Padmé's Revenge
If the couples' therapy droid could sigh, it would have. It saw that the Skywalkers were next on the schedule. The therapy exercise did not go as planned the last time. When Anakin tried to point out flaws to humanize his wife, she took it very personally and an argument erupted. Humans generally didn't like to hear that sort of thing. Now the droid wondered if she had made things worse instead of better for the young couple.
Unfortunately for the therapy droid, the pair were right on time. They silently filed into the room and sat before the droid's desk, not speaking to each other.
"The last time after Anakin completed his exercise, Padmé seemed to take offense to Anakin's answers. Have things been tense since our last session?" The couple rolled their eyes.
"You think?" Anakin growled. "We've barely spoken to one another. It's so bad, even Obi-Wan complained about me hanging around him too much."
"Every time we try and talk, we just start another fight," Padmé sighed. "But I've been thinking…"
"Uh oh," Anakin said.
"Hear me out. I've been thinking that maybe I have the same problem as Anakin. I think of him as some perfect, hot guy with some sexy edginess to him. Perhaps if I could just express the things about him that annoy me? It's only fair since he got to do it the last time," Padmé said. "Maybe we can clear the air this way."
The droid couldn't process it fast enough. "Well, I…"
"Good!" Padmé eagerly pulled out her datapad. "Okay, Ani. Item number one. You are a slob. You leave stuff all over the place: your boots, your cloak, your socks, your underwear, your lightsaber…then you sit on my expensive couch and eat bags of chips, leaving crumbs wedged between the cushions. You leave beer bottles on the floor."
"I'm just making myself at home," Anakin shrugged.
"I was talking about my Senate office," Padmé said. "Item number two. You can be a little immature at times. Slipping a whoopee cushion in Senator Ota's chair? Forcing Ahsoka to record you skating off the top of the Senate dome so you can post it on the holonet? Flatulating then pulling the sheets over my head?"
"I thought it was funny…well, maybe not the holo since I nearly died at the end of that one."
"Item number three. You are crazy jealous."
"Padmé, the galaxy is full of creepy men who want to get in your pants. It's my job to stop them."
"Even the little boy visiting on a school field trip? You didn't have to stand there like a vulture watching while he blushed and gave me a bouquet of flowers."
"Well, one day that little kid is going to grow up. Look at what happened to me!" Anakin exclaimed, hands on his chest with emphasis. "I just wanted to make sure he didn't get any ideas." Padmé shook her head.
"Item number four. You snore. Loudly."
"Me? That's impossible. I'm too young to snore."
"Do you want me to get affidavits from everyone at the Temple? There's a reason why they put your room aaaall by itself at the end of the longest corridor behind a wall five feet thick. Item number five. You randomly take things apart without warning and always just when I need them."
"I was working on improving them," Anakin said with a shrug.
"I had to attend a Senate vote with wet hair because he was messing with the dryer. And of course, that turns out to be the day Coruscant-SPAN focuses its cameras on me sitting there with drying hair frizzed out to here." Padmé spread her arms open wide. "I mean, my hair blocked the entire delegation. Then the Senate Post's gossip page wondered if it was another one of my fashion 'adventures.'"
"What did I tell you the last time about your obsession with your hair?"
"Ani, don't try and change the subject. Today this is about you."
The droid therapist decided to interrupt before things could go any further. "The point of the original exercise was to see past illusions and find ways to love each other even with the imperfections or the things that annoy us, particularly on Anakin's part since he has a tendency to idealize or demonize those around him, depending on where they are in his universe."
"And depending on the time of day," Padmé added with a sharp look.
"It seems to me that you Padmé want to help Anakin and want to improve your marriage. But I also realize that you have a little bit of an ego. It's clear that Anakin's list hurt you personally which was not at all his intention. I suspect it might be because well, you are a politician and have been granted a great deal of deference since a young age."
"Uh huh," Anakin nodded with a wry smile.
"But the last thing I want is for this to divide you. Now that we've discussed the things that make you each human in each other's eyes, name one thing each you love about each other."
Anakin and Padmé looked at each other, anger softening into love.
"You're so hot," Anakin said.
"You're hot too," Padmé said. They embraced and started kissing, making the therapy droid feel a bit awkward.