection07 squirms uneasily before shouting angrily: "BUT NO MATTER WHAT I DO…HE. JUST. WON'T. DIE!!"
Right then and there, a black-head human with a glittery and flowery filled aura (obviously a Gary-Sue) clutches at the window and pries it open, and screams: "IMPERFECTION07! I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO HAVE KIDS WITH—" and an expertly aimed hammer is then thrown directly into his face resulting in a loud and painful noise as the metal impacts with his cranium. (That's got to hurt…)
Shadow slams the window shut and draws the blinds just as a painful crunch is heard.
"Don't worry about me my love! I'm IMMORTAL!" The Gary Sue shrieks.
"Shadow...get the scanner..." Imperfection07 grumbles, a way away from the window and twitching.
"The scanner?"
"Yes Shadow. The SCANNER..."
"Why do you—?"
"NOW!"
Shadow, understanding where this is going, picks up the often aggrivating piece of machinery from the desk, opens the window and the blinds, and he throws the scanner which made an arch outside the window before falling straight down. A loud and terrible crash is heard and the window is abruptly closed.
"You know you're not going to be able to post any fanart...not that you ever did or ever was good to begin with..." The hedgehog sighed.
"Well...let's HOPE he doesn't recover from the scanner-accident…on second thought…let's just hope he stays comatose!" Imperfection07 pinches the bridge of her nose and walks towards the door before a loud BANG is heard and the door is close to being bashed in. Imperfection07 yelps and shoots into the corner alongside Shadow as cootie filled giggles are heard. Both shiver in panic and cringe as the iron bar begins to crack along with the wooden plates blocking the door.
"Shadow…in case we die…"
"Before you say anything: Imperfection07, I…kind-of…sort-of…LIKED you despite the Dead Hedgehog Sketch and the If You Were Gay April Fools prank…" Shadow shivers.
Imperfection07 gains a bit of a even more nervous expression and bites her lip then: "Shadow…I…err…I made a lip-synch AMV of you singing "Milkshake"!!!!!!!"
Shadow's red eyes narrow into dangerous slits (that would be perfect on any breed of poisonous snakes) and he shoots a dark look at the authoress. "You did WHAT—?!!!!!"
The metal staff breaks in two and the door is smashed downwards by the Mary-Sue/Gary-Sue swarm. Imperfection07 and Shadow let out panicked screams and jump out the closest window, unwillingly falling downwards to their doom in the form of combined Mary/Gary-sues who reach up for the falling authoress and muse like zombies before both are engulfed in a sea of doom and—
---PAUSE---
"And THAT is an example of what would happen if we were REALLY attacked by a swarm of Mary-Sues!" Ash Ketchum points out to a video screen as he sits behind a desk (resembling one that belongs to a news broadcaster) and Pikachu sits on his head. "And that's also what would happen if there weren't such things as restraining orders or the Mary Sue Litmus test."
"Chu-chu-Pika!" The electric mouse agrees, wiping imaginary sweat off it's small brow.
"It's a good thing that doesn't really happen in real life…" Sonic sighs in relief as he discreetly sneaks a kiss to his restraining order.
"Yeah, but I can't help wondering if Shadow knows that Imperfection07 has no idea how to make an AMV." Danny Phantom grumbles and pushes his fist to his chin in thought. "I mean, she remembered how to make text in Photoshop translucent but she never used video-makers-thingies before and she wouldn't DARE make Shadow sing "Milkshake" or "Hips don't lie" if she did learn how to make characters lip-synch."
"Like some other person did on YouTube?" Ash and Pikachu snigger at the memory as Mini crawls onto Danny's lap and curls up there.
"Not A WORD!" Danny shudders and glares daggers at the trainer as he pets the gray half-breed puppy on the head.
Meanwhile, Imperfection07 was hanging upside-down somewhere in a desolate area. The authoress twitches in panic as she looks up (or in our readers' case: DOWN) at the tarantulas and wolf spiders crawling along the desert ground. She then notices a few mice gnawing at the rope keeping her up and away from the freakish and hairy arachnids.
"Ehh…uh…Shadow? Eh-heh…you do know I was kidding right…RIGHT?!" Imperfection07 stutters before a very threatening SNAP is heard…
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!"
END…
Commentary: The phrase "I wanna have kids" actually happened and I'm glad it was only in a dismissable love letter (shudder). Plus I really-really don't know how to use a movie maker. I also removed this from ARK Misadventures and edited it...