How To Catch A Bird
Pairings: SasukexSuigetsu (main), implicit SasuKarin and a little almost-explicit MadaSasu (yes I know O.o)
Warnings: Team Taka, absurd ideas, horny Sasuke, crack, YAOI.
Rating: M
Ok, so this story is about sex from beginning to end. Don't expect a penetrative discussion of the meaning of life or how immoral it is to pair Sasuke with Madara. It's for crack only and we all know he belongs with Naruto anyway ;p (I suppose not everyone agrees but I'm saying it nevertheless). That being said, this fic probably won't pass for a typical PWP, either. As I said, nothing too penetrative... errm yes, I hope you have fun reading xD
Beta-ed by Mango Furutani, thank you so much! :3
I
Honor your ancestors
-o-
"Oh my God, I – I'm going to explode!"
Sasuke's screams were growing more and more into an ear-splitting crescendo. The bed in the small side room of the skew-whiff shack where team Taka had taken refuge from last evening's rain shower was creaking and jarring achingly even through the closed door, suggesting it might collapse any second.
"Ah-ah-aaaaaahh!"
Clearly annoyed, Karin looked out of the window, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "He's surely letting that old shithead fuck his brains out again." She made a displeased noise in her throat. "Gross."
It was one of these not-so-rare occasions Suigetsu could have lived without. The same seemed to apply for Karin though, and to see her huffing like this made it a great deal less disturbing. That was what he tried to tell himself at least.
"Heh, I know exactly why you're so pissed." He shifted from his comfortable leaning position against the wall to smirk up to her, showing his pointed teeth. "No Sasuke for you today, is it?" He never stopped sucking lazily on the liquid in his cup.
Karin turned around angrily. "The same goes for you, hydrocephalus!
He snorted. "You don't even know the definition of that."
"Just shut up, will you!" Karin turned to stare out into the forest again.
"Oh- oh fuuuuuuuck!" Sasuke suddenly screamed from the adjoining room. His deep and raspy moaning had surely taken on an impressive level of volume.
Suigetsu turned his head the other way, away from that stupid inner door. "Madara's really attending to his needs it seems. Kinky stuff."
"Kinky? It's abnormal!" Karin scowled at the closed door as if it was all its fault. "Not much more than you laying your dirty fingers on him though," she added as an afterthought, pure venom dripping from her voice.
Suigetsu laughed, unimpressed by her disgusted look. "You kidding? Oh come on. In the long run we're all just kissing his ass." He wasn't so sure about that masked guy behind the door – even if he might have taken it off, who knew – but he kept that thought for himself.
"I'm not!"
"Really." Suigetsu raised a knowing eyebrow, and Karin's cheeks turned suspiciously pink before she suddenly jumped at him, thrashing against him like a fury from hell. Water splashed across the whole room, sloshing against the windows, ponding on the old wooden floor and running through the cracks. The drinking cup described a wide curve in the air before flying through the empty window frame in the opposite wall and out onto the grass, spilling half of its contents on the way.
With all the commotion and screaming going on, no one noticed how the clamorous roars from next door reached their climax. Then suddenly it was very quiet in the shack. The only thing that could be heard was the cheerful chirping of the birds in the trees outside.
"It's all your fault!" Karin pointed an accusing finger at what remained of Suigetsu's solid form, which wasn't much. "Now we've missed the best part!" Then she suddenly started blushing again and her voice took on a soft tone while raising in pitch by at least a quint. "It's so adorable and precious, the moment when he's coming... even if it happens when he's with someone else. Sasuke-kun's voice, and his face..." Pressing her knees tightly together, she glanced dreamily towards the bedroom door.
Suigetsu, who in the meantime had managed to restore half of his head, smirked with the good side of his face. "Does that mean you'd willingly leave him to me a few more times?"
The girlish pose was gone immediately. "I never said that!" she cried out, outraged. "You can't have him because SASUKE IS MINE!"
"I wouldn't say that," a new voice said rather frostily, making them both forget about their fight momentarily and look to the door. There in the door frame stood Sasuke, covered by nothing but a thin white sheet wrapped low around his hips. His torso was glistening with fresh sweat and a few bangs were sticking to his forehead, his face glowing in the faintest rose. "Karin, get the old man in there something to drink or else he might shrivel and die." His voice was cool and collected, as though he hadn't just screamed his head off during sex.
There was a weak coughing sound to be heard from the room behind him. A naked man's leg with its foot hanging limply over the edge of the bed could be seen through the door. "Not so cocky, show a little respect for your ancestors..." Another dry cough ended the sentence.
Suigetsu silently appreciated Sasuke's appearance, his mouth twisting into a warped grin. "So, how was it?"
"Hn." Sasukes tone indicated that nothing more would be heard of him about that matter. Which meant that he would do it again any time.
Suigetsu shook his head, making a nagging tch before he dropped his voice. "You can do a lot better than that. You know that, don't you?"
"Hn."
Karin went to the bedroom, a glass of water in her hands, muttering why is it always me under her breath. Shortly after she had disappeared through the door, greedy gulping sounds could be heard.
Suigetsu suddenly felt very, very awkward. What the hell was this feeling–? When he realized he held his throat in sudden panic. "Nooooo," he choked out in horror, "not the water!"
"Huh?" Karin's head appeared from behind the door frame. Her glasses reflected the sunlight coming through the windows, which made it impossible to see her eyes.
"The water you gave him! That was me!" Suigetsu choked once more then swung his fist at her but could do nothing more than that. He still wasn't quite back to normal, obviously. "You gave him me to drink, you fucking bitch!"
"Well, I'm so sorry." Karin adjusted her glasses, not looking apologetic in the slightest. Slowly, a look of badly hidden triumph crept across her face. "You know, you should be thanking me. Now a part of you might live on forever, isn't that great?"
"I'll fucking kill you!"
"Karin, Suigetsu," Sasuke interrupted sharply before another fistfight could break out. „Get yourselves together, we're leaving." He was already fully clothed, having changed discreetly in another corner of the room while they had been arguing, unnoticed by his teammates.
Karin kicked at one of the bedposts in frustration. "Get up you wrinkled fossil," she muttered, uncaring that the addressee might hear her.
No sound was heard from Madara, though. Maybe he had fallen unconscious.
Sasuke made a dismissive gesture towards the bedroom. "Leave him, he'll follow," he ordered, and so they left, Suigetsu still dripping, Karin still snippy because she had missed Sasuke change, and Sasuke rapidly losing his afterglow.
II
How to catch a bird
-o-
They stepped outside into the bright sunshine, and onto the strip of grassland separating the shack from the near forest. Juugo had just returned from exploring the surrounding area, and he was sitting nearby, talking to birds. In fact, more than a few of his feathered friends were uncharacteristically sitting on the ground instead of in the trees, gathering around a glistening spot where the remaining liquid had flown out from Suigetsu's cup.
Later, at some point on their way through the countryside, Juugo touched Suigetsu's arm and took him aside. "My birds keep telling me strange things," he said in a curious voice. "They say the liquid they found outside the shack was not water but something sweet. What is it you're drinking all the time, actually?"
Suigetsu gulped in surprise at the question. He stared at Sasuke's and Karin's backs in front of them. "Pineapple juice," he said after a moment in a low voice, hoping that Juugo wouldn't inquire further.
"You drink pineapple juice every day?" Juugo looked at him as if he had some grave unknown sickness which could only be cured by drinking exotic fruit essences. "Why?"
Suigetsu suppressed a deep sigh. So much for his hope that answering nonchalantly yet truthfully would make Juugo drop the subject. Now he just wanted to get it over with. "Not every day," he growled through gritted teeth, "and because it makes you taste better, alright?"
Juugo just stared at him. He was still wearing the same worried expression.
"You're so innocent it's not even funny," Suigetsu muttered. At least the part of him that didn't jump around cackling like a mad killer was, he added in his mind. Kind of defeated by Juugo's ignorance he squared his shoulders and elaborated grudgingly. "At the risk of destroying something pure that might never come back: By drinking enough pineapple juice you can make yourself taste better, or so they say. You know, your spunk. Your sperm, my ass!"
Even though he had started rather low, the last words had come out loud enough for the other two to hear. Karin turned around slowly, disgust oozing out of every pore in her body. "What the hell are you talking about?" she asked in a voice so low and pressed that she might have swallowed down a frog. Sasuke just kept on walking though.
"How much do you have to drink to achieve that?" Apparently, Juugo hadn't dropped dead from hearing that revelation.
Suigetsu's gaze was still stuck to the small red and white fan symbol on an equally white shirt. He didn't even register that he was actually answering. "About one and a half liters I guess..."
"You're so – so disgusting," Karin complained, holding her hand in front of her mouth as if about to throw up.
The gesture somehow shook Suigetsu out of his stupor. "No one asked you hag," he spat back.
Juugo patted him on the back in a companionable fashion and gave him a somewhat pitying look. "Well the birds told me the juice at least was very sweet and fruity. They liked it." It was probably meant to comfort him, whatever strange things these words might imply.
"The birds, huh?" Suigetsu gave Sasuke's retreating back a last look, noticing how he was about to finally give in to the sinking feeling in his stomach.
Like he had been called, Sasuke suddenly turned around halfway and smirked at him, a cocky expression flashing up in his eyes that probably could have become a nasty, insolent comment if the guy just talked.
"Hn."
Suigetsu narrowed his eyes. That didn't mean that Sasuke was reconsidering; that wasn't an invitation...was it?
Meanwhile somewhere in a rotten old shack a few miles away, a naked sole of foot that had walked on quite a few layers of earth from different ages stepped accidentally into a pool of half-dried sugary yellow substance, making its owner cry out in annoyance at the sticky mess. He certainly was someone who didn't like it at all.
III
Teeth
-o-
"Shit, what are you doing?" Sasuke's agitated hiss seemed to ring loudly in the quiet, darkened room.
His fidgeting started to unnerve Suigetsu who was trying to breathe through his nose without suffocating in the hot air under the blanket while holding the guy's hips still at the same time. Needless to say, he was unable to answer in his current position.
"Ouch! I told you to watch your fucking teeth!"
Suigetsu rolled his eyes, unseen as his face was hidden by both the rim of the blanket and his silver bangs, and continued with the lazy pace of his sucking. Or at least he tried to. It was really no fun when the object of his ministrations was more nervous about it than a 13 year old virgin with knee-high stockings and a bunny-shaped rice ball filled bento-box given by their mommy could ever be. He knew exactly what to do with his teeth, or rather not to do. It was outright impossible not to do it though when Sasuke kept struggling like that. Suigetsu pressed his fingers deeply into Sasuke's thigh, telling him to shut the fuck up and enjoy, while he gave an amiable licking to the underside of his cock.
The sleeping noises from the other figures in the room came in faint, regular breaths. They hadn't woken up yet but would probably soon, considering the noise Sasuke was making. Suigetsu almost snorted. Karin would be so mad when she found out, it was worth double the effort. Triple if he got Sasuke to moan and not just breathe out his orgasm voicelessly. But heh, no no, she wouldn't be mad at first. If she noticed what was going on on the futon next to hers she'd probably stay still, fake her sleep and secretly touch herself to their sounds and the image of their darkened shapes. And then she would jump up and act all don't you dare to do it in front of me but I actually don't care about Sasuke or anything. The mental image made him grin broadly, momentarily forgetting that this wasn't the best of ideas.
The hand in his hair had jerked his head up even before he fully noticed that the spreading of his lips had, indeed, made his front teeth scrape down the sensitive skin in his Uchiha filled mouth. There might have been the taste of a little blood on his suddenly unoccupied tongue.
"That settles it," Sasuke growled in defiance of any privacy logic, making Juugo stir in his sleep and Karin lie even more motionless than she had before, and turned them around so that Suigetsu found himself lying on his back, staring at a rather enraged moonlighted face. Sasuke who was now straddling him with his full weight bowed down quickly until their foreheads almost touched, nose scrunched, eyes narrowed to slits. "No more accidents during blowjobs from you or I will pluck out those sharky teeth of yours with my own hands, one – by – one," he hissed with a truly menacing tone in his voice.
Suigetsu stared back. Maybe he could have been a little more careful, granted. Yet Sasuke had left him high and dry for so long that the guy actually deserved a little reprimand. And there was no reason to act so touchily about the whole thing since they both knew that Sasuke liked it rough and was always in for some thrill. Suigetsu tipped his tongue against the roof of his mouth, tasting the faint iron flavor. OK, so maybe the risk of getting your lap rocket accidentally bitten off was a bit much even for Sasuke.
"I'm sorry," he bit out, "it's just that– " Surprised at how the words suddenly seemed to be stuck in his throat, he glanced to the side where the sharp silhouette of Karin's shoulder and back could be seen.
"Just that what?"
He could feel Sasuke searching his face for an answer when he wouldn't speak – they were still so damn close – and tried to come up with something that would explain what made his chest suddenly feel so tight. After a moment of blissful nothingness in his head he made an effort and looked back at Sasuke.
"It kind of pisses me off, you know," he whispered heatedly. "That we're lying here next to the others, hiding under the blankets like this was some sort of ridiculous hide-and-seek while he gets you in a separated room, all for himself. He gets the bed and the closed doors, with us it's just night and the floor in the common room. What's so fucking special about him anyway?"
Sasuke arched an eyebrow and raised up, putting some distance between their faces. Somehow he seemed caught off guard, almost disbelieving. "This is what it's all about? Really?"
"And I don't need to see her either when we're doing it," Suigetsu added harshly, not yet wanting to let go of his sudden strange disconcertment.
Sasuke snorted then let himself sink down on the mattress beside him, propping his head up on one elbow. Suigetsu had thought Sasuke was mad or something, but apparently he wasn't.
"It's not because he's special," he said in a surprisingly playful tone, "it's more like you rather wouldn't want to see his face. I'm doing you a favor."
Suigetsu laughed silently, the awkward feeling rapidly disappearing when his confidence came back. Sasuke was rubbing his thigh with his knee in a rather suggestive way while still looking at his face as if it was nothing.
Suigetsu snorted. "You mean he's only special because of the way time has marked him, and you're kind of locking him away for our own good? Only an idiot would believe something like that." Acting on impulse, he took Sasuke's nipple between his fingers and pinched it a little. "But I guess I can live without the sight of him when he's doing it. Especially with you, it gives me the creeps."
Sasuke smirked. "Me too." His hand joined his knee and wandered upwards to grip his cock.
Suigetsu opened his legs a little to give him better access, but he couldn't help wondering about Sasuke's last comment. Now what was that supposed to mean? Unwanted images of all kinds of possible positions where Sasuke wouldn't have to look at Madara's however natured face came to his mind, half of them repulsive, the other half surprisingly arousing. Well, the thought of Sasuke being gripped by his hair, forced to arch his back and fucked from behind relentlessly was arousing if he blocked out the figure doing the fucking. Suigetsu closed his eyes and let Sasuke stroke him until he was erect again. "I'm curious though," he said after a while, trying to sound not too needy even though Sasuke was doing a very good handjob down there. "What does he look like?"
"Forget it. I'm not telling you." A light kiss was placed on his lips. Suigetsu knew better than to try and shove his tongue into Sasuke's mouth. Not yet, he wouldn't stand being pushed away again.
Torn between the urge to know and the wiser part of himself telling him that he didn't want to know and was better off not knowing, he pressed on further, hoping that the light conversation at least would distract him enough to prolong the pleasure. He didn't want to come yet, he had other plans. "Tell me," he commanded in a low tone. "How exactly are you doing it? Doggy-style or what?"
"Mind your own business." Shoving himself half over Suigetsu's body again, with his groin rubbing slowly against his hip, Sasuke started sucking lightly on his neck. "Like the one here."
Damn was the guy horny tonight. Suigetsu ran a finger down a pale arm thoughtfully, enjoying the way the muscles flexed under the warm skin. Maybe he should give up on inquiring further, do himself a favor and just ask Sasuke to suck him off. He hadn't drunk all that stupid juice for nothing after all, if he was lucky Sasuke might even do it. Yet somehow he couldn't let go.
"Karin saw him though. She brought him the water." My water, he added in his mind.
Sasuke stilled. A hint of annoyance soured his voice as if he'd finally had enough. "No she didn't. I put the mask on again before I came out."
Suigetsu suddenly realized that Sasuke was only bothering to answer his questions at all because he thought he'd get to the sex sooner if he did. Knowing that he was going to cross a line Suigetsu gripped Sasuke's ass and gave the thing a thorough squeeze, pressing them even closer together. "So then one last thing," he whispered in his ear. "You're screaming like he has a rigid branch for a cock. Is that also a favor to us cause you know we like to hear you? Or is it that you just can't help it cause he's so fucking experienced?"
Sasuke looked up, his slightly reddened cheeks visible even in the nearly colorless gray tones of the half-moon night, looking all pissed off and needy at the same time. Without offering more than a tch for an answer which could basically mean anything he freed himself from Suigetsu's grip and started placing heated kisses on his body, as if overcome by a sudden hunger for youth and untainted skin. His mouth wandered from Suigetsu's shoulders to his chest and nipples and then to the soft part of his belly, sketching a wet path downward.
Suigetsu knew how to effectively shut up people, if done right, and so did Sasuke it seemed. When he licked the precum away and wrapped his lips almost greedily around the tip of his cock, Suigetsu gasped eagerly. Yeah, this was it. Like this, exactly like this. So good. How long had he wanted to fuck this mouth? Now that he got what he wanted it wasn't so hard to admit anymore. It must have been since the moment when Sasuke first told him to come with him, back then between the shards of a shattered glass tank in Orochimaru's lab, silly as that was. After him the others, but still him first, always.
His mind finally managed to let go of the things he hadn't been so much interested in anyway. A smirk slowly crept up his face when he buried his hands into Sasuke's rough hair to toy a little with his mouth, thrusting his hips upwards and meeting it halfway.
He felt really pleased with himself right now. It seemed that Sasuke had liked the soft scraping after all.
IV
Those who play with fire
-o-
The next morning, some time before their planned departure, Suigetsu unsuspectingly passed by the bathroom – they'd actually managed to find a decent accommodation this time – when he was suddenly gripped by the front of his shirt and pulled into the small room. He found himself face to face with Karin who glared at him with murderous intent in her eyes.
"What were you thinking last night," she hissed angrily.
Suigetsu slapped her hand away, stepping back a bit to get some space between them. "What do you think you're doing here?"
"I'm saving Sasuke of course," she declared as if the whole thing was self-explanatory.
"From what?" Suigetsu asked keenly.
"From you, asshole!"
Suddenly he thought he understood what this was about. Not that he intended to help Karin bring forward her problem, of course. "You just admitted that you were awake last night." He leered, enjoying the horror-struck expression on her face immensely. "Isn't that strange, I always would've sworn that you'd stop us with all your might if you heard us." He clicked his tongue.
"I–" Karin's face lit up like a beacon. "This isn't about me you fucking lunatic!" She took out an acute item and pointed at Suigetsu's chest with it as if she intended to stab him. Maybe she did. "Here, take this."
"What's that?" Suigetsu asked defensively even though he already saw what it was. She was trying to hand him a nail file. "Karin, what the hell–"
"I said take it," she bit out, pressing the cone end of the file against his chest. She almost hustled him into the shower with it.
Suigetsu flailed his arms, grabbing the shower curtain and almost tore it down before he regained his balance. Hesitatingly, he took the file from her – just so she refrained from attacking him further. "And would you enlighten me what you expect me to do with this thing?"
She crossed her arms in front of her chest, now acting all bossy. "Are you such a blockhead? Oh I forgot, you really are. Go and file down your fucking teeth!"
Suigetsu blinked in awe. "You want me to do what?"
"File down your teeth! So they're not so sharp anymore, GOSH."
"OK wait a moment, give me a break." Suigetsu tapped the file against his finger. "I think I'm losing it. First you admit that you heard us and did who knows what along the way, and then you seriously want my teeth less sharp? You are aware that this would probably mean I could have my way with Sasuke more often?"
Karin grit her teeth. "It doesn't mean in any way that I've given up. You wish!" She threw an angry look at him then looked to the side, blushing a little. "This is for Sasuke, not for you. If you weren't such a fucking wanker we wouldn't even be talking here! I just can't risk you castrating him!"
A sense of guilt washed over him, but there was no way he would let Karin see.
"And just for the record, I never said that I did anything," she spit and stormed out, slamming the door behind her with a bang.
Suigetsu stared disbelievingly at the nail file in his hand. Did she really expect him to do something so... so drastic just so he would be allowed to give Sasuke head? Seriously? He placed himself in front of the mirror and after a moment of severe thought pulled up his upper lip, eying his teeth critically. They were perfectly fine! Who did the damn bitch think she was, suggesting something so ridiculous? Carefully, he ran his fingers over his incisors. They weren't that sharp, there was no reason to make such a fuss about it! First Sasuke and now Karin of all people. Juugo showing up next, worried about his health because he wasn't able to properly chew his food before swallowing, was all he needed now!
"Tch." What was he supposed to do with this stupid file? He looked at his teeth again, pondering. Maybe they really were a little too sharp. Would it even attract attention if he adjusted them a little, just a little? Eating was kind of difficult with a mouth like this.
After a quick glance to the door, he leaned closer to the mirror and used the file to rasp a little on his canine. The feeling was awful and gave him goosebumps all over his body, but he still scratched on a bit. There. Wasn't so bad after all. No one would notice the difference anyway–
"Suigetsu. I need to talk to you."
The voice startled him so much, he almost stabbed himself in the throat with the item at hand. Sasuke and his damned sneaking skills. He hadn't heard him approach the bathroom at all and now Sasuke was standing in the door seeing – whatever it was he was doing. Suigetsu quickly lowered his hand even though it was too late anyway. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
Sasuke looked at him coolly. "You're aware that nothing has changed." His tone clearly indicated that he didn't expect any affirmation, so Suigetsu kept his mouth shut. He seriously had no idea what Sasuke was talking about but there was no reason to show it. He put on a slight smirk as if he didn't have a care in the world.
"I'm taking you, Karin and Juugo along because your ninja skills are of use to me. You're helping me reach my goal, nothing more. Don't create something personal when there isn't anything there."
He stood in the door in his usual pose, one hand on his hip, obviously waiting for Suigetsu to confirm that he understood.
For a moment, Suigetsu was at a loss of words. Why was Sasuke even making a scene here? He certainly wasn't making anything personal! Then he remembered what he'd just done and what Sasuke had seen when he'd opened the door. Well. But that was something different. He wasn't falling for the guy. He wasn't so stupid. No, he wouldn't do that.
His face, which felt like a stone plate, momentarily remembered how its muscles worked, allowing him to grin more broadly. "No reason to be so smug, Sasuke." He swung the file casually between them. "I'm not so crazy for you that I'd lose my judgment. You don't have any interests that go beyond the purposeful. I know you don't want anything more from us and I'm not as delusional as Karin who just doesn't get it. See? Everything's fine."
Sasuke's expression was unreadable. "So what's this then," he asked, looking pointedly at the file.
Suigetsu gulped a little uneasily. "Well that... you know, lately I've had quite a delicate stomach, made me wonder if I could only chew a little better then..." He trailed off and shrugged, hoping that Sasuke believed in the triviality of the whole thing.
"Is that so." Sasuke raised an elaborate eyebrow. "And here I thought you were sharpening your teeth just a little more. You're not saying that I was wrong, do you?" Smirking, he exited the bathroom, leaving a dumbfounded Suigetsu in his wake.
-o-
Stepping out into broad daylight, Suigetsu let his newly sharpened teeth twinkle in the sunlight. Now that he knew that it was possible to cajole Sasuke into doing all kinds of kinky stuff if he just made enough of an effort he would think about ways for reaching the next level in their, for lack of a better word, 'relationship'. It went without saying that the noble goal was Sasuke's glorious ass. He sucked on his straw, musing and grinning a little. The better part of himself still doubted that Sasuke would spread his legs for him ever, but who knew. They would find out eventually.
Madara never came to know why exactly the roll in the hay he'd had in that shack with Sasuke was to be their last. He ran his fingers through his short hair, brooding. He'd always been so proud of his mane, intimidating, charismatic and all. Maybe he shouldn't have cut it. It seemed that without it he was rapidly losing his mojo.
THE END
Really, I don't even know where this was coming from, haha. Reviews would be super awesome but you don't have to of course ;-)