A/N: This story should NOT be taken seriously! ;)

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters.

Prompt: Give us a Crack!Theory about the plot of episode 7x01

Aunt Theresa was running late. And she was never late. She would have been right on time today too, if it hadn't been for that wretched gardener who had left his lawnmower right behind her Nissan and then disappeared to God knows where. Being resourceful by nature, Theresa had simply run - well, walked briskly - to her neighbors and asked to borrow their car for the weekend. It had taken some coaxing and a promise to take care of their hyperactive dog - like that was ever going to happen - but eventually she had backed their black SUV out of the driveway.

She was speeding and, thanks to the mostly deserted roads, it looked like she was going to make it to the Hamptons on time. That is, until she saw the silver Mercedes ahead of her. Honestly, with a car like that, you'd think they would be going faster than ten miles over the speed limit.

She took a handful of M&M's from the bag sitting on the passenger seat, switched her turn signal on and changed to the left lane. Just as she reached the tail of the other car and lifted the hand full of sweets to her mouth, one of the colorful disks slipped between her fingers and disappeared inside her dress.

Never one to waste any kind of food, Theresa quickly threw the candies still in her hand into her mouth and plunged the now unoccupied hand down her dress in search of the elusive chocolate. She almost caught it, felt it with the tips of her fingers, but then it sank even deeper between her bountiful breasts.

"Darn it," Theresa muttered, pulled the neckline out with her fingers and peered down the dress, as if she could locate the candy simply by looking. With her eyes off the road and her thoughts on the runaway sweet, she once again darted her hand inside her dress, causing the car to veer to the right sharply. It hit the left rear of the Mercedes which swerved aggressively, hit a mile marker and eventually fell off the road.

Theresa hit the brakes, grabbed her cell phone and dialed 911 just as there was an explosion and the other car caught fire. Terrified, she got out of the car and walked to the edge of the road. But as she was hysterically explaining to the operator what had happened, Theresa caught the sight of someone crawling out of the bushes a few yards away from the burning vehicle. She squinted to see better - she really should get new glasses soon - and gasped as she recognized the bruised driver.

"Oh dear, Katie's not going to be happy about this," Theresa said half out loud and began retreating towards her car. She made sure the operator knew the location and quickly hung up without giving her name. What Katie doesn't know, won't hurt her, she thought as she drove away from the scene.

Twenty minutes later, Theresa arrived at the luxurious Hamptons property and was suddenly glad to be arriving so late. This way she could park the car far away from the house, where no one could see the damage. As she was walking to the house she saw something white whizz by, and it took a few seconds for her to realize that it was Katie in her wedding gown, running to the wedding car, jumping in and driving off.

Theresa felt a twist in her gut at the thought of everyone finding out that she was responsible for the accident, but forced herself to remain calm when she saw Jim approaching. There was nothing to be worried about, really. There was no way they would find out.

"Now that I think about it, how did you find out?" Aunt Theresa asks as she finishes recounting the events for the second time. She looks expectantly at her niece, sitting across from her, but Katie stays silent and keeps glaring at her.

"Castle… uh, I mean the victim saw an older woman wearing a lime-green dress and an orange hat driving off in a black SUV," the Hispanic detective - she can't recall his name - says from his seat next to Katie.

"I recognized it as your dress almost immediately from the brief glimpse I got when I passed you in front of the house," Katie adds before falling silent once more. She has been mute for the entire time they have been stuck in this horrid interrogation room, only letting out an irritated grunt every now and then during Theresa's account of the events, and quite frankly it was beginning to get annoying.

"Honestly Katie, would you just stop this nonsense. I don't understand what this fuss is all about. Your fiancé is alive, isn't he?" Aunt Theresa says sharply and then quickly draws back when Katie leans forward, her gaze and voice laced with venom.

"You're lucky Castle was able to get his seat belt undone and roll out of the car. It could have been so much worse. He could have died, Aunt Theresa! What were you thinking?!" Katie shouts and then continues before Theresa can get a word edgewise.

"You know what? I don't even want to know. Just take her to holding until her lawyer gets here. I'm going to see if Castle's done giving his statement and then we'll head off. We'll meet you back at the house," she says tiredly, directing the last part to Detective Desperado… No... Esmeralda? - well, whatever his name is.

Theresa is being escorted to the holding cells when she sees Katie and Richard leaving and she hears him say, "I told you we shouldn't invite her to the wedding."

After hearing that, she's admittedly a bit glad she pushed him off the road. After all, she did never find that candy.

Thank you Dia for the prompt. I had so much fun writing this. :)

And thank you Katherine for the speedy beta work. XO