I don't do many Final Fantasy VII stories, so therefore I thought I ought to get back into it. I'm writing this early in the morning, therefore I don't know if it's going to go good or bust. Bwuahahah. Then again, I don't really care, so mwuah. So, read it or not, I am the Raven and you will succumb to the green cows of purple pastures. BWUAHAHAH! THEY SHALL RUUUUUULE AAAAALL! O.o Now enjoy the fanfic or else. Oh, and R&R!

The burning sensation in Reno's stomach was probably what woke him up. Sake never was a good at tucking him in at night compared to vodka or some other hard liquor, but he never was picky about which one cradled him until he fell into slumber. The Turk shifted over, his mako tainted gaze falling over the clock that was next to his bed. Damn radio clocks. Aha! It was what had woken him up. With a groan, he reached over and slammed his hand down on the timer, his gloved fingertips sort of slipping off of the clock to drop down to the edge of the bed. Burying his face into the pillow, Reno's red hair flopped down all around him, framing his upper body like a blanket. He didn't want to get up, but there wasn't much of a choice, now was there? Especially with the blonde haired woman glaring at him from the end of the bed.

"Reno, you're absolutely pathetic." He let out an audible groan from the sound of her squeaky voice. "You got slap ass drunk last night, and now you can't even get up out of bed to get the day started. You pathetic bastard!" Elena glared daggers at him as she walked around the bed to stand on the side that the alarm had been on. "GET UP, YOU CLOD!" Elena was always serious about work. Not that it was very unusual for her to be serious about something, it was just highly amusing.

Reno opened one eye and peered up at Elena through his hair. "What'f I dun' wanna get up?"

"You're going to get up, one way or another." As Reno closed his eyes again, he nestled his cheek into his pillow comfortably, groaning softly at the massive headache that hit him like a sledgehammer. "I have ways of getting you up. Ways that are so deadly that you're going to wish you listened to me a lot sooner." Elena always was so deadly in her own irritating manner.

Shoving himself up off of the bed as he felt his stomach lurch, the red-head glared at her. "Who do you think you are, my mama?"

"No, if I was your mama I would've taken a belt to your ass ages ago. What do you think I am, your baby sitter?"

"You're acting like it. I'm a grown man, let me sleep when I want to. Leave me alone, Rookie." Reno gasped as he felt something fiery hot hit him. Or, at least it felt fiery hot until he realized that it was ice cold. The water that Elena had hidden in her hands was dumped all over him, soaking him, his bed and his pillow. He was not happy. "You, heifer, are going to die!" Elena squealed as Reno pushed himself up off of the bed and started to chase her around the room. Around and around the two went, bouncing over furniture and finally coming to a stop when the girl skidded into the bathroom and slammed the door in his face. Reno smacked right into the hardwood door. "You're so going to wish you never became a Turk. I'm going to make you wish you were never BORN!"

Elena's giggles were heard from inside the bathroom. "You look like a wet rat. Go sniff somewhere else, freak. I'm about to take a shower." The click of the lock was very audible to Reno's sensitive ears. He was not pleased about that either.

"'Lena, come out. I need the bathroom."

"Should've thought of that before chasing me in here! Rude'll be back shortly with our breakfast. If he didn't eat it all on the way back here, so settle down and wait for him. Not like it's going to hurt you to wait, you bastard."

Reno growled low in his throat as he bumped his head softly on the door. He quickly regretted it. Now not only was he shivering, but he was tempted to cry from the headache that was trying to pound its way out of his skull. Muttering about blondes and about the curse of Sake at 1 AM in the morning, Reno plopped down on his bed and tried to lay in a section that wasn't wet and cold. Of course, hearing the water from the shower wasn't helping him one bit. Drip, drop, swoosh. Drip, drop, swoosh. It was almost as if Elena was turning the water on and off on purpose. Growling, he writhed around on the bed, finally ignoring the wet covers and pillow. This caused Rude to give him a very odd glance when he happened to come in the door about seven minutes later.

"Reno, why are you laying in a wet bed?"

"Because your dumbass girlfriend threw cold water on me when I was trying to go back to sleep and now that I need in the bathroom, the little whore is in there."

"Oh, that's all? Okay." Rude sat the coffee and food down, eyeing Reno behind his dark shades. He hardly ever took them off, after all. "You expected anything less of Elena?"

"Not really. Cuz she's a cold hearted bitch that would watch me die with much pain and suffering before she gave me any freakin' morphine. She's cooooooold. I don't know how you can stand her, little stupid rookie. Always butting her god damn nose into my business. She's a kid, how come she's with us?"

"Cuz she's a Turk, too. I mean, without three Turks, what would we have? Two turkeys."

Reno glared up at his best friend as the larger man laughed at his own joke. "You bastard. THE WORLD IS HELL BENT ON KILLING ME TODAY, ISN'T IT!" The red-head shoved his face down into the soaked pillow and tried to smother himself into unconsciousness. Too bad nothing ever worked out his way.

Rude patted him on the head and placed a cup of coffee on the bedside stand. "Relax, Reno. We're not here to get drunk, we're here to do a job. I mean, if your dumbass hadn't gotten drunk last night, we wouldn't have missed the guy that was supposed to be in our mitts right now. You know, maybe Elena's a little right. You need to lay off the drinking for awhile."

Reno looked up at him as if he were trying to take his very soul away. "WHAAAAAAAT!" His mako-tinted eyes squinted at Rude a tiny bit, the red scars underneath his cheeks seeming to nearly sink up into his lower eyelids. "Are you fuckin' crazy? She's gotten you into that Vegan shit, hasn't she! SHE'S TAINTED YOU AND I MUST TAKE REVEEEEENGE!" Rude extended a hand and slapped Reno cross-eyed. The red-head fell back against the edge of the bed and took a tumble over the side, landing on his back with a dull thump.

"No, she has not gotten me into that Vegan shit. It just gets kinda tiring when you've got a drunk kid that's picking fights all over the bar when you're trying to nab a guy. Just lay off the drinking for this mission and maybe we can get something done. Afterwards, we'll head to the Turtle's Paradise and get as drunk as you damn well want. Is it a deal?"

Reno shot Rude a glare of doubt, then sighed. "Fine, fine. I stop drinking for this mission, then I'm going to get drunk off my ass afterward. It's a deal, but you're paying."

"I don't care if I pay. Cuz I'm going to be drinking, too. Even though Elena don't approve of it all that much, I find myself not really caring all that much lately." Elena's squeaky voice was heard in the background, kind of yelling at the two to start getting ready. Rude rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "In fact, right about now I wish I was drunk." The two best friends shared a smile as Elena squealed and smacked at Rude's back, trying to get them to get up and get ready.

Later that morning…

"This is a stupid crock of shit."

"Oh shut the fuck up and do it, Reno."

"Renny-chan, how do you feel being bait?" Elena smiled at the blushing red-head as she fastened the last bow in his hair. "You look so cute, Reno! Oh my gosh, I'm jealous. You pull that kimono off much better than I do!"

Reno glared pure hate at her. He was supposed to be 'bait' for the mission. Of course, they were trying to catch one of the sleazy drug-lords that happened to like pretty girls. And instead of using the only girl there, (since of course, she might get hurt, though Reno didn't sympathize with her too much) Rude had suggested the idea. The red-head remembered every word that the bald bastard had said.

Flashback: After Breakfast

"Elena, you can't possibly hope to get past that ugly son of a bitch and overpower him. I mean, you're good with a gun, but you're not even remotely strong enough. So we're going to have to think of something else."

"Well, Reno, you know I'm probably stronger than you are."

"Highly doubt that, heifer. I mean, c'mon. You're smaller than I am, weaker than I am and younger than I am. It just won't add up to you being able to take him on. He's much too big for you. He would overpower you just by sitting on you. Remember all of those rapes that occurred last year? Yeah… That's what we're going up against, 'Lena, and I dun' think Rude would appreciate lookin' at your slashed face as he sits beside your hospital bed."

Elena raised a brow. "Then what the hell are we going to do?"

Rude smirked as he watched Reno. The red-head had that very delicate look to him that sort of brought out the mako in his eyes. In fact, Rude had sworn many times that Reno looked like a girl when he let his hair down. Rude suddenly got a very bright idea. Stepping forward, he reached out and grasped at the black hair fasten that Reno kept at the base of his neck, holding the wild locks together. He snatched hard, causing Reno to yelp in pain and fall backwards. With a thump, he smacked the floor, but his hair flowed very free, all around him. "I think we just found our girl, 'Lena."

"You don't mean… Oh my… That's evil, Rude. Should we do that?"

"We're the Turks, Elena. We ARE evil, or did you forget?"

"But what if Reno gets hurt?"

"Well then I guess he gets his own ass out of trouble. I mean, he didn't want you to go in and do it. So we can't send you. I'd look like a man in a dress. Reno looks like a girl, so let's feed him to the wolves instead of you."

Reno glared up at him, dazed and kind of stunned. "You bastard! I am NOT dressing up like THAT."

"Eh, you'll do it if you want to continue on our little agreement."

"You're one evil mother fucker."

"Thank you, thank you. That's what I pride myself with, Reno."

End Flashback

Reno glared down at the blue kimono that they had dressed him in. It had white puffs of flowers all over it, scattered down his chest and across the belt. "I hate you, Elena."

"Oh shut up and take it like ma-… Like the woman you are." Reno glared daggers at her as she combed his hair and kinda of puffed it out a little bit to look girlish. "Damn, your bangs never lay down, do they?"

"No, no they don't. I prefer them NOT laying down."

"Let's tease them! WHEE!" Reno almost cried as she started to spray hairspray in his hair and primp his gorgeous red locks. "Aww, Reno don't cry. Your makeup might run if you cry when I put mascara and stuff on you. And you won't want that, cuz that stuff gets in your eyes and it burns. Don't want that happening, now do we?" Reno continued to glare pure hate at her as she pulled out a stick of eyeliner and some mascara to match the foundation and powder on the counter. "Rude, don't you think blue would be absolutely beautiful to match his eyes?"

Rude cracked up and burst out laughing at the spectacle.