a/n: hello, a bit of an angsty fic for y'all.
disclaimer: i don't own naruto.
the first time ino thought she had failed to protect someone was when she saw sakura crying, "oh kami, oh kami. ino h-he's gone. he left." and ino started to sob because she hated to see someone as strong as sakura lose herself because of some boy who was only thinking about himself. she hated to see that sakura had fallen in love with someone who clearly did not deserve her love. this was her first failure. she had known from the very start that sasuke uchiha was nothing but trouble, and so she had tried to make sakura give up on the "genius". however, the pinkette never backed down and now she was crying her little heart out.
ino didn't cry because she loved sasuke. ino cried because she loved sakura.
the second time that the yamanaka heir had gone back on her promise of being a kunoichi was when her sensei died and oh it hurt so bad. she had thought that everything was supposed to be okay and that you were only allowed to make one mistake when it came to your nindo. but it was her second mistake. mistakes were made to be learned from but she didn't learn because she was just too late. if she were faster maybe she would've been able to heal him. if she was as good a medic-nin as sakura, maybe she wouldn't be at asuma's damned funeral. all the possibilities gnawed at her in her sleep and gnawed at her when she was awake and gnawed her over and over and over.
ino didn't cry. she simply felt numb.
the third time was too much for her. she wasn't even eighteen and she was in the middle of a war. that was already too much to digest for her. war, war, war. the thought kept playing in her mind. this is war and you've got to prove yourself strong enough to protect everyone you care about. she had saved chouji from asuma and that made her think that there wouldn't even be a third mistake.
but, oh, things never work out the way she really wants it to.
she was in the middle of a war and she should've seen it happening, but it still hurt so bad. dead. dead. dead. her daddy was dead. ino had already been faking smiles and closed herself off for training when asuma died. asuma, a second father. now, her real father was dead. dead. dead. dead. her daddy was dead and he wasn't going to come back, and maybe she should just die too because that's the third time she had failed herself. tears poured out, but all she felt was nothing. nothing mattered anymore. shikamaru was basically telling her to get a grip, but the self-pity was eating her.
ino didn't cry or feel numb. she felt nothing at all.
the fourth time ino shut herself off was when her mother died during a delivery to somewhere she couldn't remember. she did remember her mother's last words were, "ino, you're far too tired to be making a delivery. i'll do it." and she had replied with, "okay, mom. thank you." and her mother said, "i love you, ino! make sure to wash the dishes!" and she had said "love you too!" and she should've insisted that she had gone instead of her mother because her mother was an easy target.
ino didn't sleep anymore. she'd show up at ibiki's office with bags underneath her eyes and yawns pouring out of her mouth.
people started to notice that whenever the konoha eleven hung out, naruto and sakura would be the loud ones. no more ino to yell. people started to notice that the yamanaka flower shop only had one person working there and that it was closed most of the time and kami- a lot of the flowers were dying. people started to notice that pale blue eyes had completely dulled over the years and that ino wasn't ino anymore.
and when people asked her what was wrong, she'd simply smile and say she was tired, but what she meant to say was, "kunoichi are supposed to be strong so that they can protect the people they love, but, oh, i'm failing worse than i ever have before."