Author's Note: This is not a sess/rin fic, but a vague exploration into the fact that Sesshomaru is quite young by dog demon standards (he is on the Inuyasha wiki said to appear around 19 years old after living for 500, in fact the main cast are all teenagers or children in the case of Rin and Shippo), and I imagine then that human maturity must happen a lot faster so it is feasible to say that Rin would soon be more wise than Sesshomaru himself, who where the show ended did learn compassion for others but I think he still has a lot of growth. This takes place a few years after Naraku's death, around fifteen years or so. It's my first published Inuyasha fic, do tell me what you think!
Sesshomaru never quite understood humans. Even after spending so many years alongside his beloved Rin, the girl he thought of as his daughter and best friend, he did not quite understand them. There were many things about humans that seemed unfathomable to Sesshomaru. Their weak bodies, their different temperaments, their need to cook all meat before they ate it, their dulled senses- the list went on and on.
What was most unfathomable was the human lifespan. Sesshomaru couldn't understand how a sentient being could develop in such extreme ways in such a short period of time. In the time it took for a dog demon like himself to reach the age where they began to lose their milk teeth a human had already aged into near seniority. He did not know how humans lived a happy lifetime in such a short time, the idea of living a natural life no longer than at most a hundred or so years was beyond him, Sesshomaru could hardly comprehend it. When he reached his first hundred, Sesshomaru was barely an adolescent, but already several generations of humans had lived and died or were near death.
However the lifespan of humans was not something he had thought much about until he met Rin. Perhaps it was demon selfishness, as Sesshomaru hardly cared for the entirety of human kind. Just Rin, and he would do whatever made her happy and if that meant he no longer killed humans for simply being annoying then he would do so- not out of mercy, but in order to not see her upset. Rin's childhood had passed in a mere second, and when Sesshomaru realized what she had meant to him after he lost her for that terrifying moment in the Meidou, Sesshomaru swore to himself to cherish every moment from then on with her. He worried constantly over her fragility, and the thought of her short life soon coming to an end with each passing day as she aged haunted him, kept him awake late at night.
If only she was born a demon! Then he could spend the rest of his life with her, caring for her, having her by his side as his most beloved ward. One day she was a tiny little girl, barely standing higher than his mid thigh, and the next she had reached the beginnings of her adolescence and her body began to change- soon she would no longer look like his tiny little girl, soon she looked like a woman, taller, fuller, and she no longer acted the way she once did. Rin forever was joyful, kind and thoughtful but there came a day when she would no longer sing her childish songs and no longer ran amok playing games in flower fields as children do. At least, not as often as she once did.
Sesshomaru was proud of her as always but he was not the fondest of these changes. He wanted his little girl back.
He left her in a human village spontaneously after Naraku's death, thinking that she would be better off among her own for a while to learn the ways of her people but this lasted for a year at most with Sesshomaru visiting as frequently as he could. This spur of the moment idea came after the battle, when in a moment of impulsivity he thought that Rin would be far better off without him, a demon who was a malicious creature and could not ever truly care and love for a human by his very nature and did not want to (at least, this was his opinion of himself when he was being irrational- perhaps it was the adrenaline of the battle, and the fear of losing Rin again fueling this train of thought), but he regretted it as soon as the old miko Kaede had agreed to take Rin into her human village. How could she be safe without him at her side? Who would protect her? Would she fit in? Not a moment was spent peacefully while Rin lived in the human village. He could not bring himself to leave her for longer than a month at the very most, but soon Rin demanded to be at his side again as she missed her Lord almost as much as he missed her, seeking to return to the forest and wander with him for as long as she could, and this he happily allowed.
But then came the day where he looked at his girl and realized she was no longer a girl, but a woman. When she asked him what was wrong, no words came, but she saw the flash of fear in his eyes and he saw the worry in hers and turned away for he could not bear the quickness of her aging.
Sesshomaru was much more impulsive than he let on, and he was sure that only Rin knew of this behaviour of his. Though there were many complexities about Sesshomaru that one would be completely unaware of due to the fact that his stoic mannerisms were more than a defense mechanism but simply his nature, it was impulsivity that could be most surprising. To assume that a noble demon such as Sesshomaru would plan his moves thoughtfully was the rational option, as he often made himself appear to be a manipulator or a master of deceit and deception, but this simply was not true. Most of the immediate actions he took were on impulse- plans to steal the Tessaiga of course were thought out, but plans such as resurrecting Rin were not.
There were many such other instances where Sesshomaru acted on the first impulse he felt, as all through his life had he done so, and often did he experience some sort of consequence, good and bad, as a result.
Upon hearing of an elixir that would grant it's drinker immortality, Sesshomaru made the impulsive decision of seeking out this fabled elixir, without putting much thought into what Rin would think of it and whether she would actually want to live forever. The last few weeks had plagued him with uncomfortable thoughts, as he could hardly close his eyes without thinking of his ward's human mortality. Rin was a woman now, grown and aging every year, whereas Sesshomaru looked exactly like a youth barely out of his adolescence, as he did for the past fifty years and would for the next fifty again. Rin would be long dead before a significant aging took place on Sesshomaru's face, his demon lifespan having slowed its aging process as he entered the very beginnings of adulthood.
If he was human, within a decade or two Rin would appear old enough to have been his mother. Sesshomaru could not bear this thought, he despised humans for their pathetic lifespans as now he was very aware of how quickly time passed for their race. Before Rin, he would not care, but now upon realizing that in the mere blink of an eye she would be old and then soon dead in comparison to how long his demon life could be, Sesshomaru was painfully aware. If he was being honest with himself, which he scarcely ever was, he felt scared, but Sesshomaru thought himself just angry. Furious at the fact that his ward would soon leave him in this realm as she moved on to the next- and then what would he do?
The chance to preserve Rin's life and have her live alongside him for thousands of years was irresistible, and Sesshomaru thought that it would at least bring him some peace, so he set out to find someone who could brew or direct him to this fantastic elixir, telling Rin who lived in the demon slayer's human village with her new family that he would be back in a month at the latest, taking care of some business.
Rin now lived with the demon slayer Kohaku, the boy that Sesshomaru admittedly remembered somewhat fondly now. Kohaku had fallen in love with Rin a few years prior and somehow convinced her to become his wife and to work as a healer in his demon slayers village that was close enough to Sesshomaru's lands in the West for him to visit often. It was an ironic position for her to have, among those humans, thought Sesshomaru. She was raised by demons herself and now she had that demon slayer boy and helped those injured in the process of exterminating the very same race that she was raised by.
Rin had explained the demon slayer's she worked with to him- they only exterminated those that harmed humans, as long as a demon left humans alone they could live peacefully but there were always those lowly vermin who would attack human villages. This, Sesshomaru did not mind. Someone had to take care of those pests, after all.
Rin's marriage to Kohaku is what made Sesshomaru begin to think seriously about her mortality, and now she was pregnant and Sesshomaru was to be a grandfather of sorts and soon she would be old and wrinkled and then after dead and what would he do? He simply could not have her die, Sesshomaru thought, and off he was to find the elixir of eternal youth as it was so called.
The elixir he had brewed by a witch he forced, and it had taken a month and Sesshomaru was sent running across the country collecting ingredients for the threatened witch, but soon he had an elixir of eternal life. It was really quite an easy task, Sesshomaru was almost let down by how easy it had been. He would have thought more people would have sought it out, but the witch he forced on pain of death to make the potion decided not to disclose that this elixir would render it's drinker into that of a living undead person, decomposing and more like a walking corpse than anything, doomed to wander the Earth forever, stripped of all humanity and prior personality. It was a ghastly looking concoction, thick, black and gooey, and had a smell so intoxicating that he was sure it would give him strange, monstrous visions so he wrapped it and hid it away in his robes as he made his way back from the witch and to Rin's village, wondering in the back of his head whether it would actually work- perhaps he ought to ask more about the potion before he handed it to Rin, but he was too anxious to see her to think of making the venture to someone far more knowledgeable on potions and immortality than Sesshomaru himself. That old flea, Myoga, ought to have known, but he could think only of Rin and it was Rin who he would see first.
Sesshomaru arrived as the sun began to set, suppressing his demon energy to a faint hum as he entered the village. He entered fearlessly as he always did, but Rin had explained to him that it was best to appear very civil, and that she had explained to the slayers that he was a good demon (in her opinion) and would not harm any of them unless they harmed him. Therefore because of her respected position of a healer, he was allowed entry, and sought Rin out in her home.
Kohaku nodded at him as he entered the doorway, and called for Rin who was in another room- the smell of human food being prepared made his sensitive nose twitch.
"Oh! Sesshomaru! You're almost just in time for dinner!" Rin said as she entered the front room, where Sesshomaru stood and Kohaku sat, cleaning his armour dutifully with a rag. He gave her a small nod, then looked to the door- Kohaku had never been one much for conversation, and that was what Sesshomaru liked most about him.
"I need to speak with you, come walk with me," he stated simply, not caring to tell Rin his plan in front of Kohaku.
"Oh, alright- Kohaku, could you watch the food? I'll be back in a moment, perhaps you could eat with us, Sesshomaru," Rin said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. Kohaku nodded, and went to the other room where the food was being prepared. He was a good husband, Sesshomaru knew, and he would not have given his blessings for the marriage if he did not think he would be good to his Rin.
Sesshomaru exited the house, with Rin following a step behind until they walked onto the path leading away from her home, now walking side by side. It was still quite lovely outside, birds chirping and the wind gently rustling the long grass.
"It's a lovely evening! So warm, and this early in the spring too- I hope it lasts, that would be nice," Rin commented, content in feeling the warm air and seeing the orange sky ahead of her. He said nothing, but there was silent agreement to her words- Sesshomaru had never been the greatest fan of the cold afterall.
"What is it you wanted to speak about, Sesshomaru?" The woman asked, looking at him now. Sesshomaru took a moment to reply, frowning. He was unsure as to how to tell her- should he just show her? Perhaps she wouldn't recognize what it was, he thought.
"You are getting older," he finally said, slipping his right hand into the pocket of his robe where he kept the vialed elixir.
"I am immortal and you are not."
"Yes, I know that," Rin said, sounding somewhat confused.
"Soon you will be dead."
It was Rin's turn to frown, her usually joyful features did not look right with her brow creased in such a way. "I hardly would say soon, I'm only twenty five," she replied.
"When I was twenty five I was still a small pup with milk teeth. Your life is that of an ant's in comparison to mine in terms of longevity."
"Yes, I know you're an old dog, Sesshomaru," Rin teased, to which Sesshomaru huffed, only half amused. "But what is your point? I know I will one day die."
Sesshomaru fell silent, unsure of what to say again, having never been a demon of many words. He looked ahead, past the village and to the mountains in the distance, avoiding Rin's gaze. There was a pause almost as pregnant as Rin herself, but finally he answered. "I do not wish to see you die," he stated, making sure to keep his tone level. "I will not have it."
Rin frowned again, but this time more in concern than confusion. "You know I am human. There is no way for me to live as long-"
"I have the means to grant you immortality," Sesshomaru blurted, deciding to tell her bluntly without much thought. It was now Rin's turn to fall silent, her frown deepening. They approached the outskirts of the village, now on a path heading towards a large field that would soon bloom many flowers if the weather stayed warm.
"I-immortality?" She finally repeated, her fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of her kosode.
"Yes."
"Why would I wish to be immortal?"
Her question took him aback, and Sesshomaru halted in his step to peer down curiously aware of his ward as they stood on the field's edge. He frowned at her, his hand around the vial in his pocket tightening.
"Why wouldn't you?" He asked finally. Rin opened her mouth to speak and closed it again, looking down at her pregnant belly as she did so.
"I am going to be a mother, Sesshomaru. Unless my children live forever, I do not care to. Unless all of my friends and family live forever, again I do not care to," she said softly.
"But I am your family and I do not want to watch you die." Rin sighed, and took his hand in hers, bringing it to her stomach. He could already hear the heartbeat of the babe, feel it's small life force, smell it's scent separately from Rin.
"I know," her voice was soft, as if she didn't want to upset him. "But I am human, and humans aren't meant to live forever. I am happy to live a shorter life than you, I will raise my children and not outlive them. No parent should outlive their child, after all."
Sesshomaru blinked, finding her words truly ironic. "Then why would you have I, Sesshomaru, outlive you?" He was surprised by how quiet his own voice was, but Sesshomaru did not want to yell, he did not want to show her how angry he was at her humanity and his demonhood- it was unfair, in his opinion.
Rin gave him a sad look. "Because you are strong enough to survive this," she mumbled. "I am not. Humans aren't meant to live forever, we do not have the strength of demons to live such lengthy lives."
"So you wish to die?"
"I do not wish to die, I merely accept it. I will not cheat death again, Sesshomaru," Rin said, squeezing his hand in hers. Sesshomaru looked down at the ground, noticing she was barefoot as she always was.
She was refusing his offer, she would die within the next few decades and Sesshomaru would be terribly alone- this could not happen! "I do not allow it," he stated firmly, glaring as he looked back up- no malice was in his glare, only seriousness, as if he could will Rin into accepting his proposition.. "This Sesshomaru will not allow his ward to die before him."
Rin sighed again, surprised by his immaturity. "You cannot stop time, Sesshomaru, you are not a God."
She was sounding a lot like his mother, he thought bitterly, those years ago in her palace when he brought back Rin's lifeless body from the Meidou. He remembered the fear he felt when she died then, and he was so overcome with emotion that he never wanted to feel such a way again. Sesshomaru could not bear it. "I have the means to, I can give you immortality," he said, a tinge of desperation in his voice. He withdrew the vial, and held it in front of the girl's face. "You merely have to drink this and you will not die, and you can live alongside me forever and you won't grow old and wither away like humans do."
Rin looked surprised, then worried, pushing the vial back to him. "I am sorry Sesshomaru, I do not want it."
"Why not?"
"I do not want to live forever."
"You would rather death?"
"Yes."
He felt strange emotion bubbling inside him, he couldn't put a name to it, but he did not like it. He tensed his jaw, and to Rin it looked like he was almost pouting. Sesshomaru couldn't allow it! He would force her if need be- he could not live without her.
"No. I will not have it. You must drink it, you cannot leave me, Rin, I will not have it," he put a hand on her wrist, squeezing lightly, careful as to not scratch her with his clawed fingers. "I do not want to see you die."
Rin look pained, worried, but shook her head no. "Sesshomaru, please, think not of only yourself for once. I cannot live forever, I have a child to raise, I have responsibilities. I do not want to see all those I know die before me, don't you understand? Humans aren't meant to live forever, I do not wish to lose my humanity. Please, think of my future and my feelings instead of just yours."
"Your future is nothing! You will die, this human existence is meaningless!" He snapped, impatient, impulsive. "You will die and within a few years after no one will remember you except for myself. What does it matter? Why do you wish me to be alone?"
Rin gave him a hurt look, and Sesshomaru immediately regretted his words, but no apology came forward. "Is that what you think? That my existence is meaningless?"
"No, I-"
"I thought your opinions on humans had changed, but you are still the same, Sesshomaru. You're a very selfish person, you know. If it does not affect you, you do not care. All the humans in the world could die but as long as I am with you you do not care. I thought you would have grown up, Sesshomaru," she paused, and looked down at her pregnant belly, sighing. "The older I get the more I realize how much of a spoiled child you are."
Perhaps he was being childish, after all Rin did have a good point. He had grown up a prince who never was told "no" by anyone except his mother and father, and they hardly did that themselves. A spoiled aristocrat, son of the most powerful demon in the land, unrivalled in wealth and power. He had grown up with hard training, yes, but he never had to care for anyone but himself, never had to bother. He was just as she said, a spoiled child. She was wise beyond her years, as she always was, and Rin was the only being on earth who could criticize him so and walk away unscathed. He wondered how she grew to be so wise in such a short time. Another mystery of humans, he thought.
He did not like how she looked at him, however, as she did not look very happy at all, gone was the bright, innocent smile that almost always adorned her face. He felt ashamed now, under her scrutiny, and wanted to retreat- he wouldn't, but he couldn't meet her eyes either. They remained silent for a long time, Rin still holding his hand in hers, and Sesshomaru staring off into the distance, unwavering. He had no idea how to reply to that, he felt like a pup scolded by it's mother again.
"I do not want to be alone," he finally whispered, still not meeting her gaze. She squeezed his hand, and Sesshomaru felt foolish. "I…"
Rin looked as if she was about to cry, and she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He could smell her salty tears, and Sesshomaru's mouth went dry, his jaw squared. "I know," she mumbled against his robes, burying her face against his chest. "But you are Lord Sesshomaru, the strongest demon who ever lived, you will manage. And when I'm dead, I'll watch over you from the afterlife. You will never be alone, my lord. Why, you'll even be able to watch over my children! And my grandchildren! In fact, that's what I would like… for you to forever watch over and protect them, ensure that no harm befalls them. Would you do that for me, Lord Sesshomaru?"
Sesshomaru slowly wrapped his own arms around her, listening to her words, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply, relishing in her scent. He nodded yes just as slowly, and he could feel her smile against his chest. She would die, and he would have to accept this, even though Sesshomaru absolutely did not want to. But now having been given the task of ensuring that the future generations of Rin's family would be safe made it seem not all too bad, as she would be remembered as long as he ensured her memory continued- her story passed on by himself to her children, grandchildren, and so on so forth. It brought some comfort, even if Sesshomaru truly did not want to part with his Rin.
He loved her so dearly, he thought as he held her now, and his hold around Rin tightened. Sesshomaru buried his face into her hair, breathing deeply again, wondering why it was so difficult for him to keep his composure. They held each other for a long time, silent, the sun setting around them in the empty field on the village outskirts.
"Oh, I should head back home, Kohaku will wonder where I've gone…" Rin said softly, pulling her head away from Sesshomaru's chest. "Dinner should be ready now, would you like to eat with us, Sesshomaru?" She knew he did not often eat human food, but the way she looked at him with her imploring, hopeful eyes made him unable to refuse. Rin had him wrapped around her finger, and Sesshomaru accepted this. He gave her a short nod, and Rin beamed at him, reaching for his hand again.
"Come on then, Lord Sesshomaru, I spent all afternoon cooking and it's all good meat that Kohaku brought from the East a few days ago and oh, you're lucky to have come today because I have this wonderful sake and you'll love that too-" Rin and Sesshomaru turned back, Rin chattering on about the dinner she made and even though Sesshomaru wasn't the greatest fan of human food, Rin was a very good cook and she did make it sound very enticing.
He pondered over what happened just now, his expression almost solemn. She would not live forever, but on their way back to the house, Sesshomaru decided that he would simply just spend as much time as possible with his girl. He would put every moment with her to good use. For now he would forget the lingering end, he would help Rin raise her young family and give her whatever she needed. He would give her eternal life if he could, but he never did impose his will on Rin and he wouldn't start now. As the picked up the scent of food in the air from Rin's home, a small smile twitched on his lips and he squeezed his girl's hand. Sesshomaru would never quite understand how a human could be happy in such a short span of time, but at least his worries were placated for the time being. Rin always had that way of making him happy, and Sesshomaru was quite satisfied with this. His Rin, she would always be his Rin.
(Later he would track down Myoga, threaten the poor flea into explaining more about the potion, where he would then find out what negative side effects that the potion had, and the witch who made it would certainly learn what happened when one was not honest with the young Lord.)