A/N: I love it when Eleven is totally clueless and mortified so hence this.
Disclaimer: Ah well, since I'm still in high school, I don't think I can legally own a TV Show... No? Oh alright.
The Doctor will tell you he adores Earth. One of his favourite planets in the universe, why wouldn't it be; It's filled with the majority of all his favourite people. Only Earth has his Martha and his Donna, his Amy and his Rory. Of course he favours other worlds too, I mean, not all his friends are humans, but you'll probably find the Doctor causing un-intentional mischief on Earth than on, let's say Clom - bad example but you get the point.
But no matter how many times he lands his blue box on the surface of that planet, or how long he can babble on and on about it, maybe he doesn't know everything about Earth - his first language is Gallifreyian after all.
Xx
"RIVER!" The Doctor yelled down the Tardis corridor with teenage boy-esque, popping his head out from under the controls.
Two groans of defeat echoed back in unison along with one cheer of victory- River's umpteenth time. What are they doing?
When she didn't reply immediately, understandably he took more drastic measures. "RIVVEEERRRRRRRRRR!"
"WHAT IS IT DOCTOR!" She hollowed back.
Muffled complaints responded toward their rather loud choice of communicating.
"HAVE YOU GOT MY SCREWDRIVER?"
More complaining, mostly Amy this time.
"Are"
Muffle,
"serious?"
Muffle, Muffle!
"lazy!"
Muffle!
"JUST A MINUTE SWEETIE, I'M ON FIRE!"
upon hearing this statement, The Doctor leaped up immediately, whacking his head against the console emitting a loud clang.
"GAHHH!"
He rubbed his forehead a couple of times to dispel the pain. There wasn't time for this, not now. Scrambling to his feet, arms and legs failing uselessly around him, he stumbled down the corridor like the valiant hero he was going to be.
A few seconds later, the Doctor flung the door open panting, fire extinguisher at the ready. "RIVER STOP, DROP AND-"
Three eyes blinked back at him.
He froze, his gaze locked behind their heads at a plasma TV screen hanging on the wall.
They where playing Mario Kart.
Scores
1st - MelsAkaMelodyPondAkaRiverSong + 100 Total: 2,987.
2nd - COMP-4 Baby Mario + 80 Total: 2,810.
3rd - PondTheUltimateGinge + 95 Total: 2,651. +
4th - COMP-2 Luigi + 10 Total: 2,400 -
5th - RoryTheRoman2000 + 55 Total: 2,398 +
6th - COMP-4 Princess Peach + 22 Total: 2,130 +
7th - COMP-8 Yoshi + 5 Total: 1,823 -
The first reaction was from Amy, who burst out laughing, collapsing into a baffled Rory and borrowed her head into him as she shrieked.
River kept her own giggling in check with a smirk, walked up to The Doctor and handed him his sonic. His eyes where darting all over her. He was trying desperately to cling onto his dignity.
He cleared his throat awkwardly and took the sonic slowly from her hand.
"So.. you're not burning to death right now...?"
River patted him on the cheek as he continued to stare at her in utter confusion and increasing mortification as reality dawned on him.
She gently took the extinguisher from him and placed it on the floor.
"It's an expression sweetie."
He had turned Crimson ear to ear by the time he stormed out.
Xx
He thought he was prepared - he had tried to test it.
The TARDIS had cooked up an entire book of human sayings, and he'd spent every hour memorising the various words and phrase - How many did they need seriously?
It wasn't his fault despite how River tells the story.
Xx
He was just waiting innocently for an opportunity to test his new knowledge of these 'Expressions', when maybe he should have been carefully observing the current version of River Song that had flashed into the console room.
"Hello Sweetie." She purred, a playful smirk smeared across her lips. River eyed his appearance: his hair was mussed and shirt wonky, suspenders dangling beside his legs.
He had been up all night learning his book, but River hadn't the slightest idea and that certain style did things to her that meant he usually steered clear of her when he had companions aboard. More importantly her parents.
The Doctor grinned, eagar to show off to her, maybe too oblivious to notice.
"River! You totally nailed that entrance!"
She lifted a brow, her amusement escalating rather quickly.
"Really sweetie, anything else I can nail?"
He perked up at her contribution, still completely clueless.
"Absolutely, you're brilliant River have I ever told you?"
It was just too easy, how could she possibly resist. River leaned against the console, her fixed smirk ever so sultry.
"Hmm, you certainly have come to that conclusion before honey."
"Excellent, I knew I had at some point." The Doctor proclaimed, his goofy grin plastered across his face.
River leaned forward, lifting her hands to tug at his bow-tie.
"Dig a little deeper sweetie..." She whispered, her fingers still playing with the material around his neck.
A hint of confusion flickered across his face, but he was determined to continue still stupidly oblivious.
"I-"
Wait.
He stared blankly at her, while she continued to smirk a familiar glint in her eyes.
Wait a minute.
Oh.
Oh.
"Oh." He scratched his face, smiling nervously. "River, I, um-"
"Ahem"
The Doctor turned to find Amy and Rory stood crossed armed on the staircase. They didn't really look too happy.
Xx
He decided that maybe he should have the checked multiple meanings.