Different

Kate could hardly believe the events of the past couple of days. When she thought about the suffocating feeling of the water rushing over her, cutting off her air, while her car continued it's dramatic downward slide into the murky Hudson River, it took her breath away all over again. She had almost died. Castle had almost died. Again they faced death and somehow came out physically unscathed. And once again, in the moment, she had regretted more than anything not telling him how she felt. And once again, the moment over, she went back to being afraid.

From the minute they were pulled out of the water, the chase to save the world had kept her from thinking too much about anything else. But now, the case closed, she finally could focus on things closer to home. Castle. She looked at him, standing so quietly. He must be going through hell right now. What Sophia said about his father must have him in knots. Having Sophia turn out to be the enemy must hurt as well.

That led her thoughts to what Sophia told her. About why she and Castle didn't work. It sounded so much like them. Him choosing to follow her, wanting to base a character on her. And though she tried to deny it, what she said about the sexual tension hit a nerve. What if that was true for them? What if all this time she had been trying to get better for him. So they would have a chance together. And what if she got brave enough, strong enough, to give into the feelings for him that have now become a part of her? And what if after a few nights, weeks, she woke up and he was gone? What if he finds that what attracted him to her the most was that she was unattainable? That once the chase was over, so were his feelings? Not that he would have set out to win her over and leave her. That wasn't like him to deliberately hurt her. But deliberate or not, it would hurt.

She felt sick. Her world turned upside down. What she thought was her future, could now already be her past.

Her thoughts were interrupted when once again her eyes landed on Castle. Pushing aside her own pain, she focused on his. He was asking about if Sophia was right about his father being CIA. She tried to say the right thing. To be honest without being hurtful. She told him that it must be tough, having Sophia turn out to be a traitor after he based Clara on her.

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "Clara started off as Sophia, but she ended up being more like you. Smart. Fierce. Kind. I think that's one of the reasons I was drawn to you. As a muse."

She looked into his eyes, and as she so often did, felt such a connection. She felt the same suffocating feeling as she did as the water had enveloped her. Unable to breathe. To move. She had to know.

"Castle, what happened between you and Sophia back then? What made you leave?"

"I don't know. I guess what we had was just based on a strong mutual attraction. She was beautiful, powerful. A CIA agent with all the coolest toys. I was young, and I thought attraction was more than enough. Until it wasn't anymore. Without it, there just wasn't anything else. You know it was so different..."

"Different? Different than what, Castle?"

"Different than what we have. I mean, don't get me wrong," he said with a sly smile. "There's definitely attraction. But with you there's so much more."

"Like what?"

He looked at her surprised at the question. He was even more surprised at the way she was looking at him, her eyes boring into his, unwavering. Not only was she not running away, but she was pushing for answers. He felt his heart begin to race at the thought. He had wanted for so long to tell her how he felt, but she was always evading him. Now that she was ready to hear it, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to find the right words.

"When I first started shadowing you, I immediately knew that I wanted to be with you. Sexy cop. Tough. Wouldn't take crap from anyone, especially me. I'll admit, my main goal was getting into your bed. But then I started to see another side of you. I saw the way you worked with your team. The way you comforted the people that were hurting when they had lost someone they loved. The way you never gave up until you caught the bad guy, wanting to give the families closure. And I saw how strong you were, overcoming more than anyone I had ever met. So, now, instead of getting into your bed, I have a new goal. Getting into your heart. That's what's different. What I feel for you goes beyond just physical attraction. If it were just that, I would have been gone a long time ago."

He reached over and gently ran his thumb over her cheekbone, unable to keep from touching her as he noticed her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Kate, I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I want all of you. Mind, body and soul. And I can't think of anything would make me happier than waking up with you every day for the rest of our lives. I know you're not ready for that yet, but-"

He didn't get the rest of the sentence out, because suddenly she was in his arms, holding on to him tightly, her face buried in his chest. He returned the embrace, holding her firmly against him, neither of them willing to let go.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, she loosened her grip and stood back. He could see the light marks on her cheeks from the tears that she must have shed while he held her. Silently, she started walking towards the elevator. He quickly caught up with her. She playfully bumped him with her hip as they walked. He grabbed her waist, pulling her against his side and was rewarded by her sliding her arm around his back in return as together they stepped into the elevator. "Let's go home, Castle" she said huskily as the doors slid shut.