SUMMARY: "Thank you, goodbye." Three people receive a note from Hedwig in the morning of the first day back. Who is it from? And why isn't Harry there? H/D slash.
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and co. doesn't belong to me at all. I've made no money from this.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well this is… my attempt to do something like "Nothing To Lose" without the sappy ending. So it has a sad ending – like my short fic "Relief In Your Eyes" – so if you want a happy ending, you're all going to have to clamour very loud, ok, so I can give up my resolve and write a happy ending. Else it'll ALL be sad. I'm warning you! Oh, and it seems to be set in the same universe as "Lost moments, shattered dreams." Cool. I realised that when I was on the fifth page. My brain is pretty much one track these days. Bwahh humbug. So treat this as a sequel. I think Arthur or Lucius shall make an appearance in the next chapter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hermione rubbed the sleep from her eyes and climbed over the bench; quickly pulling up a plate and beginning to pile it up with food.
"Morning
Hermione."
Hermione looked up and smiled at Ron. "Good morning. It's nice to be back. That last holiday stretched on for ever!"
"Yeah, well, with everything last year stretched on for ages too," Ron said. Silence hung between them for a second and Hermione absent-mindedly filled her plate with sausages, egg and bacon before the bushy-haired witch blinked.
"Where is Harry?" She asked suddenly; noticing his absence.
"Dunno," Ron shrugged; muttering through a mouthful of bread. "I guess he was tired out after the journey. He barely said a word the entire way."
Hermione raised her eyebrows. "I guess he'll have had a tough summer after… You-know-what."
"I heard the muggles he lived with were killed," a subdued Irish voice floated down from higher up the table. Hermione and Ron looked up quickly to see Seamus looking at them.
"What?" Hermione blinked violently.
"That can't have happened, I mean he would have come to stay with us, right? Right?" Ron looked concerned. "Unless Snuffles…"
"It was in the paper. I might still have it." Seamus moved his plate to sit across from Ron and Hermione and he pulled out a book. "I was using a page from the Daily Prophet as a bookmark," he explained in response to Hermione's puzzled look. "Here." He handed over the scrap of paper.
Hermione grabbed hold of it and began to read it; troubled eyes scanning over the paper. "31st July, the dark mark was found once again in a small village in Surrey, Little Whinging. The two houses hit were that of Arabella Figg and of Harry Potter and the muggles he lives with. Arabella Figg (66) was missing, and the three muggles' bodies were found charred outside the house. Harry Potter was himself taken to safety by two unnamed people and the ministry confirms that the boy, now 16, is all right apart from being traumatised. Along with the events of last summer and the Triwizard Tournament and the death of fellow contestant Cedric Diggory, the Boy Who Lived has had a lot of trauma. As he starts his fifth year of Hogwarts we wish him a safe year with no conflict or death."
"Bloody
hell," Ron whispered. "He never said in
his letters."
"Same here," Hermione said; just as softly. "No wonder he's not at breakfast. He must be finding it hard to deal with anything at the moment."
"I know I couldn't do it," Seamus added.
Something hitting Hermione on the head drew her attention and she frowned before bending over to see what it was.
"Look, there's Hedwig," Ron said quickly. Hermione picked up the thick envelope and watched curiously as the white owl dropped an envelope on none other than Draco Malfoy's head.
"Weird," Seamus commented. "Bet you anything that's full of bubotuber pus."
"Doubt it," Hermione tossed him a small wry smile. "He's not like that." Her gaze flickered down to the envelope. "Hey Hedwig must have brought this too."
Ron peeked over her shoulder at the scrawled names on the envelope – "Ron and Hermione" – obviously in Harry's handwriting. "Open it then," Ron said; almost tentatively.
Looking down, Hermione ripped open the envelope and a scrap of parchment fluttered out. Ron picked it up and then frowned at it.
"What? That makes no sense!"
Hermione's eyes narrowed. "What makes no sense?"
"This." Ron passed over the scrap of parchment. Hermione took the cream-coloured scrap and stared at it in horror.
"Thank you. Goodbye."
"Oh gods…" She said softly. "It's –"
Whatever she was about to say was quickly interrupted by the door slamming and someone running through it. The entire Slytherin table was in consternation.
"It's Harry," Hermione said softly; jumping out of her seat and starting to run out. Ron's eyes widened and he literally jumped over the Gryffindor table to follow Hermione out of the hall.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hermione hit the hallways at a full-blown run, Ron hot on her heels. She faintly registered the fact that she'd just passed Professor Snape in the hallways and the Potions Professor was glaring at them in complete disbelief. The whole thing was a mad dash up stairways just to get to the Gryffindor dorms.
"HARRY? HARRY!" Hermione surprised herself by being able to shriek as she ran. She pulled up her robes above her waist to make it easier to run and she could hear her heart pounding ruthlessly in her ears and she gulped; trying to draw in as much air as possibly. "Please let it not be too late!"
"HARRY!" Ron bellowed. They breathlessly tore round the corner to the Gryffindor dorms and stared in shock to see Draco Malfoy red in the face; yelling at the Fat Lady.
"—I don't care what the freakin' rules say, I have to get in there, please!"
Hermione and Ron skidded to a halt; Ron's inertia carrying him into the wall where he acquired a huge bruise that would last for the rest of the month.
"I'm afraid I can't. Unless the password is given," the Fat Lady said; her tone annoyed.
"But he'll die if you don't do anything, he'll… He could already… Just let me in damn you!" The blonde slammed his fist into the wall and suddenly clenched it; the pain suddenly acknowledging itself in his brain.
"Casu consulto!" Hermione yelled into the stunned silence. The Fat Lady stared at her in amazement.
"But you can't… With that here… Oh well…" The Fat Lady gave them a dubious look and swung open. Hermione picked up her robes again and scrambled through the porthole, not looking back to see whether Ron or Malfoy was following her. She scrambled into the common room, where Ginny Weasley and Colin Creevy were having a spirited discussion. They leapt to their feet, startled, as Hermione, Ron and Malfoy all scrambled in; looking dishevelled, distraught and just plain worried.
"HARRY?" Malfoy pushed past Ginny and began to take the staircase two at a time, relying on pure instinct to get him to where he needed to be.
"What in all Tartarus is going on?" Ginny squealed as Ron pushed past her too. Dread pounding in her ears she followed them up to the boys' dormitories.
"Harry?!"
The door to the boy's dormitories broke open and slammed to the ground; the hinges wrenched off the frame. Hermione couldn't stop her heart pounding so fast and she felt dizzy. She didn't want to look, didn't want to see what she knew must be there…
"Oh
god, no…"
Ron's quiet exclamation told
her everything she needed to know.
Tentatively she lifted up her gaze and then had to immediately turn
away; aggressively throwing up at the sight.
Malfoy stood there motionlessly; clinically noticing the crumbled slender body on the ground, pale and stark against the crimson and brown stain flooding along the floor, the wrists savagely mangled and torn and the careless way it sprawled on the floor.
Ron blanched and his stomach heaved. He dropped to his knees in disbelief.
"Oh
my god."
From the doorway Ginny clapped
her hands over her face. Hermione
trembling, held the younger girl in her arms and they both stood there
waveringly; in shock.
As if he was moving all on his own, Malfoy stepped forwards and knelt down; ignoring the fact his robes were being stained by Harry's blood. He tentatively reached his hands out; his face blank and expressionless and he drew back his hand quickly before gently pulling Harry's arms out. He ripped at his robes suddenly and dark strips of cloth pulled away and he quickly tied them as tight as he could around the long gashes horizontally across his wrist.
"Malfoy, what are you -- Is he?" Ron couldn't stop the note of hope that trembled in his voice.
"Idiot can't do anything right," Malfoy said shakily; carefully picking up the light – way too light, like a feather, a freakin' feather, oh gods, - body and without a backwards glance began to run like there was no tomorrow.
------------------------
"I don't understand. Why?"
Hermione heard Ginny's words but couldn't feel them; couldn't feel anything. She was numb and the only thing she felt was a light sensation – like she was floating away and not really there at all.
"I don't know, Ginny." Ron's voice was flat –monotone even - and it struck Hermione how fast things can change; how one minute you can be on top of the wheel flying high in the sky and the next minute the wheel has dragged you down in the mud; into the depths of hell itself.
"Have you ever had your whole world turned upside down? Thought you were doing entirely the right thing and discovered all along it was truly evil?"
Ginny turned at Malfoy's voice; suddenly paling.
"Yes," she admitted in a squeak barely above a whisper.
"Yes, he told me about the diary incident… Well, the accidents weren't your fault, were they? So everyone says. It's the truth. But I bet there's some part of you, deep in your heart, where you know you instinctively know that it was your fault. That you could have resisted it. That you could have fought the change. That you could have maybe prevented it all from the beginning, with hindsight of course anything's possible," Malfoy paused by the door; rubbing an arm over his forehead and pinching his nose. He moved his hand away and stared at the youngest Weasley; his gaze penetrating. Ginny hung her head.
"Don't you dare believe that! Do you hear me? Never again! You couldn't have done anything!" Ron suddenly flared into life; grabbing his sister's shoulders fiercely under she yelled in pain. He let go off her; looking embarrassed. "Sorry… I'm sorry…"
"We
all know you weren't responsible," Malfoy continued. "But you don't. That's
the vital thing, isn't it?" His gaze
travelled flatly to the door. "He knew he couldn't have done anything, but he
didn't. Two ends of the scale that
clashed in his head until he couldn't think of anything but his
responsibility."
"Responsibility?" Ginny raised
her eyes to the blonde. He stared at
her.
"The responsibility for everyone here at Hogwarts. When Cedric died, and then weeks later the only family he's ever truly known were murdered by someone he thought he should have been able to stop or at least have been killed trying to stop him… His spirit completely crumpled. I had to stand by him for nine weeks watching him destroy himself more and more every day," Malfoy stopped; his brow wrinkled and eyes cold and detached.
"What do you mean by that?" Ron asked; now holding his little sister protectively.
"He had to go somewhere after the muggles were killed. Dumbledore in all his wisdom sent him to us to look after. To mother and I," Malfoy quickly clarified. At the curious stares he got he sighed. "We're not all bad, just Father. He left us at the start of the holidays to be with the master he claims will destroy every muggle lover in the land." Malfoy stopped; taking a deep gulp of air and leaning out one arm to steady himself. Although the pale boy was normally very white he seemed almost luminescent now, pure white, and his whole body was visibly trembling. "He opened up to me in a way I've never known; spilling his secrets to me in bursts that were almost painful. Have you ever had someone's soul ripped open and put on display for your eyes only? It's incredible. It almost killed me, let alone him. To have lived through all that pain… No-one else would have had the courage to—" Here Malfoy looked at the door again before physically wrenching his gaze away. "To last this long."
"Malfoy?"
It was the first time Hermione had spoken since they'd got back downstairs and the horrible news had leaked out.
Malfoy turned to her; his eyes shining with tears.
"What was in the note he sent you?"
Malfoy turned away and folded his arms. "He told me that the only time he'd tell me what he truly felt for me, past all the blustering and arguing and the false fronts we put up, would be the day he died."
Ron nodded slowly. "I thought you two hated each other," he said numbly.
Malfoy snorted. "Hardly. Sure we're rivals, he stands for everything that I don't… But it was never hate. Only rivalry. And for the fact I majorly pissed him off for cracking fun at you guys."
"Cracking fun? Malfoy, you git! You completely insult us all the time!" Ginny leapt to her feet; eyes burning.
"And tell me you don't deserve it for all the things you've done to me in return?" Malfoy turned away. "You spawned all attempts at my attempts of early friendship. I may remind you that I offered friendship first, and the first person to laugh was actually your brother."
Think my name's funny, do you?
Ron hung his head. "It'll be the same deal I had though, your
father warned you about us, our father warned us against you."
Malfoy's
head shot up; in quick understanding.
"I see. I guess it all makes
sense now… A rivalry from our parents passed down… Unfortunate. I wonder why they're so mad at each other."
"Possibly because all Malfoys are gits," Ron said; sniffling into the silence.
"All Weasleys are fools," Malfoy said absent-mindedly. "But that's besides the point. Someone very special in there," – Malfoy jerked his head towards the closed door – "tried to do something stupid which may have killed may not have. What's for sure is that he was irrevocably changed. And if – when – he wakes up we will kick his ass and then sort it all out."
The room fell silent.
"So what did the note say?" Ginny asked abruptly. "How does he feel about you?"
Malfoy's face twisted into a leer. "He hates me. What else."
Ginny managed a tight smile while Ron managed a soft laugh.
"Are you still all out here?"
The four turned to see the door slowly push open and Professor McGonagall slip out; her face pale and brow wrinkled.
"How is he?" Ron leapt to his feet again; squeezing Ginny's hand and this time the flame-haired girl didn't notice the pain.
Professor McGonagall winced suddenly. "I… He's… It's a little touch and go still. He lost an extreme amount of blood and we've done all we can… All we can do is wait and see if he survives the night. If he does then there's a good chance he'll be all right, but… He was almost dead when you got him to us. All we can do is hope it was soon enough."
"Can we go in and see him?" Hermione asked waveringly.
Professor McGonagall shook her head; tears in her eyes. "No. He's too fragile… All I can suggest is that you take it easy today, go to the kitchens, and get yourselves something to eat. You don't have to attend classes today, it'd be too much with all this happening…"
"Why can't you do anything?" Ginny asked; wavering. "With all this magic it's –"
"Even with magic we can't bring dead people back, Ginny," Professor McGonagall looked saddened. "If we did the world would be a less frightful place I imagine. Magic is not always the solution. We've done all that is humanly possible. All we can do is wait and hope. I just need you to take into consideration that his chances are not good."
"Thank you Professor," Malfoy cut in quickly. "Can we come back in the morning to see how he is?"
"Of course. Now off you go," Professor McGonagall said softly; turning away abruptly and re-entering the room – locking the door behind her.
Malfoy stared at the door for a few seconds before abruptly turning away; leaving them standing there in complete disbelief. Only Ginny noticed the small fragment of parchment that dropped to the ground from his robes as he made his hasty exit. She dropped down and picked it up; tears forming as she read the hastily scribbled words on it.
"No wonder he's taking this as badly as us," Ginny said; her voice catching. "Why didn't he tell us? Huh?"
"Tell us what?" Hermione looked at her gently; her eyes still inexpressive and impassive.
"How bad he had this…" Ginny trailed off and wordlessly passed Ron and Hermione the parchment. Ron's breath caught in his throat and his gaze lifted to where Malfoy had left the room. Hermione tremblingly read the words on the paper before meeting Ginny's troubled gaze.
"You're right. I wish he wasn't such a git. He needs friends in a time like this that understand exactly what he's going through," Ron said; his voice tight.
"I don't think we do," Hermione said dazedly.
"Don't think we do what?" Ginny asked; confused.
"Know what he's going through," Ron said softly. His face clouded and then cleared. "Come on. We have to do what she said. Let's go get some food."
"I'm not hungry," Hermione said distractedly.
"Let's go and get some food," Ron repeated sternly; his trembling hands betraying his now stern mask.
"OK," Hermione said uncertainly. Ron put the parchment down on the bench and started to steer the two girls to the kitchens.
Inside the room, Professor McGonagall uncast the spell she'd been using to spy on the children to make sure they were OK. They weren't, but in any outcome, they would be… Pushing open the door she crossed to the bench and sat down on it; fingering the tattered scrap of parchment before lifting it to her face to read the scrawled writing. The meaning stuck in her head and she finally was able to cry; tears that racked her body and that couldn't be stopped. Tears for the end of innocence, for the unjust and just not right things that they had to endure, for the evil that plagued their world and hearts… She read the words over and over again before placing the note back in her pocket; knowing that the Slytherin would want to keep the message.
I love you. Goodbye.