Torak had dragged Renn and the wolves along the side of the High Mountains for many weeks without any rests just endless nights of tramping. The track they led down was cold and dangerous and one Torak did not enjoy but finally he had managed to lead them out of the wind and onto their first sight of grass, an open paddock. It felt like winters since they last saw the Ravens. Time had idled past with constant wanderings through the Deep Forest and occasionally the trip up North. Torak and Renn left the Red Dear clan last. But that was moons ago. Since then Torak had gone on a completely new track. Renn constantly asked where they were going but Torak never said a word. He simply stated that he had not decided; it was where ever the wind takes them. Torak kept his secrets just as Renn always had hers. He promised himself to never tell her about the dream. The one dream that had been bothering him every day since. The dream that had him hopelessly leading Renn and the wolves back to his home; the Moors. Despite the eerie reasons for going back home he was actually quite excited to finally show Renn his only home. He knew he couldn't tell her he was heading for the Moors though, not until they actually got there. If she knew she'd start asking questions and as soon as she heard about the dream she'd send him right back to Fin Kedinn and that would lead to who knows what!
So he kept his intentions secret and all the motives behind it also. She would suspect some mage art was involved in what was just hopefully a simple dream. He thought back to the night almost three weeks ago; he was in the forest that his Fa had died in. The forest where he died to save Torak. He stood in the very spot where this all began. The place where Fa had sent him on the journey that had led him to Wolf, Renn, Fin Kedinn… and the soul eaters. But that was all over now. Though in his dream it apparently wasn't…
Torak dropped with a thud onto the cold, wet ground like an angel in the sky. Desperately he pushed his heels into the sloppy mud to push himself up but the grass slid underneath his feet. There must have been a downpour last night, Torak thought. He swerved around peering at his surroundings suspiciously. It was the Open Forest! Torak creased his eyebrows in confusion but couldn't stop the smirk creep up his face. He was sick of the Deep Forest and he was finally home!
Torak. Torak, Torak spun around but quickly flopped back on the wet ground; his feet were as useless as a fish tail. Whatever it was sounded like a voice spoken but it sent shivers through Torak's body like a spirit.
Torak. Torak. Torak, the voice repeated, the vibrations ran through him over and over again like an out of control pulse. Suddenly it began to feel painful. Torak crouched into a ball against the muddy floor screeching out like the howling wind of the mountains. It felt like somebody was running at him while continuously screaming at him. Torak tried to find his voice to yell at it; what do you want?
"Torak," the familiar voice said. A voice he hadn't heard in years. The pain stopped immediately and he stared up at his attacker. Torak looked up at the man and breathed back in shock. It was Fa. He stared down at Torak with the same grey eyes like his own. His rough dark skin was glowing. Torak had never realised how much he really did look like Fa. Torak eyes glazed over the Wolf Clan tattoo under his eyes and then down at Fa's bare chest. On his collarbone was a rough and infected looking scar, one identical to Torak's. The soul eater mark, Torak thought bitterly. Torak's Fa smiled and rubbed his hand over the scar.
"Soul Eaters," Fa said slowly. His voice was quiet and masked like Torak was trying to listen through thick fog to hear him. "Every Soul Eater must be killed."
"They are Fa. We did it together. It's all over," Torak, whispered back. He didn't want this to be another reunion clouded over with Soul Eater business. He wanted to talk to his Fa like he did before he died all those winters ago. He wanted to be father and son one more time. Torak was sick of Soul Eaters and the constant mould they had over his life. He didn't need it. It was over.
"There are Soul Eaters still walking this Earth, Torak. Rid the clans of all their evil." Fa continued to press, his voice continuously emotionless.
"Fa, listen, you don't understand. You were there, you know its over," annoyance crept into his voice. Torak's Fa shook his head. His face was cold and hard not like he had ever seen it.
"Torak," Fa sighed. "Our father is gone. He's moved on. He's done his part. It's just us left here now." You're standing right there, Torak felt like shouting.
"Us? Am I dead?" Torak demanded. He began to panic; his breath was cut off in the cold air. Suddenly the sides of his Fa began to blur. Ripples ran through the his body like he was made of water... Torak managed, in his struggle, to take a small step back. He was staring into water. Into a lake. His nose was just an inch from getting wet. In fact, he was talking to his reflection… and his reflection was talking back.
"That's right Torak. I'm you. It's just us. No others. Never any others. Kill all Soul Eaters! Together!"
"They are dead! They are gone!" Torak cried his knees buckled beneath him. He was crazy. What in the hells is going on? Torak internally screamed. It wasn't Torak's father. It was himself. Not just talking to himself but arguing with himself. Torak stared to feel dizzy. His head swirled drunkenly before he slowly felt control of his body leave him and the lake creep closer and closer.
He whirled back to the present with the last words he heard ringing in his ears, "Narrander."
Torak was heading home. He was heading for the forest, the resting place where Fa had died. It was where the scene had taken place, he was sure of it. He had to make sense of the dream or vision. He wanted to make sure it was just a dream and nothing more. Narrander was good. He wasn't a soul-eater anymore.
"Ouch!" Torak shouted as Wolf pushed pass him to jump over the last step of the gorge. It was getting late and it was time to set up for camp. The open paddock felt like home or as close as home would ever be to Torak. He imagined tents filled with people cooking meals and children running outside with their new spears and axes. Torak dreamt to be back at the Raven Camp. He missed company. He lived without it all those years with his Fa. He didn't know what it was like to be part of a Clan and it felt great. Torak missed it dearly. He wanted to hear the assurance of Fin Kedinn, the thrill of Dark and maybe even just to see some little kids who are such a nuisance; but remind him of his young self. He was no longer a kid. Eighteen summers he was now. At this age you were expected to have a mate and children and well… a clan. A place to call home. But it's not like that with Renn and him. They will never have a home. They will never have a family. The wolves were all he needed and she seemed just as fine with it as he was. He admits he occasionally wonders what it would be like to be part of a Clan, a family and sometimes Torak yearns for it but for now imagining was just fine.
Darkfur and Pebbles ran after Wolf, jumping or hopping in Pebbles case around the endless field of grass. The sun was setting and the shadows of the trees stretched out across the ground. It was like a painted picture. A true image of beauty; it looked like the tree's shadows were clawing at the ground to reach the other shadows on the opposite side.
"Renn," Torak called back wanting to share this moment with her. He waited for her to come up beside him but after several minutes he called her again. There was no reply so he turned round and peered down the gorge. Renn was curled up at a ledge with her head between her knees. Torak ran down as quickly as possible, instantly checking her temperature and pulse.
"Mmphh…" Renn grumbled pushing Torak off. "I'm fine," Renn's voice was muffled and stiff. Torak grabbed Renn's chin and pulled her head up. He was no longer afraid of touching Renn this way. They had been through too much to be distant towards each other.
"Renn?" Renn's face was pale and tears were running down her checks. She rubbed them off with the back of her hand.
"What?" She said.
"Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself? Did something get you?" Torak rushed out frantically.
"No, nothing got me. I'm just tired."
"Is it to much? Have you got a sore ankle? I can carry you. I'll carry you, come on get up." Torak turned around with his back to Renn his hand ready to catch her.
"You think I need help?" Renn snapped. Torak turned back around and placed his hand on her forehead. "You don't think I can do things by myself? I'm not weak, in fact I'm much stronger than you!" She poked Torak's chest. "Get out of my way." Renn stormed up the hill muttering angrily to herself. Torak scattered after her quickly grabbing her arm to walk beside her.
"Have I done something?" Torak whispered.
"Yes."
"What is it? You have to tell me these things Renn. I don't know other wise!"
"Of course you don't know. You wouldn't know because you don't think of things. Now go find wood, I'll set up the shelter. Go," Renn snapped her fingers. Torak rushed off immediately. He usually just left Renn to herself when she acted like this, which was quite regularly lately. He walked by himself through the rim of the paddock picking up dry branches. After a few minutes Wolf jumped out in front of him.
"Your sad," Wolf moaned trotting up to Torak and licking his free hand. Torak dropped the wood on the ground and sat down with Wolf by his feet. Torak stroked Wolfs back and grabbed Wolf's chin and turned his face round so he was head on with Torak.
Torak scratched in between Wolfs ears to say, "I'm fine." Wolf leaned his head back moaning, encouraging Torak to scratch harder. Wolf and Torak only sat in the mud for a while it was getting darker and there was no time to sit around, he still had to collect more wood.
"Pack-sister," Wolf whined quietly after Torak had jumped back up and picked back up the branches.
"Pack-sister?" Torak said back. What is wrong with Renn? Torak thought urgently. He walked out onto the open paddock searching for Renn's shelter. By the far corner where Darkfur was cleaning Pebble, was Renn bending over to pick up a piece of wood about two times her size. She was bending over slowly and gently. She put her hands around the wood and attempted to pick it up. Renn stood up straight without the wood and stared down at it. Torak started to walk forward to help her out but she started to push it with her feet. How weird, Torak thought. She should be able to pick that up easy. Wolf made a weird moaning sound from behind him.
"Say again," Torak said. Wolf moaned the same sound over and over. After endless howls of the same sound he caught Darkfur's attention and she came over leaping around like she had a bad itch. Wolf and Darkfur howled to each other in Wolf language that Torak couldn't keep up with. Torak told them to stop harshly. Wolf and Darkfur turned to him. They were obviously agitated.
"Your sad," Torak whined to Wolf. Torak knew it wasn't the right thing to say but he didn't know how to put it any other way. Wolf howled again, the same high-pitched sound he was doing before, Darkfur joined in. Torak didn't want to attract attention to the paddock so he ran back to Renn – wood in his hands – knowing the wolves would follow. The noise caught Renn's attention and she watched as Torak ran back with the wood and the wolves.
"Could you tell them to shut up, please?" Renn said bitterly. "We don't want to have to fight for this spot." Torak nodded and started to set up a fire. The wolves were sulking at his feet. He watched Renn quietly as she pushed the wood along. Torak knew Renn and he knew if she was sick she would hide it and right now she was hiding it terribly. Torak couldn't watch for more than five minutes without cringing. He eventually stood up and helped her.
"Thanks," Renn murmured. Together they got the shelter finished much quicker and Torak was also thankful Renn was in a better mood then before. Even if she did act like she had a stick up her ass. Torak left Renn to sort out the sleeping sacks while he lit the fire. He placed the wood in a packed circle with some bark from the near trees to help it keep lit longer. He got out Renn's special stick that they rub against other wood when they start fires. The fire was bright in no time and Torak took out some vegetables he still had from their visit to the Red Deer clan and heated them up. Wolf, Darkfur and Pebble left to hunt so Renn and Torak were alone around the fire. They ate quietly, not speaking once. When Renn finished she took his scraps and left to throw them away. Ten minutes later she came back.
"Renn?" Torak whispered.
"Yes?" she said sitting down by the fire again.
"You'd tell me if you were sick right?" Torak passed Renn a blanket. She smiled and wrapped it around her shoulders.
"Of course I would. But I'm not sick."
"Are you sure? I was watching you today with the wood you were struggling. And before on the walk you got nasty and you keep changing your mind on me and seriously it's getting hard to keep up."
Renn pondered over that for a minute. "How am I changing my mind on you?"
Torak noticed she was dodging the question by answering a question with another question. But she seemed happy and he didn't want to spoil the mood. "Well when we were fighting off the soul-eaters way back then we were kind of distant from each other and I understand why. But afterwards when we left the Ravens you seemed to be all over me and then now you're up, down, up, down. Its exhausting," Torak sighed. Renn stared open eyed.
"Torak," Renn giggled. "That's what girls are like. I know! How would I know right? But seriously we stayed with the seals long enough I think I may have become one." Renn was trying to keep the conversation light and this was the first time she'd been nice to him in a while so Torak let her do what she wanted.
"I miss the seals," Torak said.
"So did I. They were so welcoming." Wolf came jumping out of the trees and trotted over to the fire and dropped himself on the ground. "I don't think Wolf liked it there."
"They are my kin. I feel better with them, I felt like I fitted in."
"Like the Ravens," Renn whispered solemnly.
"You wanted to come with me. You can always go back."
"I won't leave you Torak, its been to long." Renn and Torak sat in silence staring into the fire. Torak loved to look at the flames. They showed shapes. He saw tree's miles of trees inside the heart of each flame. Animals, horses, bears, whales and a… a human. He looked hard into the flame's almost burning his face. He saw a figure standing in the fire. The man was inside the fire. The figure walked forward so Torak could see its face more clearly. Bale. It was Bale. Bale was in the flames. What is wrong with me? Torak thought. I see ghosts everywhere I go: dreams, imagination, anywhere. It's probably not Bale, Torak thought. I'm just being silly. Torak watched as the figure in the flames smiled up at him. That smile, Bale's smile. It was so cheerful… so welcoming. Torak leaned forward into the fire. But he was too real. Bale was here.
"Torak!" Renn shouted and pushed him away from the flame. "Do you want to burn yourself?"
Torak looked up at her confused. He saw Bale. Didn't she see him? It looked like Bale; it had Bale's smile. But why would Bale come up like this? Out of the blue? Torak had released himself from the curse almost three years ago... Torak thought of the night Bale died… The talk they had.
"Renn," Torak whispered. "I have to tell you something."
"What is it, Torak?" Renn said urgently. Torak had to tell her what happened. The curse was over, but he had to do this for himself.
"The night Bale died he asked me something…"
"Yes?" Renn encouraged.
"He wanted to ask you something but he wanted to ask me first and I think… I think he wants me to tell you what happened that night."
"What do you mean? Have you talked to him? What happened Torak? Your really worrying me, you know that!" Renn squirmed over so she was beside Torak. She put her hand out reluctantly. She slowly placed it inside Torak's hand and gave him a squeeze. "Tell me," she insisted.
"I saw him in the flames. He was smiling but it felt heavy like I still had him over my shoulder... like the curse, was still there. I think I have to tell you this to let Bale… move on," Torak knew he was lying but this is the only way he could tell her without getting embarrassed himself. He had to know how Renn felt.
"He has moved on, Torak. Don't drag yourself down."
"He will be. When I tell you… Renn that night he asked me what I would say if he asked you to stay with the seals…" Torak said slowly. He didn't look up at Renn; he didn't want to see her eyes.
"I know," she said. "He asked me."
"No," Torak said. "He wanted you to… to live with him."
Torak could hear Renn breathing heavily. It wasn't what she thought he was going to say. Far from it. He waited for her to get her voice back and it was minutes before she said something again.
"Like a mate? A life partner?" Renn managed to squeak out.
"Yes." Torak risked a glance up at her. Her black eyes were staring up at the sky. He had only seen Renn cry on separate occasions and he had a feeling this was going to be one of those times. She had been crying a lot lately thought, so it may be different. But Torak always knew when it was just her crying because she was sick, like he thought she was or when it was Renn being Renn. Renn stared back down at Torak. She was looking into his eyes. She smiled slightly as a single tear ran down her check.
"I am glad you told me, Torak. I just need a moment," Renn said quietly. Tears started to splash off her face and she ran into the shelter. Torak decided to let her be and curled up on Wolf's side.
"Pack-brother," Wolf howled.
"Pack-brother." Torak clarified before slipping off to sleep.
.
Torak woke up in front of another roaring fire. Renn had been cooking he could smell it. It smelt so good; they hadn't had fresh meat in ages. He sat up and looked around for Renn or the wolves. There was some rustling from the tent and Renn popped out with the sleeping sacks.
"Eat up and then were moving again," she said walking back inside the tent to take out their packs. Torak reached over to take the cooked slice of buck.
"I'm not in a major hurry Renn. We can stay here a few days…" Torak smiled and patted the ground beside him for her to sit down. She smiled back and sat down beside him.
"I want to get moving."
"Is this about last night Renn?"
"No Torak! I meant what I said. I am happy you told me. I needed to know. It was just a shock," Renn smiled. "Just tell me, what did you say when he asked your permission?"
Torak blushed and looked away. "I kind of… stormed off," he admitted. Renn sat down silently and Torak waited for her to speak up.
"Do you ever wonder what would have happened? If all the things that happened… just didn't happen?" Renn said quietly.
"What do you mean?"
"Like what would happen if we made different decisions. If I didn't leave with you this season and if I turned away from you all those years ago," She was staring down.
"You can leave Renn. I would let you go," Torak whispered. "Don't you want to be here with me though? I want to be here with you." Torak said.
"I do like being here with you, Torak," Renn said, her voice softening. "It's fun with you. But so much has changed since then. Everything has changed, some for better some for worst. It's amazing to actually live with wolves. I never saw myself doing that when I was little!" Renn giggled quietly. "And I have learned to absolutely love Wolf and I'm pretty sure he's protective over me now. Well I like to think that… But there is something I have to do. I've been avoiding it but Torak I must."
"Whatever it is Renn. I'll do it with you," Torak twisted so he was facing Renn.
"I won't keep you to that."
"But I give my word any how. I'll make an oath to always stand by you."
Renn smiled. "Thank you Torak. Right now you have no idea how much that means to me." Renn grabbed Torak's hands. She leaned over slowly and pursed her lips. Torak caressed her checks as she kissed him lightly on the mouth, his lips synchronising with hers. They kissed for a lone time, Torak doesn't know how long. Time swept away from him. Something started to touch his leg he assumed it was Renn until he felt a tongue licking his check and a tongue in his mouth. Torak twisted round just as Wolf leaped at him. Torak fell over sideways and couldn't himself but laugh. Darkfur and Pebble were licking Renn. Renn was laughing and play-fighting with Pebble with a stick he had brought back. Wolf was making his barking sort of laugh he always did. Renn seemed to forget she wanted to start moving today and just spent the rest of the day just doing what they hadn't done in such a long time; just play.