For Edward

by ssrivast

Carlisle and Edward are both doctors working together in HarborView Medical Center, Seattle. Carlisle is the Head of Department – Surgery and Edward has recently joined his department as a junior surgeon after completing his residency. Carlisle is also Edward's Dom for the past 2 years, since Edward started his residency under Carlisle's friend Garrett. BDSM theme. One-shot.

Carlisle's POV

Today is going to be a difficult day for Edward. He just lost his first patient and that is going to hit him hard. His tendency to bottle up everything is going to make it even more difficult for him to overcome this. Damn his father for drilling this into him – "Real men don't cry Edward', 'Real men don't show weakness', 'Tears are for sissies and my son will never be one'. Listening to this and other similar nonsense from his father all his childhood has made such an impact on him that he almost never loses control over his emotions. Even when he submits, he cedes control over his body to me but never his emotions. I have been trying since the beginning of our time together to get him to open himself completely to the beautiful emotion of complete surrender. But to no avail. I have talked to him several times and he understands that his behavior is not exactly healthy. But he feels it is not within his capacity to rise over his father's teachings. Even after the most stringent punishments, his eyes are dry. He may find it difficult to breath, panting with exertion and pain, but not a single tear falls. I have finally made peace with this reality that though Edward is a natural submissive in private life, he will never lose control of his emotions during playtime.

But today is different. Today he needs to have a good cry. Otherwise, the grief and guilt will not lessen. And my love will continue to hurt. I don't mind if he does not cry during our playtime, but I will not allow him to suffer more than what is unavoidable. I still remember my first time – when I lost my first patient. My head of the department had taken me to a deserted locker room and told me 'let it go'. And boy had I cried. It had taken me more than half an hour to get myself in control enough to come out of the room, to find that my HOD was waiting outside all that time. Heck, even now after 15 years of being a surgeon, I lock my chamber and cry if I lose a patient. Some amount of sadness always remains, but having a good cry gives me the relief nothing else can. I will make sure my love gets the same relief. I may have to be a little unconventional, but I am prepared to do whatever it takes.

With that resolve, I go in search of my love. I see Emmett coming out of the junior doctor's lounge with a frown on his face. Now that was unusual, Dr. Emmett McCarty was known to always wear a smile, sometimes only a smile. He was also the best friend of Dr. Edward Masen.

"Emmett", I call to get this attention, "is he in?" Both of us know who I meant. Emmett was one of the few people in the hospital who knew the exact nature of my relationship with Edward. Not that we tried to hide our relationship, people knew Edward as my boyfriend way before he joined Haborview.

Emmett nodded. Relieved to have found him quickly, I start towards the door of the lounge.

"Dr. Cullen… Carlisle", Emmett calls me Carlisle only when he wants to talk to his best friend's boyfriend. I stopped and looked at him.

"You will take care of him, right?" he asks me in a subdued voice.

"Yes Emmett, always" I reply without hesitation.

Emmett nods again, "yes yes you will. Just that…. he..he is not in a good place..what I am trying to say is…" he stops and takes a deep breath, "you know that we have been friends almost all our lives"

I nod.

"Edward… he learned to swallow his tears very early in his life… that.. that bastard made sure to beat them out of him"

"I know Emmett, I know"

"He needs to vent…he needs to learn to…to" he struggled for the right word.

"To let out." I completed for him. I placed my hand on his shoulders "I will take care of that, I promise you"

He nods once and walks away quickly as if embarrassed with the emotional talk.

I find Edward sitting alone in the junior doctor's lounge. As I expected, his face is stony and completely closed to all emotions. He is staring at the wall and I know that it is taking all his control to not fall apart.

"Edward" I call out, touching his shoulder lightly.

He looks up and his eyes – Christ his eyes – they are so full of anguish that I stumble for a second. His whole body is begging for relief from the agony, but he is unable to reach out and take the comfort.

I lower my voice and lean a little towards him so only he hears my next words - "Pet, you have exactly 5 mins to get your ass into my car", I say in my "Dom" voice.

He is surprised, but lowers his head immediately.

"Sir, I.. I am not done with…".

"Shhh sweetheart, don't think, just follow my command. I promise I will take care of everything. I have already arranged for your shift to be over now. You are free to go till your next shift", I assure him.

It is one of our cardinal rules that we never take advantage of my position in the hospital for personal time. I cleared his schedule not as his Dom, but as his HOD. It is an unwritten rule here that if you lose a patient, you are done for the day. It is just too dangerous for a doctor to remain on duty after that.

Satisfied, he gets up, throws his empty coffee cup in the trash bin and steps out. I follow him towards the parking entrance. He gets into my car without a single word. He is completely into his sub mode now and knows that he is not allowed to speak unless given permission. We reach home and I drive the car directly into the garage. Unlocking the garage door, I issue my first command.

'Pet, you have exactly 1 min to lose all your clothes and get into position in the foyer.'

He scrambles out of the car and runs inside. I know 1 min is not at all enough for the task, but that is what I need for my plan to work. I get my and Edward's bags out of the car, and after securing the garage, walk in. Edward is scrambling to get all his clothes off in the foyer. I deposit the bags on the couch just inside the foyer and look at my watch to time him. Finally, he is naked and in his waiting position. I walked towards him in a leisurely pace.

" Ah pet…too bad you were at least 30 seconds late. To the playroom, now" I command, "and prepare for your punishment little one"

When I enter the playroom after losing my shirt, socks and shoes, the whipping bench is in the center of the room and Edward is standing near it with his head bowed low.

I walk towards him, "30 strokes for 30 seconds should do..what do you think pet".

He remains silent. I lift his chin up with my finger and look into his eyes "go get the leather strap pet". His eyes widen, I have never given him more than 20 strokes of the strap at one time. He swallows but immediately moves towards the far wall of the playroom to retrieve the dreaded strap.

I quickly get out of my pants and boxers. And position myself on the whipping bench with my ass up in the air. I hear a gasp from Edward when he turns around after lifting the strap from the wall. He reaches the benches in 2 long strides and looks at me in surprise. Ah pet, you sure did not expect this, did you? I think.

"Sir… what…"

"Silence pet. Unless you want your punishment to increase" I say. This shuts him up quickly.

"Come on, what are you waiting for? Start with your punishment now. 30 strokes with the strap on my ass and upper thighs. You will count and thank me after each strike. And don't even try to go easy. You will repeat the strike if I am not satisfied with it."

I wait for about 30 seconds, but he does not make any move to start. I sigh and look back at him. "Edward" this gets his attention. I almost never call him Edward during play. "Either you go ahead with your punishment right away or use your safe word and get out of here", I say with as much authority as I can manage lying down on the bench. I know it is a low blow and that I will never let him leave my house in the condition he is in. But he does not know that. He shakes his head once and closes his eyes. And when he opens them, I see a new determination. That's my boy I think and get ready in my mind for the first strike.

Thwack

It hurts like a bitch.

"1, thank you Sir" I hear him say

Thwack

"Oh FUCK", this one is definitely harder than the first one.

"2, thank you Sir"

Thwack

"3, thank you Sir"

Thwack

"4, thank you Sir"

Thwack

"5, thank you Sir"

And so it continues

"10, thank you Sir", his voice is trembling now.

"20, thank you Sir", he is panting and I can hear the sob in his voice.

Yes sweetheart, that's it, let it go. Let it go please and then none of us will have to suffer. Let the tears flow now. I can hear it in his voice how much this is affecting him. He has never sounded this distraught. I can feel that he is close to losing it.

And me – my ass is on fire and I am continuously murmuring to myself "doing this for Edward..only for Edward". I don't know and don't care if he can hear me. I am crying out with each strike now and after the 25th one, I hear a 'FUCK IT..R…"

"Edward," I interrupt him, "remember if you use your safeword, you leave immediately" With that I look back at him. His eyes are full of tears, but none have fallen down yet. His nose is red with sniffling and the palm holding the strap is white as chalk. Yesss, I do a mental fist bump. We are finally getting there, the last 5 should be enough for him to fall off the ledge. I sure hope so, because I don't know what will I do if they are not. It will be extremely difficult to tolerate any more pain, but I will if I have to .. for Edward.

"Immediately" I repeat.

He nods his head understanding that he will not get time to take care of me if he leaves immediately. And the next second I feel the 26th strike.

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK" there is no place left on my ass and so the strokes are now landing on top of the earlier ones.

"30, THANK YOU SIR" Edward shouts and throws the strap across the room. And falls on his knees with his face in his hands, crying bitterly.

Mission accomplished.

Thank heavens.

I get up from the bench not bothering about the shooting pain in my backside. Right now my love needs me, I can take care of myself later.

I sit down next to him on the floor and take him in my arms. "Yes sweetheart, let it all out. I have you my love, cry as much as you need to… I have you" I say soothing words in his ears, simultaneously rubbing his back and rocking both of us in a slow, comforting motion.

EPOV

I constantly see his face in my mind. He was so young, even younger than me, with his whole life in front of him. But he was dead now, because I could not save him. I want to shout, I want to break something with my bare hands, but most of all I want to cry. But no, I don't do any of these. I just sit there like a heartless shit. Real men don't cry Edward. Damn it, damnhim.

"Edward" I hear and feel my salvation near me. I lift my head automatically and meet my Carlisle's eyes. My lover, my everything, his eyes full of compassion and understanding. I don't deserve these eyes, I don't deserve this love. He shifts his posture and instantly I feel at peace. I realize this is exactly what I need right now, my Dom.

Once we leave the hospital, I just get into what I like to call my 'auto-pilot' mode. In other words, my sub mode. I am at peace because I don't have to worry about anything now, no decisions to take, no responsibilities. I am free to just feel. My Dom will take care of everything else.

We reach Carlisle's home and he gives me a task no one can complete in a minute. I know I will fail too but I am sure there is a pretty good reason behind him setting me up for failure. I know that everything my Dom does is for me, my needs always come first. As expected, I failed and am ordered to get ready for punishment.

And that is when I get the shock of my life. While I am retrieving the evil strap, Carlisle has positioned himself on the blasted bench for the whipping.

No..no…this cannot be happening. I cannot do this. I am fairly certain I can take the 30 strikes, but I cannot..I will not let Carlisle take the pain instead. I try to protest, but Carlisle shuts me up with the threat of more punishment. Normally I may have defied him, after all I am known to be a cheeky sub. Most of my punishments are due to my cheek, or as Carlisle likes to say – my big mouth sets me up for big pain. But I cannot take the risk this time when it is not my but Carlisle's ass on the line.

And so it begins. Not only do I have to hurt him, but also have to thank him for each new burst of pain that I cause him. He is completely silent after the first strike, and I don't know if that is good or bad. I don't want to give him any excuse to increase the number of strikes or ask me to repeat one. So I put a little more bite into the next one.

"OH FUCK" Carlisle shouts. And my heart stops for a second. Please God, this is too much. I cannot see Carlisle in pain. It kills me to continue, but I have no other option. If I safe word, Carlisle will send me out of the playroom, if not out of his home. I cannot be away from him right now.

Thankfully Carlisle is mostly silent after the outburst on the second strike. I continue raining blows on his backside, though inside my heart is breaking with each strike. As the strikes continue, I feel a shooting pain in my chest, as if someone has my heart in a chokehold. It seems as if the oxygen level as dropped in the playroom, I am struggling to breath. The doctor in me recognizes a panic attack coming. But I am way beyond logical thinking now.

By the time we cross the 20 mark, I am sobbing and feel tears pool into my eyes. Carlisle is crying out in pain after each strike. At the beginning of the punishment, I had thought - how is this going to be my punishment if Carlisle is the one receiving the pain? But now I understand – this is probably the worst punishment of my life. I don't think I felt this much pain even when my father used to beat me senselessly. This is beyond anything I have ever endured. I would have gladly taken 60 strokes of the strap on my person instead of seeing my love in pain.

On the 25th strike, Carlisle lets out a cry and his whole body shudders with pain. That's it, I cannot take more of this. I start to safeword, but Carlisle stops me before I can complete the word. He looks at me then and I see a strange sort of pleading expression in his blue eyes. His eyes beg me to continue as if he has not yet reached his goal. More than the threat of being send away, his eyes compel me to continue. I nod in understanding and harden my heart to continue.

Giving him those last 5 strikes was undoubtedly the hardest thing I have done in my life. He is continually swearing and repeating some mantra that has my name in it. I guess he needs to do something to get his mind out of the agony.

Finally, it is over. I throw away the blasted strap as far away as I can. And for the first time in my adult life, I break down completely. In less than a minute, I feel Carlisle taking me in his arms and I am home. I should be taking care of him, he must be in horrible pain, and instead as always he is taking care of my needs first. I cry and cry and cry in his arms and he never lets go. God, I don't know what have I done to deserve this man's love but I never want to be without it now. I am so so thankful for this man. I knew he loved me before this, but I have no doubt now about the depth of his love for me. The man just went through hell for me.

CPOV

I continue rocking Edward for about 10-15 mins before he was able to gain enough control over his emotions to turn in my embrace and look up to me.

"Hey love, feeling better?" I ask softly. He nods and replies "Thank you, thank you very much Sir".

"The scene is over love, we are just Edward and Carlisle now" I informed him. "How are you feeling now?"

He thinks for a minute, and then replies "relieved, light, free..as if a heavy burden is lifted from my chest.. I feel as if I can finally breadth since… since…you know" he gives me a small smile, "thank you"

Ah, I myself am relieved to hear that. A small part in me was scared that he will hate me for manipulating him like I did today. I kiss him lightly on the forehead, "Sweetheart, you cannot imagine how glad I am to hear this." And then I cannot stop myself from giving him a smug smile.

He laughs "ok you can say it"

"Say what love?"

"That I told you so"

Both of us laugh and then he gets serious again "Why?" he asks

"Because you needed it sweetheart"

"No, I mean why did you do it this way? Why did it have to be you and not me on this thing?" he points towards the bench.

"Sweetheart, when I first found out about your patient today, I knew a good cry is the only thing that can help you get past this. I knew that would not be easy. I have seen you endure a lot of pain on your person without a single tear. It had to be something drastic, drastic enough to break through all your defenses. And frankly, this was the only way that I thought could work. 30 strokes with the strap may not be enough when you received them, but maybe they would be enough when it was me instead. I know firsthand how difficult it is to see someone you love in pain. I have endured it too many times with you, love. Every time I have to punish you, it would be much better if I was on the receiving end, so to speak. Physical pain is fairly easy to endure, when compared to the heart wrenching pain of seeing you hurting. I thought maybe it will be the same for you."

"It is… Oh My God.. it is. I never, never want to go through this again"

I took his face in my hands "Edward, I am sorry sweetheart. I know what I did today was not right. I gave you a task knowing that you will fail in it. And then I manipulated you into a situation you wouldn't have agreed to otherwise. I did not let you use your safe word when you wanted to. I did so many things wrong today. But please, please know that everything I did was only with the best intentions. Please forgive me sweetheart"

"No, no please Carlisle, you have nothing to be sorry about. If there is one thing I know for sure – it is that I always come first for you, that I am your first priority. And today, today is the biggest affirmation of this belief. You went through so much just to make sure I feel better. I am so very thankful to you."

"Stop thanking me sweetheart. What I did today was for selfish reasons. It is very difficult for me to see you in pain. I get a sense of fulfillment by being able to alleviate your suffering."

"I will stop, if you stop asking for my forgiveness"

"Agreed" we sealed our deal with a sweet kiss. Too soon for my liking, Edward pulled away and got up.

"Now let me take care of you old man" he chuckled, "I know firsthand how hard it is to sit on a well whipped behind."

"Who are you calling old?" I chided, but allowed him to lift me up. Of course he was right, I had forgotten why one should try and stand as much as possible after a good ass whipping.