AN: All the italicized text is lines from the song After the Rain by Blue Rodeo and sung by Rex Goudie (immortalized on the Canadian Idol Highnotes cd) on Canadian Idol. If you've never heard the song, I suggest you listen to it, just because it's awesome! Even if you don't know the song though, I think this is... well not bad anyways.
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His head tapped ever so lightly on the pane of glass as he slept. His head was propped up by his arm, which was slipping, ever so slowly until his head slammed against the window, jolting him awake. He sighed as the rain started to fall in light drops. Although he was inside he felt as though every droplet was oozing through this body, chilling him to the bone.
Oh if I had my way, I would never go back...
He couldn't go back, not now. He had left Castle Oblivion and wasn't going to go back. Not if he had anything to say about it. He couldn't go back.
With my back to the wall, just let myself fall, watching daytimes turn black...
He could fall without anyone trying to catch him, telling him it would be okay when they really didn't know. He could watch the daylight die without being interrupted.
But now and again I find, then you cross my mind...
Images of his bright red hair, tattoos, smile and thin figure floated through his mind. Axel...
Or if I were a train, I would never slow down...
Going slowly had never been his style, he had to accomplish something and move on, never stopping. Go slowly made you weak, something Roxas never wanted to be...
With my head in the sky, and the world going by every nowhere town...
Wasn't everywhere a nowhere town when it came down to it? To him everywhere was nowhere and it would never matter... the train would pass by so many towns before it would stop, at some other town he cared nothing about.
As I write one more letter to you, no I can't change the things that I do...
If he could only find a way to write his feelings for the other boy, but he knew there was no way to explain why he ran away in writing, he couldn't even explain it to himself. Was there even a reason?
Oh one day, when you discover, just why I ran, ran away, ran away from you lover...
He couldn't really call Axel a lover though, could he? After all, Xemnas had told them so many times that they couldn't feel. Couldn't feel, couldn't love...
Oh I know I'm to blame, feel so ashamed...
It was always his fault, wasn't it? Axel never did anything wrong, only tried to help him. He always pushed people away...
Called out your name, after the rain...
"Axel," he whispered, even though he knew Axel was miles away and couldn't hear him.
What do you want me to do? Now I've thrown away everything for you...
He had taken a chance, trying to care about Axel. He threw away what he thought he knew, all of the things everyone else in the Organization had told him and trust Axel. Axel said they could feel and he couldn't believe him. What could he do?
Well I'm wasting my dreams, each day it seems, and I'm losing my way back to you...
There was no way to go back. He could summon a portal, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to do it. He tried to convince himself he didn't want to go back. The opportunity to go back was gone, he had made his decision. Couldn't feel, couldn't miss...
Oh it's time for a change, oh what else can I do?
It was the biggest change he could think of. No idea where he was going, just away. Somewhere different, somewhere new...
With a clock ticking time, better make up my mind, is it me or is it you?
It was always him, and he knew it. Axel was never the problem. He just couldn't admit it when they were together, why could he now?
And tonight as I'm losing control and I will drink to the queen of my soul...
He pulled a flask from his travel bag. He took a large swig of the whiskey, feeling the burn in his throat. It hurt. How could it hurt? Couldn't feel, couldn't hurt...
Oh one day, when you discover, just why I ran, ran away, I ran away from you lover...
Axel was his lover. He didn't care if Xemnas said they couldn't love. It was bullshit...
Now I know I'm to blame, feel so ashamed...
He realized he really did feel ashamed. Axel could be rough sometimes, but never hurt him on purpose. He walked out on him and hurt him more than he knew. Xemnas said they couldn't be ashamed. More bullshit.
Called out your name, after the rain...
"Axel," he called out, his voice weak from the whiskey and his rabid emotions.
Oh after the rain, after the rain, after the rain, after the rain...
"Axel," he croaked out, a single tear falling from his eye as the rain ended.
He felt the tears pour from his eyes, somehow making their own rain.
In Castle Oblivion Axel was in his room. He stood, looking out the window. The rain had stopped for him as well. The rain always connected them, though neither of them knew it. Tears fell from his eyes, staining his face with their salt. He wiped them away, trying to hide his pain.
"Roxas," Axel cried out, "Where are you?"
"I'm here Axel," Roxas whispered, appearing behind the older boy, "I'll always be here."
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AN: Originally I was going to just have Roxas say "I'm here" but not say if he actually was here or if it was just their weird long distance communication. Yeah, weird, but I had to have him go back somehow right? I hate sad endings. Yeah, another fic I came up with during math. Anyways, thanks for reading, review?