Phoebe Hummel was eight years old. She was a vibrant, talkative, energetic, and out-going child. She loved musical theatre, doing puzzles, collecting playbills, and playing with make-up (when her Daddy wasn't looking).
What Phoebe didn't like was when her three-year-old sister would barge into her room without knocking and disturb her peace. She also didn't like it when her six-month-old sister cried for no reason at all and interrupted her while she was doing important things like practicing her lines for the school play, rehearsing her songs for choir, or watching Wicked with her Papa. She tried to ignore the noise and the interruptions because it's not like her sisters were going anywhere. So, even-though their antics were annoying, Phoebe knew she would have to learn to live with them.
What she absolutely could not accept, though, was when both of her sisters demanded both of her fathers' attention at the same time, leaving her to cope on her own. She knows that as the eldest Hummel she should be less needy. She is a big girl and big girls don't cry, and certainly don't need to be babied like Sofia and Isabelle are. But the truth was, she craved and yearned for her fathers' attention just like any child did. It had been hard enough adjusting to the divided attention when Sofia was born, but since Isabelle joined their family, Phoebe's loneliness increased.
Phoebe tried to be patient. She knew that Daddy worked a lot and that Papa has been busy with her new sister. And they do many family things together like, go to Central Park for walks and picnics, watch movies on Sunday afternoons, and visit the local pool, but Phoebe is greedy at times. And sometimes she even wished that she were an only child so that she could have Daddy and Papa all to herself.
This particular Saturday, Phoebe was having a bad day – a very bad day. It had started with Sofia barging into her bedroom at six in the morning and waking her up with a very loud (and repetitive) rendition of The Fairy Godmother's, Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo! Phoebe, like her Daddy, was the furthest thing from a morning person, so she just couldn't help it. She yelled at her sister and made her cry, which in turn made her Papa and her Daddy scold her. Six in the morning was too early to be in trouble with one father, let alone both of them.
Later that morning, her fathers scolded her again for playing Lady Gaga too loudly and waking up the baby from her nap. That was followed by lunch. Papa had made tuna melts. Phoebe hated tuna melts; tuna was only the grossest thing ever. But of course, her Papa made her eat it while he lectured about starving children and being grateful and, "Just eat it, Phoebe Elizabeth!"
Phoebe's afternoon didn't get any better. She was supposed to have her friend over for a playdate, but Isabelle had contracted the stomach flu in a matter of hours, it seemed, so Daddy cancelled it because he didn't want her friend to get sick or for Isabelle to have the extra stimulation. So Phoebe was stuck hanging out in her room by herself for the evening with sporadic visits from Sofia, who was dressed as a different princess each time. After the fifth interruption, Phoebe shooed Princess Aurora out of her room, slammed the door, and threw herself on her bed.
Phoebe tried really hard not to cry but the day had been too much. She felt ganged up on, alone, and sad. She missed her dads. She missed when she was the only one. She missed when they weren't so busy and could spend time with her – not like now when all they did was scold and lecture. Mostly, she loved her sisters, but she was beginning to resent them too – and sometimes, she even hated them. Her tears came hot and abundant. She tried hard to stifle her cries against her pillow, but the sobs wretched from her body and came out loud and fiercely. She curled up, hugged her stuffed bulldog to her chest and cried.
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Blaine had finally gotten Isabelle down to sleep. The poor little one had a mean stomach bug, so Blaine knew she wouldn't be asleep for long. He hoped that she would stay down long enough to get Sofia to bed then tuck Phoebe in and maybe, if he was lucky, he and his gorgeous boy could snuggle up on the couch together with a glass of wine.
It had been a while since he and Kurt had spent quality alone time. They thought they had this parenting thing down more or less, but when Isabelle was born their entire world turned upside down. Isabelle was a good baby except when it was time to sleep. Every night and every nap turned out to be hell for Kurt, who was the one to stay home most days as Blaine was dealing with a very busy law firm. On top of handling a colicky infant, they had Sofia to look after, who was as high maintenance as any three-year-old could be. Phoebe was growing up too and needed just as much attention, although differently. Luckily she was more self-sufficient. Plus, she was in school which gave Kurt a small break every week-day - not that being home with a toddler and an infant was any sort of reprieve.
Kurt and Blaine had their hands full, that's for sure. Going from two to three children was quite the adjustment, but Blaine and Kurt loved their three girls more than anything. It was a lot of work and took much sacrifice and compromise on their alone time and sex life, but they knew they were very blessed to have the family they had, especially after the scary start to life that Phoebe had gone through.
As Blaine closed the door very gently to Isabelle's nursery, he made his way towards Sofia's room to say good night as Kurt tucked her in. When he approached Sofia's door he heard crying from Phoebe's room down the hall. He paused and listened to make sure he was hearing correctly. Just then Kurt poked his head out of Sofia's room and whispered, "Is Pheebs crying?"
"I think so," Blaine said and quickly took the few short steps down the hall to her bedroom. Kurt followed promptly, thankful that Sofia had already fallen asleep.
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"Pheebs, honey?" Blaine knocked then opened the door. His heart lurched when he saw his eight-year-old's red tear-stained face.
Kurt poked his head in behind Blaine and when he saw his daughter curled up on her bed he flew to her and sat beside her. "What happened, Phoebe?" he asked, his voice was gentle but laced with worry. "Why are you crying?"
Phoebe could only shake her head, hide her face into her pillow, and cry harder. Blaine approached and kneeled on the floor beside her bed, his hand clutching hers. "Honey, Papa and I are worried. Please tell us why you're crying."
Phoebe took in a deep breath and looked at both of her fathers. As she did she tried desperately to hold in her sobs, but it was futile. She cried out and fresh tears rolled down her face as she tried to get the words out, "Y-y-you nev-never wor-ry 'bout m-me." She wailed and hugged her stuffed bulldog closer to her chest.
Kurt's brow shot up and Blaine gave him a confused look. "Oh Pheebs, we worry about you all the time," Kurt said. "Come here. Let's get you calmed down so we can talk."
Phoebe hesitated. She was mad at her fathers and felt embarrassed by her outburst, but her Papa's arms looked so inviting and safe, she couldn't help but climb into his embrace and let him hold her.
"There we go, sweetie," Kurt soothed. "You can cry all you need to. Let it all out so that we can talk about what's making you sad." He rubbed circles along her back and rocked her slightly as she wept into his shoulder. "Daddy will go get you some water and be right back."
Blaine took Kurt's cue and swiftly left to get water, leaving Kurt to calm Phoebe down. Once he returned, his husband and daughter were curled up together with their backs against the headboard. Blaine gave her the water and settled himself on the bed facing them. He saw that Phoebe was much calmer so, after making eye-contact with Kurt, he took the glass from Phoebe's hand and replaced it with his own. He asked, "Are you ready to talk? Papa and I would like to help." Phoebe nodded sullenly so Blaine pressed on. "Okay. Honey, what did you mean when you said we never worry about you?"
Her watery eyes looked at Blaine, then up at Kurt. Kurt smiled at her, giving her silent courage, but just in case, he added, "You can always talk to us Phoebe. We will never get mad at you for sharing your feelings. It's important that you do so we can help you through them."
After some hesitation and fidgeting, Phoebe took a deep breath and whispered in a barely audible voice, "I miss you." Her bottom lip quivered and she swiftly hid her face into the crook of Kurt's arm.
Kurt's heart broke in realisation of what she meant. Blaine was equally heart broken and even a little distraught as he thought back to earlier in the day, trying to wrack his brain for something that would have triggered such a sad admission from his daughter. When he realised that he and Kurt had ignored her, took away her fun, and only talked to her when they were lecturing, his own lip quivered. "Oh, Pheebs, honey. I'm so sorry." Blaine scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her. Kurt did the same. The three of them cried into each other.
When they were all a little calmer, they sat back. Kurt took one of Phoebe's hands as Blaine took the other. Kurt began gently, "Phoebe, we didn't realise we were making you feel so alone. But as I think on it now, we were doing just that. I know that we have been giving Sofia and Isa more attention lately, but it's not because we love them more or because we don't love you – it's because they need us more than you do for certain things. They're both still so little and just learning."
"But you let Sofia come into my room any time she wants. She doesn't knock, Papa. We have a knocking rule!" She cried.
"You're right," Blaine agreed. "And we promise we will talk to her about that and teach her why the rule is important."
"We also promise to try harder to give you equal attention to your sisters. We love the three of you very much, and I'm sorry that we let you believe that wasn't the case, Phoebe." Kurt dipped his head to look into her eyes so that his daughter would not only hear but see how sorry he was.
"You know," Blaine said, taking Kurt's free hand in his, "we've told you a little bit about when you were born. You know you were premature and beat amazing odds just to survive…"
Phoebe nodded her head. Her fathers had told her the story of her birth and they had always made their relief, gratitude, and happiness regarding her survival story very obvious.
"What we didn't tell you Pheebs," Blaine continued, "is how terrified Papa and I were. At first we didn't know if you would make it. We didn't know if we would end up losing you." Blaine had to pause and take a swallow because remembering those dark feelings really made his heart ache. When Kurt squeezed his hand he was able to continue. "But you survived and quite frankly it was a miracle, honey. You beat the odds and Papa and I were so happy and so proud of you."
Kurt took over when Blaine became too emotional. "And we thought of you as our little superheroine. You have always been a strong-willed girl and have had a fighter's spirit, Phoebe, so sometimes Papa and I forget that you need us just as much as your sisters do."
Phoebe looked at Kurt with wide eyes, clearly thinking about what he had just told her. "You really think of me as a superheroine, Papa?"
Blaine chuckled in relief and answered for both of them. "Yes, we do."
"But that doesn't mean you always have to be strong or do things on your own, Phoebe," Kurt added. Superheroes and heroines can be vulnerable. They can cry. They can ask for help."
"I did that," she said, excitedly. "I cried and I asked for help."
"You did," Kurt said with a smile and kissed the top of her head. "We are so proud of you, Phoebe. Always."
"And we love you very much," Blaine said.
"I love you too Daddies," she beamed and hugged them both.
Kurt kissed her cheek and asked, "How about from now on when I pick you up from choir practice on Wednesdays, I leave Sofia at home with Daddy and Isa and we go on a Papa and Pheebs date?"
"Really?" She squealed. "Just you and me, Papa?"
"Yup, just you and me. We can go for ice cream or shopping, or anything you want."
"Yes, yes, yes," she bounced and flung herself into Kurt's arms.
"Hey, I want in on this too," Blaine laughed. "How about on Fridays I come home early from work and you and I can have a movie night while Papa does something with Sofia and Isa?"
"A movie for just the two of us, Daddy?"
"Just you and me, honey."
"Yes!" Phoebe launched herself from Kurt's lap to Blaine's making him topple back onto the bed.
This led to a three-way tickle fight, which Phoebe clearly won by making her Daddies cry "uncle." The night ended with smiles, laughter, and warm hugs after an impromptu ice cream date in the kitchen. Giving their kids ice cream before bed wasn't something Kurt and Blaine endorsed, but when Phoebe asked with those eyes, Kurt and Blaine were goners. After the day she'd had, there was no way they could have said no, despite the bottle of wine waiting for them in the fridge.
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Finally at eleven that night, after having tucked Phoebe in and checked on Sofia and Isabelle, Kurt and Blaine trudged upstairs into their bedroom, wine long forgotten. They were too tired to do anything but brush their teeth, undress, climb into bed, and turn out the light. They snuggled up together as they did every night, Kurt's cheek pressed to Blaine's bare chest and his leg thrown over Blaine's thighs. Blaine held his husband close and kissed his still perfectly coiffed hair.
"Did you ever think it would be this hard?" Blaine whispered into the dark room.
"No," Kurt breathed. After a moment's pause he added, "But I never thought they would bring me so much joy either."
Kurt felt Blaine tense and take a breath. "Kurt…"
"What is it?" Kurt asked after Blaine fell silent.
"Do you think I should get a vasectomy?"
Kurt pushed himself off Blaine's chest and reached over to turn on the lamp. He looked at Blaine incredulously for a moment and noticed that Blaine's expression was unreadable – which was quite rare. "Do … do you want to?"
"Well… I…" Blaine sat up too. "Not really but I don't want to get in over our heads. I don't want to have more babies if our existing lot are going to feel neglected and sad."
Kurt took Blaine's hand and held it with both of his. "We screwed up, Blaine, and I promise you we will again. But we also have the opportunity to learn from our mistake, and I think this will bring us closer to Phoebe and eventually to all our children. Parenting isn't something that we all magically know how to do."
"I know. I know, you're right. She was just so heartbroken, Kurt. I can't stand knowing that we put that look on her face."
"Did you see her face when we tucked her in?"
Blaine's smile slowly grew as he envisioned Phoebe's glowing, sleepy face. "Yes, she was giddy."
"Well, we put that look on her face too."
Blaine stared into Kurt for a moment, his heart swelling in his chest. "I love you so much. And I'm so glad we're doing this together. I don't think I could ever be a dad without you."
Kurt leaned in to murmur softly against Blaine's lips. "I love you too, beautiful and you won't ever have to be." A few moments later, when Kurt was done devouring Blaine's mouth, he leaned back and waggled his brows softly. "So does this mean you'll give me more babies?"
Blaine squeaked out a laugh, "Of course, my gorgeous boy. But not tonight," he added mirthfully. "I'm way too wiped."
"Me too," Kurt agreed and reached over to turn out the lamp. He once again settled down onto his husband's chest, cooing as he got comfortable. Blaine's arms enveloped him tight and warm, reveling in the feeling of Kurt's nude body pressed to his.
A few minutes later, as they were drifting and almost asleep, Kurt and Blaine were startled very awake by Phoebe's voice, "SOFIA, ITS TOO LATE FOR BIBBIDI BOBBIDI BOO! YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO KNOCK!"
Blaine turned on the light again as both of them sat up in bed. A few beats later they heard Sofia wail and slam a door, "I'M TELLING PAPA!"
Blaine and Kurt both put three fingers in the air and did a silent countdown: 3, 2, 1…
Isabelle's cries came through loud and clear via the baby monitor, seemingly on cue. It was followed by Sofia's voice again, "PAPA!" and then Phoebe's voice once more, "DADDY!"
Both boys grumbled but hopped out of bed quickly, knowing they'd end up getting little sleep that night. They put on the pyjama pants they kept at the foot of their bed for occasions such as these.
"I'll get the baby," Blaine said.
"I'll get the toddler," Kurt added.
"Meet you in our superheroine's room?" Blaine asked as he whisked their bedroom door open.
"I wouldn't miss it." Kurt sighed and followed Blaine out.