Two ghost pirates walk into a bar,
Disclaimer: I don't own the Pirates of the Caribbean characters, or the Monkey Island characters.
Barbossa wasn't a man who dealt with losing easily. Especially when it came to losing his life. Or his unlife, he didn't know the technical term for being a zombie ghost-pirate. So he dealt with this loss the way he dealt with other things. By drinking.
He wasn't picky when it came to bars, as long as there was a seat at the actual bar itself and the one he had stumbled into would do fine. "Rum." No need for being polite, not that he ever had been while alive, but there was certainly no need for it now.
"Tough day?" The pirate next to him asked. Barbossa didn't answer, but finished the rum in one gulp instead, slammed down the glass and ordered another.
"You could say that." Barbossa replied, staring into his drink. A few days ago he had been a feared ghost pirate with a plan and a future, now he was as miserable as the drunk passed out on the floor. "If I never have to see another brave young hero saving his girl again, I shall die a happy man."
"You're already dead." The man stated dryly. "And you're not the only one."
For the first time, Barbossa took a good look at the pirate next to him. Now that he mentioned it, it was impossible for the man to be alive. There was the smouldering beard for one. "How come your clothes aren't on fire?"
The pirate shrugged. "Don't know. Don't care either. The flames grow bigger sometimes. My crew thinks it's amusing. They use it to light candles. Candles!" The flames were growing now as well and the bartender looked angry.
"LeChuck, I'm warning you. One more stunt like that..." The bartender didn't finish his threat and didn't need to either. The beard was smouldering calmly again.
Barbossa snorted. "If you think you had a bad crew, you should've seen mine. Idiots, the bunch of them. One of them had a wooden eye that kept falling out, making him useless for just about anything. Wooden! And did I mention the fact he and a friend liked dressing up as women? Fans and everything?"
"Sorry to hear that." LeChuck slapped him on the shoulder. "What killed you then?"
"Oh, I had this girl kidnapped, governor's daughter." Barbossa started. He saw LeChuck flinch when he said the word 'governor'. Well, he didn't like them either. The fellow probably had had a nasty run-in with one. "You see, I had to break this curse to become normal again, I was immortal before and when the moon shone, I turned into a skeleton."
"Break a curse to become normal again? Be mortal? Why?"
"I wasn't able to taste anything. This rum here is the first thing I've been able to taste properly in ages. Immortality and looking creepy sounds good, but not to be able to taste, well, that brought the spirits down, I can tell you that." He finished his rum. "So that's why I wanted to lift the curse, to be a normal pirate again. Some pillaging, some plundering, getting drunk in bars, out-smarting the navy. Things like that."
"But things didn't go as planned." LeChuck said, after a long pause from Barbossa.
"Not really, no." Barbossa said, and explained the entire story. Kidnapping Elizabeth, believing she was daughter of Bill Turner, having the navy after them and of course the traitorous Jack Sparrow.
"Wait a minute. You said this guy wanted to help you? Even after you deserted him on an island twice? Now, I may not be a forgiving man, but I doubt even the softest pansy would work with someone who had left him to die." LeChuck said, not quite believing his colleague's stupidity.
"The man can be convincing when he wants to, okay? And he hates the navy as much as I do. What was I to think? It seemed reasonable. Plus, he said he'd buy me a new hat. A big one. What pirate can say no to that?" Barbossa gulped down his second rum. It was good, the taste of alcohol, made you feel alive, even if you weren't. "And look at me now, a dead undead pirate with nothing. No crew, no ship, no nothing."
LeChuck snorted. This man thought he had it bad? Ha! He had been beaten four times and he was already planning a new scheme. "Quit feeling sorry for yourself and go get some revenge." He nodded to a skull on the far end of the bar. "Just look at poor old Murray over there. He's just a skull, but he has plans. Plans to rule the netherworld. Of course," He continued, quieter so Murray wouldn't hear, "these plans are never going to succeed. But do you see him feeling sorry for himself? Never! One of the best crew members I had until he got blown apart by a cannon."
"I guess you have a point." Barbossa did feel a bit better. Maybe it was the rum. "I shouldn't be here, wallowing in self-pity. I should get some revenge on that stupid boy and his girlfriend. And Sparrow. Next time I have him, I'll leave him on an island with two broken legs. I'd like to seem him try to escape then. You know what? I'll stick around on that island so I can see him die personally."
LeChuck smirked. "I like that idea. Mind if I try that out on the brave hero who beat me?"
"Brave hero? Oh, you mean that lad who defeated you four times and isn't allowed to drink grog?" The bartender asked. "Oh, and his wife the governor." He added and seemed to enjoy LeChuck's flinch.
"A woman rules this island?" Barbossa was surprised. Women couldn't keep order, not with pirates pillaging and plundering every town they could reach by ship.
"And what a woman she is." LeChuck sighed, adopting a dreamy look Barbossa had last seen on Elizabeth, when she realized Turner was going to rescue her. He shook his head. Pirates and love, it didn't mix. He had heard that Turner and his girl were going to become pirates. He gave them a week, a month if they got lost on sea and had to wait for land before going their seperate ways.
"So we hear everytime before you think of another plan to kidnap her and make her your wife. Give it a rest, find another pretty girl to turn your head and leave her alone." The bartender said, handing Barbosse his third rum. "Besides, she's married, that'll make things more difficult than usual."
LeChuck slammed his fist on the bar, spilling some of his grog. "I don't care! I don't want another girl, pretty or not. I want Elaine Marley, and I won't give up before I've killed her AND that bad-excuse-for-a-pirate husband of hers."
"Yes, what was the lad's name? Sleepgood? Feelfood?" The bartender paused to think.
"Threepwood." LeChuck growled, his flames growing again.
"Yes, that's one. Threepwood. Guybrush Threepwood." The bartender leaned to Barbossa. "That boy has beaten our buddy four times. Four. He may have a silly name, you don't want to mess with him, that's for sure." He eyed LeChuck again, flames burning happily on his chin. "And watch that beard of yours." LeChuck grumbled and went back to smouldering.
"Four times?" Barbossa asked, amazed at the pirate's stubbornness. This just proved it. Love and women just brought trouble.
LeChuck glared at nothing in particular. "Yes. Some stupid boy who dreamed of being a pirate. If he's the future of piracy, I'm glad I'm dead." He smiled. "But I have a new plan. Oh yes. I'll just have to wait until they have a kid, then I'll kidnap that. Or maybe I'll just have Elaine kidnapped when she's pregnant."
The bartender shook his head. "Trust me, you do not want to mess with pregnant women." He had a wife and children himself, he had seen what a pregnant women could do. "And trust a women to deliver a child while on sea. It's messy, let's leave it at that." He shuddered at the memory. How could women put up with it?
Barbossa scratched his chin. "I've been thinking. You want revenge on that Treewood fellow,"
"Threepwood." LeChuck interrupted.
"Yes, and I want revenge on Sparrow, Turned and the girl. So I've been thinking, maybe we can plan something together?"
LeChuck thought this over. It made sense. It was always handy to have a partner for once. And if it failed, he could always try again on his own. He extended his hand to his new partner. "I guess you have a deal."
Barbossa shook his hand. "Welcome aboard."
And so LeChuck and Barbossa planned their revenge. Whether it was a success or not, is another tale.
Author's note: As I was searching ff.net, and the POTC section in particular, I noticed there was a lack of Monkey Island/Pirate of the Caribbean crossovers. You'd think it was one of the most likely combinations, much easier to write than Harry Potter and POTC. How would Harry get in the Caribbean? How would he travel backwards in time? At least with MI, you're in the right time period and in the right region. What more do you want? Oh, and for some of you who want to read the Barbossa/LeChuck (no, not slash :p) revenge story: Not from you're not. I'd have to play Escape from Monkey Island to see what happened to LeChuck and the others and I'm enjoying others games too much to do it. Feel free to write it yourself.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Pirates of the Caribbean characters, or the Monkey Island characters.
Barbossa wasn't a man who dealt with losing easily. Especially when it came to losing his life. Or his unlife, he didn't know the technical term for being a zombie ghost-pirate. So he dealt with this loss the way he dealt with other things. By drinking.
He wasn't picky when it came to bars, as long as there was a seat at the actual bar itself and the one he had stumbled into would do fine. "Rum." No need for being polite, not that he ever had been while alive, but there was certainly no need for it now.
"Tough day?" The pirate next to him asked. Barbossa didn't answer, but finished the rum in one gulp instead, slammed down the glass and ordered another.
"You could say that." Barbossa replied, staring into his drink. A few days ago he had been a feared ghost pirate with a plan and a future, now he was as miserable as the drunk passed out on the floor. "If I never have to see another brave young hero saving his girl again, I shall die a happy man."
"You're already dead." The man stated dryly. "And you're not the only one."
For the first time, Barbossa took a good look at the pirate next to him. Now that he mentioned it, it was impossible for the man to be alive. There was the smouldering beard for one. "How come your clothes aren't on fire?"
The pirate shrugged. "Don't know. Don't care either. The flames grow bigger sometimes. My crew thinks it's amusing. They use it to light candles. Candles!" The flames were growing now as well and the bartender looked angry.
"LeChuck, I'm warning you. One more stunt like that..." The bartender didn't finish his threat and didn't need to either. The beard was smouldering calmly again.
Barbossa snorted. "If you think you had a bad crew, you should've seen mine. Idiots, the bunch of them. One of them had a wooden eye that kept falling out, making him useless for just about anything. Wooden! And did I mention the fact he and a friend liked dressing up as women? Fans and everything?"
"Sorry to hear that." LeChuck slapped him on the shoulder. "What killed you then?"
"Oh, I had this girl kidnapped, governor's daughter." Barbossa started. He saw LeChuck flinch when he said the word 'governor'. Well, he didn't like them either. The fellow probably had had a nasty run-in with one. "You see, I had to break this curse to become normal again, I was immortal before and when the moon shone, I turned into a skeleton."
"Break a curse to become normal again? Be mortal? Why?"
"I wasn't able to taste anything. This rum here is the first thing I've been able to taste properly in ages. Immortality and looking creepy sounds good, but not to be able to taste, well, that brought the spirits down, I can tell you that." He finished his rum. "So that's why I wanted to lift the curse, to be a normal pirate again. Some pillaging, some plundering, getting drunk in bars, out-smarting the navy. Things like that."
"But things didn't go as planned." LeChuck said, after a long pause from Barbossa.
"Not really, no." Barbossa said, and explained the entire story. Kidnapping Elizabeth, believing she was daughter of Bill Turner, having the navy after them and of course the traitorous Jack Sparrow.
"Wait a minute. You said this guy wanted to help you? Even after you deserted him on an island twice? Now, I may not be a forgiving man, but I doubt even the softest pansy would work with someone who had left him to die." LeChuck said, not quite believing his colleague's stupidity.
"The man can be convincing when he wants to, okay? And he hates the navy as much as I do. What was I to think? It seemed reasonable. Plus, he said he'd buy me a new hat. A big one. What pirate can say no to that?" Barbossa gulped down his second rum. It was good, the taste of alcohol, made you feel alive, even if you weren't. "And look at me now, a dead undead pirate with nothing. No crew, no ship, no nothing."
LeChuck snorted. This man thought he had it bad? Ha! He had been beaten four times and he was already planning a new scheme. "Quit feeling sorry for yourself and go get some revenge." He nodded to a skull on the far end of the bar. "Just look at poor old Murray over there. He's just a skull, but he has plans. Plans to rule the netherworld. Of course," He continued, quieter so Murray wouldn't hear, "these plans are never going to succeed. But do you see him feeling sorry for himself? Never! One of the best crew members I had until he got blown apart by a cannon."
"I guess you have a point." Barbossa did feel a bit better. Maybe it was the rum. "I shouldn't be here, wallowing in self-pity. I should get some revenge on that stupid boy and his girlfriend. And Sparrow. Next time I have him, I'll leave him on an island with two broken legs. I'd like to seem him try to escape then. You know what? I'll stick around on that island so I can see him die personally."
LeChuck smirked. "I like that idea. Mind if I try that out on the brave hero who beat me?"
"Brave hero? Oh, you mean that lad who defeated you four times and isn't allowed to drink grog?" The bartender asked. "Oh, and his wife the governor." He added and seemed to enjoy LeChuck's flinch.
"A woman rules this island?" Barbossa was surprised. Women couldn't keep order, not with pirates pillaging and plundering every town they could reach by ship.
"And what a woman she is." LeChuck sighed, adopting a dreamy look Barbossa had last seen on Elizabeth, when she realized Turner was going to rescue her. He shook his head. Pirates and love, it didn't mix. He had heard that Turner and his girl were going to become pirates. He gave them a week, a month if they got lost on sea and had to wait for land before going their seperate ways.
"So we hear everytime before you think of another plan to kidnap her and make her your wife. Give it a rest, find another pretty girl to turn your head and leave her alone." The bartender said, handing Barbosse his third rum. "Besides, she's married, that'll make things more difficult than usual."
LeChuck slammed his fist on the bar, spilling some of his grog. "I don't care! I don't want another girl, pretty or not. I want Elaine Marley, and I won't give up before I've killed her AND that bad-excuse-for-a-pirate husband of hers."
"Yes, what was the lad's name? Sleepgood? Feelfood?" The bartender paused to think.
"Threepwood." LeChuck growled, his flames growing again.
"Yes, that's one. Threepwood. Guybrush Threepwood." The bartender leaned to Barbossa. "That boy has beaten our buddy four times. Four. He may have a silly name, you don't want to mess with him, that's for sure." He eyed LeChuck again, flames burning happily on his chin. "And watch that beard of yours." LeChuck grumbled and went back to smouldering.
"Four times?" Barbossa asked, amazed at the pirate's stubbornness. This just proved it. Love and women just brought trouble.
LeChuck glared at nothing in particular. "Yes. Some stupid boy who dreamed of being a pirate. If he's the future of piracy, I'm glad I'm dead." He smiled. "But I have a new plan. Oh yes. I'll just have to wait until they have a kid, then I'll kidnap that. Or maybe I'll just have Elaine kidnapped when she's pregnant."
The bartender shook his head. "Trust me, you do not want to mess with pregnant women." He had a wife and children himself, he had seen what a pregnant women could do. "And trust a women to deliver a child while on sea. It's messy, let's leave it at that." He shuddered at the memory. How could women put up with it?
Barbossa scratched his chin. "I've been thinking. You want revenge on that Treewood fellow,"
"Threepwood." LeChuck interrupted.
"Yes, and I want revenge on Sparrow, Turned and the girl. So I've been thinking, maybe we can plan something together?"
LeChuck thought this over. It made sense. It was always handy to have a partner for once. And if it failed, he could always try again on his own. He extended his hand to his new partner. "I guess you have a deal."
Barbossa shook his hand. "Welcome aboard."
And so LeChuck and Barbossa planned their revenge. Whether it was a success or not, is another tale.
Author's note: As I was searching ff.net, and the POTC section in particular, I noticed there was a lack of Monkey Island/Pirate of the Caribbean crossovers. You'd think it was one of the most likely combinations, much easier to write than Harry Potter and POTC. How would Harry get in the Caribbean? How would he travel backwards in time? At least with MI, you're in the right time period and in the right region. What more do you want? Oh, and for some of you who want to read the Barbossa/LeChuck (no, not slash :p) revenge story: Not from you're not. I'd have to play Escape from Monkey Island to see what happened to LeChuck and the others and I'm enjoying others games too much to do it. Feel free to write it yourself.