Don't mention it

By

Landon Richardson

Disclaimer

None of the characters belong to me in any shape or form. I'm merely using them for entertainment purposes

Author Note

I'm not sure what made me write this today. I rarely write McDanno fiction but this suddenly attacked me about fifteen minutes ago so I thought why not go with it and write it u.

I just thought it be nice to see a conversation between Steve and Danny after everything which has happened to them and also to peep into Danny's head to see what he's feeling at the moment.

Romances

McDanno love or bromance depending on how you choose to read it...

Danny Williams lifted the bottle of beer to his mouth and took a long sip, his eyes staring blankly ahead of him into the darkness. His mind was still whirling over everything which had happened to him over the past week. Reyes's with his knowing, smug face, the hunt for the money, Chin's sacrifice for him, Steve coming with him to Colombia and all of it coming to a head with the arrival of that damn barrel. He saw it every time he closed his eyes, every time he tried to sleep it was there taunting him, Reyes comment about whether he wanted to take it or have it shipped to him, haunting his every waking moment until he felt as though he could scream until his voice gave way.

He knew deep down that there was nothing which he could have done to save his brother from his fate. Matt had already been dead before Reyes had even set foot onto the island of Hawaii in search of Danny, tortured and killed point blank range execution style between the eyes according to the autopsy report which he had forced a reluctant Max to get for him.

Even if Danny had magically been able to produce that amount of cash on the very first day that Reye's demanded it from him, it still wouldn't have mattered, and yet Danny still couldn't stop the guilt from crushing him.

If he had only been a better brother to Matt, if he had only tried harder somehow to keep him on the straight and narrow and away from the lifestyle he had been heading towards. He had always knows from a young age that Matt was the black sheep of the family, the one who Danny needed to watch carefully, because he was always going off and doing something stupid leaving Danny or his other older sibling Becca to clean up the mess he left behind him. Always charming them into forgiveness with a flash of his bright grin and a twinkle of his dark eyes. And Danny had always happily done it because he had loved his brother.

Only this time Danny hadn't been able to step in and save him from the mess he created. He had tired though, he had tried to convince Matt to trust him like he used to do when he was younger and to come with Danny to see the feds. He had promised his baby brother that he would help him and be with him every step of the way pulling every contact he had to help Matt but still his brother had turned away from him and run. Danny could still picture the look on his brother's face at that airfield, his expression torn between betrayal that Danny was actually standing on the other side of the fence pointing a gun at him and resignation as though he had always known somehow that the two of them would end up in that situation.

Danny had lowered his gun and let him go and it was that decision which had led to his brother's death. If he had only been able to stop Matt then his brother would still be alive.

He still didn't know how he had gotten back out of Colombia after he had shot Reyes in the face. Everything turned blurry as though he was watching it from a distance at great speed. He remembered a voice, familiar to him coaxing him to follow it and to do exactly what it instructed him to do. He remembered hands guiding him out of the dank room they had been in, the same hand passing him one of the bags filled with the cash he had gathered to save his brother. He remembered the muggy air on his face and then nothing, everything else remained dark until he was on the plane, staring out the window as they approach and landed in Hawaii. He remembered concerned voices joining the first one but he ignored them. Trapped in a hell of his own making.

Somehow he had slept and then when he had woken he had made the call home to tell his parents and his siblings that Mattie was dead and not coming back. He had listened blankly to the cries of denial and sobs which had met his news but hadn't reacted. It was then that he realised that he hadn't cried yet for his own loss, he should have, he should have been punching walls and people and screaming the place down and yet there was nothing but a numbness covering him like a thick blanket making everything feel so far away as though he was an impartial observer. He had hung up the phone and then made the booking for him and Grace, ringing Rachel and telling her the news and then he had left, sending Steve and his parents a text to let them know what was happening.

That had been two days ago and they had buried Matt that morning. It had been difficult listening to people tell stories to each other about Matt, about what a happy kid he had been and how his future had seemed so bright and what a tragedy it was that it had been cut short in such a fashion.

Danny had escaped out into the garden, finding an empty corner and collapsed onto the grass, resting his head in-between his head as he shook from all the emotions he was holding inside. He swallowed hard, looking up slowly when his mobile went off showing that it was Steve calling him again. He had to give his partner some credit for effort. This was his thirteenth call since that morning and he still kept trying. Danny went to cancel the call but instead found himself hitting the connect button bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey" He said softly down the phone. It would be evening back home in Hawaii which meant that Steve was either in his garage working on the Marquis or he would be sitting on the lanai with a cold beer watching the waves crash against the shoreline. Danny swallowed, suddenly wishing that he was there sitting next to Steve on the chair he called his own. Steve wouldn't force him to talk or try and make him open up about his feelings. He would just sit there quietly, sipping his beer beside Danny and wait for him to speak.

"Hey Buddy" Steve answered, his voice equally soft and laced with relief. Danny could just about make out the sound of the ocean on the other end of the phone which meant that Steve was on the lanai. "I tried calling you earlier but I guess you were busy with family stuff?" He commented.

"Yeah" Danny replied, the words feeling rusty in his throat. "I… today was Mattie's funeral so it's been all hands on deck here helping out Mum and Dad with everything. It's still going on at the moment, the after party side of things so you know..." he said his voice trailing off as he tilted his head looking up at the night sky. If he had been in Hawaii he would have seen a blaze of stars above his head but here there was only one of two that he could see.

"God yeah today" Steve said, falling silent for a moment before he spoke again. "How are you and Grace holding up?" He asked. Danny shrugged even though he knew that the other man couldn't see the action, making a grunting sound at the back of his throat.

"Grace, she's well she's upset man. She knew Matt you know and it's the first time that someone she knows and loved has died. I think she's partly confused and partly upset by it all. You know the usual emotions you would expect someone to feel at the funeral of a loved one."

"Yeah I understand" Steve said. Danny raised an eyebrow as he heard the other man swallow, no doubt taking a sip of beer. "And you? How are you holding up Danno?"

Danny couldn't help the small burst of laughter that escaped him at Steve's question, wincing when he heard the hysterical tone which flavoured it.

"Me?" He said "Now that's a loaded question if ever I heard one. I'm… I'm numb" He admitted, lowering his voice so no one else could hear him. "I can't feel anything right about now. I know what I should be feeling but it's not there, it's like it's out of reach or something. I'm not angry, I'm not in despair. I feel like I've gone past everything into numbness."

"Danno"

"Do me a favour Steven and don't Danno me. Not now, not when I'm stuck here in my parent's backyard trying to hide so that no one will come and offer me their sympathy again at my loss. What is it they keep saying to me?" He said thinking for a second before he continued. "Our hearts are with you? Their hearts Steven? What the fuck does that even mean? How can someone's heart be with me? Their sympathies can be with me, their fucking regret and condolences can be with me but their fucking hearts? What does that mean?" He demanded again, stopping abruptly and forcing himself to breathe out nosily as he ran his hand down his face. "I just… this wouldn't even be happening if it wasn't for me."

"That's not true" Steve said sharply. "Danny I was there both times, you did everything you could do to help your brother but he was a grown adult Danny, he made his own choices. You aren't responsible for them, he was."

"Yeah I know that Steve I just… I can't even look at my dad or my mum or my sisters at the moment," He confessed.

"They don't blame you for this Danny." Steve told him softly.

"Yeah but I do okay" Danny retorted, his voice rising with each word he spoke. He heard the voices inside falter for a moment. He swallowed again, forcing himself to speak quieter again. "I blame myself for what happened to my baby brother Steven. I can barely stand being here, everywhere I look there's another memory. The tree we used to play in when we were kids, the den we would watch TV together in. Even the freaking bathroom when we used to fight to see who would use it first. Mattie is everywhere in this house Steve but he will never ever be here again." Danny stated, blinking back against the tears which suddenly came to his eyes, his rubbed at his chest focusing on Steve.

"I know Danno" Steve said softly. "You know, you say the word and I can be on the next plane to LA and on an adjoining one to New Jersey. I could be with you by tomorrow." He told him seriously, the tone of his voice making it clear that he wasn't playing around.

Danny remained silent for a moment before he spoke.

"Yeah Steve, I'd like that buddy" He said.

"Consider it done then. I'll text you the time I'm due in and you can come and pick me up or text me your address, whatever is easier for you." Steve commented.

They fell into silence, simply listening to each other breathe allowing Danny to finally feel some of the tension fall away from him.

"Steve" He said after a few minutes.

"Yeah Danno?"

"Just… just thanks for everything you've done, I… just thanks" Danny said unable to get the word he wanted to say past the lump in his throat.

"Don't mention it Danno"

Author note

Thanks for taking the time to read!